Sometimes You Need To

Notes From The Road: Beaching Easter

For the last six months I've been traveling though Southeast Asia and Australasia - working, writing and alienating people with my loud American laugh.  (You can read more about my previous adventures here.) These days I'm in Wellington, New Zealand but I usually live in St. Paul, Minnesota.

Even though I'm currently living in one of the most beautiful cities, in one of the most gorgeous countries in the world, I spent most of April in my kitchen.  In my yoga pants.  Working.

Now, none of those things are bad (yoga pants FTW!) but I was thrilled with my Wellington bestie suggested a weekend in Napier.  Napier is rife with J. Crew-caliber, yuppie diversions: fancy hotels, wine tastings, bike-renting and the like.  It is awesome.

Here's how we celebrated Easter:

Acting like we can taste the differences in our cider.

I tried to pack in my purse again and am actually cycling in my pajamas.

I totally fake laughed for this photo so it would look like an JC Penny ad.

After our bike/winery tour, we rounded out the holiday weekend by....

popping champagne corks out the window of our hotel,

jumping on the hotel bed,

playing drinking games,

visiting Opossum World (site of The World's Most Disturbing Taxidermy)

eating ice cream on the beach,

splashing about in the surf (not shown: us whining about the pebble 

beach and limping very slowly in the direction of the water.)

Do you go on holidays with friends?  What are your secrets for coordinating everything?  We do lots of delegation and splitting up to do our own stuff.  Also: taking naps.

My Post-College Survival Story: Alex Franzen, Unicorns for Socialism

On May 23rd, I'm launching my very first ecourse The Post-College Survival Kit! Advice on loans, leases, live-in lovers!  The course is being led by yours truly, Alex Franzen  (Unicorns for Socialism) Sally McGraw (Already Pretty), Sarah Storer (The Naked Redhead) and Marie Joseph (Money Monk).  Here we each share our stories of how we navigated our post-college lives. 

Name: Alexandra Franzen
Location: Minneapolis-Saint Paul // Los Angeles // Brooklyn
Current profession: Promotional writer & pro-active pimp
School graduated from: University of Otago (New Zealand)

When you were in college, what did you imagine post-college life was going to be like?
I was pretty 'grown-up' in college—I lived by myself (not in a dorm), I had non-college friends (in addition to school chums), and I worked at least 25-30 hours a week to support myself. I already had a lot of self-discipline. And although I got sweet-ass grades, I never took college that seriously. I treated my professors like intelligent peers, not Gods on high. So the transition from “College World” to “Real World” wasn't that shocking for me. My mental framework was already in place.

How did your reality differ from what you imagined?
I graduated with a BA in English from a prestigious university…in New Zealand. I also had "licensed helicopter pilot" on my resume (I'd earned my license two years earlier). When I returned home to the United States, I found that most employers were baffled, confused or downright suspicious about my credentials. I got the sense that they thought I was joking—or lying. For a while, it was hard to get past the initial screening phase, and into a face-to-face job interview. It was so frustrating! I wanted to bellow at people, "I'm not joking—I'm just AWESOME!"

What was your financial situation like when you entered The Real World?
I graduated from college debt-free, which was an incredible feeling. I think I had about $17,000 in my checking account, which felt like all the money in the universe. I wanted to roll around in it, like Scrooge McDuck. I also had a car, a laptop, and a super-vintage flippy-McGee cell phone. No texts, folks. Just calls.

Financial independence has always been one of my tip-top priorities, so I was deeply concerned about finding a j-o-b and making mo' money, as swiftly as possible. I was terrified about burning through my cash, which I'd worked my bootie off to save.

What was your first job out of college?
My first job out of college was delivering LGBT magazines to retail shops in Minneapolis. I cut my bare hands on binding twine, slipped on frozen sidewalks, got lost every 5 minutes (no GPS, kids!), and quit after, uh, 72 hours. Sorry, Charlie.

My next job was writing artist profiles and interview pieces for an indie newspaper. They went bankrupt and tried to pay me in ski lift tickets. No thanks, bucko.

After 6 months of fervent resume circulating, I (finally) landed an internship in the Communications department at Minnesota Public Radio/American Public Media. I spent the next couple years at MPR, rising through a series of positions in various departments. And then on April 1, 2010—during the depths of The Great Recession—I quit my job and went full-time freelance. Again—not joking. Just awesome.

How did you meet people after you got out of school?
Craigslist. OKCupid. Random bus stop conversations. Work comrades.

I met the lovely Sarah Von after cheerfully stalking her online, and insisting that we meet for coffee! Fortunately, she conceded.

How did you get from your post-college job to the job you have now?
Balls. Haha! Also: unabashed hustling, networking  and connecting. A steadily increasing belief in my own abilities. Trial & error. And an incredible career coach named Michelle Ward.

What was the biggest shock about adult life for you?
Real World Adults have many of the same unspoken fears, communication obstacles, vocational desires and habitual life-patterns as college students. They just drink significantly less Red Bull & Jägermeister.

