Monday, April 16, 2012

True Story: I'm An Online Dominatrix


This is one of many True Story interviews in which we talk to people who have experienced interesting, amazing, challenging things.  This is the story of Sophia and her work as an online dominatrix.  I realize this is a job that many readers might take issue with.  Please keep your comments respectful and productive.  We all know how to disagree without being a-holes, riiiiight?

Tell us a bit about yourself!
I am originally from London, my age is none of your goddamn business and for fun I enjoy travel, photography, burlesque, shopping and clubbing.

I very, very much like to travel and frequently do so for extended periods of time, as much as a year or more on some journeys! I recently spent over a year traveling throughout
India, Thailand and Malaysia.  It was magnificent.

How did you end up in this line of work?
I'm an online financial dominatrix. Essentially, this means that, through various means, I convince men I have never met to give me money and gifts.

I got into it through a photographer I had worked with and who I began dating. He had a bit of an interesting fantasy life - he fantasized about being hypnotized and controlled and dominated by women. He very much projected these fantasies onto me, and as a performer and model already, as well as an outgoing and ambitious woman, it was an easy role for me to fall into.

This worked out particularly well for him, because as he revealed to me, he had been chatting online with various women and engaging in different sorts of sexual activities with them (from simple chatting to Skype calls) all of which eventually involved him paying the women money in exchange for them satisfying his hypnosis or submission fantasies.
Anyway, my photographer boyfriend realized that since other women were doing this online dominatrix thing, that I (or really we) could do it as well. So he set up a website, a blog, a Youtube account, a Paypal account, basically an entire linked-up network whereby clients could be attracted in and provided with a product, for which they would pay us, generally via Paypal or Amazon gift card.

What sorts of services do you offer?  And how much do you charge?
Forgive me for what will surely sound like outrageous arrogance, but I am considered an extremely attractive woman and using photographs and videos of myself it was easy to attract attention online.

For example, If you post a video to Youtube and you tag it with “erotic hypnosis” or “domination” men who are searching WILL find your video. That's consistent across the internet - if you put something out there that someone is looking for, eventually they WILL find it.

Having my blog and Youtube account and all that linked together allowed men seeking online domination to see photographs and videos of me and I started to get emails and chat requests immediately from men who wanted to “serve” and “follow” me and be my “slave.” I would simply tell them if they wanted to serve me, they had to pay me money or send me gifts. My Paypal information was always readily displayed I kept an Amazon wish list from which men could buy me gifts.

I would generally chat for a little while with a man, using Yahoo Messenger, and after a while I would demand he “make an offering” to me or he wouldn’t get to spend any more time online with me or see more photographs or videos of me. About 50% of the men dropped off without making a payment, but the other 50% would make a payment, the majority using the Amazon wish list to give me gift cards in various amounts but many using Paypal as well.

I never asked for specific amounts of money or gifts, other than once for a new digital camera which I did receive from several men who went in on it as a group gift, if you can imagine it! I always told the men to use their best judgement about how much to give, and I have received as little as $10 and as much as $1000 in single “offerings.”
  A realistic yearly total would be about $30,000. Not exactly getting rich, but not bad considering it’s not my sole source of income.

I have never met any of the men in person, I have never shown ANY nude photographs or videos of me, really,  I’ve scarcely done anything at all. The key is, the LESS you do, the MORE the men like it. They enjoy being all but ignored and being treated poorly, and they revel in the chance to impress a woman, even an anonymous online woman, by buying her gifts. I generally don’t even have to verbally abuse them in stereotypical dominatrix fashion, I’ve found that just by acting like I’m too good for them and far above them socially and so on that they are eager to prove me wrong, usually by giving me presents.

I’ve found that in this business, less truly is more. Because I tell them so little, show them so little, and interact with them so little, they’re forced to fill in the blanks about me with their own minds. So of course they use their imaginations to paint my picture the way they most want it to look, which plays right into my hands.

It’s devious I know, but there it is.

What are your clients like?
Most are white men, 25-55. They have strong sexual fantasies about being hypnotized or controlled by women. They are probably not socially doing all that great and want to impress women through gifts. Some want to dress up in Little Bo Peep costumes and the like; some are just lonely men who want the attention of a beautiful woman.

Most are totally clueless about anonymity and make little or no attempt to hide their real identities. Some actually converse with me via their work email addresses, which is insane if you ask me.

Are the people in your life aware of your work? 
For the most part the people in my life are not aware of my work, they would NOT approve.

Has your work affected your personal life at all?
It’s a very personal thing, this. This whole thing grew out of my boyfriend’s sexual fantasies and it has made me extremely conscious of the power that women have over men, including lovers, friends and even family.

It’s also made me think a lot about what constitutes cruelty to another person, and about whether or not you should do something injurious to someone, even if they beg you to. It’s not like I’m literally lashing men with a whip, but taking their money can be just as painful and that’s something that needs to be considered.

