Monday, February 28, 2011

True Story: I Have Herpes

This is one of many True Story interviews in which we talk to people who have experienced interesting/challenging/amazing things. This is the story of 'Angela' and her experience with Herpes.

Can you tell us a bit about yourself?

I’m a normal, 20 something girl. I’m an economics major, sociology minor at a Midwest college. I party on weekends, serve at a local coffee shop for cash and love spending it all on shoes. I’m normal.

But I have herpes.

I grew up in a good home, in a middle class neighborhood and my parents are still together. Sex was never a taboo topic, and sexual health was never something I was shy about. I’ve had sex with ten men (only 2 of which I wasn’t in a relationship with), all of which I have used condoms with – most of the time.

For those of us who aren't sure, could you tell us what Herpes is?

Basically, herpes is a virus and once you have it, it’s yours for life. There are two types, Simplex 1 and 2. I have 1, which is the “lighter” version, that usual manifests as oral cold sores. However, I got it on my genitals, most likely after receiving oral sex from someone who has it. Simplex 2 is “stronger” and what most people show as genital herpes. Wikipedia explains more, as do numerous online sources (be sure to check references and always ask your doctor if your information is correct)

How did you get Herpes?
The crazy thing about herpes is, you never can be totally sure where you got it from.

My ex boyfriend from a few years ago, Chris, has herpes. He was completely honest about it with me from day one, and for that reason I still hold him in the highest regard. It was completely my decision to sleep with him full knowing the risk of catching it. We were always careful to use condoms. But not careful enough that the occasional night we would get caught up and not use one. But he’s had it for ten years and knows his body. He never once had sex with me when he thought there could be even the slightest risk. We had sex for over four years, and I never had a problem. We broke up last year.

How did you find out that you had it?
I had been seeing another guy, John, for a couple months about a year after Chris and I broke up. One night we had sex, and it was pretty rough (a trigger for a herpes outbreak). I woke up feeling sore, but thought it was just because we had gone at it pretty hard. A few days later we had sex again, and the next morning I woke up in unbearable pain. It felt like someone was stabbing me in the crotch, while giving me rug burn, while pouring acid over top. When I checked myself out, I saw a couple little sores. I freaked out and got to the doc that same day. He told me that it was just an allergic reaction to the condoms we used and gave me a cortisone cream. He still did an STI test, but I heard nothing back. 2 days later, the sores were everywhere, I couldn’t pee, or go to the bathroom, and couldn’t sleep or walk. New doc said it might be herpes, but didn’t test or give me anything for it. 2 days later I went to another doc.

This was possibly the worst experience of my life. I could barely open my legs I was in so much pain. He had to insert a speculum to do a swab, I was literally screaming and crying hysterically on the table. I was begging him to stop. He couldn’t finish swabbing because I was hurting so bad. He then had to scrap one of the sores to get cells for testing. Again, I was screaming and sobbing, but had to let him do it, because I had to know what was wrong with me. It was hell.

He prescribed me painkillers and Valtrex (an oral anti-viral for herpes). He said there was a chance it could be something else, but to be safe we’d start on Valtrex right away.

How did you feel when you found out?

I spent the week alone, at home, crying, sobbing. Anytime I would be wake up or feel the pain, I’d pop a pill and try to sleep. It was awful. My house fell apart, I stopped eating, I didn’t talk to anyone. I literally shut myself in.

I felt disgusting, and still do in a way. I felt like the light in me was turned off. I felt like the happy, bubbly, flirty, fun girl I used to be was killed. I was ashamed, I felt dirty, I felt like no one would love me again. When I told John, I watched the look in his eyes change. I haven’t heard from him since.

And although I have history of a sexual partner with herpes, that does NOT necessarily mean that Chris gave it to me. John could have given it to me just as easy. That’s the thing, you NEVER know. Chris has been a rock through this. I didn’t want to tell him, but I needed support. He has been amazing. In a weird way, it’s dissolved any remaining tension between us. And in another weird way, it cleared up any questions I had about John and the type of person he is. So, some good in the bad.

What sort of treatments have you tried? Have they been successful for you?
I have just been using Valtrex, and only when I feel an outbreak coming. I also avoid potential triggers, such as sun exposure and high stress situations. So far I’ve been successful in fighting this.

How has this affected your romantic life?

As I said, John and I broke up. To be honest, if a guy reacts like that, then I don’t want him in my life anyways.

I have not had any romantic partners since. I have been holding back on getting close with anyone because I am dreading the day I have to tell them.

Chris told me about his herpes about 2 months into our relationship, long before we had done more then make out. He trusted me not only to not tell anyone, but he also trusted that I would accept him for who he is, flaws and all. I remember that when he told me, I was not disgusted or even disappointed. If anything, I felt closer to him. And because of his honesty, I never had trust issues with him. So I hope the same will happen for me when I tell my next boyfriend. But if he can’t handle it, that’s fine too, because I don’t want to be with someone who won’t love me exactly the way I am.

And in a strange way, it’s almost a blessing… I won’t be sleeping with a guy I like right away, he now has to earn my trust.

What steps do you take to avoid giving Herpes to a partner?

The only sure fire way is not to have sex at all. Oral counts.

But if you and your partner are going to, and one of you is infected, you can take certain steps to be safer. Never, EVER have sex when there are sores present. Even in the healing stage, when they are no longer contagious, don’t have sex, it’s not worth the risk. Never have sex when you feel an outbreak about to happen (burning, itching, tingling). ALWAYS use a condom and a spermicide. Be open, honest and communicate. Trust your gut. Don’t take stupid risks. Continue to get screened. Make sure you always have a supply of Valtrex on hand just in case. But mainly, communicate honestly.

What advice would you give to someone who has just been diagnosed?

Before you’ve been diagnosed, if you feel that something “down there” is wrong, don’t wait. Go to a clinic right away and tell them what you think it is. I didn’t tell the first doc I thought it was herpes, because I didn’t want to believe it, I wanted it to just be a reaction to the condom. Get tested right away and get on medicine for it right away. Otherwise you’re in for a WORLD of pain.

Get a good drug plan. Always have a stash of meds just in case. Know your body and take extra good care of it. Do research, but don’t quote the internet. Talk to your doctor. Use the anonymous phone lines if you want to talk to someone. Always be open and honest with your partner. DON’T blame anyone. Accept that you chose to have sex in the first place, knowing that STIs ARE a possible outcome, and accept it. Never blame someone else, that will just kill you in the end.

What advice would you give to someone who's interested in a person who's been diagnosed?

Ask yourself if there is a future with this person. Ask your self if you are really willing to contract this virus that you will have forever. Don’t romance it. It HURTS, physically AND emotionally. What If you get it and you break up? Are you ready to be the one telling your new partner about it? Will you accept full responsibility if you get herpes? Or will you resent your partner? Beyond that, ask yourself how much you trust your partner. Will they be open and honest with you about the state of their health? Will they put you at risk if they’re horny one night? Will they respect you when you say no? If you can’t have an open and frank conversation with your partner about sex and STIs, whether or not either of you have one, I really think you need to reevaluate why you’re in that relationship in the first place.

Have you ever dated anyone with Herpes? Any (respectful!) questions for Angela?

112 comments

  1. Another great post. This feature is excellent and I so look forward to each one!

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  2. I loved this interview. It was heartbreaking to read, certainly, but it was also very eye-opening. Angela, if you are reading this, thank you for your honesty. I hope you know that you are not alone.

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  3. Hi, Angela, I know you aren't a doctor, but you seem fairly informed. Question: So...my friend and I share cigarettes sometimes. A couple days after we shared one, she had a herpes break out on her lip. Do you know how likely it is for someone without an outbreak to pass HSV1 orally via an object...statistically or otherwise?

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    1. could have split on the cig. i wouldn't share it if she has sores present. but i also read hsv doesn't live well outside the body, like toilet seats, towels, etc.

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    2. I'm not a doctor, so take everything I say with a grain of salt. However, i have thoroughly researched Herpes and its transmission, and from what you say, transmission seems possible, but highly unlikely. Herpes does not live well on inanimate objects, and typically is transmitted only by direct skin to skin contact with infected areas.

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    3. Im 16 and scared to tell my parents . Help me ? I think I may also have herpes-1

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    4. i know the feeling having herpes i was scared when my doc told me i had them and i had them for years now and take valtrex and i know what the outblast are like it hurts and i feel like i wont find a guy to like me for who i am and i feel like he would judge me but say to yourself it does happen and u wish u could turn back time

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  4. Wicked post! I know two people who have Herpes - type 1 and type 2 and I know how they struggle with it. It is good to read all this and understand it better! xxx

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  5. Great post! It's crazy that there's still such a social stigma against people with herpes...isn't it supposed to be like one in five Americans has it?

    I know a few people who have gone through the same thing, thanks for sharing your story so openly. It's important for people to realize how traumatizing it can be.

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  6. Good post! Herpes is extremely common, and a lot of people who have the virus do not get outbreaks. And in theory, you can pass it on when you don't have an outbreak, but that seems really uncommon.

    I've gotten cold sores since I was a very small child. They are embarrassing and can be painful, but i'm so thankful for the advances in drugs. I use acyclovir, personally (cheaper than valtrax, for those who don't have health plans - but it just works better for me). I also have found the topical treatments to help somewhat.

    Good luck!

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  7. Wow, this is an incredible post. Thank you so much for sharing.

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  8. What a great post. I have also suffered from cold sores since I was a little girl. They are painful and I hate having to go into work on days when I have one. I feel like I am a leper. I feel ashamed and dirty. I don't go out so people won't see me and think, "yuck"...thanks again for the post. :)

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  9. Thank you for this wonderful post, Angela, and thanks to Sarah for raising this topic that is near and dear to my heart!

    I contracted herpes from my very first sexual partner (and boyfriend) in my first few weeks of college. After we broke up 4 months later I thought I would never have sex again, that no one would ever want me. I felt so isolated and undesireable. Then I found a website (MPwH.net) where you could meet others with "H", and after a handful of casual sex partners (that I really only slept with because I could), I met a guy who also had herpes and we dated for a year and a half.