What advice would you give to recent grads?
While you’re in college, maintaining a stellar GPA can feel like the ultimate goal. But most employers (and clients) couldn’t care less about the grades you got, back in the day. They wanna know what you can DO. How you can be of SERVICE. How you can make their lives EASIER and their businesses BETTER.

Rather than obsessing over your GPA, focus on developing marketable, meaningful, high-impact SKILLS. Start visualizing the type of LIFE you want to design—and then work backwards to determine the type of career that’ll support your ideal lifestyle.

To break it down: I’d recommend devoting 65% of your energy to College World priorities—digging deep into classes and subjects that really turn your crank—and dedicating the remaining 35% of your waking hours to Real World activities, like expanding your professional and social network, getting an off-campus job, strengthening your resume, building a portfolio of work, and making powerful connections in the industry you wanna work in.

If you start living in the Real World while you’re still in school—instead of waiting till graduation day—your transition will be much more joyful.

Thanks so much, Alex!  Do you guys have any questions for her?

All fired up?  Pre-register for The Post-College Survival Kit and save!

32 New Things: Get Mehndi

Every year I make a list of new things I want to try.  Some of them are hard, some are easy, some are shockingly mundane.  You can read about other new things I've tried here.  This is the story of when I got mehndi while I was traveling through India.

Not surprisingly, when I decided that I wanted to get mehndi, I wanted to get The Best Mehndi Ever.  I'm not sure that there's a way to measure the inherent awesomeness of one's mehndi, but I was  sure that I wanted to win at mehndi.

So I obviously chose to get it from a random sidewalk vendor in Bangalore.

I spent six weeks in India last year, teaching at a school for special needs kids.  After I'd finish my teaching gig, I'd wander around the Jayanagar neighborhood, buying juice and dodging cows.  On one of these afternoons, I happened past two guys sitting on tiny plastic stools, flashing around a binder full of photos showcasing mehndied limbs.  Well, this is obviously the best place to do it, I thought.  On this Tuesday afternoon, on a plastic stool, on the sidewalk.

After I bargained them down from the tourist price and selected my pattern (peacocks, thankyouverymuch). I hunkered down to let them mehndi away.  They pulled out what looked like tiny icing piping tubes and started to squeeze the cold, brown paste onto my forearms.

A crowd started to gather at the spectacle of a white girl off the tourist beat, squatting in the street. "We're just very curious" said a little old lady, patting my shoulder reassuringly.  After about twenty minutes of extremely detailed piping and crowd commentary, I was finished.  There was wet brown paste from my fingertips to my elbows. Fantastic!  And where should I wash it off?

No, friend.  There will be no washing off.  I hadn't realized that when you get mehndi, you need to let the paste set for several hours.  There will be no rubbing, no changing of clothes, no fishing in your bag for money.

What followed was this:
1) Having the street vendor guys fish through my bag for the money
2) Walking eight blocks back to my hostel with my arms held in front of me like I was holding an imginary tray
3) Being licked by a street cow as I stood on the corner with my arms in front of me, ineffectively yelping and trying to kick it as gently as possible
4) Laying on my bed watching Bollywood movies for three hours while my arms dried

But you know what?  All that ridiculousness was totally worth it!  The result was 100% amazing.  I spent the next week gesticulating flashily and waving way more than necessary.

Have you ever gotten mehndi? Or any other unusual beauty treatments while you've been traveling?

Pssst!  If you've got the travel bug and want to know how to quit your job and travel on the cheap, may I recommend my ebooks?  Cheap as chips!  Super useful!

The Art of Being Happy

Moments of Win!

Do you guys remember our joy-inducing flickr group Moments of Win?  Where we put photos of those moments in life that make us joyful/thrilled/fall out of our chairs laughing?  Yes.  That's the flickr pool that I'm talking about.  Here's a roundup of some recent win-worthy photos!

Rachel
This is the symbol of another year of volunteer work wrapped up. I have been a camp counselor for Camp del Corazon - a non-profit organization that has completely changed my life. Another year, another end-of-camp party!

Sarah Von

I've been writing in various forms for twenty years - if you count stories about settler families with pet groundhogs.  I've written for magazines before but never worked at one - in the cubicles, working on the day-to-day stuff.  So I was way thrilled to spend February working for the Malaysian edition of CLEO.  In this photo I'm talking lipgloss with one of a contestants for our cover girl contest.

Jenn Adventure

From the time I considered doing a marathon, started training, signed up for the race, actually arrived at the race, ran the first 8 miles of said race I was CONVINCED it would not end well. This moment was in mile 11 when I realized I CAN and WOULD finish.

As you can tell, I'm pretty excited about this realization.

Lavender Lily

I've spent the last two years absolutely terrified of driving on the toll roads. The last time I had to go to Ikea, I actually tried to do it without toll roads, and got lost for five hours. This time, I faced my fear, and discovered that it actually wasn't scary, at all.

