Dear New Zealanders, May I Visit Your Marae?

I've only got two weeks left in New Zealand and I have yet to cross 'Visit a marae' off my all-important 32 New Things list!  Perish the the thought.

If you're not a Kiwi, you probably wouldn't know that a marae is a "is a communal or sacred place which serves religious and social purposes in Polynesian societies."  There are plenty of tourist-oriented marae visits in New Zealand, in which I'd pile off of a bus with a bunch of other foreigners and watch a staged presentation. There's even a marae tucked into the campus of my alma mater, The University of Victoria. But!  I'd love to visit a  marae with an actual New Zealander who knows about it first hand - and without 20 other backpackers.

So!  If you'd be willing to show me around your marae and you live within two hours of Wellington, would you be so kind as to drop me a line at sarah (at) yesandyes (dot) org?  I promise I won't get uncomfortable during the hongi (even though my personal space bubble usually extends four feet in every direction).

Getting A J-O-B Without A B.A.

Having a four-year liberal arts degree doesn't always guarantee success.  And not having a degree doesn't guarantee failure.  This is an awesome guest post from my BFF of 20 years (!) Darcie Defoe.  Girlfriend dropped out of college and earns twice what I do. 

So, I didn't graduate college, it wasn't planned; it just happened. After completing a very intense 2-year college-prep program, graduating with honors, being granted a scholarship and feeling convinced I would go on to pursue a Master's program to become a college professor someday, I just quit college.

After three years of undergrad, when the end of my last semester was over, I left with full intentions to return after a break and complete my degree, then power through to grad school. At first, I wanted to take time and evaluate what I was doing at school: it was so expensive, I worked and paid for most of it myself, and the longer I was there the more convinced I became that I didn't want to grow up and be an Artist. My only option seemed to be to pile on years of education in order to carve out a living I'd be comfortable with.

Aside from that, like a lot of 20-somethings, the thought of planning my entire career RIGHT NOW was really scary. Alternately, my mind was filled with the image of having a happy home, sunny weekends, good friends and the notion that I'd have a job that was enjoyable and helped me create a comfortable lifestyle. Ten years later, I know having a degree is fantastic, but not always necessary to achieve the things you want in life.

But enough about me, back to you...you want to find a career, college isn't really your thing. You've been in college now for quite some time, but it seems that you may not finish, or another opportunity comes along OR you plain old fall in love with an idea that you know will take you down the right path for your life. You have a few things to consider.

Breaking it to your family

Be sure you have a logical, rational plan before you quit school. Think about where you'll live, where you'll work, if you can afford to do it and try to look ahead a few months or better yet, a couple of years. Where will you be? How will you get there? Be prepared to share that with mom and dad well ahead of the time you are actually quitting school so they have a few months to digest the conversation.

• Talk to them often about your intentions.
• Try to express yourself without becoming too defensive - chances are they might not be supportive. Many people, parents included, think that college is the Only Key to Success.
• Tread lightly and smartly and they will appreciate that you took time to think about it and that you let them be involved, even if they don't agree with your motives.
• If you want to leave college without a plan, consider talking to your guidance counselor, favorite professor or your parents. Maybe you just need to change your major?

Finding a job
Consider pulling together a resume with the help of someone you trust, sending it out, lining up an interview or two and maybe even getting a new job before you drop out of school. Having employment is going to make this new life much easier because you won't be living off student loans.

Think about what you like to do- what your goals are, how can you get there? (This shouldn't be too difficult. Remember? You already talked to your parents about it.) Look at any previous jobs you had that apply to your interests and ratchet up a bit, maybe apply for one that could be just slightly out of your reach. But why, you ask?

• You may just get the job, they can only say no.
• Interviewing takes practice. You should have some ideas about the questions that might be asked of you and more importantly, you should wrangle your confidence, know your value and have some answers at the ready.
• There may be an entry level job in that organization. If you show up to the interview motivated and willing to compromise you might just wind up working in that museum after all. You won't be a curator, but you will get to work under the marketing director, or security division. You can make a modest paycheck and spend your lunch break walking the galleries!

Interviewing like a pro
Be sure that your intention to learn and grow with a company is known, and find out if the company you want to work for is offering that. What if they ask about your degree? Be honest, but not brutally honest. Don't say, "I left college because getting an Art degree started to seem like bunch of BS." It is still true to say, "I want an opportunity to get hands on work experience, grow with a company, and be sure that when I return to school for a degree, it's the degree I want."

In my case, I didn't finish college because I wanted something that in my mind was better than what my undergrad degree would have offered me. In hindsight, I can see that I just wanted to pave my own way, even if it was more difficult. Ten years after leaving college, I've worked my way from coffee girl/receptionist to defining my own position as the first ever marketing coordinator at an environmental company. Not all glamor, but sacrificing some income up front gave me the opportunity to grow with a company, learn an industry, work on my creative skills and pick up on some aspects of business I'd never have been privy to in a larger company. I have also made some incredible friends.

Getting your dream job

Continue being a tenacious learner while working your way up!

• Show your employer your skills, and ASK for projects you think you can do well that will highlight those skills.
• Find out if your company offers any professional development programs and take advantage of them.
• Take a community education course or enroll in a night class that pertains to your interests and career intentions. And keep doing it.
• Read everything you can get your hands on about your goal.
• Find a way to stay current on any software that might pertain to your skills.
• Join a professional group of people that do what you want to do and network your butt off.
• Look for part-time internships doing something you love.
• Find a mentor.