    Since then I've dated mostly in the real world, and am currently engaged to someone without herpes, who also happens to be a woman. I've had the dreaded conversation three times now, and while it doesn't necessarily get easier, I find that 10 years later my self-worth is no longer tied to someone's reaction to the news. It takes guts to be honest and open like that, and if someone is gonna hold that against me, then I'm better off without them.

    Just wanted to throw it out there that there IS sex after herpes, there ARE relationships, and also queer ladies get it too.

    xoxox... thanks again for this :)

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    1. I've been feeling horrible for some days now because I seem to be sure I have Herpes. It hurts me even more that I just lost my virginity at 26, only to get rewarded with an STD. It was my first sexual experience, not that I've been promiscuous. The major mistake I made was to have unprotected sex with a lady I never would have believed would have an infection. It really hurts me badly. The worst part is that the disease has no cure. I can't believe this is my life.

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    2. Wow, this is my first time actually reading other people's encounter with herpes. 3 days ago I seperated from my husband of 7 yrs.. My 3rd sexual partner & last in my life so far. We have a child, he was honest with me from e start, I didnt get until 5 yrs. into my marriage, when ironically i was @ the doc's for birth control. And found out I had herpes, oh & here's a box of condoms too! Anyway, I wrote my post today under SCARLETTE, & this is my 1st openly talking/ writting about it. I am feeling really isolated & have no one else to talk to about this but my husband, whom idk what our relationship will be from now on. So THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH FOR BEING BRAVE ENOUGH TO POST, BECAUSE THERE MAY BE MANY WHO DONT KNOW WHERE TO TURN OR EVEN RELATE TO & EVEN IF IT ISN'T AIDS IT IS A VERY DELICATE SUBJECT FOR THOSE WHO HAVE IT. MUCH RESPECT.

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  10. Thank you so much for sharing. This post was so brave that it brought tears to my eyes.

    I remember scouring the internet for stories like this (or books or anything!) when I was diagnosed with HSV-2 three years ago and being devastated at the lack of information, personal accounts, etc. This post will help so many people.

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  11. I was also have HSV-1 in my genitals. I only had my initial breakout 3 years ago and *knock on wood* have never had a breakout again. But it was the most horrible disgusting thing that has ever happened to me. It was so bad that I had to go to the hospital and get a catheter because I couldn't pee and was in such insane amounts of pain. I would seriously never wish it on my worst enemy.

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    1. That is crazy because I am experiencing my very first outbreak and considered going to the hospital to get a catheter because it is the most painful thing to try and pee. I also said the same thing, that I wouldnt wish this on my worst enemy. How many days into the outbreak did you go to the hospital? I am on day 5 and it is still excruciating.

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  12. Thanks for sharing Angela, and thank you Von for posting this interview.

    I have genital herpes, too, and most probably caught it from my very first sexual partner. I only had my first outbreak almost two years into the relationship, whilst traveling back to my home country (from having visited him). A 20h flight without knowing what was wrong with me was terrifying. I had to tell my mother as I got home (shes a gynecologist and I needed immediate relief), she got me medication but shamed me massively. I still can't forgive her for the things she called me and how she made me feel like it was all my fault for "being such a slut."

    He was the only person I had been sexually active with, and he said he'd never had anything before. I don't know if he cheated on me or the virus had been "dormant" with him since before we started going out, but what hurt me most (well, maybe not most, the first set of sores was the most intense pain I have ever experiences) was that he refused to admit it was herpes. He dismissed it as "some kind of yeast infection" and said he "had been tested for everything, and even emailed me the results." Needless to say, I never got any results.

    We broke up soon after this and I felt like I could never have sex again, because I couldn't face telling anyone about my condition. I didn't go out with anyone for a year and half, but have since then had sex with two guys (still going out with the second one). I dreaded telling them, but they were both incredibly understanding and not at all judgemental.

    I've now lived with it for 5 years. At first it wasn't too active, but in the last year I had 5 outbreaks, so I am currently on preventative medication (I take 2x400mg of acyclovir a day). It's tough, but I've told several of my friends and can still laugh at herpes jokes (they're surprisingly common). I consider myself lucky to have had such supportive sexual partners afterwards, but I do feel a little bit sad for never really being able to have casual sex (confessing I have herpes to a casual hookup during foreplay doesn't seem tempting).

    Thank you so much for sharing your story and showing that completely normal, "non-slutty" people can have herpes. Sorry for writing so much, but this was an important little therapy session for me. :)

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  13. Reading all of these comments makes me wish that we could bring this topic over to the Yes and Yes Every Buddy Board. But then nobody would post because everyone would (understandably) want to remain anonymous. :\

    To the most recent anonymous person, my heart goes out to you for the way your mother treated you. That wasn't right. But I'm glad to hear that you've had supportive sexual partners.

    To everyone else who has shared their story here, big hugs to you all.

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  14. This is a great post. Not many people talk about this...

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  15. I went to the doctors almost 10 years ago with what I thought was hemoroids...oh no, I had genital herpes (strangely, I never had anal sex though.) The great news is that after that initial breakout (I couldn't even sit down) I've never gotten a full blown breakout again! If I stress about it, it seems to come on, but if I take Valtrax the symptons never really show up.


    The bad news is I went almost 10 years without sex (another True Story topic? - ha, ha!) because I thought all men would run away screaming. Then I met a man who understood the risks and doesn't mind completely and we have been very happy. We use condoms 100% of the time and he doesn't put his mouth down there - which is a bummer - but it's a small price to pay!!

    Herpes is not as big as people make it out to be! :)

    Thanks for sharing this story.

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  16. Thanks for sharing your story. A few months ago I had a herpes scare. My docs thought I had it but it turned out to be something else- but I spent a very stressful few weeks waiting to find out.

    During that time I did a great deal of research and also talked to several docs, and I just want to mention a few things: Using condoms 100% of the time is a good idea for many reasons, but will not fully protect you (especially since it's common to have a sore on your upper thigh or other area not covered)...I also don't think spermicide helps, and can give some women (self included) allergic reactions.

    Also: My understanding is that most of the population (like 70%) already has type 1 HSV, which presents in most people as cold sores. My doc told me that if a person already has oral herpes type 1, they cannot then get infected with type 1 genitally...not sure if that's correct but I believe that is the case.

    Finally: it sounds like you had a horrible experience with your initial outbreak- my heart goes out to you. But I think it's also important to mention that many people have much milder ones, that they might just mistake for an overall flu, or genital symptoms they barely notice. I know some folks who have it, and they wish people knew that for them it has not been so dire.

    Thanks for your honesty!

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  17. hello!!! I m from India...and honestly I don't know much about it... actually here the only guy most women(even educated ones and professional ones like me)get to have sex only with the guy u r married to....so my question is how do i deal with this situation.Do i ask the guy straight out if he has a history of STDs????

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    1. i'm an indian woman myself, and yes I would recommend asking the guy straight up- especially he is somebody who has a history of risky sexual behavior! use a condom for everything, even oral. and do a visual survey before getting intimate.

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    2. A visual survey is not enough at all. If a man or woman says that they are "clean" they are lying. Even virgins are not clean. These people just don't know which infection they have. HSV1 - common cold sore - can be passed to the genitals. HPV is another "sexually" transmitted disease which can be transmitted just by touch. Also, men cannot get tested for HPV.
      You can ask them to get STD testing, but these tests will miss many STDs, INCLUDING genital herpes (which you have to pay extra for).
      My advice: Do your research, speak to MANY doctors (because most of them will not give you all the information you will want) and accept the fact that there will always be a risk of contracting an STD.

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    3. Hi,

      I am based in India. I'm recently diagnosed and I'm scared to death about dating now... Does anyone have any experiences to share?

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    4. I'm an Indian woman myself and was recently diagnosed. It's not that I was promiscuous, I was in a relationship. I know that life will move on and that many people even get married and have healthy kids afterwards. Right now, it's just devastating.

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  18. Thank you for sharing your story. This couldn't have been posted at a better time... Two months ago I was raped and when my blood tests came back, they said I was positive for HSV 2. I was so upset, I cried for days. I felt dirty. I kept thinking about my whole life and how it would never be the same. After a week my doctor's office called and said my second test came back negative, which could mean the first test was a false positive. For now, I have to wait to get tested again, to see if I have it or not, which is extremely stressful. Regardless I am now more educated and the herpes taboo is removed from my mind. Lots of people have it, some people don't know they have it, and there's nothing to be ashamed of. Thank you so much for sharing your story. It helps to know you're not alone.

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    1. Me too! I was diagnosed at 19. I too was mistreated by my family and hurt by their painful reaction. In 20 years I have only had one other outbreak. That was 6 years ago. I was pregnant and flying alone to meet up with my husband away on a business trip. Our plane experienced turbulence and dropped down in the sky. I guess it was the high stress that triggered the outbreak. I was put on anti-viral drugs and this is why I post-- it is important to inform your OB/GYN during pregnancy so that you can be given a preventative treatment of medication so that you don't put your baby at risk at birth. I'm no doctor. Ask yours for details, but even if you have not had an outbreak in years-- it's good to provide full disclosure and be better safe than sorry at the time of delivery. Also, parents, grandparents anyone-- children are susceptible to simplex 1. Think before you pass on the virus to them. Don't let your goodbye kiss leave a lasting impression. Lastly, I'd like to give kiddos to Bob, my first love that I had to inform about my truth. To which he lovingly replied: "just another bump in the road". I needed that laugh. Thanks!

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  19. i wish everyone would read the Wikipedia entry on Herpes. (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Herpes_simplex)

    "The scientific reality is that most people are asymptomatic, the virus causes no real health problems for a vast majority of people, and a vast majority (around 90%) of the Earth's population carries HSV-1, 2, or both."

    If your long term partner won't go down on you because you have herpes and that would, in all likelihood, just lead to cold sores, DTMFA. I'm talking to you, Anon three posts before me.

