12 months of sweet ideas, great quotes, weird-but-real holidays. When you finish a month, flip it over and use the templates on the back to make postcards, gift tags, book marks, greeting cards. More info.





Thursday, March 31, 2011

And This Is You


You wake up rooms. When you walk in the door, everything cheers. Welcome! Whatever you look at swoons in the glow of your attention: people, tables, memories, spoons. Yes. Even spoons. The spoon you ate your soup with was instantly in love, lived only to serve you, to be with your hand, to touch your lips—it’s still, to this very day, writing poems that mourn your loss. Everything aches for your lively gaze. The whole room is tense, trembling, waiting to arise in your view. The menu sings. The smug table mocks the others. Your glass of wine gasps with every single sip. And the floor—the wooden floor’s past and future cohere with meaning in the event of propping your stance, your walk, and the booth in which you sit. It recalls its origins, built by cursing men with swinging hammers, aware of its inevitable demolition, all unquestionably justified by the presence of your feet. And the people, men and women alike, see you and forget themselves. They are ghosts with no memories. They can’t look you in the eye. They feel like weeping and can’t say why. The flickering candle is humbled, silent, content to merely light the way.

Don’t wonder who this is about. It’s about you. You wake up rooms. 

By BHJ
via Code For Something

How To Be Skinny


Do you guys read The Dame?  It's the (not entirely safe for work) blog of a professional sexy lady.  She blogs about love, sex, inspiration and a million other interesting things.  Recently a teenage girl emailed her asking for  "a schedule of diet and exercise" and here is what she said:

Monday:

Look in the mirror and list everything you love about your body.
Don't eat or drink anything with sugar in it.
Do something you love and that makes you laugh.
Make someone else laugh.
Throw away all fashion/women’s magazines.
Get active doing something you enjoy: dancing, surfing, running, building, fixing, yoga, tidying, whatever makes you happy and smiley.
Shop for clothes that look good on you, don't look at the size,
just find what fits well.
Throw away your scale.
Stop eating red meat.
Drink 2 liters of water.
Make a list of everything you're grateful for.
Find ways to make other people happy.
Commit random acts of kindness.
Never say anything to yourself that you wouldn't say to a friend or loved one.
Accept yourself and know that you are and will always be, good enough.

Repeat Tues to Sunday.

What do you do when you want to look and feel your best? I stop drinking coffee, stop pinning up my bangs, dance it out and put on a yogurt/aspirin mask,

Wednesday, March 30, 2011

We Had No Idea That Couldn't Be Done



This song and video warm my wind-chilled Wellington heart.  Oceanic voyages!  Triumphing over adversity!  The world's catchiest chorus!  

We had no idea that it couldn't be done
We just needed to find the right-minded someone

Indeed.

10 Things to Do on Your Lunchbreak That Don't Involve Facebook or Lean Cuisine



I would love to tell you that my lunch breaks are rife with whimsy and sunlight and well-planned salads prominently featuring goat cheese.  But that's not true.  On the rare occasion that I'm working the 9-to-5, my lunch break consists of eating a Lean Cuisine while I read  blogs.  Sexy, no?

No more!  I'm going to use that time wisely!  Let's all use that time wisely! 

Have a picnic
Do a bit of prep work the night before researching nearby parks and packing up the perfect picnic lunch (great picnic recipes here). Come noon time, hunker under a tree with your couscous salad and strawberries and watch the ducks paddle around the pond and the cute hippies play Ultimate Frisbee.

Hit up your local book store
Few things beat drinking coffee and reading magazines that you don't have to buy, amiright?

Meet up with a friend

Make a pact that you will not talk about work, not whine about your boss, not gossip about the co-worker with questionable fashion sense.  Talk about the good things in your life, your plans for the weekend, why your cat is awesome.  You'll go back to work feeling positive and refreshed.

Go to a beach

This is surprisingly doable in Minnesota with our 12,000 lakes.  A few times last summer, I changed into my bikini and spent 45 minutes lounging next to the water, drinking lime soda.  You'll feel oddly unstoppable, returning to the office smelling like sunscreen with sand in your shoes.

Try a new ethnic restaurant

Go eat Ethiopian food with your hands!  Try some super hot, super healthy kimchi!  Check out that Mongolian barbecue place and see what all the fuss is about!  You'll be out of the office, trying something new, developing bad breath from yummy food.

Buy a disposable camera and wander around your work neighborhood taking photos

Am I the only one who finds disposable cameras oddly charming?  Waiting to see what your pictures look like!  How adorably vintage!  And we all know that film photos really do look different than digital prints.  Spend your lunch hour stalking your work neighborhood on a one-person photo scavenger hunt.  Here are some great photo lists.

Try every restaurant within walking distance
The rules are: if you can walk there, you have to try it.  Maybe it's a mom-n-pop Mexican place, a hippie coffee shop or a TGIFridays.  This is a fun way to explore your neighborhood, try new foods and support your local business.

Try a little office yoga
Close your office door and engage in a bit of downward dog (here's a great group of videos on office yoga).  You'll feel heaps calmer and better. Then, for good measure, do nothing for two minutes.

Go window shopping at luxury stores

In your fanciest outfit and your nicest lipstick, spend your lunch hour fondling the purses at Coach and the shoes at Jimmy Choo.  Try things on, announce that this isn't quite right for your ladies' luncheon, smile charmingly at the sales girls.  Return to your real life, thankful that your priorities lies elsewhere.

Nap in your car
What?

How do you spend your lunch breaks?  Any ideas to add to the list?

Tuesday, March 29, 2011

Love, Love, Love



Call off the search, you guys.  I've found the cutest video in the history of all music videos. Ukuleles, penguins, blimps.  I wish this video would come to life so I could smother it in a bear hug.

Don't Be Jealous (No. Really. Don't.)

This fantastic guest post comes to us from my fellow Virgo Lady Smaggle. If you love her advice on this topic, you'll love everything on offer over at her blog. Go say hi!

The green eyed monster comes to visit us all once in a while. My current obsession is with Mia Wasikowska who was plucked straight from the Canberra theater stages and delivered into the loving arms of Tim Burton. I want to bury myself in a big black pit of jealous screaming ‘SHE’S SO LUCK-EEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!’…

But calm down just a minute there Miss Smaggle. She’s not lucky, she’s ambitious. Aside from sacrificing life, time, sanity, food and her childhood years that should have been spent pashing Stussy-jeans wearing pre-pubescent boys at the bus interchange she obviously did something to get noticed. Tim Burton doesn’t generally wander around going ‘Hmmm… I wonder what the Canberra Philharmonic Society have on at the moment.’ She worked. And it worked.