Brittany
I took my shirt off. I was dying. Plus, I'm on the top of a mountain. Who's gonna see me?

The Tiny Vegetarian
Right there is the middle, and my beautiful nephew, signing incy wincy spider by candlelight in church! No one else was singing it but he wanted to, so we did. Being the best auntie ever - for the win!

Ranai Marie
15 Layer Russian Honey Cake, made for a co-workers birthday. All 15 layers rolled out by hand and baked individually. It took me 4 hours! Check www.areyoumyghost.com for my recipe and details.


Want to see more Moments of Win - or add your own?  Pop over and check out our flickr group!

Get In My Ear: Ladi6

This video makes me think of:
1. Tankgirl
2. 2001 (Why? I don't know.)

How To Fundraise Like a MoFo

Are you a “do-gooder”? You know - someone who likes to help raise money for others? Guest blogger James Lacerenza sent children with life-threatening neuromuscular diseases to a special summer camp has raised nearly $100,000 in seven years. Here are his tips to raising money online for your favorite non-profit.

• ‘YA GOTTA BELIEVE!
  If you believe in the cause you support, you stand a much greater chance of gaining momentum not only with raising money or awareness, but getting the attention of others, too.
  
  

• CHOOSE A GOOD TAG TEAM PARTNER WHO’LL HELP YOU “LAY THE SMACK DOWN!”
  Align yourself with a certified 501c3 organization that shares your mission. Pay special attention to the non-profit’s information on where the money goes. A quick, easy way to find a match is by typing in keywords on a site like Charity Navigator. You want to see what percentage of each dollar goes to program expenses (services the charity provides) and what goes to administrative and fundraising expenses (also called “overhead”). The higher the program expenses, the more of someone’s dollar goes directly to helping.
  
  

• UNLEASH YOUR INNER “GAGA” – PICK UP THE TELEPHONE!
  Get in touch with the local office of the non-profit if it’s a national or regional organization. If it’s a local organization, call them. In either case, tell them you want to help them raise money. Charities are desperate for volunteer fundraisers, especially teens and young adults! They’ll usually send not only a fund raising page, but key information you need to know as their representative. Don’t be afraid to ask questions, either.
  
  

• FOCUS, MAN!
  You may want to focus on a particular program or service the non-profit provides instead of having a general donation fund or page. For example, I chose MDA’s Summer Camp program because he had fond memories of going to traditional summer camps. Many MDA volunteers raise research money, but few give solely to sending kids to MDA Camp. Focusing on a specific area of giving will make you stand out.
  
  

• “THINKING SMALL” IS “THINKING BIG”
  Set a small goal for “year one”. Especially if this is your first time raising money for a non-profit, “starting small” is a good idea, because every non-profit, no matter how large, didn’t get big overnight. Set a modest fund raising goal. For example, when I started, the cost to send one child to camp was $600, so that was my goal. I ended up raising more than $2,600 in my first year.
  
  

• HUDDLE UP – GET A GAME PLAN!
  Once you get a fundraising page from your non-profit, think of creative ways to reach your goal. Writing a typical “pitch letter” to your network (or using ones your non-profit gives you with your fundraising page) will get you a few donations. Making it personal will have a HUGE impact. You already are passionate in whatever it is you’re raising money for – so LET THAT PASSION SHOW!
  
  Use Youtube, Twitter, Facebook and other social media sites to speak from your heart in addition to writing a sincere letter to your friends and family. TV and radio interviews are great, but blogs and newspaper “Letters to the Editor” telling people about your efforts reach many more people. Try “pitching” your story to blogs and newspapers too – often, they’ll be looking for “hometown heroes”.
  
  

• I WANT TO THANK THE ACADEMY FOR THIS AWARD…
  ALWAYS send a thank you, no matter what someone pledged. Usually, the non-profit you work with will have a pre-made thank you letter you can edit for a more “personal touch.”
  

• JOHNNY, TELL THEM WHAT THEY’VE WON! (AND WHAT THEY’VE DONE!) Remind yourself that as long as you raise ANYTHING – it was a success. Even if you raise no money at all but make people in the community more aware of a problem, consider that a success, too. You can learn from your “mistakes” to make the next event even better.
  
  

• CELEBRATE GOOD TIMES, COME ON!
  And of course, when it’s all over, celebrate in some way – it can be as simple as going to McDonald’s for yourself or as personal as visiting the non-profit agency itself to see your money at work.
  

Do you guys have any questions for James?  Have you ever raised money for a cause you believe in?

An Idiot Abroad

Friends, if you have ever feared travel - trembled at the thought of strange languages, unidentifiable foods, unknown beds - stop worrying.  No matter what you do, you will be a better traveler than Karl Pilkington, the reluctant star of a travel reality show produced by Ricky Gervais.   Hilarity obviously ensues when Karl does ... well, just about anything.

Pssst!  Wanna quit your job and travel the world?  Check out my ebooks and podcasts on travel!

True Story: I'm Bi-racial

This is one of many True Story interviews in which we talk to people who have experienced amazing/challenging/unique things. This is the story of Lucas and his ethnic heritage.

