True Story: I’m 23 and Never Been Kissed

never been kissed
This is one of many True Story interviews in which we talk to people who have experienced interesting, challenging amazing things.  This is the story of Isobel and her total lack of kissing.
 
Tell us a bit about yourself!
I was born in the north of England but moved to Adelaide, Australia when I was fourteen. I’m twenty-three, and I went to drama school a few years ago, but I’m currently working in a DVD store while I save up to move back to Britain to ‘pursue the stage’! I love performing, reading, writing and sewing. I’m quite handy with a sewing machine and have a scary amount of cocktail dresses as a result.
What is your romantic history?
I literally have NO romantic history. I’ve never had anything even approaching a date, never been close to kissing anyone. I’ve never been asked out, and any time that I’ve made the first move, the other person has never been interested.
Is there a specific reason that you’ve never been kissed?
I’m Christian, and I DO want to wait until I get married to have sex, but I didn’t always believe this. In fact, I came to that conclusion a couple of years after most of my girlfriends had already had their first boyfriends, so, at least at first that didn’t have anything to do with it.I honestly can’t think of a specific reason.

Naturally, over the years I’ve gone through various worries about it- Maybe I’m ugly, maybe I’m boring, maybe I always have something hanging out of my nose that I never notice… But really? None of that is true, I’m about as happy as any sane girl could ever be with the way that she looks, I make friends SO easily.

I was very shy in high school, but three years of drama school will whip that out of anyone, and now I’m outgoing, confident and becoming the person I always wanted to be when I was an insecure teen.

How do you feel about the fact that you’ve never been kissed?
Mostly, I don’t mind. Now. I used to feel ashamed and embarrassed about the fact. I used to hate telling people and thought that I was going to die alone and unloved. Now, I guess I’m too used to it to worry anymore. I went to Uni in the country, a small, small campus, and everyone knew everything thing about everyone else.

I would wonder if no one was interested in me because everyone knew that I didn’t believe in pre-marital sex. And then I would wonder if that wasn’t even an issue, and it was just that no one was interested. I never worked out which I thought was worse.

Do the people in your life know that you’ve never been kissed?
They know. I don’t bring it up to people I’ve just met because it’s personal, but I am honest and open if it comes up.  When I was twelve, I lied about it in a game of truth or dare, because all of the other girls playing had kissed someone and I felt like a loser, but afterward I felt ridiculous, so I swore never to do something so silly again, so now I’m just honest about it.

My close friends are all lovely and tell me that I’m going to find the right guy when the time is right, as is the way of friends. People I’m less close to are always curious and astounded. They usually think it’s really weird and want to ask tons of questions. “As if you haven’t!” Comes up a lot.

Are you actively trying to meet someone?
No. I’m not. After too long of just, nothing, working out, I’m not. In fact, I don’t think I even could, I think I’ve just gotten so tired of hoping and looking and trying that I’ve given up. It’s easier and it’s a lot less depressing. Although I realized the other day that the last time I was actually interested in anyone was four years ago. That was a bit of a thought…

What advice would you give to other ‘late bloomers’?
I guess, try not to worry about it. And don’t get insecure about stupid things. Everyone is different, Everyone’s lives are different. Don’t try to compare and don’t pressure yourself into stressing about it.

When was your first kiss?  Any questions for Isobel?

P.S. Love your ex enough to leave them alone + How to get over a breakup

photo by Kate // cc

115 Comments

Tom

I was 19, kissed someone I thought was super cute, and felt literally nothing. Weirdest thing ever. My second kiss, I was 22, and kissed my now girlfriend who I’m madly in love with, and it was everything I hoped my first kiss would be. She was also 22 and told me the next day that I was her first kiss. It was the perfect moment.

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Han

I had been kissed before but I didn't have sex till I got married at 21.

I remember one conversation at uni with my friend – one girl was talking about how she hadn't had sex for weeks and I turned round and made some comment like "well I've not for 19 years" She nearly fell off her chair – she couldn't believe that I was nearly 20 and hadn't had sex.

