This post is brought to you by Mondays that don’t suck, a clean break room, the letter G, and Gracie Miller.
If overheard conversations are any sort of measurement, many of us are suffering from is-this-it-itus.
In the last month, I’ve eavesdropped on at least five sets of friends discussing the fact that they
a) hate their jobs
b) thought they’d be happier once they got that raise/promotion/corner office
c) aren’t quite sure how they ended up with this career but it feels too hard to change now
Are you grimacing in self-recognition? Were you the cute brunette sitting in the corner at the Caribou Coffee in Richfield talking about your total lack of job satisfaction?
The good news is you’re not alone and help is available in the form of Gracie Miller.
Gracie helps people figure out what they really want, leave jobs they hate, and find jobs they love – whether in person or over the phone.
While I’m in Costa Rica (you can follow along here), I’ve asked some of my favorite internet-ers to take over Web Time Wasters!
Hey all! I’m Jocelyn Mathewes, a mixed-media fine artist working out of the Appalachian Mountains of east Tennessee. You can see my studio & how I make my work by joining me on Instagram. I’ve got some fun things to look at and listen to for you, so here we go!
Scientists are exploring the neurological link between motherhood & creativity: “Creativity requires making unusual connections. At its core, Jung said, creativity is original problem solving… In this period of extreme pressure, when mothers are going through massive changes in their bodies, diets, and hormones,” Jung hypothesized, “that is when creativity should emerge as a highly adaptive reasoning process.”
Sufjan Stevens asks artists & musicians to think carefully about their work: “…now it’s important for artists and musicians to stop and take stock of what we’re saying and doing, and how we’re living. Does it measure up? Is it substantial? Does it matter? Is it meaningful? Whether I like it or not, my role is to communicate my beliefs, my convictions, my stories, and my own personal narrative to a listener. There’s a responsibility in that mode of communication. I can no longer be frivolous about what I say, and what I sing, and how I speak.”
While I’m in Costa Rica (follow along here), I brought in some expert help for the Sunday link shift!
Hi! I’m Beth. I’m an artist, avid crocheter, and expert napper. I am also an Insomnia & Stress Management Coach. I help women find natural and practical solutions for insomnia and bedtime anxiety. I also talk A LOT about being cozy, making your bedroom your favorite place, and taking time for self-care.
My new CALM+COZY Podcast is educational and somewhat entertaining, so I’m told. So is my Better Sleep Blog. You can download my helpful DIY Guide to Insomnia Relief HERE (along with my other sleep freebies.)
Tiffany and I are halfway through our workshop about goal-setting, nattering along at full-speed, when I see the question pop up in the chat box. “All of this is super helpful! But what if I don’t really know how to choose a goal? How do I even figure out where to start?”
That’s the rub, isn’t it? All the habit-making, goal-achieving advice in the world won’t help if you, uh, can’t figure out what goal to go after. And it certainly won’t help if you choose a goal you’re bored with or ambivalent about. I don’t want that for you!
3 questions that will help you choose a goal you’re excited about + will actually stick with
My friends Dave and Libby on their wedding day. Aren’t they painfully good-looking?!
Tell us a bit about yourself!
My name is Dave Holden (née Hendricks) and I’m originally from the Northern Minnesota Iron Range and grew up in the northwest suburbs of Minneapolis.
I’ve lived in the city proper for the last five years and spend my free time running around the lakes, crafting unnecessarily elaborate goofs with friends, and injuring myself on a bike year-round. I am 38, but with the impulsiveness and risk assessment of a much younger and dumber person.
What’s your wife like?
She is the most wonderful person I’d ever met. She is warm and kind and instantly makes anyone she meets feel like the most important person in the room. If you have a “How stunningly gorgeous my partner is…” series, I could fill several entries. She points out every dog to me and packs band aids and granola bars everywhere we go because I am almost always hungry and always always clumsy.
We met through a group of kickball friends in a manner that she loves to tell and that horrifies and embarrasses me to this day. She and her roommate were hosting a barbecue and I tagged along with some friends.
The communal punch was generously spiked yet delicious and our initial meeting involved me crashing through her kitchen and inadvertently rearranging every fixture in the bathroom. I escaped with my dignity nowhere to be seen.
Later, I delivered a basket of flowers with a Target gift card attached to cover the damages and an I.O.U. guaranteeing “One free haymaker to my embarrassed jaw in the unlikely event you can ever find it in public again, because I am mortified.”