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  20. Had to chime in again (I'm an anonymous commenter from earlier) when I read about an anon commenter's lack of oral sex. From what I've read (and I've been pretty obsessive in researching all things herpes), there's no reason for you to be deprived of oral sex. In my understanding, the risks aren't dramatic, especially if you're on suppressive therapy (no oral sex during an outbreak, obviously). You could always use a dental dam if you really wanted to practice safer sex though I'm not familiar with how comfortable or awkward that might be. If you're in a committed, long-term relationship, it might be something to consider discussing.

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  21. This post really struck a chord with me because I went through a very similar situation. I found out 6.5 years ago that I got HSV-1 from my partner giving me oral sex.

    I felt the exact same things you felt. I shut myself in. I felt disgusting and I remember sobbing on and off for days. It was unbelievably painful (the initial outbreak is usually the worst) and on top of everything I felt like the dirtiest person in the world.

    I'm still struggling with having herpes. I have very few outbreaks so it's easy for me to "forget" but I'm scared to ever date anyone else. I'm still with the same guy who gave it to me.

    I too wish the stigma would go away. So many people have herpes in some form. It's completely wrong and unfair to judge people based on that. I have had sex with 3 guys in my life and I'm 29 years old. I don't sleep around and I've always been careful....anyone can get it so we all need to stop thinking that STD's only affect people who aren't careful.

    Thank you for your post. It's good to know there are others out there!

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    1. This is so true and Im glad there is another person on earth who understands this. I am recently seperated from my husband of 7 yrs. Im 25 he is 42, 5 yrs. into our marriage I contracted this virus. His ex cheated on him & passed it on. when he questioned the breakout, she did not even tell him or take him to a doc. He was honest from the start with me. But He is only my 3rd sexual partner in my lifetime. And it scares me so much the thought of breaking it down to the next person I may fall in love with. I hate the thought of people believing that only slutty girls get herpes, & I am afraid of how the next person might look @me. Right now, I cannot even see myself being with anybody else. And the fact that i have always been so careful about my sexual health & only have had sex with 3 people the (3rd being my husband) really hurts. Especially becuase I admired his honesty & loved him & took the risk regardless of my own health, & now we are no longer together & have NO ONE to confide in about this. So thank you for your post, because most people assume only sluts get herpes & its not the case at all. - SCARLETTE

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  22. A few years ago, I got divorced and started dating again, then contracted herpes shortly afterwards. It was one of the worst years of my life.

    I met a great guy and was so afraid to tell him...things happened quickly and I didn't tell him before we were intimate. That was the biggest mistake and I almost lost him over it.

    In the end, we've ended up getting married and are having a baby in a few weeks. I take acyclovir (because it's cheaper than Valtrex and works as well for me) every day as a preventive and so far, it's kept him from getting it. Also, it has a huge success rate in keeping outbreaks away so that we can have a vaginal delivery of our baby.

    I wish there had been a story like this online when I first contracted it so that I could have known that there were other nice, normal people out there with it, too.

    Thanks for sharing - your story is beautifully written and will be a real blessing to someone who finds it when they're recently diagnosed.

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  23. I have herpes but I follow a green diet, do yoga, dont smoke or drink - generally keep as much oxygen in my body as I can as viruses cant exist in oxygen.

    I also used products from neveranoutbreak.com but no longer use them as I dont get outbreaks anymore.

    Im 32 and Ive had it for about 4 years. I always use a condom.

    1 in 4 people have herpes.

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  24. I am a 20 year-old woman and I was diagnosed with HSV-2 when I was 13. I only have breakouts on my hand, which is almost more embarassing because it is in a visible spot. I remember being so scared when I was diagnosed because I was so young I had no idea about STIs, I hadn't even been sexually active yet. I was in so much pain, and I remember the sad look in my doctor's eye as sh had to explain to me and my mother what was going on with me. I was sexually abused by my father which is how I think I contracted the virus (I haven't spoken to him in years). I can only imagine the pain and fear that everyone who has posted has felt, because I have felt the devastation and loneliness of being diagnosed. I have had one serious relationship, my first and only sexual partner, but he had dated a girl with genital herpes before me (he never got infected) and he was very understanding. We dated for about 3 years and I've now been single for eight months and I'm very scared to date any new people. I know that since I don't have genital or oral herpes it would seem that it would be less of an issue but I still dread having to have that talk. I know that I still have to be extremely careful, as I could infect those around me or even myself on other parts of my body.

    I can relate to everyone that posts. Unfortunately my break outs are pretty regular, the longest I have gone without one is three months. It's nice to know that there are others out there dealing with this problem, and I hope that one day the stigma on those infected with herpes is lifted. It's as simple as one person being careless enough to not inform their partner. Or in some cases the person infected was not even voluntarily involved in any sexual act and became infected. I'm glad that this was posted, as I think we all need our own little therapy sessions.

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    1. Much respect & love to you for being brave enough to post this. I am 25 & I know how issolating it can be to know that you have herpes even though you've never had sex, or slept around. I am recently seperated from my husband of 7yrs, with whom I have a child with. He is the 3rd & last person I have had sex with in my entire life. He was honest from the start & got it from his cheating ex- wife. Regardless I took the risk & loved him without judgement. It takes a hella of alot to tell someone. The fear of rejection, look of disgust keeps people isolated. I contracted the virus 5 yrs. into my marriage when ironically i saw the doc to get birth control, & was told you have herpes, here's a box of condoms. Now that we are not together I am in a state of depression. I have no one else to talk to about it, but also fear that i might accidentaly infect my 5 yr. daughter. It hurts to know that i put myself @ risk nievely believing we would last till we wrinkled. And it hurts to know that the only person i knew whom i can talk to bout this subject is no longer my partner. But I appreciate all of these people's posts, because EVERYONE needs to vent, especially what insecures us the most. And I wish you a positive life & hopefully a medication that can treat & lessen your outbreaks.- SCARLETTE

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  25. I am a 18 year old girl..and i was diagnosed with HSV-2 just about a year ago. I was never the type of girl to sleep around, in fact i was a shy girl throughout my high school life. then i meant the star football player and things were good. I could honestly say i loved him, and then one morning about 2-3 days after having sex with him i was in pain. Of course i thought it was just from the intense intercourse. but this had never happened to me before. And we were dating for almost an year and had always had an active sexual life together, so i didnt understand. Well my mother took me to the doctors and i was told i had this std. I was horrified, i felt so gross and dirty. I still havent grasp the fact yet. I decided to tell him that I had gotten an std. He went to get looked at and then next day told me he had nothing, and this point i didnt know what to do, i was heart broken how could this happen to me when he was the only one i slept with. Im not a slut, im a normal teenager that wants her old life bad.. does it ever get better?

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  26. Thank you for sharing your story! I was diagnosed with Hep C today and have been bouncing between denial and anger. I either caught it from an improperly sterilized needle in China or when I lost my virginity to a local in the Philippines. I've just recovered from depression and anxiety only to have this happen so I've had a pretty bad day. All I could think about was the fact that I will never be able to have sex again because I assume guys will run in the other direction once I tell them. Thank you and the previous commenters for reminding me that there are understanding guys out there.

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  27. I feel like an awful person. I have it. And I never have outbreaks. Angela, the one you had sounds like something out of a horror movie. But I have never had any sores, none that I've noticed anyways, and any pain down there has pretty much been synonymous with vaginal itch from not having a shower for a couple days. Anyways, I've told guy that I have it, prior to having sex, plus the guy and I will usually go and get tested together. After all, he may have something I don't know about. I always get positive remarks. Never any puns. So why, oh why did I not tell the guy last night? I really like him too... We were just on cloud 9 I guess, and the last thing I wanted to do was tell him I have an std. I know, I know, it sounds ridiculous. But now I need to, and I hope to god I didn't give him anything, and I hope he doesn't punch me in the face like I deserve. Anyone else been in this boat? I feel like such a horrible person right now.

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  30. Living with Herpes is really hard, especially when you are a single. According to a report from the largest Herpes singles dating site DateHSV...com, 98% of its members who used to be on a general dating site to find the love and support were rejected by others. That could be the reason that why DateHSV.com is so popular and now has more than 560,000 members.

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  31. Thank you for sharing your story. I've had genital herpes for ten years now. At first, the outbreaks were so small, I thought it was eczema, which I was born with. But it got worse, and then I knew what it really was. I take acyclovir for it, but it doesn't really help all that much. I've lost friends over it too. The sad part is, I didn't even get it from sex. I wasn't sexually active at the time. I got it from an adult arcade booth! Some people will laugh, but unless you have it, it's no laughing matter. So I am truly cursed. FTW.

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    1. you're not cursed. crap happens. don't blame yourself! you didn't do anything wrong to get it. stay healthy (body & mind), find what your outbreak triggers are. stress? bad diet? sun/heat? ask for some meds to control the outbreaks and pain. try lomabrit cream when you feel an outbreak coming on. be safe.

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  32. I found out this past week that i have HSV-2. I am only 16 years old,and have only had one partner sexually. I have a wonderful boyfriend who I have been with for almost two years. He is my best friend, and to my knowledge we have been faithful to eachother since day one. At first when finding out, I was devastated and scared. In my heart I knew it wasn't the result of my boyfriend cheating, but after hearing news from the doctor that i had herpes, anything was believable. At first I felt dirty, and alone. I spent the whole past week in bed crying, with little to no sleep, fighting back itching. I believe I received the virus through oral sex which is something that NEEDS to be educated to younger people like me. This is something I was carefree about because I was completely unaware of the risks.The pain is unbearable, to keep my immune system up I have to drink tons of water which is hard to do because eventually I have to pee it out (which is horribly painful). Ive been taking pills religiously and applying prescription cremes as often as i can, but it is helping minimally. Luckily, my boyfriend was very supportive, and on top of taking care of himself medically. He understands me completely and doesn't mind that sex will be limited. I do not have a best friend that is a girl that I can go and talk to, although I have many close friends. I am in high school,there is nothing but drama,you can only trust yourself with things like this. The last thing I need is someone breaking my trust and going around telling such a sacred secret to all the wrong people. People do not understand herpes, and shamefully before this my opinion on someone with herpes would make me think that person was dirty or slutty. It is completely not true. It could happen to anyone. I am not slutty or dirty, and nobody should label me that way because of herpes. For people who are like me, your in control of who knows. If youre scared of people finding out, then keep it to yourself. It doesnt change who you are. You are still the wonderful person you are, and you have to ignore the stigma about herpes. I am still upset, but as I read things online and research more and more, I am realizing it is not the end of the world. In the long run it will only make me stronger. Thanks to everyone who has shared their story. I respect all of you and find strength in your courage.