If you continue learning, improving your skills and building a professional network, there is no reason to feel self-conscious about not having a degree. Be sure to include all of your professional achievements on your resume, companies hiring aren't always looking for a degree. Your professional self-confidence, infallible work ethic, ingenuity and desire to improve all have tremendous value. Employers know it and now you do, too!

Have any of you skipped the college route?  Any questions for Darcie?

Nattering On About The Awesome

Are you guys keen to hear me talk about making friends post-college, how to avoid moving back in with your parents and my own over-wrought English major Pride and Prejudice analysis?  Then may I recommend you click on the above link? 

If you've got some graduation money burning a hole in your pocket, it's not too late to get in on The Post College Survival Kit fun!  We're only one week into the course (so you haven't missed much) but our current students already have lovely things to say:

"Applying for big-girl jobs! The Post College Survival Kit has already inspired me to get off my seat and Do Things, and it's only day 3!"
"I've learned quite a few things from the WORK IT posts already!"
"just bit the bullet and bought my domain name after tonight's class with @PostCollegeKit and @Alex_Franzen. Working to up my google rank."

$70 for
* 8 weeks of useful, juicy, engaging content on a private blog
* 60 page workbook
* 1 private message board
* 4 Vokle webinars
* 70% less post-college stress (Ummm, I just made that up)



And a big thanks to the lovely Dave 'The PodCast Guy' Thackery for working his podcast magic with me!

True Story: I'm a Roller Girl

This is one of many True Story interviews in which we talk to people who have experienced interesting/amazing/challenging things. This is the story of Nikkee and her time as a roller girl.

Tell us a bit about yourself!
I'm a 23 year old Professional Writing student. I live in a small-ish college town in Indiana, although I'm from Australia (where the roller derby scene is also steadily growing!)

When did you first become interested in roller derby? What appealed to you about it?
I really don't even remember how I first heard about it. I just remember deciding that I wanted to do it and - despite the number of people who laughed at me when I told them - running out and buying skates pretty much the next day.

I am the least athletically inclined person you'll ever meet. I literally could not run, or throw or catch a ball - I actually used to have physiotherapy because my mum was concerned about how uncoordinated I was! Mum had started taking me to skating lessons when I was two years old, and from then until I was a teenager, I would go skate at the local rink for hours every weekend. I felt like roller skating was the one physical activity I was mildly good at, so I had better embrace it while the going was good. Eighteen months ago, I went to an open skate hosted by a derby team and thought they were the most badass girls I'd ever seen. Even though they were totally intimidating, I knew I had to be one of them.

How long did you have to train before you were accepted onto a team? What does training consist of?
A week after I landed in the US, I went to my first practice, and about three months after that I was playing in my first bout! This is pretty unheard of, mind you - normally there is a lot of training before you can even try out for a team, then after the try out there is a whole mess of skills and knowledge to perfect before you'll be put on the roster for a bout. I'm just lucky the league in my town was so new that they let anyone jump in straight away!

Practices cover off-skates training (which involves an inordinate amount of sit ups, push ups, squats and running), endurance skating, agility, and lots of hitting and blocking. I also try to do some more strength training every week, plus yoga to balance all the tough training we do.

How often do you practice with your team? And how often do you compete?
We practice three times a week, and we also fly in guest coaches from great teams or travel to special boot camps a few times a year. The frequency of bouts really differs between leagues, but we generally play one home bout and one away bout every month of our season (which normally lasts about 8 months).

Tell us what your derby name is! And what do you wear?
I'm Blockodile Dundee, because being an Aussie is so dear to me. We have just ordered these beautiful new uniforms that remind me a bit of Rosie the Riveter - black button-up blouses with hot pink piping and silver lettering. I'm also getting derby shorts screen-printed with my logo - a crocodile eating a jammer helmet - on the butt.

Have you (or anyone on your team) been seriously injured? Does playing roller derby affect your insurance plan?
We've had two broken ankles since I've joined the team, which I can't imagine would be that different to any other full-contact sport. The worst I've had is a really impressive bruise on my hip - it was about 4 inches long and 2 inches wide - from falling the wrong way. D'oh!

Skaters are actually required to purchase WFTDA (Women's Flat Track Derby Association) insurance before they can play, so it doesn't affect skaters' current plans.

What are the benefits of being a roller girl? Any draw backs?
I take better care of myself these days than I ever have before. I was never consistently active and was always trying to "diet" to stay in decent shape. My main concern with food these days is that I'm fueling my body as well as I can to perform my best on the track. I'm definitely in the best shape I've ever been in before. I lost 20lbs in my first year of skating, which isn't my objective at all, but let's be honest, it's a pretty nice perk!

The only drawback is that derby really tends to permeate into every other facet of your life, but that's really only a drawback if you don't love the sport (in which case, why are you playing it?!)

What advice would you give to others who are interested in being a roller girl?
Most leagues will tell you to come out and watch a practice before you lace up your skates, and you really have nothing to lose in doing that. If you don't like the look of it, just don't go back. But chances are you'll be itching to get on the track, so just go for it! You are never too overweight, or too unfit, or too old - some of our best skaters are almost 40, and I met one amazing skater who is 52! And don't you dare underestimate yourself. The girls you see on the track kick ass because they work hard, and there is absolutely no reason that you can't do it too!

Are any of you roller girls? Any questions for Nikkee?

Web Time Wasters

Hello, hello good friends!  What did you get up to this week?  I sang in a choir for the first time in ages (we sang in harmony to Buy U A Drank), went to book club and waxed enthusiastic about Blonde (Joyce Carol Oates' book about Marilyn Monroe) and went to a pole dancing class.  Eeeep!

