How To Hustle Like A Gangsta' - Networking with Substance, Style + Soul (part 1)

My fantastic friend Alex recently left her cushy office job to brave the world of freelance. Girlfriend is only 25 and she's totally making it happen! She's working with big name clients, interviewing amazing bloggers and finding time to for trips to LA and Hawaii now that her schedule is her own. Here she tells us how she learned to network like a pro!

You’ve seen her — the woman who sails effortlessly through the office holiday party, casually handing out business cards with that corporate-yet-cool je ne sais quoi.

You know him — the man who deftly turns every encounter into a fully-loaded professional jam session.

Admit it — you’re jealous. You should be. These people have mastered the art of networking.

Chalk it up to self-consciousness, shyness or good old-fashioned humility — most people struggle with self-promotion. I used to be one of ‘em. Until I decided to quit my cubicle job and go freelance. Nothing like a hard and fast deadline to force-feed the networking furnace!

Over the past six months, I’ve put myself through networking bootcamp: I hired a career coach. I created a Twitter account. I built a portfolio site. I interviewed entrepreneurial masterminds. I said “yes” to every lunch and coffee date that came my way. I e-mail blasted. I visualized. I prayed.

I learned a few things.

1. Desperation is a turn-off.
Think about the word “networking.” What comes to mind? Sleazy, scummy cocktail parties? Awkward “so-what-do-you-do?” interrogations? Soulless social climbing? Throw all that shit away. That’s ugly networking. That type of networking stems from a place of thinly-veiled desperation. We’re not doing that no mo’. No sir. No ma’am.

Let’s replace the word “networking” with something less icky. I call it “hustling,” because I like to pretend I’m a rapper / gangsta’. You might choose “mingling,” “circulating,” “connecting,” “consorting,” “touchstoning,” “corporate flirting” or “intentional socializing.”

The Crux: To avoid the stale reek of desperation, shift your core intention from “who’s gonna hire me today?” to “who can I connect with today?”

2. People respond to radiance.
Sincerity, authenticity, confidence. Lather, rinse, repeat. When you brag and inflate your achievements, you feel nervous — and worse, you deserve to feel nervous. As entrepreneurial high-priestess Danielle LaPorte says, “radiate and state the facts, Jack.”

The Crux: Don’t boast and bluff, but don’t diminish your accomplishments, either. Just tell the truth. Smile. And let ‘em soak in your refreshing realness.

3. It’s not necessary to be “well-rounded.”
The art of hustling takes many forms — the casual lunch meeting, the crystalline cover letters, the targeted phone call, the hallway conversation, the thoughtful muffin basket — and you don’t have to master all of them. What a relief, eh?

If you’re a Internet celebrity with five billion followers hanging on your every tweet, revel in that reality! If you can’t write a decent cover letter to save your life but rock the mic like a pro-rapper, dig into that truth. If you freeze in group settings but mesmerize in one-on-one meetings, maximize that skill.

The Crux: Zero in on the types of hustling that feel effortless — those will be the most effective. As for the others? Meh. Skip ‘em. Or hire a personal branding butler.

4. Be cruel to yourself — temporarily.
Professional gymnasts videotape their routines and critically examine them for flaws. Models spend hours in front of the mirror finding the best angles for their faces. Writers submit their manuscripts to eagle-eyed editors. It’s not about nit-picking — it’s about progress. If you really want to improve your self-presentation, you must become hyper self-aware — at least temporarily.

The Crux: Record your voice. Photograph your outfits. Make a video of yourself talking, walking and gawking. Become your own eagle-eyed editor.

5. Be kind to yourself — always.
Story time, kids! Not long ago, I had a critical interview with a marketing agency that I was dying to work for. I planned my outfit days in advance, printed out directions from GoogleMaps and MapQuest, and allowed myself an extra hour of driving time — just to be safe. Nothing could go wrong!

Guess what? Two blocks away from the agency, I took a wrong turn and wound up in a labyrinthian warehouse district. Horrifically lost, I frantically pounded the icy pavement in 4-inch heels for half an hour, missed my interview, and wound up sobbing in a pizzeria.

I could’ve descended into a pit of self-loathing — and I did. For exactly ten minutes. Then I forgave myself, called a friend, got some lentil soup and forced myself to laugh at my follies. The next day, I emailed my contact at the agency to firmly apologize and request a new appointment. I’ve been working for them ever since.

The Crux: if you blow a big interview, spill red wine on the CEO’s white mink tapestry, or erroneously congratulate a prospective client on her (non-existent) pregnancy, give yourself a break. It’s one day. It’s one mistake. Your overall track record is what matters — not one flub, however horrific.

Stay tuned for Part 2 tomorrow!

How do you network? Are you good at it? Any tips to share?