Dating is fun and challenging and weird. So what happens when you date someone significantly younger than you? Like, he's a senior in high school and you're a senior in college? An amazing lady with some first hand knowledge on the subject is Lady Smaggle! Here she tells us everything she's learned from her relationship with a younger man.At the ripe old age of twenty-six, my delicious man is four years younger than me, making him a slightly cringe-worthy twenty-two. While this age gap is not shocking, it sounded a lot worse four years ago when I was twenty-two and he was... um... eighteen... anyways... The point is, age honestly doesn’t matter in a relationship, but this doesn’t mean that there won’t be hurdles caused by the fact that your boyfriend can’t remember The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Here are a few things to keep in mind when in the state of cradle-snatch... (I must preface this manifesto with a disclaimer that not all behaviors outlined below have been displayed by my man. Only some...)
* Get over the fact that you graduated from high school before he even started.
You made your choice. Embrace it. Don’t cop crap for it and don’t give it anymore brain space than it deserves. You are either okay with it, or you aren’t. End of story.
* It’s awesome.
It is fabulous being the arm candy of a younger man. It’s sexy, it’s taboo and elevates both parties to legend status. Make the most of it.
* Be understanding.
About his need to sleep for twelve hours a day, his ability to survive on nothing but toast and the desire to spend $500 on an X-box despite the fact that he has only one functioning coffee cup in the whole house. He’ll grow out of it. I promise.
*Realize that he might need a little more time.
If you date a younger man you must understand what you have signed on for. All activities that fall under the banner of ‘commitment’ will probably flip him out. When I say "understand this "I mean "understand this." Just cast your mind back to when you were that age and ask yourself how you would react to the situation. Be honest and cut him some slack.
*Also remember that age is not an excuse.
You need to be realistic. Give him the space to be a young man but if it’s been two or three years and he is still choking on his tongue whenever you talk about moving in together then you need to do some serious thinking.
Have you ever dated someone significantly younger than you? I dated a 21 year-old when I was 27!
* Get over the fact that you graduated from high school before he even started.
You made your choice. Embrace it. Don’t cop crap for it and don’t give it anymore brain space than it deserves. You are either okay with it, or you aren’t. End of story.
* It’s awesome.
It is fabulous being the arm candy of a younger man. It’s sexy, it’s taboo and elevates both parties to legend status. Make the most of it.
* Be understanding.
About his need to sleep for twelve hours a day, his ability to survive on nothing but toast and the desire to spend $500 on an X-box despite the fact that he has only one functioning coffee cup in the whole house. He’ll grow out of it. I promise.
*Realize that he might need a little more time.
If you date a younger man you must understand what you have signed on for. All activities that fall under the banner of ‘commitment’ will probably flip him out. When I say "understand this "I mean "understand this." Just cast your mind back to when you were that age and ask yourself how you would react to the situation. Be honest and cut him some slack.
*Also remember that age is not an excuse.
You need to be realistic. Give him the space to be a young man but if it’s been two or three years and he is still choking on his tongue whenever you talk about moving in together then you need to do some serious thinking.
Have you ever dated someone significantly younger than you? I dated a 21 year-old when I was 27!
22 comments:
My long term beau and love of my life is 7 years younger than me. He's a few months younger than my baby brother!
It's not an issue. Sometimes he has no idea what I'm rattling on about when I'm talking about things that happened in the 70s (he was born in 1981), but other than that it's fine.
If I was a guy dating a girl 7 years younger no-one would even think it worth writing about. :)
I actually have the opposite situation: my boyfriend is 12 years older than me. Some people find that really weird, and his friends joked that he was robbing the cradle, but to me, there's nothing wrong with it. I'd rather be with a guy that's already dealt with all the immaturity that tends to go with the college years. We love each other, and we fit together well, so why should age matter?
When I was 27 I dated an 18 year old. It was one of the most delusional things I've ever attempted. Mostly torturous, but I think that had more to do with his personality than his age.
BUT, I do talk to him lately and he has grown up a lot, though this might be because he had a kid when he was 20.
Anyway, I don't recommend dating anyone significantly younger than yourself if you are still pretty young. Then again, there's always exceptions.
I'm dating someone 8 years older than me now and he's the most immature guy I've ever dated (but it's charming).
The last guy I was with was 19, I was 21. Now I'm 22 and sort of dating another 19 year old. I definitely do not have a type, i just keep finding great guys...and then finding out their age! It's a bit of an issue but it's definitely no deal-breaker for me, although my last boyfriend completely shattered my heart and I think if he'd had a couple of years maturity and perspective under his belt we could have worked things out, which hurts like hell. Guys this age have all the qualities of any other guy but even more negative junk than usual - there IS a maturity gap, and even the most mature guy is still going to be "developing" if he's still a teenager especially. Also, it is crazy hard finding a young guy that can handle the serious stuff an older girl is thinking about or concerned with, and I don't just mean kids and marriage, I mean the value of having a job, the value of moving out and independence, saving, etc. Be careful, girls.
I'm 30, my boyfriend is 24. It's awesome. He is, by far, the most romantic, spontaneous man I've ever dated. He's also very unselfish and thoughtful of others.