My time here in sweet little New Zealand is winding down and I feel more than a bit sad to leave Wellington.  But I'm comforting myself with the knowledge that soon I'll be crashing with Lady Smaggle, comparing noses and playing Dance Central.

Now!  Fun things from the internet!

On the Yes and Yes Every Buddy Board we're talking about how/when/why we donate money, home ownership, Worst Bosses Ever and how to respond if you're on a date and the dude says "I think it's really important that women know how to cook."

I love these curated collections of things people would take from their burning house.  What would you take?  I'd grab my cat, my hand-embroidered Hmong blanket and my grandma's Takk For Maten plaque.

Helpful!  A visual guide to how many fruits and vegetables you should eat

If you've got an etsy shop (or even a good ol' fashioned brick n' mortar) you might like this helpful how-to on product packaging tips.

If I ever got married, I imagine it'd go something like this: bikes, beer, jean shorts, pinata.  Cute!

Wanna hear my Minnesota accent nattering on about my post-college mistakes and that time I got a job by switchboard.com-ing 'creative'?  Here's an audio interview I did with the lovely Tara Gentile.

Intriguing!  What school lunches look like in 20 countries.  I vividly remember dishing up lunch for my kiddos when I was teaching in Taiwan: rice congee with tiny minnows and shredded pork that looked like strands of 70's shag carpeting.  They thought my peanut butter/banana sandwiches were disgusting.  Tomato, tomahto.

Gah!  Teeny, tiny art installations!

I loved this post on dating and relationships.

   I'll discover your favorite color and years later you may get a birthday surprise wrapped in that color. It won't be an accident. I will be more interested, if at any point during dinner, you use a word I don't know the definition of. I won't ask you, but I'll look it up when I get home and that word will henceforth make me grin.
    During a few dinners, I'll learn what you like to eat and what makes you smile and laugh. I'll know your favorite kind of scotch, not just that you drink it. Maybe the third time we have dinner, you'll bring me a book you like from your favorite author. I'll note that you detest mushrooms and you'll quickly figure out that I order everything without onions. A few dates after, I'll quote the book you gave me, laughing.

I love Richard Simmons.  I am 100% sincere about this.  He is joyful.  He is loving.  He helps people live healthier, more awesome lives.  And he wears striped short shorts all the time.  So I'm obviously very jealous that Agent Lover interviewed him.

Wanna talk travel?  At Savvy Travel, we nattering on about traveling in groups without strangling anybody, summer vacations and vegetarian travel.

Soooo useful!  25 Gadgets For Globetrotters

My girl Winona writes about what happens when her uber-liberal brother enlists in the marines.

Ghost Face Killah + Beirut = one of the best mashups I've heard all year.  Nigh on magical, y'all.

On doing good things every day.

Also!  If you follow The Post College Survival Kit on facebook or twitter, you can join us for our first Vokle webinar about job hunting, internships and non-skeezy networking - even if you're not taking part in the course!

What fun stuff did you find on the internet?  Share in the comments!

Have, Do, Be

via Yum & Yuk

Get In My Ear: The Wombats

Oh, The Wombats.  How do I love thee?  Let me count the ways:

1) You are named after one of my favorite animals

2) You possess that dark hair/large nose combo I like so much

3) You write lyrics like this:

East London's not a bomb site
It is a treasure chest.
We use our penguin costumes 
more than our evening dress .
She said I should come over 
though the music's not my type.
Don't you know I'd chop a limb off
Just to have a good time?

Mini Travel Guide: England

This is one of our many mini travel guides!  We dip our toes into the 'musts' of heaps of different countries.  This guide comes to us via the lovely Kim of Hip Hop Side Project.

When Sarah asked me to write a mini travel guide for England I thought “well, that’s easy!”, being from the UK and all. Then I started thinking about what to include – that’s the hard part! I come from the North of England, from a town called Huddersfield in Yorkshire. I’m spitting distance from the rolling moors of Bronte country, the historic city of York and the cultural hubs of Leeds and Manchester. In my mini travel guide of England I’ll be concentrating on the North, and won’t even be mentioning our capital.

Must go

York & Whitby
York is an amazing historic walled city, with some of the greatest architecture in the UK. It was founded by the Romans, conquered by the Vikings and reclaimed by a King of England. It’s where you’ll find the Minster, the largest Gothic Cathedral in the UK, and one of the largest of it’s kind in Europe. York also has dungeons, amazing pubs, and loads of excellent shops for souvenirs!

A short train/bus/drive away from York is Whitby, home to Bram Stoker’s Dracula. Here you can get some of the best fish & chips in the UK, a stick of rock,  climb the 199 steps up to the Abbey, and basically have a good old English day by the sea-side! Don’t forget to try a 99 flake!

Manchester
Now known as one of the cultural hubs of the UK, Manchester has fantastic high street shops, art galleries, great restaurants, theatres, and is much cheaper than other tourist cities in the UK.

Northumberland
I live in Yorkshire, boasting some of the most fabulous scenery in the UK, however, I am in love with Northumberland, it’s so, so beautiful. Filled with castles and rocky beaches, small towns with trinket shops and smoke houses, it’s quintessentially British and a must-see for those looking for rural England.

Must do

Go to the Pub
English pubs have such a different atmosphere to bars in other countries. Sometimes good, sometimes bad, but most definitely worth the experience. When you’re there make sure you have a pint of hand pulled real ale (that’s craft beer, Americans!), try something local!

Have a cup of tea
It goes without saying that the best cups of tea come from England. Just head to any of our super markets and you’ll see the vast array of regular old tea that we have available. If you get chance find a tea room and have some proper tea, with a drop of milk and a bit of sugar. So very English!