It’s all very complicated, far more than I can really do justice to here. But you get the idea!


Any (respectful!) questions for Sophia?


40 comments

  1. Wow, this is a very similar story to mine. Ive been an online "FinDomme" - which is the name for a Financial Dominatrix since 2006. Ive since branched out into real time domination but I would like to point out that there is still a lot of information about this fetish left out of this interview.

    People need to understand that FinDom is a FETISH. Men become aroused at spending money on attractive dominant women. They are either aroused by the act of spending money or by the humiliation felt by being so easily manipulated into having their money taken.

    It is more often than not CONSENSUAL. However, I get asked to blackmail men ALL.THE.TIME. Which is something that I do NOT do because of ethics and legalities and honestly, its too much work and doesnt sit well with me. Im not out to destroy anyones lives but I do enjoy being spoiled with gifts and money.

    the other thing to note is that interviews like these make many, many girls think its easy and in the past 6 or 7 years I have seen literally thousands of girls jumping on the Findom train looking for a quick buck which has in turn spoiled the scene both for the REAL FinDommes and the real financial slavery fetishists. There are so many fakes out there trying to get money for nothing its ridiculous.

    Also, Paypal do not condone adult transactions and WILL shut down your account and keep whatever money is in there for 90 days.

    I have seen some extremely successful FinDommes in my day, who make hundreds of thousands a year seducing money out of weak men who love to be seduced, humiliated and extorted. Yes, these men love it and there wouldnt be a market for it if it wasnt so.

    Same as strip clubs, they wouldnt exist if men werent willing to pay for a bit of attention.

    There is a deep psychology behind these kinds of businesses. At the end of the day, men will pay for female attention in whatever form and thats why I can never understand why some women give so much away for free...

    Anyway, there is a difference between an online dominatrix and an online financial dominatrix. Financial Domination is a very specified niche fetish and is not for everyone, wether Domme or male.

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  2. that was so interesting!
    i've never even heard of this

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  3. Sarah, thanks for posting such an interesting interview!

    I would be interested to know how Sophia protects herself online. I imagine that there are some people out there who would not take kindly to what Sophia does and I would like to hear how she maintains her offline anonymity, or if any of her clients have tried to take things too far.

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  4. I found this a really interesting read. I can understand why Sophia would want to keep her online identity secret from her family and friends, but wonder if she is ever scared they will somehow stumble upon an image or video of her? I guess my question is quite similar to Claudia's, but I'm intrigued how this does or doesn't bleed out into her 'everyday' life.

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  5. Wow, I have never even heard of a financial dominatrix. I guess there really is a market out there for just about every fantasy and fetish!

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  6. Fascinating! I, too, am wondering about your personal safety measures - if there are photos of your face on your site, have you yet encountered people who decide to take it too far?

    Thanks for sharing. I love this series, it's like 'This American Life' on a time-budget!

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  7. Very very interesting! I love reading about stuff like this. It's so illuminating. And I totally agree with Jenny that it's a lot like This American Life on a time-budget!

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  8. Interesting. Definitely does not sit right with me ethically. Devious indeed.

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  9. Wow, i had never even heard of this before! Shows how innocent i am i guess haha :P I honestly can't believe that men would actually do this! It seems sort of ridiculous to spend so much money on someone you have never met!

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  10. I never knew about this. Man... I would probably do this and also run a blog and just live the ultimate lifestyle, lol. This is a sweet gig!

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  11. Hello, hope I am not hijacking my own interview! I should say in my own defense, most of the boys I work with and who pay me are VERY satisfied customers. So while things may seem a bit devious, I do provide a service that makes my clients happy and keeps them coming back for more. Regarding safety, I am very careful about what clients I take on and am diligent about maintaining privacy and the secrecy of my personal information. Protecting oneself online requires a fair amount of effort, but it's effective if done properly. And since most of my clients need to maintain their own privacy, there is generally mutual discretion involved and that helps keep problems to a minimum. I have not had many instances of this bleeding into my “real life,” although I must confess I do have a few boys I work with in person. Again, I am careful to maintain my privacy as much as I can, and they seem extremely satisfied so I am not too worried about it. If my family were ever to truly discover what I do, it would not be viewed favorably, but we would weather the storm. I am happy to answer more questions if anyone is interested, my contact information is available through the my blog, which is linked to above. Thanks!

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    Replies
    1. I love you blogs and I'm sure your videos are amazing. Is there any way to view them without paying right away?

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  12. Heck yeah I would so do this if I knew where to start at... & I know my husband would let me afterall its on line.. You Go girl...

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  13. do you have to show your face?

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  14. This seems fascinating. You are truly fulfilling a need for many men, in other words, there is a gap in the market for your service. Good on you girl, keep up the good work.

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  15. I would like to know who hosts adult websites and I would like to know if there are any free webhosts outthere?