Stick with it – I know it seems like giving up on your beliefs might be a way to make it happen but it's not God will bring someone along at the right time – just trust in him for it – he's got a plan (Just look at Jeremiah 29:11 – he has a plan for you not to harm you but to keep you safe) It seems like a bunch of stress now but God only gives us as much as he knows we can cope with 🙂

If you want to chat some more let me know, I'm from the UK as well but I feel some days like my heart is in Australia – I have a best friend and a penpal near Port Augusta and Melbourne 🙂 I'm on Twitter @girtaristhan or you can find my blog at rockangel dot co dot uk

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Ka

how weird is this, i realise this is a year ago, so i may not get a reply but – i was just reading the stuff about God, and i'm not an overly religious person, in the sense that i go to church, think about God, but i'm not against sex before marriage. But thing is i'm in a similar situation you were : i have done nothing and i'm 20. i also feel stuck sometimes because my best friend lives in Australia! Thanks for the message you left, it helped, good reminder 🙂 .

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Anonymous

Hi, i just had to write back to this, because the similarities between us our so similar! we are the same age despite you writing this a year ago (i know u might not even read this now)..thats my religious belief.. and i also have a best friend who lives in australia.. what are the chances? so weird. I'd say out of everything, the last fact is the hardest, because you have a wingman, but they're usually asleep when you're awake… stuck is a good word! i feel like i wouldn't have to go on a stupid website so much to feel better about these things.. because I'd have my best friend around instead. That is deffo sad! Also weird that in your message you wrote it in reply to a message written a year ago..which is what i am doing now….. wtf

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melaniekristy.com

I didn't have my first kiss until I was a month away from twenty-five. (I'm almost twenty-seven now). Since then I've had a few, but it wasn't until I pursued guys online and became comfortable talking and dating that things really happened for me. I don't know what it is about me, but meeting guys organically offline just never worked for me. (I'm shy about guys, anyway). My first kiss was awkward and terrible, in the parking lot of a Target. He was a bad kisser, but at the time I just thought that maybe I wasn't attracted to men. Luckily my feelings on that have changed.

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Maow

I had my first kiss when I was 13, but then it didn't happen again until when I was almost 19. Those years in between were dreadful, cuz it felt as if that first one didn't even happen and i didn't know how to do it anymore and what would the next first guy think if i wasn't a good kisser at such an age????!!!! OMG! Such crap 🙂
In the last few years I have kissed my fair share of guys and, personally, I have reached the conclusion that kissing itself is overrated. To me it doesn't feel anything special *unless* i'm kissing someone really special. Otherwise I get bored after the first minute and start thinkin about a way to get out of it.
SO keep on doing as you're doing, live your life and don't worry about anything. Your friends are right anyway, someone will come!
Really, we don't have all to make physical interaction with the sex we're attracted to the main thing in our lives. People can have different interests!

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Catelyn

You're not alone! I'm 22 and I've never been kissed, never dated any guys or anything, due to being painfully shy in high school and still relatively shy now. But not as bad as back then. I'm also in Adelaide! My friends don't know though.

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Pooja

Its not so rare in my community (among people I know, friends or relatives) to not indulge in any form of physical closeness until marriage! Ofcourse, many do date nowadays. So, this is not so surprising/shocking to me. And, might I say, in traditional conservative families (like mine) arranged marriage is still very prevalent. Its a strange thing. But, good of this is, even a shy person gets a partner for life. 🙂

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The Remarkable Redhead

I was 14 when I got my first kiss and it was TERRIBLE! Haha. At first, I tried to kiss him on the cheek, but he had other ideas. I thought he was going to swallow my face, it was that bad–spit on my eyebrows. So sloppy, but humorous to look back on.

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Katie, Interrobangs Anonymous

I was 25 before I had my first boyfriend. It seemed foolish to me to go and try to develop an emotional and physical relationship with someone just because an external timeline told me I was falling behind. So I waited until I found someone I absolutely wanted to be with, and it's working out wonderfully.