Must Eat

Fish & Chips
The only other country I’ve visited that does fish and chips on the scale of the UK is Australia. Cod or haddock battered and fried, served with home-cut chips, sprinkled with salt and vinegar. Mushy peas and buttered bread are optional!

Sunday Roast
I couldn’t not include the Sunday roast, even if it is some what unadventurous in the cuisine department. Roast meat (usually beef) served with an array of steamed vegetables (broccoli, peas, carrots etc), potatoes, condiments, gravy & Yorkshire puddings. Most restaurants, pubs and eateries will serve this on a Sunday! We even have chains of restaurants dedicated to serving roast meals throughout the week.

Curry
It’s pretty common knowledge that we have amazing Indian cuisine in England. Curry houses are a popular choice for eating out in here, with most towns being home to at least one. For the best curry in England head to either Bradford or Manchester’s Rusholme.

Cultural tips

Dating
Dating here is very different than the USA, we have a very linear approach to hooking up which Liberty London Girl explains better than I ever could.

Queueing
I know, it’s such a cliché, but it’s so true! Something in the English psyche forces us to form orderly queues at any opportune moment, and those who don’t conform to this queueing system get a silent death stare and a barely audible tut (another great trait of us Brits, we rarely let our anger show, we let is fester and complain about it later.)

Sarcasm & Humour
Sarcasm, dark humour and innuendo play a great role in English humour, if you’re unfamiliar with shows such as Fawlty Towers, The Mighty Boosh, The League of Gentlemen, try and catch some before making a trip out here!

Travel on the cheap

While our public transport isn’t as great as other European destinations, we do have a network of buses and trains that can take you from A-B quite easily. England isn’t huge, and it’s pretty rare that people take internal flights, favouring trains instead. Booking train travel in advance is very important, this is where you’ll save loads of money!

Driving in the UK can be pretty daunting (with strange rules & roundabouts), and fuel costs are high. However, if you can rent a car and are willing to tackle to roads, you’ll undoubtedly have more freedom to explore than by relying on public transport alone.

Thanks so much, Kim!  What UK travel tips do you have to share?

Is this post giving you wanderlust?  Check out my ebooks/podcasts about traveling the world on a budget and on your own!

This Moment

A neighbourhood.
At dusk.
Things are getting ready
to happen
out of sight.
Stars and moths.
And rinds slanting around fruit.
But not yet.
One tree is black.
One window is yellow as butter.
A woman leans down to catch a child
who has run into her arms
this moment.
Stars rise.
Moths flutter.
Apples sweeten in the dark.

- This Moment, Eaven Boland
via Yum & Yuk

Real Life Style Icon: Desiree of Pull Your Socks Up

Name: Desiree

Age: 43
Location: Australia

Online haunts: www.pullyoursoxup.blogspot.com

What are you wearing right now, as you type this?

Really truly?  I'm just about to run some errands (yes, really!) and I'm wearing an early 1960s brown, yellow and black paisley print cotton frock that I bought off eBay.  I'm also wearing VW Melissa black wedge mules and a 1950s white ostrich-skin handbag I bought at a Melbourne flea market several years ago.

Yes, I'm definitely overdressed for the "occasion" but it's my day and dressing up is my way to enjoy it to it's fullest.

What is the last item of clothing you bought?

Strictly, the last thing I bought was a thrifted eel-skin clutch bag from my local St Vincent de Paul shop, but the most recent item of clothing was a beautiful 1940s navy blue sheer silk blouse with braiding and pin-tucked sleeves and a pair of 1940s embroidered peach PJs from eBay.

What is the item of clothing you most covet at the moment?

 Just one?  No fair!   Lately, I've been going nuts for 1930-40s underwear, nightgowns and pajamas. The beautiful embroidery detailing and lace is always phenomenal and pieces are worth collecting even if you don't wear them but use them to hang up around the house! But I cannot bear to keep mine just hanging there on my clothes rail so I wear them whenever I possibly can.

As for items I'm coveting from afar, I'm absolutely gagging for a 1940s wool suit in black or grey to wear this winter (yes, it's autumn here in Australia).

Tell us about a favorite childhood memory about your clothes.

Growing up in Fiji, the sartorial seeds were sown early as I soaked up the sight of glamorous Indian women wearing pink, red and orange saris heavily embroidered with gold thread and sequins.  And that was just what they wore to the movies on a Saturday night!  Make-up was always heavy and glorious, day or night - kohl pencil, maroon-red lips and ornate bindhis worn with 24kt gold nose-rings, dangling earrings, armloads of jingling bangles and intricate necklaces.

These visual feasts, along with a childhood spent in the company of parents born in the 1920s, caused a stirring in me that has never abated.  I have developed a personal style that draws on many eras and significant times of my life.

What is your best thrifting score?
A mint 1940s, gorgeously soft, blond, fur cape like I had never seen before nor since - cost: $12.  1960s heavily sequinned and beaded wool and silk shell tops - cost $5-15 each.  A 1920s leather and gold embossed clutch - cost: $12.  A cashmere maxi kilt: cost - $12.  I couldn't pick just one thing!

Could you tell us your top three style tricks/DIYs?

1.  I never wear top-to-toe vintage from just one era.  I always wear at least one piece of vintage in every outfit and sometimes the different pieces in my outfit can span eighty years of fashion.  Guaranteed pure, individual style.

2.  The same theory goes for jewelery but it's trickier to pull off.  If I'm mixing up my jewelery, say an ethnic piece worn with some 1970s junky beads and 1950s formal-style beads, I keep the colors in complimentary tones. eg. silver, pale pink and cream; or amber with jade and dark yellow beads.