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  33. Herpes is a very common infection. So we are not alone if you have herpes too, Start dating again at this STD dating site Stdromance. Up to 8 out of 10 American adults have oral herpes. And about 1 out of 4 American adults have genital herpes. Millions of people do not know they have herpes because they never had, or noticed, the herpes symptoms.

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  34. i fucking hate having herpes i feel so alone some one email me anonymous4lif@yahoo.com

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  35. I have just found out that I got genital herpes. I have had a blister at the crack of my behind and maybe one outside the vagina area off an on for awhile. My boyfriend and I started having problems. I got tired of being unappreciated and step outside my relationship. The sex with other guy was rough at times. My cycle came on the next day. Days later, I started feeling like I had a bladder infection. I went to the doctor and was told I had a serious Uti. I was cool until the antibiotics didn't totally get rid of the infection. I went back to the doctor and found out that it was herpes. I was devastated. I cried and cried. I still have regrets from that one night with a friend. I told the doctor of the blister I had before the diagnosis. She told me that I could have been had it and not realized it. But I am still confused. Why would I have my initial outbreak after that one night? Did he give it to me not knowing he has it? Anyway, I have been dealing with by reading about treatments and everyone's posts. I still kinda feel dirty. I run off any guy who wants to get with me sexually. My family has been supportive. I thank god for them. I got to stay strong. My children need their mom. I will accept it in time. I spend all day trying to find a cure to get rid of this. There are herbs or detox of the blood to help with this. I got to try something. This is a fight that I can't lose. I know I'm not alone but it feels that way at times. Stigma is a bitch and people are so judgemental. The flirty happy spontaneous woman is gone for now. Hopefully, I can get her back.

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  37. Getting diagnosed with Herpes can be the worst moment of your life.
    However, in order to safely and confidently date with genital herpes you should definitely know a few things. HerpesPal.com can help you deal with and overcome any issue which genital herpes might create in your dating life. So take a deep breath. And realize taking little steps every day will help you recover and heal from this experience. And I promise, you will find happiness again.

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  38. i contacted genital herpes 2 years back, i thought there was no hope.. i read numerous testimonies on the internet on how a great spiritualist cure there genital herpes with is ADURON herbal remedy drugs... i contacted the dr shant tami and he prepare the ADURON drugs for me, ever since i took the drugs, my genital herpes has been cure totally,. i recommend you all to go for the ADURON drugs. you can email dr shant tami via indianspell@yahoo.com hope read your own testify as you go for the drugs.

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    1. Is this really true

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  39. This is a touchy subject, I have been living with Herpes for years, I have been dating someone for three years and never told him,I'm afraid that he might have it and total freak nout, but I never cheated on him, but he has cheated on me I hate the fact that I have the Herpes and feel like I will never find love or have the guts to tell someone I have it.sucks

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    1. you have to tell your partner. it's only fair. they need to know, it would be worst if they found out after an outbreak and you said "i knew the whole time" just sit them down and say you've been to the docs a couple of days ago and you have herpes, and tell them the facts. it's not that bad. also, stick to facts and don't blame anyone. it's herpes, it happens.

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  40. Im 16 and I was diagnosed with genital herpes about two weeks ago. I was raped. And I felt like life was over, thankfully my mom was with me and has been very supportive. I cried and cried the first night I found out but luckily have been dating the same guy for over a year and he told me there's nothing that could change his love for me and that he won't leave me. Because of him I have not felt bad about myself at all. I feel completely normal. My first break out was not as bad as other people's so I am very thankful for that and I am taking valtrex and it helps a huge amount. But really it's not something to be ashamed about. We are still the same people we were before we got it. I'm just going to live life and live my dream to train horses and Teach people how to ride horses. And if my current boyfriend chooses to leave in the future I will always have my mom and horses to be happy. Don't think your life is over because it's not, trust me lots of people have it!!

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  41. thanks "angela" for your story. i'm sorry you had so much pain. i'm 33, married male, and i just had a breakout and went to the clinic. awaiting test results, but i'm pretty sure it's hsv as the doc said it looks like it & gave me 5 days of acylovir plus i had flu symptoms. overall, it hasn't been that bad, it's on the back of my penis and a few spots on my balls. at first i freaked out, it did have some pain, but it's going away now with meds. i put a band-aid over the sore so it doesn't rub on my boxers. i have had oral herpes for a while and if people can just put themselves in the mindset that it's a cold sore only down there you can learn to deal with it. my oral herpes breakout is about once a year. i hope my genial herpes is the same if not less or at all. we'll see. i spoke to my wife and we're going to be very careful during sex, always wear condoms, and def. not during symptoms, but she said if she gets it, she gets it. amazing woman.

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  42. I'm 16, and have slept with two boys... I've contracted herpes from my boyfriend who is eighteen. I feel devastated and angry; I'm so worried about the rest of my life and the fact that I feel like I have ruined it at such an early age. I haven't told anyone apart from him and we don't ever talk about it - it doesn't seem to bother him. I hate myself for being so stupid and feel like I will never be able to tell anyone, thinking about things in my life that I'd never even really considered before like whether I will be able to have children or another relationship is having an incredibly stressful effect on me. I just want to be like my friends, care free and young, without what I feel is a sentence on me.
    If anyone could say anything honest that would make me feel even slightly better I would be so grateful, but please don't chastise me for being so young, I have done enough of that myself.

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  43. All these comments and the original post are amazing!!
    I got type 2 from my boyfriend who told me he had it before we started our relationship but we were both ill informed and still had sex without condoms because we thought we were safe as long as we didn't have unprotected sense whilst he had an outbreak and used a condom when he did, anyway he had an outbreak and we stupidly had sex with a condom and my hard luck that the condom split and I ended up with herpes.
    My first outbreak wasn't as bad as some of you poor people but still quite painful. (However, even when I got diagnosed the clinic did not inform me of the facts and did not warn me about needing to use condoms if i had a new uninfected partner).
    I didn't really give it much thought at first because I was in a loving and commited relationship which I hoped would last forever, but unfortunately it did not.
    I have now started a new relationship and it is only just hitting me, after doing research on herpes together, on how much of an impact this could have on us both.
    The main problem we are facing is that my new boyfriend HATES using condoms, he says he can't feel anything and ends up loosing his erection and he says the condom hurts the base of his penis.
    We both really like eachother but are terrified this will put too much of a strain on our realtionship, as we both believe that a happy pleasurable (for both of us) sex life is a key part to a successful realtionship.
    I was just wondering if anyone had any advice for us?? Or if anyone has run into similar problems??
    We're going to try the ranges of ultra-sensitive condoms and hope this will be enough to ensure that we both can enjoy a healthy sex life. *fingers crossed*

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  44. I'm 18 & a university student. I have never really slept around but I have had a number of partners. I started having symptoms after my first ever one-night-stand. I went straight to the medical centre and they said they suspect herpes. I got tested, but the results come back tomorrow - I know it is though.
    I don't know how I'm going to live with this. I think if I was a bit older then I would be able to come to terms with it as I would be looking for a long term relationship. But instead, I don't feel like relationships are right for me right now, and casual flings with friends are what happens in my environment. This is no longer an option for me. My friends can be care free and enjoy their time at uni, but now I feel like I can't even go on a night out.
    I haven't told anyone and at the moment, I feel like I never will. I've lost so much. My life has completely changed in the space of a week. I want to leave uni and go home where I have no friends so that I can keep away from everything. I can never have sex with someone without putting them at risk, and I couldn't deal with that guilt.
    I feel so alone.
    I am sorry for the post, but I'm hysterical right now and I don't know what to do.
    Also, as an aside, people my age are not given enough education about this. I have always been told that safe sex is talking to your partner and using a condom...I always have and look where it's got me!!! It feels like a death sentence that is taking my light and happiness away from me. I wish I could escape everything.

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  45. Hello Angela as well as others whom has posted. I contracted herpes a year ago I had the similar experience the pain of not being able to walk and stand. The pain was unbearable especially once I went to the doctor and they had to scrape one off. Any who I felt alone I cried for days until this day I cry. I feel like I wil never be able to marry and find someone. I just recently started talking to this guy I like so much and he randomly told me a story about a girl he used to date, she told him she had herpes and he remained friends with her but nothing more. The problem is that I thought that he could be the one for me since in fact I have had the worst luck in dating. I guess now I have to push my feelings aside for him and turn it into friendship. I wish this never happened to me but everything happens for a reason I made the choice so I have to learn to live with it. Good luck to you we all have a connection and understand how the other is feeling so technically we aren't alone. :)

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  46. Getting diagnosed with Herpes can be the worst moment of your life. However, in order to safely and confidently date with genital herpes you should definitely know a few things. HerpesPal.com can help you deal with and overcome any issue which genital herpes might create in your dating life. So take a deep breath. And realize taking little steps every day will help you recover and heal from this experience.And I promise, you will find happiness again.

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  47. I'm 32 years old, only been with 4 men in my life.. all of them I loved dearly, and #4 will be my last one, now that I'm ruined and will never be loved :(
    He never even loved me back, he just gave me herpes instead. Never told me he had anything at all. I wish spreading this knowingly was a crime. It should have some consequenses. :'( It's awful.

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    1. It is a crime as long as you have proof. don't know if there is a statue of limitations though. i have genital herpes and a friend of mine is a cop and he informed me i could press charges as long as he knowingly gave it to me.