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  16. I have been an online findomme since 2005. It has been my sole source of income for the most part. Sometimes I do some porn shoots, and some extreme fetish shoots. I have branched out last year and started doing real time domination sessions as well. I show my face but I wear a wig. I love what I do. I also have 1 live in "Slave" as they are called. and looking for 2 more. ;)

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    Replies
    1. hi would love to be a slave msg me on 07507663309 if your interested

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  17. Hello, First off I'm new to this lifestyle. Would it be ok to request a gift list via e-mail to a dominatrix that you had a session with and plan to see again. Or is it better to go out and purchase something you think she might like. And the final scenario is to wait and ask her in person for a list of her wants/desires? I just want to show some appreciation above and beyond the required tribute (She is amazing)!

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  18. I Can't Find Any Slaves at all.

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    1. oh.. we are out there waiting. i have served various ladies over the years. There are some odd people in the fin domme world, but enough genuine ones too if you look. Its nothing new, howvever, it has been around for over ten years certainly.

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  19. Very interesting article and one I can relate to as I have also been an online dominatrix for several years!

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  20. To add a new and possibly bizarre dimension to this topic, i have had a similar setup online for over a year now, with a twist, i'm not female.
    Its a transvestite fin-dom website, hugely fetish orientated and very popular with european and asian males; some gay, some straight (ironically like myself, i'm happily married and my wife is the techno guru behind the website).
    Its very profitable, amusing, truly vulgar at times and if i'm brutally honest, i have no feelings of guilt, the paypigs (as i call them) love the experience of humiliation, chastity/tease and total domination and willingly pay for it.
    My advice to anyone entering this 'business' is to always look good (fortunes have been spent on rubberwear) and never let slip on attitude.
    I do hope i am not held in negative regard posting this but male fin-dom does exist and there is plenty of demand for it.

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  21. This is something I would love to do. I have always wanted to be a findommo. Would love info on how to go about it in a safe way.

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  22. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

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  23. I have also recently got into the fin domme role but would like some reccomendations on how i can improve on my profile and advertise myself so to speak and how to protect my identity and safety?

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  25. Spot on with this wrіte-up, I ѕerіοuslу belіevе that thiѕ web site needs a lot more attentiοn.
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  26. Hmm I have a real life pay piggy but I never thought about expanding online market.

    Do you just Skype humiliation sessions?

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  27. I have been a dome and fiscal queen professionally since the 90's. However, I have been this way my entire life. Both my mother and my grandmothers are also this way. It is in my blood. And I am awesome at what I do. Being gorgeous certainly does not hurt my situation. I have been flown all over the world and even though I do not need the money. (this is NOT my profession) I am wayyyy too driven and intelligent for that! I make more money just from the fiscal dominance than most do at their regular respective jobs. Not bad for a side gig eh? I actually cannot live without it. I crave it. Which is why I am so good at what I do.

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  28. Replies
    1. yes it is legal as long as there is no sex involved

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  29. This is really interesting. I was actually researching how to enter the business online which is how I came across your article. Any tips or directives for women who who wish to enter the businesses online?

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  30. this is all very interesting but how does this help me? I need physical contact have been down the internet road and it did nothing for me. I met some people online but nothing came out of it it was all the same chit chat. I did learn what not to say or do to a dominatrix. I have not had my needs met and cannot find anyone to train me or teach me the ropes

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  32. is there anyone who can point me in the right direction to find someone willing to teach me in the northeastern United States without charging money

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  33. so -bossing men about and taking their money doesn't come naturally, but you want to lean it?
    And you don;t want to pay .. lol... can you see the irony?

    but you don't need anyone local. you can lean online,
    i could teach you
    and yes.. for free
    why not get in touch

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    Replies
    1. I would very much enjoy talking with you.
      I am Shel
      what is your email Pat?

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  34. where do I go to meet women who need to be served and fulfill my need to serve a dominatrix?

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  35. Fascinating how naive some people are, like asking for free advice, free attention. Don't think this is as easy as it sounds. It is a real challenge to pull off and requires a very strong-minded person to weild power over others. It's also much like being a sex therapist or a shrink. Anyone who doesn't have that confidence and will power may find it can be dangerous too.
    If there is no actual sex then it is not technically prostitution. But it is certainly a variation of the oldest profession. As for women using their erotic power to gain advantage over those who worship them -that's been around since the beginniong of time. It's one of the reasons that male-dominant societies have emerged, the vulnerability of the physically stronger but emotionally weaker male trying to protect itself from the power of the female. The interaction or switching up/down of power between people, including erotic power, is an essential part of human interaction.
    If someone willingly gives another person money, it is technically a gift. The fact that it feels like a kind of extortion is part of the fantasy, or play.
    Many men (and women) who long to be dominated, are in fact very successful, sometimes wealthy, often over-confident in their normal lives, which is why the lure of engaging their inner dark side is perhaps so compelling. Role reversal. Powerful people often have inner secret weaknesses and vulnerabilities that they long to grapple with.
    How do I know anything about this? Lol... guess.

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