3.  Don't be afraid to refashion your vintage.  If it's not working for you but you love it to bits, it might need tweaking - think about it first though.

Thanks so much, Desiree!  Do you guys have any questions for her?  How frequently do you wear vintage?

Kitteh Video! Also: June Ad Space

I'm sure you've already seen this video.  I care not.  It deserves repeated viewings.

Now that we've engaged in our daily dose of anthropomorphism, let's talk about June ad space!  I have some!  You might want it!  If you've got a blog, an etsy shop or a project you'd like to promote - I can help!

Here are nice things previous sponsors have said:

"I had such a great response from sponsoring Yes and Yes and would definitely like to re-up!"
- Kim

""It's been an absolute pleasure working with you and I'm really happy with the amount and quality of hits I've been getting from your site. Your readers are friendly, smart and totally amazeballs!"

- Davinia

Sponsorships are available in one, two and three month packages with pricing discounts at two and three months.  Sponsors who sign up for a two month package with receive an introduction post and three month sponsors have the option of a giveaway, if they're interested.  Ads are shuffled mid month, so everybody gets a chance for the top spot.

Some facts about Yes and Yes?

Daily hits: 3,000 - 3,500 a day

Page views: 138,000+ per month

Twitter followers: 1,820+

Facebook fans: 1,220+

Google Page Rank: 4
Google reader subscribers: 4,590 +

Wanna join the party?  Shoot me an email at sarah (at) yesandyes (dot) org and we'll put something together for you!

32 New Things: Take A Student Out To Eat

Every year I make a list of new things I want to try - some of these things are hard, some are easy, some are shockingly mundane.  You can read about my previous exploits here.  This is the story of how I took one of my ESL students and her kiddos out to dinner at a restaurant for the first time ever.

Back in September of 2010, before I left St. Paul, Minneosota to trundle through Southeast Asia and set up shop in New Zealand, I worked as an ESL instructor at a non-profit that helped resettle refugees.  It was about as awesome and rewarding (and low-paying) as you'd imagine.  We played a lot of bingo, laughed endlessly over the difficulties of kitchen vs. chicken and fought a never-ending battle against cockroaches.

Like any teacher, I loved my students.  And like any teacher, I had favorites.  (If you're a teacher and you claim you don't have favorites, you are lying.  Or you're a way better person than I am.)  Because I taught adults, I somehow felt less guilty about having favorites.  I imagined my students more like co-workers and we're all allowed to have favorite colleagues, right?

My all time fave was T.  She was only a year younger than me and worked as a teacher in her refugee camp in Thailand.  We shared overachiever tendencies as well as a fondness for funny cat videos and eye rolling.  She was my people. 

We'd talk after class about her kiddos or her husband who was stuck in Thailand; sometimes we'd share recipes for curries.  I told her she could work in a restaurant kitchen; she told me she'd never even eaten in a restaurant. 

Wait. What?

Of course not.  She'd fled through the jungles of Burma as a child and then spent twenty years inside a Thai refugee camp, unable to leave under penalty of incarceration.  And now she lived on food stamps. 

I decided we obviously needed to hit up Trieu Chau, my all time favorite restaurant.  T, the kidlets and I piled into a long booth and ordered up some kid-friendly dishes.

Somewhere along the way, I forgot that T. was KaRen, raised in Thailand and neither she (nor her children) had ever used chopsticks before.  But this would not deter the children.  There were many adorable attempts to eat noodles with a chopstick in each hand while the wee girl looked on, rubbing her stomach and cooing "Oh my Godddddd" - her only English phrase.

After our dinner, I asked T.  what she thought of all this - the menus and waitress and chopsticks.  "It's okay, teacher," she nodded sagely.  "But, I think it's much easier to eat with your hands."

Be Ready

Starting here, what do you want to remember?
How sunlight creeps along a shining floor?
What scent of old wood hovers, what softened
sound from outside fills the air?
Will you ever bring a better gift for the world
than the breathing respect that you carry
wherever you go right now? Are you waiting
for time to show you some better thoughts?
When you turn around, starting here, lift this
new glimpse that you found; carry into evening
all that you want from this day. This interval you spent
reading or hearing this, keep it for life--
What can anyone give you greater than now,
starting here, right in this room, when you turn around?

You Reading This, Be Ready - William Stafford
via Yum & Yuk

How To Self-Publish A Book Without Going (Completely) Insane

Frustrated writer?  Can't get anyone to look at your awesome manuscript about a jet pilot cat named Putin?  Never fear!  Self-published author Theresa is here to help point up in the right direction!

Earlier this year, I found myself growing weary of my current lifestyle. Sure, I was living it up in my parent’s house, wallpapering my childhood bedroom with rejected job applications and using my two Master’s Degrees as dartboards, but I wanted more. I wanted an excuse to change out of my old yoga pants every now and again. I wanted to actually have something to say when friends asked me what I was up to these days. I wanted a paying job, and since offers weren’t exactly piling up, I set my sights on the decidedly unglamorous world of self-publishing.

I’d been working on my fantasy novel, The Unmapped Lands, for several months. The story, which is told from the point of view of a strong-willed, sarcastic, and somewhat unhinged witch named Alanna Rye, involves parallel universes, captive demons, magic, mayhem, and more foul language that is strictly necessary (Interested? More details and purchasing info can be found on my About.me page. I knew I was creating something that would engage and entertain others, but I also knew that I quite literally couldn’t afford to wait and try my luck with the traditional publishing industry. Publishing the book serially online seemed like a great way to improve my financial situation and build a loyal readership.