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  48. I have had hsv2 for 21 years! Half of my life. I am still with and married to the man that gave it to me. Believe it or not I did not say anything to him for the first 17 years of our relationship! The shame of it held me back. Of course resentment started to grow as the years went by. I got pregnant twice and had 2 healthy babies.. still never told him. Going through pregnancies with herpes is extremely stressful. I had tried "internet" cures.. never an outbreak was one I tried, but did not work. Helped a little , but not much. Waste of money. Finally I told my husband. He was shocked. He is asymptomatic and he was unaware that he had herpes. I guess technically its not really his fault if he was unaware, but I still resent him. We have a good life as far as having beautiful children and a nice home...etc. It's just this herpes has built a huge wall. I have built that wall. I think of leaving, but I feel who would want me? So I stay, however, I am at a place where I feel why should I stay and be miserable and resentful. I am not sexually attracted to him. I am 42 years old, I may as well live on my own.. Single forever...or who knows what could happen. I try to find happiness within other aspects of my life. I guess it would be better to be alone and happy than with someone and miserable!

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    1. hi
      im in a similar position to you. 10 years ago my ex partner passed it to me without telling me until it was too late. i was so mad at him, i called time on the relationship. i ended up going back to him coz i thought no one else would want me. We had a child and we broke up for good 18 months ago. i went through the same agonies as you - stay and at least have someone, even if im not totally happy and provide a stable home for our child, or leave and face the uncertainty of relationships in the future.

      well i have had intimacy with someone since, i was upfront and told him, and he is fine with it, and thinks no less of me. it's not a permanent relationship but it has given me hope...

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  49. I am 25 years old and I just found out today that I have herpes. I am so glad to know that there are so many other people out there like me who are strong and dealing with this day by day. All of your stories have already helped me so much, I don't feel like it is the end of the world anymore. I'm going to do some research and talk to my doctor to see what the best preventive medication for me is. I am not currently sexually active, and I'm sure it will be a very long time before I am again. I have only had the initial breakout, and from what I have read it could have been much worse. I have a general idea of what to expect and I can only hope and pray for the best.

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  50. I was diagnosed 4 years ago with HSV2. My ex cheated on me and denied it even after I told him I had it. I still have a hard time with it, but I have only had the initial outbreak. Other than that no symptoms. I am on 800mg of acylovir a day. I just started seeing a guy and I told him that I have it. He handles everything very well and is still talking to me. I am so scared to hurt him and I'm scared to get hurt. I want to wait to do anything sexual until we are both comfortable, but Im just scared. I want to get married and have kids and have a normal life, but I'm scared of being resented or left behind or being alone forever. I have been so upset since I told him.....even though he was so sweet about it all. Can anyone give me some advice on how not to be so scared, stressed and upset? Thank you all for the posts and thank you for the story.

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  51. Avoiding herpes is easy:
    Full STD test including HSV 1 and 2 before starting (resuming) any sexual relationship.
    If a partner won't do that (and show you a physical copy of their results) then don't sleep with them. - I don't care how "clean" you say you are.

    It is just that simple.

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    1. You cant do a herpes test if you dont have any breakouts. Bloodtest arent accurate.That is what I read about. Very confuaing.

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  52. I am a 27 yr old female and just got my test results today. I have a modest list of sexual partners and all were men I was in relationships with. I have always been very paranoid about contracting an STD and have taken proper precautions with new partners and been tested regularly. I got it from a guy I have been seeing for a couple of months. We both got tested before being intimate and came back with clean results.Last week he performed oral sex on me and when we woke up the next day and he had a cold sore. I even jokingly said to him, "oh great, now I'm going to get herpes." A few days later my first outbreak started and I am still in shock, I had no idea it could actually happen that easily. I am also very angry because I went to three different doctors when my symptoms began and the first two told me that is was NOT herpes, just a mild reaction to something (likely soap or laundry detergent). What if I had taken them at their word and continued on as normal when my symptoms disappeared?? I would have gone on and possibly infected people in future relationships. I went on to see the third doctor as I thought the timing of the cold sore exposure and the "reaction" were too coincidental to ignore (I was also experiencing flu-like symptoms; a possible indicator of herpes infection). This third doctor also expressed that she thought it was unlikely that I had herpes as my symptoms were not "typical" but she took a swab this time(I went to see these docs as soon as I noticed the first two sores, I assume that they are looking for a full blown outbreak and therefore, downplayed the likelihood that my few initial sores were herpes.)Anyway, I think it was highly unprofessional of these doctors to tell me that I did not have herpes without testing me for it. Not only did it get my hopes up dramatically that I was fine but also put me at risk of going undiagnosed. I'm not sure where to go from here. I am devastated. Additionally, although the guy who gave this to me is being very supportive but I do not see a future for our relationship which means I will soon be single with herpes. I am in a place in my life where I am ready to settle down and start a family but now that I have this diagnosis, I feel that my chances of finding my "Mr. Right" have been greatly reduced. I feel disgusting in my skin and have a very bleak outlook for the future. I've gained some comfort from this article and comment thread in knowing that there are others out there in my shoes but still can't shake the stigma that I'm "broken" now. I miss the girl I was last week, I completely took my old life for granted.

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    1. Your story is my exact story. It hurts.

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    2. If you really did get genital herpes from a cold sore on his lip, then you almost certainly have genital hsv-1. That means that you are much less likely to have future outbreaks, or if you do they will be much less severe. You are actually lucky in some ways, because you will likely never get oral cold sores. In addition, genital hsv-1 is much less infectious than oral hsv-1 or genital hsv-2, meaning you are very unlikely to give your sexual partners genital herpes.

      You should get blood tests to confirm that it is hsv-1. I would say it is very likely that you do. If so, you should feel comforted for the reasons above.

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  53. I read most of your guys stories I've been really nervous about getting tested cause I'm afraid that no man will ever love me again and people will think I'm some nasty whore even though I only had sex with one guy 3 times but your comments are relief but I'm still scared I also think I have oral herpes only I'm still really scared and unsure if im able to have kids since I really want children as I'm writing this im crying thanks though

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  54. I have had herpes type 1 ever since I was 2 years old... I got it through on of my family members kissing me in my face. I am now 14 almost 15 in 10 days.It's hard having herpes because when you get to that point in your life where you want to be in a relationship, you have to remember that you have to be completely honest and just tell then flat out. If they still want to be with you that's amazing and great, if not, they can obviously be too judgmental and ignorant to see that 1 you were honest and 2 that you are just as normal as everyone else. You just have a kick to your life. My mom told me I had herpes when I was in 5th grade, I wanted to know who gave it to me and how. But she said it didn't matter because they weren't gonna be in my life ever again. I hate this feeling of not knowing if you tell someone are they still gonna love you for you or just turn they're heads and walk away like you mean absolutely nothing. I don't get cold sores on my vagina at all. I h=just get them on my lips every few months. But as soon as you feel it, get yourself some Orajel Carmex, or Abreva. It works, it makes mine go away before it even comes. I know a lot of my friend who got Herpes type 1 through something as simple as sharing drinks. I told my friends my really close ones that I had herpes in 6th grade. They didn't judge me or tell anyone. They told me that they'll love me no matter what I have. In all reality when it comes down to you getting a disease. Many people will judge you and rebel against you. But only a few will still stand by your side and be there no matter what.

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  55. NOW I BELIEVE THE POWER BEHIND THIS GREAT MAN ADURON B1 HERBAL REMEDY DRUGS, THIS DRUGS IS REALLY POWERFUL, WHAT OTHERS DRUGS CAN,T DO THIS GREAT ADURON B1 HERBAL REMEDY DRUGS HAVE DONE IT, BY CURING MY 4 YEARS GENITAL HERPES IN MY ALL BODY, MOST ESPECIALLY THE ONE IN MY VIRGINA, I WILL LET THE WORLD KNOW WHAT YOU HAVE DONE FOR ME, AFTER SPENDING ALOT OF MONEY BUYING DIFFERENT DRUGS JUST ADURON B1 HERBAL REMEDY DRUGS I TOOK IN LESS THAT 12 DAYS ALL MY HERPES HAVE BEEN CURED, DON,T WASTE TIME JUST GET IN TOUCH WITH HIM TO GET YOUR HEALING NOW.. EMAIL DR SHANT AT INDIANSPELL@YAHOO.COM AND FOLLOW ANYTHING HE ASK YOU NOT TO EAT SO THAT YOU CAN STILL RECEIVE YOUR HEALING, AWAITING TO READ YOUR OWN TESTIMONY TOO AND ALSO CURE DIFFERENT SICKNESS WITH I VARIOUS KIND OF HERBAL REMEDY DRUGS READ IT ONLINE AND YOU SEE IS POWERFUL DRUGS.

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  56. I grew up with the belief that I would never have sex with a man unless I knew I was going to marry them. After I left home for the first time I met a man who I didn't know much about, but I LOVED working and being around every day. We grew to learn more about each other and I lost my virginity to him after two months and we began dating. Four months into our relationship I began feeling pain during intercourse and a couple days later began noticing that it hurt to pee. At the time, my circumstances did not allow me time or transportation to see a doctor, so I went a week without a diagnosis or treatment. The pain got increasingly worse. I could barely sleep or walk and dreaded using the restroom, and when I did, it was the worst experience I've ever had. We looked up all the different things it could be and decided that it was either a really bad bladder infection or gonorrhea. He insisted we see a doctor. When we finally arrived they could barely swab for testing the breakout had gotten so bad. The doctor told us his initial diagnosis and my heart dropped when I found out it was Herpes. (I thought that was something people were likely to get when they had multiple partners or just talked about in sex ed classes.) My boyfriend also received testing the same day and he seemed more devastated than I was to find out the results. (He had just found this out for the first time too.) Even though the doctor described it as "An obstacle, rather than a death sentence," we were devastated and as he slipped into a depression, I confided in a friend who shrugged it off like it was no big deal. She said her mom had it. From that moment on, I realized I wasn't alone and there are people all over going through the same thing I was. Since then (7 months later), I've had 5 breakouts and I felt like my Herpes was never going to go away no matter how much medication I took. Of course, they got milder and milder but the idea of forever with this virus was not my idea of "in sickness and health." And although it seemed like it was never going to end, it brought my boyfriend and I a lot closer.
    So when we found out I also had HPV, 5 months after the initial HSV2 diagnosis, I couldn't stand it. I was afraid I had cancer. (How could sex cause cancer? I thought.) I had just began learning how to live with one, how can I learn to live with another?... And I wasn't stupid! We now know each other's sex lives like the back of our hands and we tried to always practice safe sex... I didn't understand. We continued to look up more information about the viruses, and I came across a lot of stories along the lines of "My HPV is gone!" I am hopeful that will one day be me, even if I do take acyclovir for the rest of my life.
    Also, Thank You for creating this post. It will help so many people going through their own diagnosis and it is an encouragement for me reading so many testimonies.