When was the last time you ran into a friend who was half the size she was then when you last saw her? Did you gush and say she looked great? But secretly wanted to liquefy donuts and feed them to her intravenously as she slept? Why? We all know weight loss is hard and there’s no easy way to do it. So why after spending months on the couch drinking wine and eating refined cellulite do we sneer ‘lucky bitch’ at our newly size ten friends who have been counting calories like Oprah counts money and – Shock! Horror! Actually have a banging bod to show for their hard work? Why?

What about that friend from high school that has been interning pro-bono at a fashion magazine while struggling to make ends meet at her part- time job only to be rewarded with an assistant editors position? It was all peachy keen and BFF when she was ‘chasing her foolish dream’ but now that it’s been realized suddenly we put our jealous hats on. Why?

Or that friend who just bought her first house? The one that you stopped inviting out because she could ‘never afford it’? Why are you jealous with your 15o plus pairs of shoes and Chloe handbag?

It’s not that you’re bitter that they’ve achieved amazing things. It’s because you’re annoyed at yourself that you haven’t. Ouch. That hurt a little didn’t it?

No one will know you are writer unless you write something and show them. You will never buy a house unless you stop getting mani-pedis every week. You will never lose weight while you have a Mars Bar in your hand. And you will never be handed a gallery exhibition unless you draw something and wave it around in front people.

It’s time to be honest with yourself. What do you want? Write it down. Figure out how to get it. You don’t reach your goals by accident.

In fact… tell me! What do you want? And what are you going to do today to achieve it?
I’ll start… I want to start my jewelery line. And today I’m going to go to the library, sketch, do research and find my design voice. Then I’m going to draw up a business plan.
And you…?

See you back here in three months to report. Let’s make everyone jealous of us!

Monday, March 28, 2011

Dabi Update!


Do you guys remember my amazing friend Dabi?  The fantastic guy who speaks six languages, starts HIV support programs and grins in such a way that your heart melts?  I am so, so excited to tell you guys that we raised almost $1,000 to help send Dabi to English school! 

Dabi recently was approved for a three-month student visa!
Come May, he'll be in Chicago taking part in an intensive English program.  Dabi is the only son in his family, so familial obligations frequently get in the way of his learning.  But outside of Thailand, he'll be able to completely devote himself to his studies.  And hopefully to a few Cubs games and Chicago-style hotdogs.

Here's a completely adorable email from Dabi. 
I hope you're ready for your heart to melt and drip out through your belly button.

Thank you so much to help me. Amanda and Daniel and me we look your website. I so excited. You very nice thank you so much (I am appreciate)


So great, right?!  I'm hoping to coordinate a few vlogs with him while he's in The States.  If you'd like to make a donation towards his schooling, you can do so here.

True Story: I Was Homeless

This is one of many True Story interviews in which we talk to people who have experienced interesting/amazing/challenging things. This is the story of Salena and her time being homeless.

Tell us a bit about yourself!

I'm 19 and I grew up in California. I wouldn't call myself an artist, but I love to draw; mostly anime and comics. Recently I've started doing commissions which is a very big accomplishment for me! I love creating and discovering, storytelling and adventure. Currently I'm enrolled in college, finally completing my first semester in the spring after 3 or 4 tries. I hope to transfer to university after getting an AA in Arts to study Japanese and English.

What was your life like growing up?
My mother worked hard to raise me on her own. We moved to California when I was 6; soon after that we moved into the house I'd call a home for 11 years. She had a boyfriend for a time, whom I hated with a 5th grader passion. My mom worked a lot, more than she was supposed to even, to make sure things stayed normal. She made sure to do something with me every Friday after she came home from work; she bought me books when I ran out of things to read, drew Disney characters so I could color them. I realize now that she's the World's Greatest Mom. I was lucky.

Can you tell us about the factors that led to you being homeless?
My mom has been on social security since a few car accidents in her 20's. Things started changing for the worse in her 40's. I was in junior high when she lost her job.

Her boyfriend had been saying that he would help pay for the bills [he was living with us] but never gave up the cash. Fast forward to losing her job, now on top of that she's in quite a bit of debt towards the house she owned and maintained for 11 years. And social security decided to stop giving my mother benefits!

According to the law, a person on state benefits is allowed to work part-time as long as they make under a certain amount of money every month. One month, Mom got a 25 cent raise, resulting in about $100 extra income at the end of the month. It doesn't seem like that big of a deal, especially now that I know how long $100 lasts for two people, but social security deemed it enough to stop her benefits. Of course, they were taken to court, however, this time she didn't win.

Now, on top of the job loss, social security also claimed that both my mother and I (she was receiving benefits because of me) owed back all the money paid out to us between the time they notified mom of her termination and the final court hearing. By this time I'd starting my first year of high school. We managed okay for a couple of months off workers’ compensation, but one day I came home from school and our old real estate agent was sitting at the table with mom. Before I knew it, the house is sold, we'd packed everything into storage, and purchased a new car with no where to go.

Can you tell us about a day in the life of a homeless person?
It's actually boringly normal for the most part. Wake up, find a bathroom, wash up, brush teeth...etc. Go eat breakfast. Run errands, find a way to not be homeless. If there's nothing to do just hang out, go to the library, a movie. Take a nap. Eat lunch. Sit around and wait for the day to be over please. Dinner. Find a place to settle down, find a bathroom, change clothes, sleep. There was no real reason to stop normal habits.

How did you deal with the logistics of homelessness? Where did you shower? Where did your mail go? What did you do with all your 'stuff'?
In the beginning mail went to my aunt’s house, then a P.O box, then an office that offered services for homeless people. Home Base of the shelter offered showers. But before that there were hotel rooms, and before that we made due with park bathrooms. Our stuff went into storage for the three years we were homeless. During the fourth year we had a late payment and they auctioned everything from our two-bedroom home off for $400. We got $98 of it. We stayed in one area, where my school was located, until I graduated.