A few things that I've learned a long the way!

Ask for advice
I've been lucky enough to meet a lot of wonderful people online, and I knew I could count on them to give honest opinions. I outlined my plans, which involved publishing installments of five chapters in length every three weeks, on my blog and requested feedback. The response was overwhelmingly positive and encouraging (did I mention my friends are wonderful?).

Research your options
Amazon’s Kindle Direct Publishing and Lulu were the two services that seemed the most promising. While I’ve heard plenty of great things about Lulu, I wanted to reach the widest possible audience, and Amazon’s high profile and popularity appealed to me, as did their security options and the variety of free Kindle apps available for other devices, including the iPad and smart phones. Amazon seemed to offer the best of both worlds—more exposure and protection from pirating—so I decided to stick with them.

Get (kind of ) tech-savvy
After reading through the Kindle Publishing Guide, I uploaded the first section of my book. The step-by-step instructions were easy to follow, even for someone as technologically inept as me. I wrote the product description, designed and created the cover image, and set the price. Having total control over the way my work is presented to the world can be nerve-wracking for a perfectionist like me, but it’s also one of the most satisfying aspects of self-publishing.

Get over your self-promotion fears
Now came the hard part. How am I going to promote this thing? I thought. I’m an artist, not a salesman! Well, I had no choice but to ditch that attitude, and fast. Here comes the most important piece of advice I can offer to anyone thinking of self-publishing: ask for help. Ask family members, ask friends both online and off, ask your roommate’s cousin’s friend’s aunt who runs a book club.  Ask your little sister to post a link on her Facebook page where her 900 friends will see it. Ask your Twitter and blog followers to help spread the word.

The worst anyone can say is no, and you won’t get far without those who say yes. It takes time and a lot of work to gain a following, and every link, mention, and review will help you gain credibility as an author. If you’re not comfortable with the idea of putting yourself out there in a big way, self-publishing probably isn’t for you.

Now that I’ve got you good and scared, go forth and publish! The traditional publishing industry will never die, in my inexpert opinion, and you won’t hear me making any clichéd statements about new frontiers and waves of the future in regard to self-publishing online, but it’s definitely an exciting new way for creative people to share their stories. If you think it might work for you, you have almost nothing to lose by giving it a try, and I, for one, can’t wait to read your book.

Are any of you dreaming of publishing a book?  Any questions for Theresa?

True Story: I Had Electroconvulsive Therapy

This is one of many True Story interviews in which we talk to people who have experienced interesting/amazing/challenging things. This is the story of Ashley and how she treated her depression with electroconvulsive therapy (previously known as electroshock therapy)

Tell us a bit about yourself!
I'm 22, I was raised on a farm in rural Minnesota, and I studied music very seriously throughout high school. I was highly driven, happy, self-assured, and healthy. After high school I attended a conservatory in Ohio for two years before getting ill. To our knowledge, there is not a history of mental health issues in my family.

What led to you getting Electroconvulsive Therapy (ECT)?
I was severely depressed at the end of my first year of college. I don't know if I can say a single thing caused my depression, but I gradually accumulated a bitterness and resentment about life that alienated me and ate away at my vitality. I had a number of suicide plans, but I didn't get help because I didn't want anyone to think I just wanted attention. I was also confused - when I was with my friends, I smiled, I laughed - how could I be depressed? I stopped taking care of myself, stopped eating, wasn't sleeping, and cried often - people started to notice. At the end of my second year, I finally saw a doctor on campus and got a diagnosis (major depression).

What other treatments did you try before ECT?
Shortly after my diagnosis I began attending an outpatient program with psychologists and a psychiatrist. I learned about changing your thoughts (cognitive behavioral therapy), assertiveness, and tolerating stress. I also tried a number of different medications for depression and anxiety. By the end of the summer I was discharged.

After that I was to see a therapist twice a month and a psychiatrist every nine weeks. However, that wasn't enough - not yet. I second guessed myself and never phoned either my doctor or my therapist when I began to have frequent panic attacks. I was calling my friends frequently and relying on them to 'babysit' me so I wouldn't harm myself (I wouldn't tell them I was thinking about hurting myself). Keeping yourself from killing yourself takes a lot of energy, and I ran out of energy. A friend took me to the emergency room and that's how I was admitted to the inpatient unit on suicide watch.

What did you think when your doctor first recommended ECT?
I remember feeling scared! I had been in the hospital a few days but wasn't relaxing or improving in any way. But at that point, I was willing to do anything to feel better, so I agreed to the treatment. The doctors told me the main side effect was memory loss, including retrograde amnesia, and it's true - a lot of my memory a roughly month before and after ECT is spotty. Shortly after I was discharged I picked out my own Christmas present while with my mother and was completely surprised a month later when I unwrapped the gift. "How did you know?!" - no idea it was headed my way.

Can you tell us how the treatment felt? What did it consist of?
For the actual treatment, I was put under anesthesia and didn't feel a thing. Then my doctor placed either one (unilateral) or two (bilateral) electrodes near my temples. An electric current would travel through my head and induce a seizure that lasted less than a minute. I had treatment three times a week for four weeks. After ECT I would sometimes wake up confused but that ebbed after a few minutes or an hour.

Did the ECT have a positive effect? How did you feel afterward?
Others can see the effects of ECT before you can feel them. I've seen others undergoing ECT and gradually their countenance becomes more alive. I do remember waking up from bilateral treatment and feeling clearer - depression can make your head pretty fuzzy. But at the end, I was not having panic attacks and just being alive was easier. I would say that in my own experience, ECT makes you feel better so you can deal with your depression instead of dying. It does not cure depression.