I really believe we hit milestones when we're supposed to, and to try and force it usually results in situations we wouldn't have chosen for ourselves.

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Inês

I'm 18 and I've never been kissed! This interview was very helpful to me, I'm much more reassured now and don't feel as alone!

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Sarah Von Bargen

I don't really have much to contribute here (I always thought of myself as a 'late bloomer' – but really my friends were just, um, 'early bloomers') but all of these super sweet comments are evidence of why I heart all you guys so hard. What a sweet, kind, support family we have here! <3 <3 <3

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Jessica Norman

I am 26 1/2 and never been kissed. People think I'm lying when I tell them. I'm really embarrassed to tell people because I've had some really bad reactions. I've also never even come close to having a boyfriend and I've never had sex. I was super shy in high school due to my mom and dad homeschooling me from K-8th grade. It wasn't until a few years ago that I've been figuring out who I am. And even that has taken a long time because I just moved out of my parents house. Good for you and I'm really happy I'm not the only person out there.

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Tara

Oh honey.
This can vary so very much depending on your social circle.

My dearest friend wasn't kissed until she started dating her now-husband (23ish?) and we were all (her + her hub, me + my hub, several other friends + couples) virgins (on purpose! such a trying purpose!) when we got married (anywhere from 23 (me) to 28 (best friend)).

You are delightfully bold + confident + perfectly perfect, just as you are.

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Tine

I'm 24 and have never been kissed, and feel absolutely no shame about it. Mind you I also identify as asexual so there is that…..

I'm with the others on here though, I think milestones are meant to be passed whenever it's right, not forced just because people think it should happen at a certain age

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Anonymous

I also identify as asexual, and I think that it's important for people on this page to know about it. Until recently I was confused about why I have never wanted to kiss anyone. I knew I wasn't gay, so I thought my only other option was that I must be straight, that I just had to wait for the right moment. So if a milestone comes, be glad, but also don't try to force anything on yourself. 🙂

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Chelsea

I adored this! You are more mature and bold than 95% of women out there. I find that friends who were early bloomers in the intimacy department have somewhat rocky relationships now in their 20s.I was a late bloomer and am waiting to have sex until marriage, yet am still in a wonderful relationship.

The thought of even kissing someone I don't have strong feelings for sounds awful. Keep being yourself and being confident, because I think you're awesome 🙂

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Christine

My first kiss was at 16, and I thought of myself as a really late bloomer at the time; in hindsight, even though that was only two years ago, it's just because my closest friends were early bloomers. 🙂

I've only kissed two guys, and there was a year and a half gap between the first and the second. My first kiss was horribly awkward and honestly, not very enjoyable; in fact, as much as I thought I liked that boy, kissing him never was. That's why, even though I dated multiple other guys between him and my current boyfriend, I didn't kiss any of them.

It seems weird (at least among the people I know) to be an 18-year-old who's only kissed two guys- but I can safely say that it was the right choice for me. It feels really special with my current guy, and my lack of experience before him seems totally irrelevant now.

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Julie

I applaud you for your outlook on this! I wasn't kissed until I was 19 and had thoroughly gotten to know him. Now, we've been together for almost 2 years and have plans for marriage. It's kind of fun to think that I'll only kiss one guy my whole life!

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Anonymous

I was almost 21 when I had my first kiss. At the time, my boyfriend and I had been dating for 7 months. We'd been dating for 3 months before he even kissed me on the cheek, but he told me he loved me after we'd been together for only a week. 🙂

I knew beforehand that I never wanted to break up with anyone, so we took things very slowly. It was almost exactly a year from when he was first interested in me until we actually dated. The idea of kissing anyone I didn't know I loved never appealed to me. We've been dating for a year and a half now and plan to get married. (We're mostly waiting to find jobs close to each other before we can get engaged–we've been long distance for over a year.) We're serious Catholics, so we're also saving sex for marriage.

