This guest post comes to us via the lovely and talented Medicinal Marzipan. She writes about body, beauty and self love on the regular. Pop over and say hello!
Letting go of friendships is never, ever easy. And this is something that can be a problem, especially if you are a people-pleaser like me. There was a time in my life where I was so timid and socially anxious that my friend choices were, perhaps, not what they should have been.
Regardless! The reality is this: You have to put yourself first.
You probably have scores of awesome friends, great co-workers, perhaps an awesome girlfriend/boyfriend/occasional “friend”, family of some sorts, and by piecing all of those together you can create a pretty phenomenal support network.
However, when you have someone in your life who is a constant drain of energy, who is more interested in who they think you are than who you want to be, and who you find yourself spending more time on than you have to spend on yourself – You need to make a change.
Signs That A Relationship That May Have Run Its Course:
- Have you evolved? Are your interests different, and the things that excited you changing? Is there someone in your life who refuses to accept it, or makes fun of you for your new behavior?
- Do you feel like you are exerting far more effort into your relationship than someone else is? Is this causing you undue stress?
- Do you hang out with someone just because you feel badly for them, even though you aren’t really friends? Does your guilt make you feel like you have to go out of your way for this person, even though you don’t like them?
- Are you friends with someone just because you are somehow benefitted by their friendship? Ie. they have things that you want, or get you tickets to all the best shows, or invites to the coolest parties, but you don’t really like them for who they are?
- Does your friend make you feel badly about yourself?
How to Nicely (But Firmly) Walk Away From A Relationship That No Longer Serves You:
- Make sure that this is really what you want. Are you in a slump? Does everything look bad right now – not just your friendships? Have you talked to this friend, brought their behavior to light, or told them that you’re unhappy? Yes? It hasn’t worked? Proceed to the next point.
- Be honest. You are awesome and strong and worth loving, right? Right. You need to act that way, and stand up for yourself if a relationship is no longer working for you. Now: being honest can be the absolute hardest thing possible, but this is a difficult subject and making excuses will not help you in the long run.
- Be nice. Presumably you loved this person at one point in your life – for whatever reason. Even if they are torturing you within an inch of your life now, likely they don’t even know that you’re doing it, so be NICE when you are honestly breaking up with them.
- Be real – with yourself. Make sure that it is your friend that is toxic and that they are not just mirroring your toxicity back to you. If its not them, and it is in fact you – you’re reading the wrong post. Learn how to love yourself and become the most amazing person in the room.
- Consider taking a break, and not going for the whole enchilada break up. Maybe you just need some space to breathe and reassess your relationship.
Now, I am all about finding awesome friends and building amazing relationships. This advice is purely for people whom you’ve outgrown and are making your life sad/negative/hard/painful. You’re worth the very best!
Is this a problem in your life? How do you deal with it? Do you have any tips for walking away from these types of friendships?