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  57. I am waiting for results to confrim. Im day four of my first outvreak im in so mych pain um seriously thinking about going to the hospital for a catheter.

    Ive been with the same guy for over three yrsnd have a one yr old little girl. Cold sore transmission is the likely culprit :,(

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  58. I've had Herpes simplex 2 for 16 years now. I have had 4 partners, the last being my husband. He was ok about my STI, however not everyone is. I've told only a handful of friends, and whoever there was a chance of sleeping with. It's painful (emotionally) to be rejected because of it. It is also a sign of relief when on the odd chance, someone else has it or has dated someone who does.
    I'm fortunate enough to only have "outbreaks" once ever 18-24 months. Mine are small, slightly painful when urinating, and only last a few days. I'm very in tune with what happens. It's a tingle or a ligament pain that gives me a heads-up. My hubby is very understanding & I am open with telling him what's going on. Sometimes I need tylenol for the pain, but overall, it's relatively easy to deal with.
    When I first got it, I was in excruciating pains... just like the blog, it felt like hot acid in an open wound, or a thousand needles that never stop poking at a specific spot. I'm glad to say it lessened over time.
    There were a few silver linings to contracting it though. I never ended up sleeping with many men, I feel that I would have been more of a loose girl, if I didn't get it with the first guy I slept with. He didn't even know he had it, however, he stood by me for almost 6 years.
    It's not the end of the world, 1 out of 5 women have it. You learn to take your time with someone, and only when they're worthy of it, you tell them & see how they react. If they react the way you don't want (running), then they weren't in it for the right reasons. It opens your eyes to what the person truly wanted.
    I really hope that my post helps someone. I was 16, lost my virginity, gained an STI that will last a lifetime. I didn't have anyone to talk to. I was alone, or at least, that's how I felt. I now see that there are many who are willing to stay by your side, those who don't, you don't need them anyways.
    Make sure you keep an open line of communication with those you love, and hope to love. People will sometimes surprise you. I vowed to never lie about what I do & don't have. That's my mission to myself. I wouldn't want anyone to lie to me.

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  59. I'm so amazed by all of your stories. Wish I would have found this group years ago. I've had genital HSV-1 for ten years. At the time I got it I was at the "middle of the end" of a lousy marriage. I cheated and my first outbreak started 2 days later with a sore throat and escalated to the sores and pain that makes you want to climb on the ceiling while peeing. As everyone else, I was devastated by the news, and it was even worse for me because I just couldn't tell my husband. I was absolutely stuck. This was only my third partner ever, and he swore that it just couldn't have come from him. I divorced, my boyfriend and I stayed together for a few years after that, then it ended.

    I met someone new and recently remarried, but sex just isn't the same. He's fine with the herpes, and wants to take the risk and give up the condoms now that we're married. I'm still reluctant. I've still got a lot of guilt from the entire thing, and it really keeps me from "letting go" sexually.

    I work around a lot of younger people, and I am amazed at their "hooking up culture". If I've only had FOUR partners and got a STD.... I want to grab them and scream "It's not worth the risk".

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  60. I just got diagnosed with herpes. Im 16 years old and now I don't know what to do.

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  61. Im 16 years old. I got diagnosed with herpes last week. Ive never through this would happen to me. Now days you can't even kiss someone without it being a risk. I've had sexual partners before the beginning of this year and in january I got checked for everything and I had nothing.

    Last month in april 2013, I found out that I had a std that was curable. Then I had blood work done and found out last week that i have herpes in the mouth. Sense january I've kissed three boys and had sex with two of them.

    Life as a teenager just got real to me. The only way a teen learns that sex is serious is when something bad happens to them , like me when I found out I had a std that was curable I told my self that sex is something that us not meant for me because once you catch something trust me it changes everything. But after I realized everything it was to late, blood work came in and out now I have to live with herpes. For that moment before I found out I had herpes I promised myself that I wouldn't have sex until my partner and I we're fully committed, and that I was so thankful that the std I had was curable. But now its to late for me.

    Talk to your teens, sex is all fun until you catch something,don't wait until it's to late and trust me it can happen to you. Most teens are worried about getting pregnant I worry about how to protect other people from my self.

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  62. I got diagnose with HSV 2 about two years ago. I was 23 and partying from Thursday to Sunday. Me and my "best friend" would go out drink and then hook up with our "boyfriends". At least in our heads they were our boyfriends but in reality we were probably the least of their worries. Once I was over with this guy I got into a worse relationship with a guy who was selling drugs (never really asked him what type of drugs). He would buy me anything I wanted, I was spoiled like I have never been spoiled before, anything I wanted I had it, I just had to cry harder. I never really liked the guy but loved getting spoiled. Yep, go head and judge me, I still judge myself and cannot believe how stupid and naive I was. After a few months of dating, I was about to start school again on the medical field and decided that I couldn't be doing this. How can a person who wants to help people and make a difference in people's life be dating a drug dealer? I started resenting myself and getting away from the guy.

    While I was breaking up with him, I had also started talking with a friend who I haven't seen in a while and who I genuinely liked. I and the new guy started talking and I could feel he liked me as much as I liked him. Three weeks into us talking (no kiss or anything). I found out I was pregnant (can this story get worse? yes it will!). I was pregnant from a guy I never loved, a guy who I was just dating basically for his money. I was basically a glorified prostitute and as much as it embarrasses me, I can't lie to myself and justify it because I was WRONG. I couldn’t have the baby and as much as it hurt I didn't have it (go head and judge me again). Through everything I was still talking with my friend and he was there with me through the whole situation. He was there to support me and lift me up when I needed. I wanted to be the best I could be, so I decided to get tested to make sure that I didn't have anything I could give to him. At this time we haven't even kissed or anything but we were still talking. After I got tested about two weeks later I received the call and the nurse had told me I was HSV 2 positive. I couldn't talk, move or breathe. I was at work and immediately started crying. I had to leave and my first stop was at my friend's house. I told him and he didn't have anything to say, he was in shock. Next stop the liquor store, I never drank so much, I ended up drunk calling him and he went to see me. I was crying for about an hour and he was still there for me as a friend. Weeks later we kissed for the first time and we started to have a relationship but no sex. We were going out for about 6 months and we only had sex about 4 times. He never made me feel gross but he made seem like it was embarrassing to wear a condom. I told him to buy condoms and he didn’t want to because he was embarrassed to. That just made me feel even more guilty of my situation and as much as he didn’t want me to feel bad, there was a time where we broke up and he told me that he just couldn’t handle my situation because it was too much for him. We eventually broke up and he swore it wasn’t because of the HSV 2, he blamed it on jealousy… whatever.

    Next post....

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  63. Then the best thing in my life happened. I live by a couple sayings “everything happens for a reason” and “there is always something good that will come from a bad situation” and it did. I was so destroyed when I broke up with this guy because I never had time to really deal with my feeling about the HSV 2. I was blaming myself even more and all the emotions that I haven’t dealt with came back along with a heartbreak. How could I do this to myself? How could I do this to my body? Why? Why? Why? All I could think of is how nasty I was, I was never going to be happy, I did this and I deserved it all. This is my fault and I have to deal with the consequences. But then came the guy who truly saved me and I believe will be the father of children. I still can’t believe I have him. Everything I dream of and more, he is surreal and I’m just the luckiest person to have him. This is what love is supposed to be. At the beginning I just wanted to have a sexual relationship. I did not want to have feeling for anybody and I did not want to have to explain myself. But I had to, he deserved it and I deserve to be happy. I was not going to let myself fall in love again until he knew who I was and everything that happen. Yes I didn’t have to tell him the whole story but I did because I wanted to let him know that I was ready to be happy, I wanted to be happy, I didn’t want to be partying and drinking like before. I wanted a good relationship and I wanted to be honest. He didn’t flipped out (thanks god) he just hugged me and told me everything will be ok. I almost felt like it was from a movie scene, how could a guy be this understanding after I told him I had abortion and I had HSV 2? How? Why? Why me, if I don’t deserve this? We are still together and he just gives me so much hope, he brightens my days and I make sure I brighten his. He helped me not let a diagnoses define me, and he brought the best out of me. His love is the definition of unconditional love and I just don’t know how I got so lucky but I’m madly in love. I have become a better person and even though it doesn’t fix my past, it improves my present. Reading all these stories brings me back feelings and im still mad at myself for not being perfect for my boyfriend but whenever Im down he helps me back up. If I needed to go through hell to find him, Im happy I did.

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  64. My girlfriend i think has it cause she has sores on her mouth. I really love her and i need to know if i should risk it. She means the world to me and I'm scared for me and her relationship.so someone please help me

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  65. Thanks, this article has helped me no end. I got herpes about 8 years ago, and it is a battle trying to live with it sometimes.

    This may go against the grain a bit, but I have slept with a lot of men. I'm always upfront about my herpes, fact is I thankfully don't suffer with it too badly. I get regular ish outbreaks, but they pass and if I look after myself, they are less.

    I think that I am somewhat to blame for my herpes, but it does not have to rule my life and in fact it won't. I try to use natural remedies and am considering supplementing my diet with regular smoothies, sounds silly but a healthy diet increasing fruit and vegtable intake really helps to boost immunity.