Did you ever live in a shelter? What was that like?
I had school from 7 to 2:30 during the week, so I was occupied. My mom sat in the park mostly, waiting to pick me out. At 3:30 the shelter opened its doors, which lead to another 3 hours of waiting before the first 50 of us were loaded onto a bus with padded mats and garbage bags full of blankets and the like.

The drive to the churches was usually between five minutes to one hour, then we'd unload and eat the dinner the churchgoers had prepared after letting them pray at us (no really, I love Jesus personally, but these people prayed AT us, every time)

We ate mostly meat and potatoes but there were a few places that served us nice things, like pasta, casserole and vegetarian options. After that there was more cleaning, moving of objects, then the 50 sometimes plus of us would stealthily battle from a spot to sleep. No one wanted to sleep next to the snorers or the booze-reekers or the insomniacs or the 'monitors table'. After a few months my mother and I got a hang of it. Lights out at 10pm and on again at 6:30 am. More cleaning. Maybe breakfast, depending on where we were staying that night, loading the bus, driving back to home base which closed at 7:30 am. Then we were left to fend for ourselves for the rest of the day.

What do you think are the biggest misconceptions about homelessness? Or homeless people?

* That homeless people can just up and get a job because it's way more complicated than that.
Especially when you have limited clothing and no where to really rest and a shelter that closes its doors to anyone not there by 3:30 pm everyday.

* That homeless people can just save money
Like it's that simple, like living doesn't require what little money, if any, they get.

* That they're idiots
There were tons of perfectly capable human beings being treated like dogs because they lost their home.

* That all homeless people don’t want to be homeless
I’ve found out that a lot of them actually don't care about anything other than beer and whatever vice they happen to have.

* That we don’t have the right to be picky
We came from a two bedroom house and a comfortable life. We cannot just, 'give everything up' we cannot just 'start over from the beginning'. It's painful. It sucks. And it's hard - harder than you'd think.

What lead to you eventually finding a home?
Giving in. We finally got accepted into a program that pays like, 80% of rent based off income, but couldn't find anywhere but the cheap apartment buildings right next to the shelter. Two years later we're still looking.

What advice would you give to someone facing homelessness? Or someone whose loved one is facing it?
Don't judge them.

For whatever reason you or someone you know has been rendered homeless, don't guilt them or pressure them or scorn them because of it. Sympathize. Someone just lost everything, there's nothing left.

Keep your wits about you. Don't give up. Don't be afraid to ask for help, but be careful who you tell. Don't settle, something better will come along.

Don't stop living your normal life. Go to the doctor, shop for a new dress, go out with friends, keep going to school. A home doesn't make you, so don't act as though your life is over.

Do you know anyone who has been homeless? Any questions for Salena?

Sunday, March 27, 2011

Web Time Wasters


Friends!  How was your weekend?  I spent mine having lunch with old friends, salsa dancing, working on my upcoming ecourse (!)  and remembering why I usually stop after two glasses of wine.  Some fun things to keep you entertained on your Sunday afternoon:

I love the illustrated recipes on the awesome blog They Draw & Cook.  You can even submit your own!

Stop living my dream life!  Amazing house tour of a beautifully refurbished, tiny airstream trailer. (thanks, Sabrina!)

Why didn't we think of this before?  Fondue with tiny cupcakes!

According to a British newspaper article, traditional marriage is over - and that's better for men, women and children!

I love small spaces.  I love writers.  Ergo, I love these small writing sheds of famous writers.

Very important.  A Facebook campaign to get The Muppets to host the 2012 Oscars.

Three very specific playlists from Mighty Girl: Wishing Life Had a Fastforward Button, Shaking Your Fist at The Sky and Dancing Around in Your Underwear.

Do you guys know who Mick Foley is?  The super hardcore WWF wrestler?  Well, dude gives really good advice on life.  Seriously. 

Eww and sad.  The oddly over-sexified, modern versions of our favorite childhood toys. (When did Holly Hobbie turn hot?!)

If you've been blogging for awhile and it's not quite going as well as you'd like, check out LA's post about what readers look for in blogs.  The comments are super helpful!

These would be great gifts for Easter or May Day - little gift pouches made out of 'seeded paper.'  You can plant the paper and flowers will grow!

I love this.  Hypothetical interior design if you lived in a cave (lots of skulls, fur and bronze apparently)

In the event that you need to feel downtrodden, here's a (true) story about the loneliest whale in the world.

Let's all remember that if the whole world put their problems in a pile, we'd be so happy to take ours back.  On that note, images of children around the world and where they sleep.

This is totally, totally my new go-to hairstyle.

Everybody get's rejected from time to time.  Read Disney's rejection letter to a young Tim Burton.

Saturday, March 26, 2011

Friday, March 25, 2011

Chill The Eff Out (Or: How To Avoid Psyching Yourself Out)

reposted from last year because a) finals week is coming up b) it's a good post, y'all!

Dear Sarah Von,
I'm a senior in college and an English major. Over the next two weeks I have over 85 pages worth of papers to write. How do I work hard and stay optimistic without totally psyching myself out?


Oh, friend. I have been there so hard. There was a three-month period in 2007 in which I attended graduate school full time, held two part time jobs, attempted to go vegan and lived with three other people in a two bedroom cottage. What? Yes. How ridiculous am I? And when it came time to write my papers, my coping technique involved staring the computer into submission, crying and then eating several candy bars.

However! That awful three-month foray into insanity taught me a bit about how to chill the eff out in the face of pressure and not completely psych myself out. A few things I learned:

Try your hardest. No, really. Your actual hardest.
I don't know about you, but often times I confuse "not being totally lazy" with "trying hard." If I look back on high school, I realize that what I thought was "trying hard" was actually about 50% of what I was capable of. College required about 70% of my best effort and graduate school called for about 90% (with the occasional bit of 95% in that damn grammar class!)

And I think we all know what trying our hardest feels like, in anything that we're attempting:
* doing all of the readings (before class!), attending the study session and meeting with your prof if you have questions
* networking with people in the field you want to get into, learning the applicable software, attending workshops and volunteering for big, hard projects that nobody wants to do
* asking your friends if they know anybody they can set you up with, giving internet dating a try, talking to cute strangers and going out with the perfectly nice guy you're not sure about

I find that when I know that I've tried my hardest, that I've done absolutely everything within my power to be successful at a given project, whether or not I succeed becomes almost secondary. You can't do anything else, you've given it all you've got. There's nothing to get psyched out about.