A lot of those things have nothing to do with age, just the kind of character that he has. And if be dating him makes me a cougar or a cradle robber, or whatever, it's totally worth it.
When I got back into dating I found I attracted much younger... I was 50 at the time and never ever looked my age.. At 50 I was told countless times I could pass for late 30's. And I guess it was true since a 35 yr. old pursued me... believe me I questioned him 'why' and he even said he had at one time a gf my age and it worked out except distance became a factor and not the age. I've also dated men in their 40's... But the fact is, they are younger both physically and mentally... Sure its nice to be seen w/a younger good looking man..I don't think we ever got double looks or raised eyebrows.. Fact remains, they are fun, but not at all serious when it comes to having a serious relationship... The ones I met were just into having fun, a few couldn't even discuss something serious....I just wish I could find someone my age and those are the ones thinking 20-30 somethings want them... What 20-30 something woman would want a man in their 50's? I wouldn't. It would be like dating my Dad.
i have a few friends who date younger guys, and their relationships seem to be so healthy. one of the reasons is that those guys WORSHIP those girls like they're queens. It's fabulous. Everyone should do it.
Oh Sarah and the lovely Lady Smaggle, there I was debating whether new love interest (just entered stage right) was in fact two young (6 years younger than me 26) and you guys come along & write a post on it! The outcome of said discussions in my head, I'm not gonna rule it out but I think we may need to get to know each other a little better first. ohh excitement :-)
Vikki! Dooooo it! My current Gentleman Caller is five years older than me, but I almost always date younger. It's fun!
Great advice! I've never dated a significantly younger guy-- though all my boyfriends have been slightly younger. The awesome man in my life right now is about 6 months my junior.
I've only ever dated guys who are a bit older than me, but honestly I kind of think these are great tips for ANY relationship with ANY guy (or girl, to be honest)!
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I accidentally went on a date with a 20-year-old when I was 28. (Accidentally because I, um, didn't realize it was a date? He was 20 and not so good at being straightforward.) (Also my mom swore up at down he was at least 23.) Then I realized that my dad was his fourth grade teacher. When I was a senior in high school.
I have never felt like such a perv!
I always date older men, but that's mainly because I'm 19, and teenage boys are icky lol. I've had two boyfriends, one was 3 years older than me, and the other one was 2 years older. I was always the more mature one. Sigh. I really want to date an older man - like a 25 or 26 year old. Maybe when I'm older I'll get me a boy toy =)
I've never dated a younger guy. I usually go for someone a few years older. It was interesting to read about though! And props to you ladies :)
My fiance is 5 years older than I am (31 & 26) and the age difference is totally not an issue! The man I dated before him was 4 years older than I am. I think the biggest issue in age differences is life experiences. Both my fiance and I are divorced so we understand a lot much about each other and what we've been through. The guy I dated before him had never been married and I just felt like he had no idea where I was coming from sometimes!
my boyfriend of almost three years is 4 years younger than me.
at times, its trying because i realize how much younger 4 years can make someone.
but at others, its pretty amazing. and i don't know what i'd do without him. he makes life more fun and has definitely brought back part of my life i missed out on.
I've been with my boyfriend for a year and a half...he's 26 and I am 41 =) The age difference does present its own set of challenges but so far nothing we haven't been able to work out =)
(But DAMN, younger men DO sleep a lot!!)
I've dated guys up to 5 years younger than me and one guy who was 10 years older. I don't think I'd go any more than 10 years older or 5 years younger, but within that range I don't think age really matters. Older than that and I start to feel weird, like I'm dating my dad or something... and more than 5 years younger makes me worry about having kids while I'm still, *ahem* in the age range where it's feasible.
But it's probably not an issue anyway. I'm 30 and my current boyfriend is 26. And I'd like to think I'm going to marry this one :)
I've been together for 15 years now, with my boyfriend who is 8 years older than I am.
I dated a man of 24 when I'm 29. It was such a fun experience :) Surprisingly we don't feel the 5 years age difference at all, probably because he's quite mature for his age. But the fun part is that a young man is so fresh and so energetic!
My darling husband is 5 years younger than I am. We started dating when he was 22 and I was 27. 3 years later and we've been married for a year.
I do agree, DON'T rush things. Think back to when you were that age. It's difficult sometimes to see him going through some of the hard lessons that I had to go through at that age. But I can't learn those lessons for him.
And can I say, I HATE it when people find out that he's 5 years younger and automatically say "ooooh, you're a cougar!" Please stop. That term feels derogatory to me. There is nothing wrong or gross or manipulative about dating a younger man. Most of the time I forget our age difference even exists.
He's fun, he loves me, I've never been with a more devoted man or someone who encourages me to be my best more than him.
Opposingly, I'm am currently in a relationship with a wonderful man who is 10 years old than I. We are doing marvelously. Even though I'm 19 and he is 28, our personalities mesh perfectly, and although others (including close family and friends) tend to frown down upon the rather large age gap, I am not ashamed in the least. :]
I find that the years between us create a balance in our relationship. He has the opportunity to show me new things, share knowledge and stories, and encourage me in my decisions, while I'm able to bring him back to the fun side of life, spontaneity, and remind him that it's okay to be an idiot sometimes. Our relationship is mature, stable and completely amazing.
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