What advice would you give to others who are struggling with ineffective treatments for depression?
It is possible to get better, though recovery can be bumpy. I've been in and out of the hospital since, and on some really bad meds, BUT I have found great ones that have made such a difference and I enjoy living now! At my lowest, I found creating one soothing little ritual in the morning helped me get by. I found meaning in daily tasks such as self-care, and in relationships. Take your illness seriously. Let yourself make modifications as you get well and adjust to taking your life back. Don't take on too much - your brain is sick. Take your time! Also, you can deal with the existential questions after you find the right meds!

Have you ever tried non-traditional treatments for your health issues? Any questions for Ashley?

Post College Surival Kit Ecourse Starts Today!

It's finally here, friends!  Today The Post College Survival Kit starts teaching us all the things that college didn't.  If you've been thinking about it and you've got a big wad of graduation money burning a hole in your pocket, it's not too late to join! 

For $70 you get:
* 8 weeks of helpful, funny, juicy posts on a private blog

* 60 page workbook

* 4 webinars with your instructors

* A private message board where you can mill about, mingle and network

We cover loan consolidation, 401ks, making new friends, negotiating leases, dealing with is-this-is-itus ...with wit and humor and awesome charts. 

Hope to see you there!

Web Time Wasters

(via Little Reminders of Love)

Oh hi!  What's a girl like you doing in a place like this?  And more importantly, how was your week?  I was phone and internet-less for three days (and nearly lost my mind), saw Water For Elephants, was disappointed by Te Papa's giant squid (NOT GIANT ENOUGH!) and salsa/reggaeton-ed with my awesome ladies.

Sarah Von, stop talking about yourself.  Show me cool things from the internet!

It's edging into Autumn down here in New Zealand, but I bet you Northern Hemisphere-ians will love this perfect summer mix tape.

Yes.  The Secret to Male/Female Cohabitation.

My second favorite hobby is Getting Rid Of Things, so I obviously love this post on minimizing for spring.

I thought this post about class, poverty and sustainability was incredibly interesting:

When my mother, who grew up as a migrant farm worker living in desperate poverty, came to visit me at the environmentalist cooperative housing she was appalled by what she considered to be “trashy” living conditions.  Though - to be fair - most of our furniture had once been trash. She felt sorry for me because I  "had to” dry my clothes out on a laundry line instead of in an electric dryer and because we didn’t have paper napkins.

I love ridiculously colored pants.  Let's talk about how to rock bright pink ones.

8 ideas for fancy flavored water!

Rachel Hills agrees that you probably need less money than you think you do.

Intriguing!  Dating and mating in Sweden vs. New Zealand.

Apparently, I have been living under a rock and did not know who Ellie Goulding was.  I am now obsessed with: her haircut, her voice annnnnd just about everything else she does.

On the Savvy Travel message board, we're talking about travel snacks, cheap summer travel and staycations.

This is hilarious/gross but I kind of love it (remember my crazy story about my family's squirrel-tail Christmas ornaments?)

How do you feel about this whole 'cute tiny food in jars' thing?  If you're into it - here's an entire picnic of food-in-jars.

The Post College Survival Kit has a facebook page!  Join us for all sorts of helpful links and conversations about post-college life.  (Also: you can see my awesome profile photo of a smash-faced cat staring at itself in a mirror)

43 Things You Can Learn Online For Free!

I love this piece on a famous musician playing a 3.5 million dollar violin in the subway station - incognito.  How do you think people reacted?  (Thanks, Darcie!)

Two interesting pieces about marriage: But Mom, What if I Don't Want To Get Married? and Why Did I Never Get Married?

Share any awesome links you found in the comments!

Curious

Get In My Ear: Motocade

Really, you had me at 'Holy Moly.'  We should bring that saying back, don't you think?

P.S. Tomorrow is the final day to send me your 'future resume' and win a spot in The Post College Survival Kit ecourse!  gogogo!

How To Start A Community Garden

It's almost gardening season!  This is a fantastic guest post from one of my favorite bloggers, Enna of Kosher Porkchops fame.  Pop over and say hi!

This is the story of how I started a community garden in my area.

I think in order to understand my motivations, how this garden came to be, and why I have made the decisions I did, you have to believe in fate. This community garden is my fate. The next thing you need to understand is what being poor means. This post (and the comments)describes what being poor in America really feels like – shame.

The purpose of my community garden  is to feed the poor of DuPage County, Illinois through the People’s Resource Center.

And here is how I did what I did.

Say it out loud.
I say a lot of useless things out loud “Oh that looks pretty” “What is that smell” “I suck at math” – it’s like if it pops in my head it comes right out my mouth. This time, however, my friend Jeff was listening, and realized that we did have land available that we could create a garden on. Tell someone what you want to do. More often than not, whomever you tell will tell others, and someone will be able to help you.

Get connected to a church or neighborhood association.
Do you want free land to create a community garden on? Churches and civic associations usually know where some is, or have some that you can “borrow.”

Be prepared to do everything yourself.
I am not saying that no one will help you, they will. But plan on no one helping you, this will help you stay organized and on top of things.

Learn how to ask for help.
There is a difference between putting a blast out on Facebook asking for volunteers, and sending an email or phone call listing a person’s strengths and why you think they would be perfect to help with just this one teeny tiny little thing. The most powerful words you will ever say is “[Name], I really need your help. I cannot do this without you.” People want to feel important, and as soon as you fluff their ego, they are more than willing to help.

Also, put up information in public spaces, coffee houses and at Whole Foods.  Email botany professors and ask for help. It is insanely easy to get people to help you, you just need to ask.