Also - when you've realllly tried your hardest? You're pretty likely to succeed, right?

Consult your co-hearts.
If you're losing your mind over your millions of term papers, your fruitless job hunt, your never-ending singledom or your frequently rejected manuscript, it's easy to feel like you're the only one going through this. But, shockingly enough, you're not. Other people in the world are stressed out, unemployed, unhappily single or unpublished. While I wouldn't necessarily recommend hunkering down for a three hour bitch-fest with your equally frustrated peers, it feels good to know you're not alone.

Allot yourself a bit of time to winge about this predicament and then see if these friends are trying anything you haven't thought of. Maybe they're friends with a physics whiz or a publishing agent or a single cutie. Maybe they've got some academic references you can use. Combine and use your powers for good!

Take a (wee, little) breather.
If you've been going all out, trying your absolute hardest for the last two weeks, you're probably in need of a breather. Energy and creativity need to be replenished, and really? The library has to close at some point. So take some time (two hours, a day, a week) and completely distance yourself from the project. Shower, change clothes, grab lunch somewhere new with someone who's not studying the same thing as you. Take a weekend away and read things that have absolutely nothing to do with what you're working on. Watch a fun, mindless movie. Go dancing and drink a little bit too much. Get a massage. Go rollerskating.

Realize that the world will not end.
During graduate school I was having a winge to my fantastic friend Jess, lamenting the possibility of getting a C (shock and horror!) on a paper. She leveled her eyes at me and said "And you know what will happen if you get a C? The world will keep doing this (insert rotating hand motion here)"

And girlfriend was right. I know that these papers, this job search, this grad school application seem like the end-all-be-all right now. But they're not. Really. They're not. I didn't get my driver's license till I was nearly 17. I went through a terrible break up at age 29. I didn't get into the first graduate school I applied to. And you know what? Not dead.

Remember your other strengths.
In the event that you really try your hardest on these papers (or apartment hunt. or your gallery submission) and things don't work out, remember that you are not defined by this one small thing. You are not just a student or a writer or an ex-girlfriend. You are a great friend, a sibling, a maker of great sandwiches and the owner of some gorgeous legs.

And the grade on your term papers isn't going to change those things.

How do you deal with deadlines and pressure?

Thursday, March 24, 2011

Thoughts on Catching


What on earth can you do on this earth but catch at whatever comes near you, with both your hands, until your fingers are broken?

- Tennessee Williams

Real Life Style Icons: Asian Cajuns


Age:
27 and 27 ;)
Location: Atlanta/Decatur, Georgia
Online haunts: Facebook and AsianCajuns.com
Three reasons that you're awesome: We love our readers! We love other bloggers- we find people so generous with their knowledge (love tutorials of any kind over the internets). We're identical twins- that's pretty awesome, right?


How did you dress as a kid?

Lar: Suspenders. Pink ones. I remember liking those a lot. We started ballet when we were three (and continued until we were 17), so you could usually find us in leotards and tights.
Cath: We also wore a lot of skirts. I remember some pink and purple knit skirts with giant ruffles that we use to wear all the time.


When did you become interested in fashion?
Lar: Cath and I have always loved fashion magazines and wearing things that made us feel good. I'm not sure if the latter counts as fashion. I didn't explore my own personal style until I had the money to buy clothes on my own (college age).
Cath: I think it was our childhood love of paper dolls that really set off our love for fashion. We loved making our own paper dolls - most of them were girls in dresses with giant puffed sleeves.


Where do you find style inspiration?

Lar: Bloggers. It used to be mags (Vogue, Elle, Nylon), but I don't have any subscriptions any more because I find blogs so much more inspirational - and free!
Cath: Agreed. Blogs are so much more interesting than magazine editorials. There are only so many times you can look at an overly airbrushed model and celebrity.


Where are your favorite places to shop?

Lar: Local boutiques, thrift stores, and the usual suspects: H&M, Madewell, F21, Zara, J.Crew, etc.
Cath: Apart from local boutiques, we do most of our shopping online. We're not big fans of the mall.


Could you tell us your top three style tricks/DIYs?

Lar:
* Thrift and tailor. It's cheaper, will fit you better, and is usually better quality than the usual suspects (see above). 
*  Know what looks good on your body- not the 5'11, size 2 model (sounds like a no brainer, but this actually takes time to develop- I'm still learning- I'm a size 2 but 7 inches shorter than most models).
*  Be fearless. I tend to forget this one because it is hard to do. But my style kind of stagnates when I forget to try new ways of wearing the stuff in my closet- that's also when I break down and go on a shopping spree when I really don't have to.

Cath:  
The only thing I would add to that is shine your own shoes and clean your jewelry. Having clean shoes and shiny jewelry always makes me feel like my look is more pulled together (as I'm writing this, my boots have mud all over them - whoops!).

Wednesday, March 23, 2011

Get in My Ear: Last Dinosaurs


This song is down right summery, isn't it?  So sparkly and poppy?  It rather makes me want to picnic and roll around in the grass with cute boys.

What are your go-to summer songs?  I also love Free Energy or Katy Perry for all things summer.

The Fun of Failure

This is a guest post by the lovely Michelle of Wicked Whimsy , who writes about creating the life you want and deserve. She just launched Take Back Your Creativity, e-book designed to help you integrate your creative life and your daily life, overcome more of your creative blocks, and increase your creative output.
I recently read The Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin. In case you're unfamiliar with the book, the idea is that the author decided that she wanted to dedicate a year of her life to actively becoming more happy and then set out to do so. The book is a chronicle of that year. It's worth reading as a whole, but the most useful & applicable idea I got out of it was this: the fun of failure.

Gretchen writes about how many of her resolutions required her to push herself and she realized that one of the reasons she was so reluctant to do so was her paralyzing fear of failure. However, having more success requires accepting more failure, and so to counteract the fear, she told herself that she enjoyed the fun of failure.

When I read those pages in the book, I literally had to stop reading to sit with this idea. That thought would have never in a million years occurred to me!

Because I hate failing. Hate with all-capital letters. I know that most people don't exactly enjoy it, but the very thought of past failures is enough to make me blush and feel embarrassed (as well as slightly nauseated). This is a problem since, as mentioned above, you can't succeed without trying new things, and that necessitates the occasional failure.