Later on, we had whiskey floats on a park bench where we tried to one up each other with dating disaster stories, not knowing that our previous encounter would be one some day. Shortly thereafter, I held her hand at a Gopher game and haven’t let go since.
Growing up, how did you think about marriage, family, etc?
My parents divorced when I was nine and there was a lot of fighting and the occasional violence. It gave me less of a blueprint for marriage and more of a model of what to definitely avoid.
My mother kept her married name, so I just assumed that the maiden name was something discarded during the wedding ceremony and never got back, sort of like a snakeskin. Did I mention I was nine?
When did you guys start talking about The Last Name Situation?
It was something we had thrown about after the engagement, but didn’t really discuss seriously until the marriage license was in front of us. Anyone that has planned a wedding knows how deadlines can sneak up on you and our license was due very soon.
I threw out the idea of taking Holden as a last name and there wasn’t a downside to it that we could think of. The only hurdle left was asking her father.
What made you decide to change your last to Libby’s – rather than hyphenating, creating a totally new last name, etc?
We did briefly discuss creating a new name! The combination of Holden and Hendricks affords us two options: Hendren, which I didn’t like at all, and Holdicks, which we disagreed on strongly not because of the phallic, yet hilarious nature of it, but the number of D’s in it.
I insist that it is one D and my wife thinks it is two. Two D’s is for words like Haddock and would make the joke way too on the nose. Though one D does not make it subtle, I could still keep a straight face with Dave Holdicks on a business card.
But ultimately, we wanted to make sure the right name would be passed on to our children. The name Holden is on scholarships and non-profit boards. Hendricks doesn’t open any doors for our kids and might actually close some in the wrong circles. The wrong circles being a certain American Legion bar in northern Minnesota.
How did your families react when you told them about your decision?
My father in law was a little skeptical at first as he is rigid in his ways and steadfastly traditional. My wife and her two other sisters were not given middle names at birth; it was expected that they would take their husband’s name as their last and make Holden their middle name.
Much like I had to ask his permission to take her hand in marriage, I was expected to do the same for the name.
He was more open to it after my wonderful wife told him that, in solidarity, she would be changing her middle name from <blank> to her Grandmother’s name of Harriet.
My father is the only remaining Hendricks and I have been estranged from him for some time. He won’t be happy that the name dies with him, but the picture of him clutching pearls and retiring to the fainting couch over it only brings me joy.
Can you walk us through the process of changing your name?
The first step is to change your Social Security registration. There is exactly one place in the Twin Cities to get it done and it had three heavily armed United States Army soldiers and a TSA-style metal detector. They insisted that no matter what was in my backpack, I couldn’t bring it in, even when I said it was just Slim Jims and cold cuts for my ‘nitrate cleanse’.
Two and a half hours, forty eight numbers called, and sixteen sudokus later, I was seated in front of an interview counter with a handmade sharpie sign reading “Don’t change diaper here!” The clerk was very polite and everything was done in just a few more minutes.
The second step is driver’s license or state ID and can be done at any old DMV. I lucked out and was able to get the same clerk that we filed for a marriage license with. She was very excited for us and I filled her in on all the wedding details.
Steps three through eight hundred are every bill you receive, every banking institution, every credit card, every website, and every passport (Looking at you, Carmen Sandiego).
How frequently do you accidentally introduce yourself by your old name? Or accidentally sign your old name?
Zero times! The process has confused a lot of my professional contacts, though. The one monogrammed item of clothing I have doesn’t even need to change!
What surprised you about this process?
I work in IT so this shouldn’t have surprised me, but all of the good gmail addresses are already taken. Especially the one with your new, more common name
It also surprises me that more people don’t do this. If the groom’s name is Weinerbachen and the bride is Kennedy, it seems like a no-brainer.
What did you learn from this that ANY of us could apply to our daily lives?
The reaction I have received from women has been an almost universal “That’s great!” and the reaction from men is a “Well, I’ve never heard of that” (And a “Harumph” added in if they are a Baby Boomer).
That it’s such a given that women will take their husband’s name strikes me as a relic of a dowry era and has caused me to reevaluate more ingrained gender roles we ascribe to merely since it has always been that way. Like the phrase ‘maiden name’ can we change that one, too?
Thanks so much for sharing your story, Dave! Do you guys have any questions for him? Did you and your spouse do anything interesting with your last names? Kenny and I both kept our original last names because a) we’re lazy b) Von Bargen is an EXCELLENT last name.
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