I always assumed I'd be behind all of my friends, but much to my surprise I seem to be 'ahead' of many of them (religious or not), even though my boyfriend and I went to a Catholic college where 'early' marriages (age 21-25) are pretty common.

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Marie

I'm 27 and have never been kissed. I've dated but just haven't found the right guy yet, and it was my choice to break it off when I knew it wouldn't work out. I don't think this topic has ever come up in conversation, so I've never had an opportunity to be embarrassed about it, although I don't think I would be.

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Alex

I'm almost 19 and had my first kiss this summer. I was terrified that I'd be an awful kisser but figured that the right guy just wouldn't care. Well, it happened while traveling, and I cant say he was the right guy, but he kept saying how I'm "such a good kisser!".. So there's that! Which just proves my motto: "Don't worry, be happy." Because it'll be fine anyways, why worry!

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Insomniac Lab Rat

My first kiss was when I was 18, and it was a guy I didn't really know at a party…which is not a cute, fun, exciting, or sweet story. It was pretty lame, honestly. Kissing someone just for the sake of kissing is kind of silly, in my opinion, and wasn't really anything special.

My second kiss was with a guy I dated for a few months after that (when I was still 18), and our first kiss was a nice one. Sometimes I like to just ignore the actual first kiss and pretend that this was the real one. Things didn't work out between us, but at least he was someone I knew fairly well, and cared about.

The only other guy I've kissed is my husband, and I'm the only girl he's ever kissed. We also waited until marriage to have sex, and are happy we did.

I was sort of unhappy about having never been kissed when I was younger, especially at times like prom, but eventually I realized that just being kissed for the sake of being kissed didn't really mean anything, and it would be better to let things happen when they were supposed to happen. It sounds like you have a good attitude about the whole thing, and I hope you are happy wherever life takes you 🙂

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Anonymous

i am 24 and i have never been kissed. the one and only time that a guy had ever shown interest in me was about 3 years ago, but nothing came out of that.

i mostly credit my nonexistant romantic history to the fact that i am not very attractive and that i have self-esteem/body image issues.

it makes me sad sometimes, but seeing this blog post made me feel better and less alone. thank you to both sarah von and the interviewee!

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Briel79

I had my first kiss when I was 26. I'd only ever gone on a few dates before that and always had my eye on unreachable guys. That plus the fact that I was pretty shy all contributed to my late blooming I guess. I'm pretty happy with my first kiss experience even if we didn't end up dating or anything. It will happen for you in good time and I hope it will be as nice for you as it was for me! 🙂

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Anonymous

Dayum! Maybe it's because I live in the ho capital of the planet (San Francisco, I'm lookin' at you) but I had no idea that this was so common. Or maybe it has to do with the demographic of the readers?

I had sex at 17 and I thought I was late to the party.

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Michelle

I have mixed feelings here: I'm 23 also, and I didn't have my first and only kisses until I was 22.

That in itself is all right – what actually bothers me is that it was horrible. I haven't had another boyfriend since, so there's been no base of comparison. I don't even know if I want to do it again, let alone have sex.

Anyway. Thank you for your story and for giving us all the opportunity to raise our hands.

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Melissa

I think I was 20 when I got my first real boyfriend and all of that, which is kind of funny considering I was always getting attention from boys growing up.

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Shanna Sandmoen

I didn't have a boyfriend until age 25 (I'm 30 now) and he was my first kiss and who I lost my virginity to. I haven't been with anyone since, and I have a friend that is 30 and still part of the Never Been Kissed club. There were actually a group of us in our 20's that had never been kissed, but eventually we've all dropped off except for one. A couple are still virgins though, so really, it's personal choice. Don't be afraid to put yourself out there, but do it for the right reasons.

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G.

I'm 21 and I've only kissed one guy. I was dumped 3 days later. What a guy, right? I've dated a little, but I've never really felt a real connection with anyone. I'm also religious, so I don't see premarital sex as an option for myself. One of my closest friends has never been kissed or been on a date and she is non-religious. To all the ladies reading this, don't feel weird or bizarre no matter what age you first kissed someone. We all have different life experiences.