After reading Gretchen's thoughts on failure, I decided to make a few changes in that area of my own life:
  • Rethink how I feel about failure. I'm not sure if I can convince myself that it's fun (although it can't hurt to try!) but failures are always learning experiences, and I do love learning. So that's what I'll keep in mind when I fail - it's just another chance to learn.

  • Let myself fail. Learn to quit when it's necessary, before wasting lots of time and effort on something that's not going well & isn't meant to be - just because I refuse to fail. When I do that, it usually doesn't work out anyways, so I might as well fail early and move on to something else.

  • Learn to joke about past failures. Embarrassing secret: I failed my driving test twice before I finally passed it. (I get really nervous with people looking over my shoulder, okay?!) If I can joke about past failures, that helps disassociate the word "failure" from something really negative for me, which means I can learn to roll with future failures.
This year, I'm going to let myself be someone who can learn from failure without feeling horridly ashamed and embarrassed about failing. I'm going to let myself try new things and not care if they turn out 100% or not, and instead take joy in the fact that I stretched myself and tried something. (And learned from it!)

How do you react to failure?

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

Calling All April Sponsors! (Also: A Cute Video)



Let's warm our chilled winter hearts by the heat of this adorable video about a guy who finds a roll of film, develops it and uses the magic of the internet to find its owners.  All together now: Awwwww!

And now that I've got you warmed up, I'm going to try to sell you something.  Something like ad space on this here blog.  Nice people who read Yes and Yes say things like:

"I read it every single day, and sometimes twice a day, and then when I go back to read it a third time, I throw up a fist of fury when I realize I've already read your blog twice in a two hour span, and that NO there won't be ANY MORE blog posts until 6am tomorrow morning." - L.C.

"A friend turned me on to Yes and Yes about six months ago, and I just wanted you to know that I am continually inspired and delighted by it! Reading it makes me want to live a more interesting life, but also makes me feel like that is totally plausible." - A. E.



Sponsorships are available in one, two and three month packages with pricing discounts at two and three months.  Sponsors who sign up for a two month package with receive an introduction post and three month sponsors have the option of a giveaway, if they're interested.  Ads are shuffled mid-month, so everybody gets a chance for the top spot.

Some facts about Yes and Yes?
Daily hits: 2,000 - 2,200 a day
Page views: 110,000+ per month
Facebook fans: 1,000+
Google Page Rank: 4
Google reader subscribers: 4,110 +

If you'd like ad space for April, drop me a line at sarah (at) yesandyes (dot) org!

How To Help A Friend

This incredibly useful guest post from Amy chronicles what would have helped her when she was going through her divorce. But really? These are great tips to help anyone going through any kind of tough time.

Let’s say your life is awesome, but a friend is struggling. Here’s what I would have really, really wanted from a friend during my struggles.

1. Ask THEM what’s going on.
Nothing, and I mean NOTHING irritated, hurt, and infuriated me more than friends who had heard things, thought they knew what was happening, had seen my MySpace or talked to my ex and assumed they were aware of the situation. Respect your friend enough to ask them what’s really happening, from their point of view.

2. LISTEN.
Don’t talk. Don’t assume you know how they’re feeling. Ask them, and then be prepared to listen. If they cry, let them. If they’re pissed, let them be pissed. But above all, just be there to hear what they are saying.

3. Don’t walk on eggshells.
It hurt me so deeply when I found out that other friends were dealing with their own serious stuff but didn’t tell me because they were afraid I couldn’t handle it. Being left out of the loop was hard, and no one wants to feel as if their friends view them as weak. There’s a time and a place. Ask your struggling friend when you can talk with them and let them know that you have something serious you want to share. Then, share, be honest and let them help you to the best of their current ability.

4. Be thoughtful.
The morning my ex moved out, two girlfriends called me, picked me up and took me to the beach. Sure, it was freezing cold, but we went for the day, drove around, read books under blankets, took pictures, looked at a lighthouse and ate junk food. It was one of my best experiences ever, and it meant so much that they took time out of their schedule to get me away from something that was obviously going to be upsetting for me. My mom is one of the most thoughtful people I know and she would get me treats, take me to lunch or do other things just to spoil me. Look for opportunities to be encouraging and then do it.

5. Have grace.
I was an exceptionally crappy friend for awhile—very bitter, angry and sad and not too fun to be around. Instead of slamming your friend, confronting them on their behavior or ignoring them, try to have patience. Set boundaries, and if they’re mean and hurtful regularly, call them on it. But if they don’t want to go to the movies one night or they snap at you, give them a break. If they cry, have too much wine or act foolishly, don’t appear shocked or annoyed. Roll with it, and extend kindness.

6. Keep your mouth shut.
I know it’s kind of a good rule of thumb to have anyway, but I really, really hated it when I’d share something with Girl A, only to have Girl B say they’d already heard what I was going to share. Even worse, private information is often accidentally revealed. Keep the drama to a minimum, and just be quiet. Also, avoid spreading what’s going on. I spent so much time crying over the fact that people I loved and trusted were telling everyone who’d listen that I was divorcing. I think that most crisis’ are private. I didn’t want everyone knowing right away and some people took it upon themselves to share it. Remember, you never know what path you’ll be walking in life. It could be you having a hard time next. Think about how you’d feel if YOU were the subject of the gossip train. Feels pretty crappy.

7. Don’t judge.
One of the hardest things I dealt with were friends who were “anti-divorce” or felt that I wasn’t doing my best at things. Other friends judged the fact that I dated in a time frame that felt soon to them. I think the general rule is to not offer unsolicited advice. And unless your friend is doing something to hurt themselves or someone else, than don’t judge. I think everyone goes a little crazy during a tough time. What I appreciated most were those friends who would accompany me to the bar, listen to the stories of the weirdos I dated and hear me out when I needed to talk about my life without feeling like my every move was being analyzed and chastised silently.

8. Don’t be Mary Sunshine OR one-up them.
The two responses I hated most: “It’s not so bad! At least you have your health!” and “Oh, you think your life is hard? One time, I had to go through ________________!” Let me have my pity party. I know I have my health. I know we’ve all had our bad times. But let me have my time, sans false cheer and competition. If I’m trusting you enough to talk, I want to talk. Selfish? Maybe. Honest? You bet. I realize this contradicts suggestion #3, but I think we all know the difference between sharing what’s going on and trying to compete for “who’s life is the worst.” Be sensitive.