Tell us a bit about yourself!
I'm a 21 year old college student. I've lived in good old Massachusetts my whole life. I'm currently studying psychology at Clark University and getting ready to fry my brain at law school.

What is your ethnic background?
On my mother's side, I'm French and Portuguese. On my father's side, I'm Jamaican.

Do you look more like one ethnicity than the other?
I always get mixed responses. Some people tell me that they'd never guess that I'm half black–- some people outright deny it, actually. Others would tell me that it's obvious that I'm black. I have black physical features: a wide nose, big lips, almond-shaped eyes, and wild kinky hair. I have very light skin, though-- darker than most Caucasian people, but much lighter than most black people. Personally, I think that I LOOK mixed and that both races are clearly represented. If I had to choose, though, I'd say that I look more black, if only for the hair.

How frequently do people ask you about your ethnic background? How do you feel when they ask you about it?
I used to get asked about it all the time when I was a kid. People are less curious now. I'm flattered by those who are really interested. I used to like talking about it because people usually thought it was really cool that I was mixed and exotic. I still feel this way. I usually feel a little guilty that I don't have more information or interesting stories to tell, though.

I think we've all read about bi-racial people who feel they don't fit in with either culture (or race) that they're from. Has that been true for you?
Oh yeah. Definitely. I grew up in a predominantly white suburb in Massachusetts, so all of my friends were Caucasian. Even amongst my closest friends, there was still this “we-they” notion about them. I was accepted by them, but there was still the innate difference that they couldn't get past (which is even more stupid when you remember that half of these people didn't even realize I was black until I TOLD them I was). On the other side, when I started college, I joined the Black Student Union. Here I had the opposite problem. They were all extremely warm and welcoming, but I just felt that black pop culture was so lost on me (from growing up with white kids) that I was really distant and just couldn't relate on a lot of things.

Your situation is a bit unique because you were adopted by a white family. Do you think that made things easier or harder for you?
I was adopted three days after I was born. Having white parents complicated a lot of things. They never really tried to promote the growth of our racial identities. Did I mention that I have an older brother? He's adopted, too. Half Mexican, half Blackfoot Native American, all fabulous. My parents weren't bad-- I just don't think they thought of how important teaching us about our ethnicity really was. It's strange because it's something that (I'm sure) my brother and I had to face in social interactions every day, but at home, it was almost never mentioned.

Many sociologists believe that race is a social construct. How do you feel about that? Have you made an active effort to connect to your Jamaican roots?
While I think that it's plain as day that I look more like one group of people than another group of people, I think that the differences end there. Basically, my thought is that, sure we may be appear to be different, but we're really more similar. I'd have to agree with the sociologists, because if you look at the qualitative and quantitative research, you'll find that all of the things that make races “different” are artificial in some way or another. Educational differences, income differences, professional differences, dietary differences, and the list goes on. Sure, black people tend to be more lactose intolerant than white people, but are we going to really argue that there are fundamental biological and physiological differences between us that make us drastically different? I hope not.

Have I attempted to connect to my Jamaican roots? No. My parents don't have any information pertaining to my birth father, and I feel like studying Jamaican history and culture, while enriching, wouldn't really reflect my personal history.

What advice would you give to someone who's bi- (or multi) racial who's struggling with their identity?
Don't waste time agonizing about who to identify with. You're a mix. You'll always be mixed. You can't change it. But that's what's beautiful about you. You represent a blend of different cultures, and you blend so perfectly because it's natural. You're seamless. Also, don't quantify the mix. It doesn't matter if you're 50% this or 75% that or 25% the other-- EVERY component is crucial. You are the best of EACH world.

What's your ethnic background? Do people ever ask you about it? How interested are you in your background? (I'm German/Swedish/Norwegian with sprinklings of French, Scottish and Ojibwa)

Diamond Canines, Dance Parties, Jersey Shore

Senior prom.  Not shown: my white fake Doc Martens that I 'reupholstered' with
white velvet to wear with my dress.  Dear 18-year-old self: you are so awesome and weird. 

Clare at Checks and Spots (one of my favorite blogs) was kind enough to interview me.  I prattled on about women with diamonds implanted into their teeth, mid-morning dance parties and  Jersey Shore.  Do pop over and say hi!

Get In My Ear: Little Red

Northern hemisphere friends, this is for you.  This would be a great song for summer,  piping out of an upstairs window as all your friends mill around the backyard, nursing beers and half-dancing.

Baby Pandas! Also: May Ad Space

Are you dying over these pandas a little bit?  I am.  I actually just required a bit of CPR to rouse me from my panda-induced coma.

Now that I've warmed you up with a bit of panda action, let's talk about ad space.  I've got some.  And if you've got a blog, an etsy shop, a book or a baby panda, you might want to buy some.

Sponsorships are available in one, two and three month packages with pricing discounts at two and three months.  Sponsors who sign up for a two month package with receive an introduction post and three month sponsors have the option of a giveaway, if they're interested.  Ads are shuffled mid month, so everybody gets a chance for the top spot.