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kate gabrielle

Thank you so much for this. I'm 24 and I'm in the same boat. Well, I was kissed once but it was incredibly awkward and horrible… it was a guy I'd had a crush on for three years, and he kissed me when I was 16. It was so terrible (one of those sloppy kisses that just felt gross) and honestly I'm happy I haven't had to experience *that* again.

For the longest time I've lost sleep wondering about how I'd explain my situation to a guy, what happens if I'm 30 or older when I finally have my first kiss (I don't count that experience as my first kiss anymore since it was so long ago & didn't even feel like a kiss, yuck). But lately I've just gotten used to the idea of being on my own, and I'm feeling more satisfied with the notion of just not dating. Crazy cat lady-dom, here I come! 😉

I'm so glad I'm not alone though. When I was in middle school, I had friends talking about having sex and they were only 12 or 13… and here I am, 24, totally inexperienced. I've always thought I was so alone in this, but after reading this post & the comments I know I'm not!

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Mich

I love these comments – so kind!

I'm 24 and have never been kissed. I've been on just a couple dates but never with a guy I really liked. I have somewhat high standards and I guess I'm just waiting for the right guy.

But sometimes I feel like there's now a lot of pressure on my first kiss. I was hanging out with a guy that I had a bit of a crush on but knew there was no future for us and I almost wanted to just kiss him to get it over with, but there's also the pressure that since I've waited so long, I should continue waiting til its right. Sometimes I get a bit frustrated that I haven't kissed someone already, but I guess that's out of a bit of embarrassment. So stories like this encourages me to keep waiting and not be embarrassed. Thanks!!

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DaniellaBella

I was a super duper late bloomer. I just figured that I was invisible or utterly hideous. I never met anyone and my first and only boyfriend so far came around when I was 27. I think I just didn't know how to, or have the confidence to project that I was interesting or interested… Oh well. All is good now!

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Lex

My first kiss, the one I feel like actually counting, was with my first love. I was 13 and he was 15. It was a totally out of no where sort of thing. Kind of cute. Super awkward for someone like me who was so super shy.

Isobel, I love you story. I'm only 17 and I've been on the relationship roller coaster more then I would have liked, and I made some bad decisions. But I love your story. It gives me hope. I'm a Christian as well and for a couple years I didn't live for God like I wanted. But, I made the change I decided to narrow my focus on more important things. So, I've been single for 2 years. I say your story gives me hope, because, like most girls I have the fantasy of being married and I want that lovey relationship and it hurts sometimes when I have friends that get so much attention from guys and I feel like I don't even get a seconded glance. (Not that I'm really looking for a relationship, but still it would be nice.) Did you or do you deal with that now? How do/did you feel when your friends would get noticed and you didn't?
Anyway, thank you for your story, and affirming what was already in my heart. I can be happy with just me, I don't need someone else to make me feel loved.

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Anonymous

My first kiss was spin the bottle at 13, but the boy was cute and it was exciting.
My second kiss (the REAL first kiss) was on vacation when i was 16.
And then a dry spell until college, where I quickly turned into a make-out fiend. (and so on)

I found… when it comes to sex; everything looks like a bigger obstacle beforehand. Maybe not everyone would agree that kissing for it's own sake, or for a life experience is worth it- but I certainly would! Kissing a lot (or a couple) frogs helps us figure out who we're compatible with. We're (almost) all biologically programmed to know how.. if you'd been raised a la jungle book, i'm pretty sure you'd still figure it out on your own!

i think someone mentioned on here that it depends a lot on your social interactions. I totally agree. People in my high school either didn't date, or it was this really formal structured thing. Which I found incredibly awkward. Hence, the boy on vacation. College I found was a lot easier. Thing seem to happen a bit more organically.

I know it doesn't work that way for everyone, and sometimes people have overarching beliefs that would make that seem wrong, but. to each his own!