9. Point to the good.
I had many people—my parents, my grandparents, and my closest friends, hug me and assure me that it really would be okay. They were right, of course. Don’t be fake about it, but remind them to have perspective and that yep, it’s all gonna be fine.

How do you help your friends when they're going through a rough time? What would you like people to do for you?

Monday, March 21, 2011

True Story: I Was A Phone Sex Worker

This is one of many True Story interviews, in which we talk to people who have experienced interesting/amazing/challenging things. This is the story of Amandalee's experience working as a phone sex operator.

Tell us a bit about yourself!
I am 28. I grew up in Kentucky and lived in the Midwest until I was 24. Then I moved to New York, and I lived there for three years and loved it. I'm a writer/editor/designer with a blog, a band and an Etsy shop. Fun times for me typically include writing, dogs, photos, dancing, and making cool things with friends.

How did you find this job? What was the interview process like?
Like most twenty-somethings who spontaneously move to New York without any money management skills or real work experience, I was kind of broke. I was modeling in painting and sculpture classes, and I had just started working as a legal proofreader, for which I was paid great money, but the work was sparse. So I needed something to fill the cracks. I found the gig one day while I was randomly trolling Craigslist and decided to give it a try.

The interview was informal; I went in and talked to them about the job. They had me attend a day of training, and then "audition" by taking a couple of calls with a manager listening and giving me feedback. It wasn't a difficult job to get, by any means.

Can you tell us about an average day on the job?
My shifts ranged from two to nine hours. My regular schedule was two overnights a week, one weekend day shift, and a couple of two- or three-hour shifts here and there. The center had women working on the phones at all hours of the night, though, so anytime I wanted to pick up some extra cash, I could call and ask to be scheduled at a moment's notice. I had regular breaks, during which I'd run downstairs and get sandwiches at a deli or take a walk around the block.

The office was laid out like a regular call center. We had cubicles and headsets and lockers. The break room had vending machines and coffee. We were allowed to wear whatever we wanted, so a lot of the women who worked overnight kept pajamas or yoga pants in their lockers.

Almost one hundred percent of the time that I was on the phone or waiting to take a call, I was always working on something else. I brought my computer and wrote, or worked on a knitting project, or read. Being able to do this was part of the appeal of this gig.

What were your co-workers like?

My coworkers spanned all ages, races, and backgrounds. I don't know how long most of them had been doing it, but most of them had other careers like I did - actresses, designers, students. One of the women brought in her iPod and listened to foreign language lessons; others studied or did work from their day job.

Some of the women who worked with me didn't feel comfortable telling their friends and family what they were doing. In the same vein, the management had rules that, if anyone in or around the building asked what we did, we could say that we worked in a call center, but we couldn't say what type of calls we actually took.

How much money did you make?

Not terribly much. When I was hired, I had a choice to be paid at a flat hourly fee or a slightly lower hourly fee plus a per-minute commission. I chose the latter. But even the flat hourly fee was less than I typically made as a figure model [$12-16 an hour]. I definitely wasn't in it for the money, and as soon as I had enough work as a proofreader, I moved on. If the money were better, I might have been more likely to stay.

What were the callers like?
Some of the callers seemed like they dialed us just to hear a woman's voice before climaxing. I'd say a good forty percent of the calls I had were thirty-second calls from guys who were on the verge of orgasm. A few called to hear specific story scenarios, like the barely legal teen or the girl with the big boobs. The majority seemed to just want to talk about vanilla-style sex. [Except adding five or six inches to the size of their member.]

There were erotica and magazines around if we wanted to look at them for inspiration or to get info on really distinct fantasies like female wrestling or pantyhose. I think, though, it was easier to let the caller lead in those situations - asking him questions about what he wanted to hear about, things like that.

I had two female callers during my entire time there. The first seemed really uncomfortable and hung up after a minute or so, and the second was a college-age girl who sounded like she was surrounded by other giggling girls and who asked me questions about my job ["Do you really orgasm at every call? Do you even orgasm at all anymore?" "How old are you really?].

In the entire time I worked there, I had about four repeat callers. The one thing that these callers had in common was that they talked with me about everything but sex for about an hour before the naughtiness started. I don't know if these guys were really lonely, but they liked talking to me, so clearly I was filling some kind of void for them.

Almost all of my calls ended with the caller having an orgasm and hanging up. Hardly any of them said "thank you." I'm not offended; I just think it's funny.

Can you tell us about your most memorable calls?

Oh, jeez. I can tell you about all the calls I ended because they wanted to discuss illegal things. There was the guy who insisted that I play an underage character. There was the guy who wanted to talk about incest. [I hung up and told the manager - I don't know how they typically dealt with that kind of thing, but I really hope they notified the authorities. That call, actually, was what put me over the edge of quitting. I got really skeeved out.]

And then of course, there were the guys who were repeat callers. I never spoke to any caller more than about three or four times, but in each case, they talked to me for at least an hour at a stretch - about school, work, relationships, and hobbies before they got around to talking about sex.

Did this job affect your feelings about men or sex or relationships?
Weirdly, no. I don't consider myself a sex worker, because I just answered the phone, but the one thing that sex workers say that they do is that they provide a service for a customer. Period. Whatever the legality or morality around it, that's all they do. I think because I was anonymous [we all worked under fake names], I knew that there was no way any of these people on the phone could hurt me, or ever even really know me. I was no different than an interactive adult site, or an adult toy. It sounds a little dehumanizing, but it wasn't, really. I was doing something I could tolerate to make extra cash, and the environment was positive and safe - that's all I could really ask for.

I also knew that if I wanted to keep this completely secret, I could - I could have just done what some of the other women there did, and said I worked at a call center, keeping it completely nondescript. Most of the time that I was taking calls, I wasn't actually talking about sex - the callers generally took the lead, so I just had to fill in the blanks and be the pleasant faceless chick at the other end of the line. If I'd been in the physical presence of a guy, I imagine it would have been completely different.

Overall, would you call this a positive experience? Would you do it again?
I'm definitely glad I had the experience. Everyone who worked in the office was very kind, and working there helped me through what otherwise might have been a rough time.

Would I do it again? I'm not sure. The wage was really low, and even in a pinch, I could definitely make more per hour doing something else. But I might if I really needed to.

Have any of you ever worked in the phone sex? Would you? Any (respectful!) questions for Amandalee?