    It might sound glib, but to all you women out there who think that a man will walk - if he does, then it was not meant to be - no two ways. My experience is that the men who like you will stay. It takes an awful lot of guts to be honest, but you must and I promise you it will be fine.

    Don't let herpes stop you, there will be bigger obstacles in your life to come and if you can deal with this and not let it get the better of you then, you will be altogether a stronger and happier person.

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  66. Your stories r amazing, struggling with when or if to tell my male best friend. Thinking of distancing myself instead. Ashamed & nervous about his reaction. Got it 3 years ago from my Husband who cheated. Wow, is this what marriage gets u? Just separated from him a couple months ago. Couldn't put up with the BS anymore. So sad, depressed. Bless u all....

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  67. This interview brought me to tears. I just found out that I have herpes and I've been holed up at my friend's house crying. Like the girl in the interview, I've always attempted to be safe, always got myself tested, never slept around etc etc. My outbreak wasn't even really an outbreak, I went to the doctor for another reason and we both thought that the sore was chafing from rough sex but she did the culture just in case. I've been reading the stories of other people's experience and mine was nothing like that. I've been dating this great guy for almost a year and I'm confused because I don't know if I got it from him or have I had it for years and stress just brought on this. I know I have to tell him but I'm scared to death of his reaction. but like the girl, I feel dirty, ashamed, like my body has turned on me, that no one will want me. I just found out yesterday, so I hope after the shock wears off, I won't feel like that anymore.

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  68. I'm 17 years old and have been diagnosed with herpes. I am completely scared out of my life. I had only one sexual partner and contracted the disease. I don't know what to do now. My mother wont even look or talk to me but my dad is very understanding and is helping me in every way he can. I don't know how to get my mom to come to understandings with me, I need her more than ever. I crave every second for her comfort but I feel I never will.
    All these posts have helped me a lot to accept the fact that I have herpes and I will move on. It will be difficult I know but life happens. Thank you all for sharing your stories and help me to think more positive about my future. I wish you all the best of luck in your life.

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  69. I was diagnoses with herpes about a year and a half ago. I was married for 14 years and was divorced. Found a great guy, and we started a long distance relationship. (3 hours apart). We seen each other on weekends for almost a year, and then he moved in with me. I guess I seen the signs that he cheated, but didn't want to admit it. He eventually confessed, because I had the most excruciating outbreak. I myself felt like and still feel like a disgusting person. I forgave him and we are now married, but I keep having outbreaks! I have lupus and I believe that plays a huge part in why I can't fight it! He has NEVER had an outbreak. But whenever we have sex a lot, I always seem to. It's frustrating!!!

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  70. I recently have seperated from my husband of 7 yrs. We have 1 child 5 yrs. old. I am 25, when I met her dad, he was afraid to tell me. He did from the start, & I loved him without judgement. He is 42 & his ex- wife cheated on him, didnt tell him, gave it to him & to top it off did not even take him to the doctor. I didnt contract it until 5 years into our marriage. I had gone to the doc. to get birth control, instead he revealed to me that I had herpes & gave me a effn box of condoms. He is only the 3rd person in my life i've had sex with.... It hurts so much to know that I have ALWAYS been so careful of my sexual health, & respected myself enough to NOT sleep around. I did not really notice my first outbreak, I just tthought it was a pimple. Except for the fact that it was on the opposite side of his, I guess I kinda new. I do not resent him, because I chose the decision to put myself @ risk for love. And i admired his painful honesty. But now I feel like a disease, like I cannot tell anyone, and might end up alone because of my embarrasment... I cannot even begin to think of a way to tell the next person... I've only had 1 outbreak & it didnt hurt, just itched,and this is the first time i've been able to openly talk about this. I know no one else except my husband & I do not know how our relationship will from now on... I have NO ONE to talk to about this & no one to understand without giving me a look of disgust. Thank you so much for your openess, really because I just needed to express this and have no one to confide in. - SCARLETTE

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  71. So there is never goin to be a cure for this std?..this os very say and it had took over my life beyond anyone imagination..sometimes i even think about suicide...

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    Replies
    1. There is now an herpes vaccine that reached clinical trials. The results seemed to be convincing. It supposedly helps those who already have hsv2 in addition to preventing its transmission to those who don't have it

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  72. I have Herpes 1 and 2. After I shared this information with my friend they used it against me in the cruelest of ways.

    Across a busy cafe in the middle of the day - I was being called "a disease ridden C**t - herpes infested bla bla". I don't remember the rest.

    I began to plot his murder - in the most finite of detail. I was seething with anger. As it happens he has MS and with the passage of time I calmed down and decided to let nature take care of business for me.

    But as a result - I decided to never ever tell anyone ever again. Friend or partner. It is simply too big a risk. Instead I use Valtrex EVERY day of my life - outbreak or no outbreak. (I have never ever had one whilst being on Valtrex) I know that this puts a strain on the liver and who knows I could be shortening my life by ten years or more. But it is also my duty to protect my partner - whoever she is - from this illness. I was told by a health care physician that being on 500 mg of Valtrex every day - makes it ALMOST impossible to give someone Herpes.

    I have had Herpes for 15 years now and I have never given it to anyone.

    I do think that - Herpes has a stigma of the most gigantic and underseved proportions. It is as big of a problem as you make it inside your head. Some people commit suicide over it and some people just get on with living their life. My policy is to take the medication religiously and live as if I were not infected.

    Johan





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  73. I have been together with my ex boyfriend for 5 years and we were already making plans to get married before we broke up recently. I like to admit that we did have our differences and we had a few fights often but we always got out of it. About 3 weeks ago, I literarily caught him flirting with a very close friend of mine, it’s totally unacceptable to me and that led to a separation. We broke up after that incident and I told him I never want to see him again. At this moment, it’s barely two weeks ago and I miss him already. I don’t want to lose my ex boyfriend to any gold digger. I want to know how to attract my boyfriend to me again, I need to know how to win his heart get my ex back into my life? I called him several times and he would not even pick up his phone. I don’t care if I have to use psychological tricks or tips advice to win back his heart after the break up. Everything I’ve tried to do seems not to be working. I love my boyfriend, he loved me and I don’t know what to do or say. He was the one who cheated on me and I’m to forgive him. But he didn’t even try to reconcile. I know he loves me, but my best friend whom he flirted with is trying to steal my boyfriend away from me,I need to reconnect and reunite our
    relationship, i try all my best until i mate a female great spell caster online Name Dr Kate (katelovespell@hotmail.com) i explain every thing that happened to me, she told me not to worry that she is gonna help me if only i can help my self and i told her yes. she promise to help me cast a return and love spell that last forever, after i summit my information, she cast the return and love spell and guarantee me after three days my ex-boyfriend is going to call me and asking for my forgiveness, i was so surprise the third day of it in the morning my ex-boyfriend call me on phone telling me he is come back that i should forgive him, thank you once again Dr kate (katelovespell@hotmail.com) she is the best you can reach her email address.

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  74. I am so grateful that I was honest with my present partner. When we both met there were fireworks and I knew it wouldn't be right to allow her to get hung up on me and then break the news. So on our second meeting I mustered up all the courage I had and told her "This is very difficult to talk about and it's only fair I tell you from the outset that I have Herpes before you get involved with me."

    Her response was......."That's okay, I have them too." It's pretty common and an understanding prospective partner will understand and if not you don't want them! For me my honesty paid off and my partner views me as a very honest upright man!

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  75. My ex-boy dumped me 6 months ago after I accused him of seeing another woman and insulting him.I want him back in my life but he refused to have any contact with me.He changed his line,block me from sending him email and facebook.I was so confuse and don't know what to do. So I reach to the internet for help and I saw a testimonies of how this powerful spell caster help them to get their ex back. So I contact the spell caster whose name is Dr Shiva and explain my problem to him and he cast a spell for me and assure me of 2days that my ex will return to me, and to my greatest surprise the Second day my ex came knocking at my door and ask me to forgive him.I am so happy that my love is back again. Once again thank you Dr Shiva,you are truly talented and gifted. Email: reunitingexspell@yahoo.com . He is the only answer to your problems.He can be of great help and I will not stop publishing his name for the good work he did for me andpeople are still talking about him on the Internet. REUNITINGEXSPELL@YAHOO.COM

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  76. I'm 20. I have been with my boyfriend for almost 2 years and he is the only one I have been with sexually. We are really great and I love him more than anything. a few days ago I noticed a few small bumps and just wrote them off as a product from shaving without cream. Then it got worse. 2 days later they multiplied... and they hurt a lot more. I looked it up already pretty much knowing what was wrong... I have the flu like symptoms and the sores. I told my boyfriend and he has never been tested but he gets occasional cold sores and Ive always been really careful not to let him...ya know... with one. Well we weren't very careful this time... Anyway I told him and we are both going to get tested. I am terrified to go though. My mother pays my medical things bc she is a nurse and gets better benefits if she claims me too. So if I go I am going to have to tell my mother... and That is scarier than facing a hungry tiger... So I dont know what to do. The pain isn't that bad but it certainly is not pleasant. How do I tell my mother? ps. my mom knows I am sexually active and I am usually very safe about it... my father on the other hand probably assumes but doesn't know for real...

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    Replies
    1. I don't think you have to pay for herpes testing. Go to a clinic your mother does not work at and just ask for testing on those sores. If you are the age of majority, the staff are not allowed to disclose your results with anyone (including your parents) without your request.

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  77. In reading your account it is crystal clear: John gave you herpes. The rough sex gave the virus an entry point, then the sores were starting to erupt before you had sex again. Once you had sex again and the area got sore, that was that. The initial outbreak is always the worst, and the symptoms you describe nail it. And that's why John played dumb and disappeared. He knew he had herpes, he knew he gave it to you, and he knew that if he admitted he gave it to you you could charge him with sexual assault. All this to say: Herpes is manageable. It says nothing about you as a human being. It's just another bug that you live with. The stigma placed on it by our society is far worse than the bug itself. Best of luck to you.