Want to know my stats?

Daily hits: 2,500 - 3,200 a day

Twitter followers: 1,560+

Facebook fans: 1,050+

Google Page Rank: 4
Google reader subscribers: 4,270 +

April was a crazy good month over here at the good ship Yes and Yes.  My 31 Things I Learned In 31 Years got Stumbledupon (4,800 hits in one day?!) and everybody on the internet looooooved The Dame's guest post on How To Be Skinny and Lady Smaggle's post on jealousy.  Don't you want to be part of the fun?

And here's what previous advertisers have said about ad space on Yes and Yes:
"I had such a great response from sponsoring Yes and Yes and would definitely like to re-up!"
"I've actually seen a solid up-tick because of the advertisements, so it's been a good investment."

Email me to set up an ad at sarah (at) yesandyes (dot) org!

True Story: I Searched For God and Found Myself Instead

This is one of many True Story interviews in which we talk to people who have experienced interesting/amazing/challenging things. This is the story of Ashlee and how she went from being an Evangelical Christian to an Agnostic/Atheist. This interview is not meant to be a commentary on those readers who believe in God. This is just one reader's story about her experience with organized religion. Please keep comments respectful and resist the urge to try to change her mind.

Tell us about your relationship with religion when you were growing up.

I’m fortunate to have grown up in a very loving family. I have two older sisters and one younger brother, and my parents are still happily married. We lived in a small town in northern Minnesota, and my parents and grandparents on both sides were very active in conservative churches. They sang in the choirs, were members of prayer and Bible study groups, and attended church every week.

What led you to become an Evangelical Christian?

My interest in Christianity was sparked when I was in eighth grade. As I’m sure many people did, around this time I started to question who I wanted to become. I was getting involved with a “Mean Girls”-esque clique at school, pouting at home in true middle-child fashion, and not understanding much about the world around me. My parents, likely sick of my poor attitude, urged me to join our church’s youth group. After meeting new people there, I started to feel very accepted and comfortable at the Wednesday night meetings. I regularly attending these for the next couple years, then went with the group of about thirty teens and a few supervisors on a mission trip to Cincinnati, Ohio.

After putting on a free car wash, cleaning a senior citizen center, and feeding the homeless over the course of our week there, I felt incredibly uplifted from helping others for the first time in my life. I assumed that inner glow was from God, and decided to devote my life to him. In Christian terms this was known as “accepting Christ as my personal savior” and “asking him into my heart.”

What was your life like when you were an Evangelical Christian? What did you believe? How did you interact with people?

Being an Evangelical Christian – committing everything to “sharing the truth” about God with others – was great in some ways for a couple years. At church I continued to find a lot of the emotional support that all teens crave, and my new found faith kept me from trying drugs or drinking. However, looking back, I can see that much of my “blind faith” back then was simply ignorance. I lived in a sort of fairy-tale world, thinking of God as an invisible, intangible best friend, and all the non-Christians around me were lost souls whom he had placed in my life to help. I read the Bible almost like a horoscope, trying to fit its positive lessons into my own life, while ignoring the confusing and violent parts.

As an Evangelical Christian, I traveled on several more mission trips, during which our group would hold after-school Bible-teaching programs for children and knock on strangers’ doors (the outreach tactic also utilized by Jehovah’s Witnesses) to discuss our faith with them. Back at home, I became obsessed with being as Christ-like as possible, constantly looking for opportunities to talk about God with my high school classmates, and trying to be as “pure” as possible. This meant I didn’t swear, fool around with guys, drink, smoke, watch R-rated movies or listen to much non-Christian music. The cliché “What Would Jesus Do?” question really did dominate my personality – I disciplined myself by imagining Jesus with me all the time! This lasted into college.

An overwhelming factor in my life through all this was guilt. It was rewarding to try to help others, of course, but picturing God watching and listening to me – even as a loving, forgiving father-figure – was difficult. Even while fully believing that I was going to heaven and that I had God on my side, guilt was a motivating factor for most of my actions, and looking back I see that this stunted me from truly being and loving myself.

When did you start questioning your beliefs?

When I was twenty, my perception of the world really began to change. There’s a stereotype that goes around in many conservative church circles – that when “good Christian kids” go off to public universities, they lose their faith to a dangerous, liberal agenda. Several young adults I personally know slowly became disinterested in or disillusioned about religious ideals during this period. Many still believe in a general idea of God, but don’t have the emotional dependence on prayer and church attendance they did as teenagers. My family and Christian friends like to label me as one of those that have “turned their backs on Jesus.” However, my journey out of Christianity wasn’t about rebelling or just losing interest, but about searching for God and instead discovering the beauty in other people and cultures.