Sunday, March 20, 2011

Introducing 'Smart + Sassy + Solo: Adventures In Lady Travel'


Friends!  It's finally, finally here!  I'm super excited to introduce you to my new baby - a 12,000 word ebook about lady travel. 

What does it cover, you ask?
* the only three pairs of shoes you need
* the perfect, tiny, travel makeup kit
* perfecting the art of travel hair
* what to wear so you'll be comfortable, fashionable and un-groped
* travel romance
* safety issues
* dealing with street harassment
* handling your period
* finding and choosing travel buddies
* travel friendship burnout
* how to break up with a travel buddy
* looking good in travel photos
* enjoying solo travel
* creative ways to chronicle your trip

All that info is accompanied by handy fill-in charts to help you plan your trip and even a one-hour podcast of me reading the book - so you can listen to it on your commute or your flight to Bogota.

Here's a wee sample:

Blush-inducing praise!

"I really like it!  I think it's a lot of good info that people are scared to ask, or won't think of. I love the section on friendship burnout.  I think that is an aspect of travel that a lot of people don't talk about! I really like the section on how to pick a travel buddy.  People might think of things like money, but priorities and level of comfort in lodgings are vital. An awesome resource!"
- Julia H, The Epic Adventurer

"It's SO informative for first time travelers and you covered WAY MORE than I would have even ever THOUGHT to cover. Well done!"
-
Lauren, Living Life Barefoot

"This is great! It's got about as much info in it as you can get without going into country specifics. You don't sugar coat the realities of travel but everything still feels very achievable."

All this goodness for just $15.  A pittance, I tell you!




If you want more travel inspiration/information, may I point you in the direction of my other travel ebook?

In book numero uno, we tackle:
* Where you should go
* What you should do when you get there
* How to get a leave of absence from your job
* Failing that, how to increase the possibility of getting a job when you return
* How to save money for your trip
* What to do with all your stuff
* How to deal with nervous parents or negative nay-sayers
* How to deal with financial issues while you're traveling
* How to deal with medical issues while you're traveling
* Getting visas
* How to travel through non-English speaking countries
* Having an awesome time while you're traveling
* Dealing with 'real life' once you get back

Again, There are heaps of charts and tables that you can fill in that will help you get organized and make concrete steps towards you travel goals! And a one year time line of what you need to be doing to get prepared!

"Listening to the podcast AGAIN - so much useful information!" - Kat H

"Miss V, I purchased the ebook. I'm now 6 minutes into listening to it on itunes, and I already feel the impending life-changingness that I'll be experiencing in the next 54 minutes. Gratification ensues " - Colleen

"The book is great and I can't wait to get home to listen to the podcast."
- Paola

"Sarah Von Bargen, I got a chance to peruse your ebook and I am so impressed/inspired/in love with you - suffice to say that YOU ARE AMAZING.
" - Winona, Daddy Likey (but she's my blogging BFF, so she has to say that)

Want to scoop up both of 'em?  Buy both ebooks and save! 
Adventures in Lady Travel + Wanderlust Workbook = $25




Saturday, March 19, 2011

Blogs You Should Be Reading: Chelsea Talks Smack


Now, I'm fairly sure that Chelsea of Chelsea Talks Smack and Chelsea of Chelsea, Lately are not the same person.  The former is a brunette in her twenties, the latter a "blonde" in her "thirties."   Regardless, they're both hilarious, spunky firecrackers.  You want to sit next to them at the bar and laugh while men try to hit on them.

Chelsea writes about all sorts of awesome. For example: the time Lady Gaga almost stole her boyfriend, scrapbooking all of her rejection letters and why you shouldn't wait to do the things that you love.  Pop over and have a look!  You will 100% love it.

Friday, March 18, 2011

Hello, hello! March Sponsors!

Friends!  May I introduce you to the lovely crop of Yes and Yes sponsors!  I promise you'll love them. Do pop over and say hello!

Freckled Nest is the online home of blog designer, crafter and indie business guru Leigh-Ann (or LA as her friends call her).  Freckled Nest is regularly updated with lovely tidbits from LA's life, crafting tutorials, pictures of her sweet dog and awesome thrifting finds.


Mum and teacher Amanda curates the uber-inspiring Kind Over Matter.  Links galore to lovely things, inspiring quotes and original content from heaps of great bloggers.  Good stuff!

Nailah Blades is a writer, speaker and coach who helps 20-something ladies find their passion and lead insanely fulfilling lives.  Check out her Quickie Guide To Finding Your Passion.  For $10 you get seven big questions to help you uncover your true passions, strategies for sprinkling your passions into your everyday life and tips for turning your passion into profits



Finest Imaginary
Kim is a graphic designer by day and a jewelry maker and master of cute-a-ry by night.  Finest Imaginary is filled clever laser-cut jewelry, stationary that's nearly too cute to write on and heaps of other things that you'll buy to give as gifts and then like too much to part with.

The Jasmine Gallery
Jasmine finds her inspiration in nature and strives to use recycled and ethically harvested materials as a way to be kind to the earth and to explore new possibilities.  Check out her gorgeously rugged bullet crystal necklaces and dreamcatcher pieces.


Davinia Hamilton
You’ve found me! My name is Davinia Hamilton and I’m a writer and actress who hopes to fill the world with positivity and make it an all-round nicer place to live. I’m not only talking about loving thy neighbour (although you absolutely should) but also being absolutely and wildly in love with you! I write about fashion and style, post a lot of recipes and talk all about my travels and I would love to hear all about you, gorgeous!

Want to be a sponsor to April?  Check out ad rates and sizes here or email me at sarah (at) yesandyes (dot) org!

Notes From The Road: Back in My Spiritual Homeland


this is the view from the kitchen.  seriously.

If you've been reading Yes and Yes for any amount of time, you're probably aware of my fondness for cats, cheese and New Zealand.  I own a cat named Rasputin, I eat a lot of cheese and I used to live in New Zealand.  In the future, I would  like to own New Zealand and live in some cheese.  If you can make that happen, please email me immediately so we can get married.

After traveling through India, Nepal, Thailand, Laos and Malaysia for the last four months, I was thrilled (thrilled!) to end my trip in my second home of Wellington, New Zealand.  I lived here for a year and a half while earning my MA in Applied Linguistics at the University of Victoria.  During my 12-hour bus rides in Nepal, I fantasized about walking along Oriental Parade.  While I was showering out of a bucket in India, I thought about taking the red trolley up to the botanical gardens.  While I was throwing up on the train to Bangalore, I was wishing I hadn't eaten train food.  And then when I was done thinking about that, I thought about drinking a flat white at Fidel's.