If you're finding you WANT to meet men you might be interested in (though singleness can be it's own great thing), I recommend online dating. Highly.

-Sarah

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Miri

My goodness, my first kiss was so terrible! I wouldn't have recommended it AT ALL from that.

Isobel, I definitely know you (I'm also from Adelaide). Well, I met you when we were both in year 12, and have seen you around since then. I think you're great. You seemed very certain about your dreams, far more certain than I felt at seventeen.

I definitely don't think that you're ugly, or boring, or that you have anything untoward hanging from your nose.

Thanks for this interview – very insightful. I am glad you are not unhappy.

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Isobel

Lex- The main reason I wanted to do this interview with Sarah Von, is because of girls like you. Younger than me, not super sure how they're feeling about stuff. When I was younger I'd get really upset about this, and then I'd google my worries and most of the stuff out there isn't exactly comforting! And it used to bum me out when my friends were getting a lot of attention, but now? No way! I have so many awesome girlfriends and if a guy ISN'T interested? Obviously he has bad taste. My gfs are fantastic.

Miri- Ahhh! I remember you! Thank you for being so sweet, and I hope that you're doing awesomely. I've always been waiting for news that you've conquered the world or something. That seemed very inevitable when we met, you were so outgoing and strong.

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Allie

This one is close to my heart.

I hadn't been kissed prior to my 21st birthday. I had two relationships, and thats a loose term for what they were. I was just to scared and worried.

Then, post 21st, I decided I wasn't having it anymore. I posted an ad to hang out, and one thing led to another, and I not only kissed but lost my virginity to a stranger. I cried for three days, but then I sucked it up and moved on. I've since been with three more guys. Fooling around, not sex. And I've kind of learned that 1. I can explore my sexuality however I want, 2. I like myself 3. I'm not hideous if guys don't like when I drop my pants and 4. Guys have awful breath and kissing kind of sucks.

I cant wait to see what its like in a loving relationship. But I do understand feeling like everyone knows what you're not doing.

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Allie

Correction: I'm not hideous if guys don't PUKE when I drop my pants*

LORDY. I've never had a guy protest.

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Erin

I read the title of this piece and said outloud, "Oh, girlfriend. Kindred spirits!" I am freshly 21 and have kissed two boys (my first was at 18), but neither was a good experience. I am a virgin, and though I have friends who are virgins, I am by far the virgin-iest. What makes it more difficult is that my fellow virgin friends have chosen it for religious reasons. I'm not… just waiting for the right person. It's something I battle back and forth with. Some days I feel awesome about it, but mostly it embarrasses me and makes me feel immature, juvenile, and ugly. But this post has completely filled my heart with joy and hope! Thanks to Isobel for being an awesome, much-needed role model, and to Sarah for always contributing thoughtful, lovely discussions to the often harsh and mean world of the internet.

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Anonymous

I somehow feel in the same boat although I've been kissed and I liked it. I am 23 and I had a couple of what I call my "kindergarden relationships" in early high school but I've never had sex because I loved God. Now I am dating someone for almost a year who came to know God through me. He told me that when he found out that I don't believe in pre-marital sex he was devastated. He decided that he wanted me anyway and that he will wait however long it takes. It's so amazing how you grow in such a relationship, how you learn to trust each other and know that you are not together because of sex. And his reason wasn't primarily faith, but simply respect. Girls, there are so many guys out there who just want to be with you because it's nice to get attention and sex, but not because they want to be committed. After a while they get bored, or their future plans change and they just drop you. My mum always told me: "Tell him you'll wait until marriage, and you will see the guy's motives."
I believe every woman deserves to be really loved, and it's possible. Lovely girls who commented on this, there are guys out there who will want you no matter what the conditions are. It might take sacrifices sometimes, and it will take time, but it's worth waiting for. Don't settle for less.