As a sophomore in college, I met several incredible people who opened my mind about spirituality without even knowing it. I’ll describe just one of the dozens here. My roommate that year was a twenty-year-old devout Muslim from Bangladesh. She and I spent countless nights discussing our individual beliefs, and I was surprised to watch her live a lifestyle almost identical to mine: she prayed daily, was committed to being a virgin until marriage, and joined a religious

A pivotal moment in my life happened one spring evening when I was doing homework in our dorm. She came in to gather her books, and excitedly told me that a group of her Islamic friends was meeting to eat a traditional Bangladeshi meal, pray about their final exams, and then study for a few hours.

After she left, it hit me that a few nights before, my Campus Crusade for Christ (a widespread Christian club) friends and I had done almost the exact same thing – but for a god with a different name. She and I were alike in so many ways – living to worship God and help others – and yet Christians are supposed to think that Muslims will eventually be eternally punished by God if they don’t accept Christ. And, conversely, Muslims are supposed to think that Christians will eventually be eternally punished by Allah.

It dawned on me: if her system of beliefs could be so misled, why couldn’t mine? I suddenly found myself completely unable to believe my fun, loving, caring, humble, Islamic roommate would someday be rejected by God and sent to hell.

After this night, and after getting to know several other amazing, selfless non-Christians, I slowly began to question absolutely everything in the Bible and the church sermons I’d heard over the years. When I asked my closest, most intelligent Christian friends about standard teachings, I was unnerved to discover their answers didn’t really run deeper than, “I don’t know – just try to have more faith in God” and “That’s up to God, and we’re not supposed to test him.”

The more I searched and prayed for clarity, the more I felt I was just talking to myself, and only finding answers that contradicted the Bible. So I conducted an experiment: stop praying completely for two weeks. This happened to coincide with my college graduation and tons of stress. I would stop myself from speaking to “God” when I was overwhelmed, though, and instead give myself a pep talk or call a friend. The two weeks passed, then two more, then two months, and so on, and somehow the ever-present guilt I’d experienced began to dissipate. I felt less worried in general, and was still just as happy and grateful for my life, without ever talking to God or asking for his help.

Nothing really changed – except my emotional makeup. I began to gain confidence in myself instead of worrying about what God wanted, and I started thinking once again about who I wanted to become, not just about how I was supposed to act.

This continued for the next year and a half, and I kept discussing these topics with anyone and everyone I encountered. I couldn’t get enough of learning about different worldviews, and as I did, I began to see that they all had both positive and negative aspects, and none were provably truer or more valuable than the others. I also discovered I was still able to love and give to others without doing it in the name of God. Post-Hurricane Katrina, I went with a church organization to volunteer in Louisiana, and it was unforgettable. It didn’t matter that I no longer believed in the god they were serving; we were all trying to help others.

How would you define your religious beliefs now?

I consider my views to be somewhere between those of atheists and agnostics.

Due to my experiences, I am an atheist emotionally. I don’t sense or believe that there are any gods in the universe. I see our lives and emotions – everything on earth, really – as physical actions and chemical reactions.

For instance, I believe my sense of Jesus’ presence back when I was a Christian was just a result of my own thought patterns. Talking to Jesus, like a child playing with an imaginary friend, often calmed me and gave me a feeling of comfort. This wasn’t because a spiritual figure was actually listening to and caring about me, but due to the fact I was sorting things out in my own mind and picturing a supernatural force helping me.

Nowadays, rather than pray, I reflect on my problems and goals by writing about them, talking with a friend, or thinking them through while exercising – and the resulting uplifting sensations and comfort are the same as, if not better than, those I felt after praying.

Still, though my emotions are in line with atheism, I am mentally agnostic. Neither myself nor anyone else on earth has ever been able to prove the existence or nonexistence of a god. Therefore, Christianity could be true! Islam could be the correct religion! Hinduism might present the one right path to heaven! And so on. Or we could all be wrong – a very different god could be shaking her head at us, or maybe there’s no divinity at all. Because I’m still open to possibilities, and am eager to learn more while personally unable to prove anything, I’m quite agnostic.

I do find myself shuddering at the creeds spread by most religions, though, and adamantly oppose doctrines that encourage racism, homophobia, sexism, violence, and other beliefs that harm or belittle people. I think if you threw humanism, atheism, and agnosticism in a bowl and mixed it all together, you’d end up with my current worldview!

What advice would you give to others who are struggling with their faith?

Question everyone and everything every day, with a heartfelt goal of finding answers.

Don’t accept weak, pat answers, even from the best-intentioned people. Rather, consider why their responses are weak in the first place.

Be kind and encouraging to the person you’re conversing with, and be sensitive about these topics! No one enjoys having an opposing opinion crammed down their throat, and you don’t want to hurt people or burn bridges.

Embrace discomfort. It’s not always fun to read a different religion’s holy text or attend a worship service, but you’ll learn loads about others and your own upbringing.

Accept that you’ll never have all the answers, but let this spur you on to the ones you can. Apathy has never helped anyone grow.