Wellington really is a home away from home for me and New Zealand is sort of my spiritual homeland.  All the traveling and hiking kiwis do, their commitment to the environment and their love of good dairy products?  They're my people. 

So I was obviously looking forward to coming back to windy, windy Wellington.

But here's where it get's magical. 

Three years after I left, I've moved back into my old flat.  With my old flatmates.

We lived in one of the best flats in the city.  Sunny, high-ceiling-ed, on a mountain, over looking the bay, a five minute walk from Courtney Place and priced well below market value because our landlord is fairly useless.  So my friends have renewed lease after lease and now I'm back.  The shower stall is still cracked, the stove still doesn't shut completely and my teapot, toaster and throw pillows are still in use. 

I've spent the last two days, wandering around town, checking out my old haunts and catching up with friends.  I've also been that girl with a smile plastered to her face, muttering under her breath "I can't believe I'm back here."  Wellington, if I could hug you, I would.

Do you have a spiritual homeland?  Or a second hometown?

Thursday, March 17, 2011

The Year of Yes



I wish I had said Yes!
beloved
When you asked me out to walk
among the leaves
the turning leaves
You were offering me
the sound of dreams,
And I turned you down
politely.

Not today, I smiled
Perhaps,
Maybe, tomorrow?

But I wish I had said Yes!
beloved
I wish we had shared this light.

Next time don't ask
Just take me!
Order me to dress!

I am going to need your help
beloved
To begin the Year of Yes.

by Shaista Tayabali (thanks Susannah!)

Mini Travel Guide: Australia

On March 20th I'm joyfully, loudly, lustily launching my next travel ebook 'Smart + Sassy + Solo: Adventures in Lady Travel.' To help us emotionally prepare for this momentous occasion, I thought I'd put together some wee travel guides on my favorite destinations!

In August of 2007, I spent three weeks road tripping along the east coast of Oz, eating lots of avocado sandwiches, beach bumming and catching up with friends.  It's obviously impossible to cover all the tourist attractions in a giant country like Australia in a short blog post like this, but let's whet our appetites shall we?

Must do
Take surfing lessons
Sure, it's a little intimidating to straddle a floating board in the company of a painfully hot blonde dude whose accent you might not understand.  But if all else fails, you'll still have a lot of fun, get heaps of great pictures and be able to start stories with "This one time, when I was learning how to surf in Australia..."
Snorkel the great barrier reef
There are heaps of companies that run snorkeling trips to the great barrier reef.  You can also do  a scuba trip if you're certified or even take classes to become certified, but if you have neither the patience nor the dough for a scuba course, snorkeling is a cheap, easy substitute.

Roadtrip
Australia is almost 3,000,000 square miles (!) and host to desert, beaches and rain forest.  If you've got a good bit of time, rent a car or a camper van with your friends and explore. 

Hold/pat one of many ubiquitous Australian animals 
Policies have changed regarding koala cuddling and many places now only allow you to pat them sedately on the back while you have your photo taken. (Though, to be fair, I wouldn't want to be passed from stranger to stranger all day).  There are also heaps of parks where you can feed wallabies.  And yes, feeding a wallaby is about as awesome as you're imagining it to be.

Must go
The Sydney Opera House
It's on every postcard for a reason.  It's gorgeous and luminous and positively clam-shell-y.  Amazingly, the opera house has a 'studio' theater where they run more cutting-edge, dynamic pieces and you can frequently get tickets for as little as $25!  I went to a show there for my 28th birthday.

Must eat

Lamington
Cubist, cakey, chocolatey, coconutty goodness.  And sometimes you can get a pink version as well!  Americans, imagine a grown-up version of those snowball cakes we used to buy at gas stations in middle school.

Prawns
Contrary to popular belief, Aussies do not actually strut about crowing "Throw another shrimp on the barbie!"  Shrimp are called prawns here and they're delicious, enormous and served in soups, salads and pastas.


Vegemite
Do not let the fact that Vegemite is a "a dark brown Australian food paste made from yeast extract" prevent you from trying it.  It is something of an acquired taste but you'll be more likely to acquire it if you put the thinnest smear of it atop a buttered, toasted slice of white bread.


Cultural tip
Aussies are about three times more sarcastic than Americans are - at least the Americans that I know.  (That even includes my BFF who actually lists 'sarcasm' in the interests/hobbies section of her resume).  So don't feel flustered or offended if an Aussie you don't know teases or good-naturedly hassles you.  It's a cultural phenomena known as "taking the piss." 

Also?  "Pissed" means drunk, not "angry" and "biscuit" means cookie not "bread."

Traveling on the cheap
Seeing the country in a camper van is lovely and about a gajillion tourists do just that. every year.  Most tourists only drive their vans one way, flying into Melbourne, driving up to Cairns and then flying out.  But what happens to all those camper vans stuck up in Cairns when people want to rent them in Melbourne? Rental companies rent out vans for $1 a day to tourists willing to drive the vans back to their original location!  Google 'rental relocations Australia' or even try walking into rental agencies and asking!


100 words from a local
Have a BBQ on a beach, eat incredible multicultural food, go bushwalking, see the Sydney Harbour Bridge, eat amazing seafood, wear zinc and sunscreen, go snorkeling, go camping, learn to surf, have Vegemite on toast, drink beer in a beer garden, see live gigs in our rural pubs, go on a massive road trip, stargaze, shop, relax.-
from Lady Smaggle

Aussies!  Tell us what we're missing!  If you've traveled to Australia, what did you love?

Wednesday, March 16, 2011

Calendars For Karma

Friends, I decided that I would be remiss in my role as a pseudo-Kiwi and writer-of-all-things-feel-good if I didn't do more for Christchurch and Japan.  My operations manager (read: mom) tells me that there are still 100 or so 2011 Year in Yes calendars looking for good homes. 

If I may be so bold as to say so myself, they are pretty darn cute.  See?


Here's the deal:  You buy a calendar for $12.  I give $10 to Red Cross.  You get a cool calendar, we raise $1,000.  Yes?  Yes.
  Free shipping!  Anywhere in the world!