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Anonymous

I just want to say how great it is to read this and all the comments with it. I wasn't kissed until I was 18 and it was with some random guy. I have been in love but it was long distance and so most of my relatives didn't know about him. That was years ago. I've dated and had short term things with guys, but still generally feel really bummed about being mid twenties and not yet having anyone to bring home to meet my parents. I feel very judged by my relatives like I am a freak for being single, as they all think you should be married with kids by my age. It is good to see i'm not the only shy girl/late bloomer out there.
Thanks so much for sharing this.

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Liz

I loved reading this, and it's great to know that I'm not the only one leading a kissless existence. It used to really bother me as I figured there must be something wrong with me; but I've come to the conclusion that I've been blessed with good health, a wonderful family, awesome friends, and a variety of interests; all of which make my life fun and full. If I ever do go the relationship route; I figure that this perspective will make me a better partner that insecure, discontented teen me would have been.

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Sarah

I'm 27 and never been kissed…

I do lie about it though, for me its embarrassing and I'm fairly sure I won't tell my first that he is my first.

What a great column, thank you!

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Anonymous

What a great article. I'm going to be 19 in a couple months, and I had my first kiss the month I turned 18–at, ugh, a frat party. I've ~hooked up with a couple of guys since then, and I'd like to have sex sooner rather than later (I personally place little stock in the concept of "virginity" and would not want a lack of familiarity with the deed to hinder my pursuit of future desires). However, I've never been on a date, and in all the time I've been "sexually active"–or whatever term one might use–I've not had a compelling interest in anyone with whom I've even kissed, let alone done… other things. While I don't regret anything I've done thus far, I've been thinking of abstaining from all such contact until I'm actually interested in someone. I ultimately think my inexperience with emotional intimacy bothers me more than my inexperience with physical intimacy ever has. :-

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joy

i`ve always believed in magical first kisses. I`m 19 and my favorite `go-to` girly movie is Never Been Kissed (seriously, it`s so good!).

My first kiss was a not-too-sober make out session with a random guy on St Patricks Day at university. It was super fun, I admit, but the days after, I was slightly emotionally messed up.

Believe me when I say it`s so much better when you kiss someone you like. My first kiss with a guy I truly liked happened a couple months later. It wasn`t the `best` kiss; kind of awkward, teeth bumping peck on the lips. But it was `perfect` in the sense that I got to share an intimate moment with someone I care about, and could smile and laugh after you unlock your lips.

I say wait for the right person.

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Anonymous

I recently got my first kid two days ago and I just turned 21. I went to Las Vegas and this guy did this lame hit on. And, I just did it for the experience. Honestly, it's not that big of a deal. I wasn't into it, and had my eyes open. I felt no chemistry. I think he did though, because he would keep following me. After I kissed him, I kinda backed off before anything got too crazy. I was so worried about being 21 and kissless. And it wasn't memorable. It was just a kiss and that's it. I wish I kissed some guy I actually knew and cared about. It would have meant more to me.

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Anonymous

Isobel, how are you doin'? Have you finally experienced your first kiss?
I had the same problems as you, I was frustrated when I was 22 and never been kissed. Then I got my first kiss at age of 23 and a half.

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Anonymous

I'm 48 and never been kissed, never was on a date and never had a relationship with opposite sex of any kind(I'm straight, though).

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Anonymous

I had my first kiss with the man I married and am so glad I waited! It was absolutely amazing! He held me up and kissed me against our car after he came home from a 2 week vacation. We waited till we were married to have sex.

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YCh.

I'm an 18 year old guy and never been kissed !… I do feel such a loner sometimes. I don't even know what to do when my life !… I feel like my future is gonna be messed up in general !

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Dawn

This is my life story as well, aside from our 5 year age difference, my hatred of sewing, and my being home schooled all my life…

I started taking drama at a local theater with all kids my age when I was 15. Just starting to get into the social world and find myself, I was annoying, yes. And there was this quiet boy who I thought I was in love with. I was too shy to really talk to him, but he broke my awkward, clueless little heart anyway and two years later told a good friend of mine that I was the most annoying girl in the whole play.