If you honestly seek truth, you will learn things in ways and at times you never expected. Transcendental moments do often happen in memorable settings – like while engaged in deep conversation around a bonfire, or while meditating to music – but some of my most helpful revelations have come through watching a sitcom, or having a nice chat with customers in the bookstore where I used to work.

Struggling with faith is a fantastic stage to find yourself in. From here, you only have more wisdom to gain!

I love life and other people infinitely more than I did before, and have accomplished things I never would have if I hadn’t become an agnostic/atheist. Thanks for letting me share my story!

Any (respectful!) questions for Ashlee? What has been your experience with religion? How did you come to your current views?

My Post-College Survival Story: Sarah Von

On May 23rd, I'm launching my very first ecourse The Post-College Survival Kit! Advice on loans, apartments, jobs, live-in lovers!  The course is being led by yours truly, Alex Franzen  (Unicorns for Socialism) Sally McGraw (Already Pretty), Sarah Storer (The Naked Redhead) and Marie Joseph (Money Monk).  Here we each share our stories of how we navigated our post-college lives. 

Name:  Sarah von Bargen

Location: (currently) Wellington, New Zealand (usually) St. Paul, Minnesota

Current profession: Blogger, Freelance Wordsmith, Social Media Explainer

Schools graduated from: University of Minnesota, Morris (BA in English Literature) University of Victoria, Wellington, New Zealand (MA in Applied Linguistics)

When you were in college, what did you imagine post-college life was going to be like?

My post-college fantasies were many  and varied.  Mostly, I imagined lots of clicking about in high heels and looking out the window of my corner office at  the marketing/pr/advertising/event-planning firm where I'd climbed the ladder at an alarming rate.  I fantasized about holidays to foreign lands where I would become very tan and maintain my weight despite consuming huge amounts of cheese and wine.  There were also dreams of living in an airstream trailer and being a writer.

How did your reality differ from what you imagined?

It was significantly more stressful and exponentially less rewarding than I had imagined.  But most of that stemmed from my job.

I'd spent every summer interning so I had the very rare experience of landing my (at the time) dream job straight out of college.  I was an associate event planner at a swanky firm in Minneapolis.  I planned Dr. Seuss-themed events for giant corporations, hunted down decor that could be considered 'Miami South Beach'-esque and arranged a gajillion flowers.  Sounds amazing, right?  I also had a Devil Wear's Prada caliber boss,  worked evenings and weekends and got paid $13 an hour.  The 32-year-old senior event planners made $15 an hour.  I started to get anxiety stomachaches every Sunday night and panic every time my phone rang.

I also had a lot less disposable income than I wanted.  I worked all through college but usually at unpaid or very low paying internships.  This meant that I had a great resume but pretty significant debt.  I was determined to pay down my school debt quickly so I opted for the shorter repayment plan with higher monthly payments.  The $13 an hour I earned at my crazy stressful job didn't go very far, so I had to put myself of a super tight budget.  At one point, I only allowed myself $15 a week of 'fun money'!

How did you meet people after you got out of school? 

Friends of friends.  Internet message boards. Ok Cupid. Halloween parties over a bowl of mini Butterfingers. 

As I think I've mentioned before, when I meet someone that I like, I have zero qualms about announcing "You are awesome and we are totally going to be friends." You'd be amazed how effective this is!

How did you get from your post-college job to the job you have now?

Oh, this has been a cyclical path, my friends.  I worked in marketing/pr/journalism.  Burnt out.  Moved to Taiwan and taught English.  Spent five years traveling the world and teaching.  Started this blog for funsies while teaching.  Fell completely in love with writing all over again and now I'm kind of back where I started.  Except this time I'm working for myself instead of Meryl Streep's evil doppelganger.

What advice would you give to recent grads?
Internships aren't just for college students!  If you've been out of school for a year, working a dead end job, at a loss at how to get into your field of choice - it's not too late to get an internship or volunteer!  If you want to be a social worker, volunteer at a women's shelter and talk to employees about how they got their jobs.  If you want to be a photographer, volunteer to shoot family portraits for your friends or send your best photos to the local newspaper.  Call up the companies you're interested in and see what sort of internships and work experience programs they have to offer.

What did you post-college life look like?

Nervous about life after graduation?  Pre-register for The Post College Survival Kit and save!

Real Life Style Icon: Ashley of Milkteeths

Name: Ashley B.

Age: 22

Location: Orange County, CA

Online haunts: blog, vintage clothing store, refinery29 profile

Three reasons that you're awesome

1. I'm multilingual. Besides English, I speak Kapangpangan (A Filipino dialect) fluently, understand but can't speak Tagalog, and have a conversational understanding of Spanish. I'd like to learn French next!

2. I'm a big musical theater/drama nerd. I was my high school's drama club president.
3. Halloween is my favorite holiday and I went as Prince last year. It'll be hard to top it, but I plan on trying.

What are you wearing right now, as you type this?
I was feeling pretty lazy this morning so thought to dress comfortably (read: grungy).  I am wearing a blue plaid 3/4 sleeve blouse bought on sale at Urban Outfitters, a pair of slouchy sandy wool slacks (thrifted), a thin army green cardigan (thrifted), striped gray socks (I'm in bed!), and a gray cable knit beanie from F21.

