5 Things You Should Say To Your Partner Today (+ 5 things you shouldn’t)

things you should say to your partner

The Naked Redhead is laugh-out-loud funny on the regular. And that’s not a compliment that I throw around lightly! How lucky are we that she wrote this guest post?

Having been, shall we say, “around the block” when it comes to relationships, I have learned the words and phrases that can strengthen a relationship and those that can damage individuals beyond repair.

5 things you should say to your partner today:

1. “I love you.”
This is always nice to hear, even if it’s just once a day. Naturally, if you get all Edward and Bella you might turn from “partner” to “stalker”, but hey, “I love you” is just nice.

2. “I like your face.”
My nephew once said this to my mom (he was four, I think) and she’s never forgotten it. Tell your partner what you like about them on a regular basis. If you can’t think of something…uh, don’t be a jerk. Think of something, or move on.

3. “Go have fun with your friends!”
Every couple needs time away from each other. Don’t begrudge your partner this time away from you.

4. “You can always make me laugh/feel better.”
Acknowledge your partner’s efforts, even if this “effort” involves a naked dance and the invitation to give you a “Roman Helmet”. Also: if your partner can’t actually make you laugh or feel better – why are you with them?

5. “I think you’re swell/I believe in you/You can do it!”
Encourage your partner, even if you’re not sure they’ll be completely successful. We all screw up, and we all attempt to do things that maybe won’t necessarily work. Be supportive…unless your partner is like, “Hey, I’m gonna try an ‘open relationship’…you can participate if you’d like.” Then kick him or her in the no-no and find someone else.

5 things you shouldn’t say to your partner. (No, not ever.)

1. “I don’t love you anymore.”
No one ever wants to hear this phrase. Think of something better to say, like, “This isn’t going to work,” or, “Our relationship is over.” Seriously, there is not much worse than having the ole “L” word reversed on you.

2. “My mom/dad/brother/sister/friend/old lover does that so much better than you.”
This is just a real jerkface thing to say in a non-jesting manner. Obviously, some people do things better than others, but there is no sense in comparing your lover to your mom. (Besides the fact that it’s icky…)

3. “Shut up.”
My parents never allowed us to say this to each other as a family. I used to think it was dumb, but now that I’m older, I know that when this phrase is said in anger it means, “I think what you have to say is worthless,” which is almost as bad as “I don’t love you anymore.”

4. “I wish you were more like _________.”
Again, in the real world, your partner is not going to be everything you need all the time. This is what friends (and vibrators) are for. So get over his or her faults, and work on your own. Usually, your good example will inspire the other person to be better.

5. (Any sort of degrading name that your mother would smack you in the mouth for.)
For instance, it can be funny for a girl to call her friends “bitches” but don’t call your girlfriend a “bitch.” That’s a really mean thing to do, a-hole. I don’t recommend it.

What are some of the sweet things you and your partner say to each other? Are there any words or phrases that are ‘off limits’? 

P.S. How to get the love life you want + Surprising marriage advice … from divorced people.

photo by wyman h // cc

18 Comments

Kathleen

We're not allowed to use the "D" (divorce) word, ever! I don't care how mad, sad, unhappy you are. And we've been married for 22 years.

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ellie

These are so funny and true! And I didn't know that other people used the term Jerk-Face! that's my husband and I's favorite excuse for a derrogatory term for each other! For example "you're being a real jerk-face lately!" or "that was a really jerk-face comment" amazing to hear someone else use it…

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Rebel Mel

My man and I always say 'i like your face' and a couple months ago we discussed how stupid telling someone to shut up is, and how mad it would make us. We don't ever say it, and up until now we still haven't argued.

Were also big believers in saying 'i love you' whenever there's a chance 🙂

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Diana

I call my boyfriend dumb quite a lot, but it's said in a loving way, so I think it's ok. And I'm a big fan of telling him that I love him daily, so it evens out.

I tell him quite often too how lucky I am and how much I appreciate everything he does. I do think those things are nice to hear.

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Danielle

Every night before bed, no matter how tired or busy we've been, we always lay down, give eachother a kiss, and say "see you in the morning." It might seem stupid to others, but I look forward to it after a bad day…it's nice being on the same wavelength as someone for a bit.

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somewhere else

the best compliment I've ever been given was after pouring my heart out to a frined about all my weird relationship-commitment-rejection-fear issues-
he looked at me and said 'I like the mess in your head'

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Miss Peregrin

I completely agree! Everyone could do with saying these things more (or less) to their partners. I think sometimes we forget just how special they are.

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Em

I completely agree with the "never say shut up" rule. I still remember the time my former partner told me to shut up (and we had a good loving relationship overall, it was just a slip-up in a moment of anger). It's funny how I remember that, but kind of forget a lot of the millions of nice things he said to me.

Words really can hurt, and it seems like the negative ones stick in your memory a lot longer than the positive ones.

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fallingthroughyourclothes

I love this whole post.
You have to have friends and interests outside your relationship. Otherwise you stop bringing YOU to the relationship. Eventually you are only US. It sounds great but gets boring.

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Kathy

Instead of saying I look good in an outfit, my husband tells me I make an outfit look good. What a difference choice and placement of words make. We now tell our daughter this all the time.

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Annabel

This is such a great post, and so true. Shut up is definitely a no-no, and also any swearing at the other person. In a moment of anger i told my husband he was being a 'sissy' and that did not go over well. Luckily i knew how to say sorry and i think that should be added to the list of things you should say. We all make mistakes in relationships and an apology goes a long way.

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Jackie

I definitely agree about the name-calling, even if it's "affectionate." One thing that hurt me pretty bad was "I love you, but I'm not IN love with you."

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Anonymous

One absolute rule for us: jokes about leaving are forbidden. No matter how silly they may seem.

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