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  78. I was just diagnosed with herpes today. Worst news of my life. However.... I know it is not a death sentence... I wonder how much easier does it get emotionally? Will I ever have a meaningful relationship?

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  79. My ex boyfriend called me today and told me that he has herpes and that I gave it to him. I've been having sores "down there" for a while but I thought they were ingrown hairs because I shave. Now he's accusing me of being a slut and says that I ruined his life. I had no idea that I had this virus and I'm being tested for it next week to be sure. Has anyone else had this problem and how did you deal with it? (by the way, no other exes have herpes, I called them all today)

    Now my ex has gone completely psycho and is calling me 10 times a day and harassing me at work. He was a little nuts to begin with, that's why we broke up. He was in love with me, stalking me, and all. So now he's even worse! I'm talking to the police today if he comes by work again to see if I can get a restraining order against him. I have a four year old boy at home and I'm terrified of what my ex may do. I warned him yesterday that I would get him put in jail if he called me or bothered me again and he hung up on me. that's the last I've heard from him since last night so I'm hoping it got to his head. I called the last guy I slept with before Brett Gyllenskog and he said he got tested in August and came back clean so at least he's not infected.

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    Replies
    1. Hey well I have herpes ever since 2011 I was a senior in high school and I got with this guy at a club(which was a wrong thing to do)....my friends presented me to him at the club he liked me I liked him and a few months later we had sex and the day we had sex the next day I was infected....i was in so much pain I went to school cause I though I could handle the pain and when I felt it getting worse I skipped school and went to the doctor right away and when the doctor seen me she just told me it was herpes which I didn't know what it was I thought it was curable....and I let the guy that I had sex with know and he basically called me a slut in other words....and I told him that that he passed it on to me...and I ended up telling my mom only I was so depressed knowing that's it the rest of my life living with it.....back then drinking solved all my problems then I just started clubbing and just having fun with my girlfriends and living it up....and not thinking that I have herpes.....i just didn't think anything of it.......i deal with it by meeting new guys and just not having sexual intercourse just by talking to them and just getting to know them......if you ever find that one guy then he has to accept you the way you are.......and for what you have:))

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  80. If any teenager needs support dealing with a diagnoses of Herpes or Genital Warts, please contact me at

    Abbylane1111@gmail.com

    There is a secret facebook group with thousands of members for support. If I were you I would create a fake facebook account to protect your identity, you don't have to, but it is strongly suggested at first. When you email me I will get your information and send you an invite. Please spread the word, we are trying to let everyone, especially teenagers, with Herpes know that there is a support group on facebook.

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  81. Haha....you willingly and knowingly had unprotected sex with individuals confirmed to have herpes. Stay monogamous and don't spread your disease to others.

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  82. Healing from HIV-AIDS, i never taught wiseindividualspell@gmail.com who could ever get my HIV-AIDS cured with his healing spell, i have tried almost everything but i could’nt find any solution to my disease, despite all these happening to me, i always spend alot to buy a HIV drugs from hospital and taking some several medications but no relieve, until one day i was just browsing on the internet when i come across a great post of !Holly! who truly said that she was been diagnose with HIV and was healed that very week through the help of these great powerful healing spell doctor, sometime i really wonder why people called him dr zack balo, i never knew it was all because of the great and perfect work that he has been doing that is causing all this. so i quickly contacted him, and he ask me some few questions and he said a thing i will never forget that anyone who contacted him is ! always getting his or her healing in just 3 days after doing all he ask from me, so i was amazed all the time i heard that from him, so i did all things only to see that at the very day which he said i will be healed, all the strength that has left me before rush back and i becomes very strong and healthy,this disease almost kills my life, so i went to hospital to give the final test to the disease and the doctor said i am HIV negative, i am very amazed and happy about the healing dr.zack balo gave to me from the ancient part of africa, you can email him now for your own healing too at: wiseindividualspell@gmail.com thank you sir for healing me from HIV.

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  83. Based on what she wrote, she obviously got it from John and not Chris. That was the first outbreak, so it was definately from John. The outbreak happens within a week or two from the initial sexual contact, not months later. The person named John either ran away because he thought he didn't have it, or because he knew he had it and gave it to her...

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  84. You are not alone and its not the end of the worldkeep your head up

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  85. i blame this society that made it looks like the herpes is a very big deal. i still regret on the night what i made a decision to caused to happened to me having herpes but nothing wont change and the fact is i have it and now have to think how i deal with it. i lied to a guy who was very real and interested in me. i had been so happy being with this guy for the first time in 2 years.i once did have sex with him without condom when i feel that im having outbreak. i was unbelievable.i was very scared for him and i didnt want him to go though what ive been going through. it might be too late but i told him being lied that i recently got it by someone right after i met him and right before i slept with him. i never even have one night stand with anyone usually even before i got herpes. it was double horrible lies.i wanted him to take a test.i wanted to see if he was okay. he was behaving nice to me after i told my stories but of course it made his feeling changes. i and him is over.i felt so lonely and hopeless. also ive been blaming myself why ive never been honest with him from the first time ive met him.i gave him a crazy fear that he never even deserve to have. i just cant believe what i did. i would have almost ruin someones life. id been wanting to kill myself. luckily he didnt have it but he has to have a test again in 6 weeks to make sure. the fact he is over with me brought me back in the pain again but compared with what i did to him , my pain was nothing. i feel so bad to him every single seconds. this thing taught me a lot.i made a huge huge crazy mistakes that ive never even thought i would. i learnt. i want to say to people who has the same problem, dont even know how to deal with the pain of rejection and very scared of telling a person who you just met and want to be serious with about what we have. it is a part of us now. we need a person to know for sure. lie is the worst thing, that we can try 'not to make'.remember lie will never brings us to the best place. has it ever? no. it always mess things up and at the end,we always loose things, hurt everyone, hurt myself and regret like crazy. u never want any person you truly feel for going through the crazy fears that we have been through.
    now i think ppl who has herpes like me would be rejected by ppl obviously and im scared how many time i have to go through that. but thats the strong fact that we have to accept and wont be able to avoid. but also we might meet a person okay dealing with it or already have it.we will def be happier being with these guys. we just need to be honest and should make sure before something happens with the person before you feel attached for themselves and 'ourselves'. this whole thing what i have been dealing with made me think that telling people about it is easier than dealing with horrible lies and guilt. even tho i would be judged and rejected by a person even before a person get to know who i am just because of that.its def more horrible to making an amazing person face to the fear that they will never even deserves to .

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  86. My first outbreak of Herpes Simplex 2 was over 30 years ago from the same sex. Believe me when I say the pain was unbelievable. But that far back, the doctors didn't know what there were dealing with. I was in the hospital for a week. Treatments that were given me were I believe more painful than the Virus. Well now I am in my 60's and for the first time in my life I had 'Vigorous Sex' with a man. Not until almost 2 months later except for the sores did I have symptoms of the virus. I finally went to the doctor this past week and just got the results back as being positive. I feel exactly how Angela felt under the paragraph 'How did you feel when you found out?'. Her story and reading the comments of others is going to help me get through this. I have not told anyone about this, except my doctor. Thank you Angela for sharing your story.

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  87. Great blog....I am an "over 60" year old woman who has had a pretty varied past....had cold sores as a kid and never EVER had any Dr. tell me it could be an issue during sexual encounters! I have had numerous partners over the years....was married twice....have several grown children...and have never had any type of STD...until one day when my only partner of almost two years came to me and said he had a sore on his penis...! I remember thinking "must have been that intense sex we had last week!" Yes, youngsters, we old folks still manage to have great, intense SEX too! But it NEVER dawned on me that it was anything more than that!

    After a few days, however, the sore turned into a blister and he went to a Dr......where he was given a test for herpes....and in three days was told that indeed, he had "genital" herpes! It was about this time that I got one small lesion in my vaginal area....and went for testing as well. I was given a blood test (IgG) and it was determined that I have both types 1 and 2! And so the "blame game" began!

    Because neither of us had ever had any type of obvious signs of any STD in our previous lives....and because we both believed...and still believe....that we had been faithful during our two year relationship with each other.....the problem became HOW this could happen to us!? I was concerned that his testing process did not result in a clear "Type" indication....and requested he retest. This is where this story gets interesting.....are you listening? His test results came back to indicate that he only has Type 1......?! I researched and read everything I could find about testing....and again went to my Dr. for yet another test....which again came back the same...positive for both types! Although I have not had but the single lesion in my vaginal area..I did begin to have many breakouts on my face...on my fingers....on my back...across my hairline at the back of my head....around my jawline! I have taken the 10 day script of valacyclovir....and when the mini-breakouts occur I take a half dosage a day as directed by my Dr. There have been other warning signs in my recent past that could have indicated this issue...but because I believe all Dr's are so specialized NONE could piece them all together for a herpes diagnosis : tired, many aches and pains, tingling in fingers and legs, even a morning when vertigo took me over and I could not walk for a few hours!

    What we have found to be true is this : even our doctors and medical professionals do not agree on how to order tests that can help get information to best treat and assist you in this situation! And, that either one of us could have been carrying this virus for YEARS without ever having manifested an outbreak - until now.......so, this shows that ALL peoples across the world can be in the same situation! If we - as OLD folks could have breezed through our lives one being a Carrier....never manifesting or passing along to any other partners....ANYONE can do the same! Nobody is safe!!

    We have since broken up.....the stress of this was more than I could deal with even though I do not blame him.....and because he still has not tested positive for the Type 2 virus, he stands a chance of contracting it from me were we to now be sexual again! I am still unsure if any of any of the tests are right.....but the reality is that now that I have become aware that I carry both antibodies....I must deal with this for the rest of my life! I have always been a sexual-being.....never believing that I had to take many precautions save a condom now and then......or be afraid to be open or loving! I have been a successful businesswoman ...am a mother and grandmother and great grandmother.....and I believe I wasn't any more....or any less.....promiscuous along my life path than most people are! To look at me now you would see a youngish-60 plus lady with a perky smile and smallish figure who loves life and carries at this point a virus that can be shared through sexual contact!

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