Call a state college.
University of Illinois has a program where they will send some grad students out to look at your land and tell you what you can grow, where, and how. FOR FREE. Call and ask your nearest state college if they have something similar.

Get over your fear of rejection.
Always remember – the worst thing anyone can say to you is no, so you might as well ask.

Decide whether or not you want to become a non-profit.
My garden is connected to a church, and therefore I get covered under their non-profit status (and insurance!) If this becomes your full time “job” you might want to become a non-profit for tax purposes. If you are connected to a church, this may not be an issue for you.

CYA. CYA stands for COVER YOUR ASS.
Anyone and everyone who volunteers on your garden needs to have signed a waiver otherwise they can sue you if they get hurt. Not only can they sue you, they can sue the civic organization/church that helped you create your garden. People are greedy, but you don’t have to be stupid. Google Liability Waivers and use one. Check with a pro-bono lawyer to make sure you are covered. Seriously.

Also, make sure that you are not violating any laws or do not need a permit to do this.

Find an organization that will take the fresh produce.
This sounds like it would be easy, but sometimes this is the hardest part. Make sure they understand who you are, that you represent a community garden, and that the produce is fresh. Food banks are wary of accepting fresh produce because it isn’t really fresh.

Compost compost compost.
The soil is the most important part of the garden. My garden is made up of the following: The base layer is wood chips (donated by the city), the next layer is composted dirt. And that’s it. You can grow on cinderblocks with this method. This step should really be step one because this is the first step you are going to have to take. Talk to local restaurants about donating their non-protein based waste. (You can find out what you can and cannot compost here.)

Water hook-up.
If there is not one on your site, check with the city to see if they will hook up the water for free. Again, it never hurts to ask.

Make up business cards and a website.
People will take you much more seriously and be more inclined to help you if you look like you know what you are doing. You know the saying “Fake it til you make it?” That is pretty much my motto.

Do not grow corn.
I know, I know. Everyone wants to grow corn. Just don’t do it. Trust me.

Know thyself.
Be ready to take a step back when needed, and to relax. And I fully recommend taking two weeks off where you don’t look at, think about, or talk about your community garden. Trust me, it will save your sanity.

If you have any further questions, you can contact me at anne.egeland (at) gmail (dot)com!

Do you guys like gardening?  Have you ever taken part in a community garden?  When I was a kidlet, my mom let me have a corner of the garden to myself and I was constantly trying to grow watermelons and other impractical things!

My Post-College Survival Story: Marie Joseph, Money Monk

On May 23rd, I'm launching my very first ecourse The Post-College Survival Kit! Advice on loans, apartments, jobs, live-in lovers!  The course is being led by yours truly, Alex Franzen  (Unicorns for Socialism) Sally McGraw (Already Pretty), Sarah Storer (The Naked Redhead) and Marie Joseph (Money Monk).  Here we each share our stories of how we navigated our post-college lives. 

Name: L. Marie Joseph
Location: Atlanta, Ga
Current profession: Entrepreneur, Author
School graduated from: Texas Southern University (Houston, TX)

When you were in college, what did you imagine post-college life was going to be like?
I lived on campus for one year and had an apartment off campus for the remaining 3 years. My dad paid  my rent, I was responsible for all other expenses including my addiction to Taco Bell.  I worked two jobs, one on campus (work study) and one off campus (intern) I graduated from college with two shots of confidence. I thought I was going to make a boatload of money. I was shocked when I was only offered entry level jobs.

How did your reality differ from what you imagined?
I was starting at the bottom, so I was probably the lowest paid entry level professional. I had very little experience in my field of study, after I graduated. I had a degree and I was Vice President of the American Marketing Association chapter of my school. They seem not to care.

What was your financial situation like when you entered The Real World?
Within the first month of working at a major company, I bought a brand new car. I took on debt very early. I ignored my debt because I felt I had all the time in the world to pay it back. I saw no need to rush and pay it off. I also did not know what the words “compound interest” meant,. Yikes! I was slowing drowning in debt without a life preserver.

What was your first job out of college?
I was a technical specialist for a large company. It was not at all related to my business degree, but  i didn't care - I was making money and had company benefits. Woo-hoo!! I was responsible for entering data into a database; it was dull, boring and monotonous. I could have done it in my sleep. I hung in there for a year and a half and then I had to bounce. I got an offer making more money and a position little more exciting as a computer operator. I was actually fixing things.

How did you meet people after you got out of school?
Happy Hour, talking to co-workers in different departments, house parties. Laundromat!

How did you get from your post-college job to the job you have now?
I learned fast and made mistakes early, I was happy to have a female mentor early in my professional life that gave me great career advice. Self-confidence and a diverse skill set can prepare you for the world. Also: coffee.

What was the biggest shock about adult life for you?
Being responsible for major expenses (car note, rent, etc.)and having student loan debt well into  five figures. I also feared that I will be just another middle class person bored with  cubicle life. I had a degree like everyone else.

What advice would you give to recent grads?
Organize your life and set goals before you have a quarter life crisis!

The first thing you should do once you get your first professional job is to pay off debt and start a retirement fund. Save 10% of your income and enroll in a 401k plan at work. Start paying off your student loans once you find employment. Forget what you learned far as textbooks go and focus on your relationship building and what you can do to help the company that you work for. I had to ignore the credentials and think outside the box by going above and beyond what was expected of me. Most companies want to see if you can produce results, not how many friends you have on Facebook and Twitter.

Thanks for sharing, Marie!  Do you guys have any questions for her?

Pssst! Pre-register for The Post-College Survival Kit and save!