What is your best thrifting score?

I have so many! One of my first ever scores in high school, when I began thrifting, were a pair of navy blue Ferragamo bow flats like the kind Audrey Hepburn wore. They had never been worn too and I'm so glad that I recognized how awesome they were back then. Besides that, I have a few dresses from the 50s that are beautiful and fit me like a glove, I was super excited when I found them. Also, I found a really pretty antique yellow globe at a thrift store for $7 and just about fainted when I found out the price.

What is the last item of clothing you bought?

A white blouse that has the best white floral appliques on the front, the appliques are a fun detail and give the blouse unexpected texture. And there are buttons down the back! Originally purchased from a thrift store and I had my grandma make the sleeves shorter.  I can't wait to wear this piece out!

Tell us about a favorite childhood memory about your clothes.

My grandma made a lot of my clothes growing up and she would make the best outfits that had all of these matching accessories like headbands and bows. I remember she made me this dinosaur printed jumpsuit with a matching headband. It had long sleeves that were belled and it was just the best. She would also make me really fancy dresses for special occasions and I still have them, they're works of art!

What is the item of clothing you most covet at the moment?
Does an accessory count? I have been scouring Etsy and Ebay for the perfect brown leather rucksack. I'm going to Europe in May  and have been forewarned that the walking in store will be unparalleled to anything I've ever experienced so I figured a backpack was the way to go since I like to carry a lot of stuff with me.

Could you tell us your top three style tricks/DIYs?

1.  Red lipstick can make the dullest outfit intriguing, go for a blue toned red to make your teeth look whiter.

2. Never underestimate the power of a simple bun placed on the top of your head. I think it's an incredibly chic look and a perfect counterpoint to outfits that can be borderline fussy. The simple bun is a nice contrast.

3. Bring hand sanitizer or wipes when you go thrifting. The hands do get a bit grimy after pawing through used duds and I know I always feel better after I disinfect!

Thanks so much for sharing, Ashley!  Do you guys have any questions?

Gorgeous Earrings! For You!

Here’s your chance to win this gorgeous, hand-made set of earrings courtesy of positivity blogger Davinia Hamilton (she made them herself!) A tiny sky-blue Swarovski crystal dangles from a delicate spiral-shaped wire, attached to a silver-plated ear hook. Couldn’t you just imagine yourself rocking these together with a messy bun and a breezy sun-dress while you nibble on cucumber sandwiches (crusts off!) in the park?

To win, pop over to Davinia's blog and leave a comment hear telling us what you'd wear them with!

First World Problems

If you've used the internet in the last three months you've probably heard about the hilarious/thought-provoking/reality-checking phenomena that is First World Problems.

I would like to say that I'm the sort of girl who can view her problems through the bigger-picture-lens and that I don't ever shout "IHATEEVERYTHING!" to an empty house when I can't format a photo correctly.  But I am not nearly that zen.  

You would think that teaching English to refugees and even spending time in a Nepali refugee camp would help me chill the eff out?  Well, you'd be wrong.   Sure, for a few weeks after leaving the Timai camp in eastern Nepal, I counted my blessings. 

Blessings like:
* I have access to hot water 24 hours a day
* I have electricity 24 hours a day
* I don't have to sleep on the porch when I have my period
* If I get married, I'll be my husband's only wife (um, hopefully)
* I'm not part of a caste system

But once I got to luxurious, modern Thailand I was concerned about wifi signals and my fine, blond eyelashes all over again.

I had to remind myself that if the whole world put their problems in a pile, I'd be so happy to take mine back.


So!  In the name of a bit of reality-checking and self-mockery, let's share our first world problems.

Here are mine:

* Two months ago, I switched from hard contacts to soft.  But I don't think I really like them and I'm too vain to wear my glasses in public.

* I do 90% of my writing on a tiny netbook.  I think I'm starting to mess up my wrists and hands on that wee keyboard.

* I like writing in coffee shops but very few cafes in New Zealand have wifi.

* The flatmates and I are dissatisfied with our coffee table.  The legs are a bit too baroque for our tastes and the top has two water stains.

* Winter's coming to New Zealand and I don't have enough layering gear.

* I found a really cute picture of a tiny turtle on a tiny skateboard that I want to use as a screensaver, but it's not high res so now my screensaver is cute but vaguely pixalated.

A bit ridiculous, eh?  How lucky am I that these are my 'problems'?!


Now you!  What are your first world problems?

P.S.  Have you heard this song?  The chorus is "these problems are the good ones to have."

Blogs You Should Be Reading: Musings of an Inappropriate Woman

Funny, smarty-pants Rachel Hills has got our numbers.  Notes on travel, transience and friendship (are you talking about my life?) Seeing Yourself Through Someone Else's Eyes and how the internet is feeding our workaholic tenancies.

Go have a look - I bet you'll love her!