This past summer I had a love interest who actually, for the first time, liked me back, but he started to test me to see how far I would go with him and even said he would "teach me" sex. So I broke it off and he went around saying that I was begging for sex when I confronted our good mutual friend about it. But I have the same moral views as you. Also, he had been sexing girls while we were talking. I felt so ashamed of myself for even liking him.

I have my days where I think I'll die alone with 37 cats, but most days I'm happy with who I am and glad that I don't let a guy rule my perfect world. If I die alone, so be it! At least I'll go knowing I didn't sleep around or kiss the first guy who told me I was "pretty".

Stay strong, girl!

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Amanda

I stumbled upon this and I am so glad. I'm 24 and have also never been kissed. One real date and a few almost relationships. Sometimes I feel down or embarrassed about it. Other times I feel like everything is awesome.

Either way, seeing that I'm not the only person is awesome. It's just nice to not feel alone in my experiences.

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Anonymous

And what do you think if we turn the tables? I am 28 and had my first and only kiss with a girl at the age of 27. I guess the experience was so enjoyable that it paradoxically backfired and prevented me from calmly going into a relationship with her. She was 21 – with three times having been blown off by her boyfriends in the past, so quite a burden of negative relationship experience – and admitted thinking of a relationship with me, however I have simply acted too clingily and too insecure afterwards, which eventually made her blow me off… What would you think of my situation? Both those of you, girls, who are experienced in kissing/sex/relationships and those who admitted not having been kissed before? Would you think there is something dreadfully wrong with me? Would it be attractive for you to have your first relationship experience with me? Cause after the experience I have just described I guess it may have been easier for me to establish any kind of relationship bond with a girl who hasn't experienced a kiss before, that would create the 'first time'-based bond for us. I would be greatful for any insight you have on this.

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Anonymous

Story time! I was a late bloomer too! I never really had met anyone till now, and i finally decided earlier this year to try the online dating thing, and we had 3 really awesome (ABSOLUTELY AWESOME) dates. We connect on so many levels we both have admitted it seems almost too good to be true! We both have the same religious beliefs, we both love being goofy and silly, and we both get excited over the same nerdy things. We went out for my 23rd birthday, which was last thursday. I had told him during the second date that this was my first dating experience, and we discussed not forcing when we would have the first kiss at the end of the date or something, but just letting it happen when the timing felt right. He said he wanted to make my first kiss special! After an awesome day celebrating my birthday, going out to eat and watching an awesome movie, we walked around outside, and I was pulled up close to him because it was cold. We stopped for a moment and we looked at each other… then we kissed! It was a little surprising at first ("I'm kissing, what?… Oh! I'm Kissing him!") and then we just melted into it! Needless to say we kept kissing after that first kiss for about an hour or so before he, the gentleman he is, brought me home so I could get enough rest for work the next day. Needless to say, I'm smiling a lot now. 🙂 I'm so glad I waited till I was 23 and met the right guy. There were times where I thought things like "If i lower my standards, maybe i'll finally get that kiss" but I'm so happy that i didn't and kept waiting for God's timing to work out. And it's funny because I was not expecting for this to happen at all, as a few months ago, I felt perfectly happy being single, and completely satisfied in my Identity in Christ. I feel like this is all one wonderful Gift from God, and I'm praising Him all the more!

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Sarah Will

This is beautiful! thank you so much for your story. I am now 23 and waiting. Am sure I will have my story soon, I know that it will be worth the wait. God is good and protects us until we are ready I guess!

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Anonymous

I got a question Sarah for you. My friend who lives out of state who lives in Kansas State. SHe never ever been kissed either she has dated n had kids but hasn't been kiss. Til her friend pre pressured her to go make out with a guy named Jack and they were playing truth or dare and so they dared her to make out with that guy and she didn't want to. but they kept on going and stuff. So does that count as first kiss? since she didn't want to kiss the guy?

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Sibusiso Fanti

I typed in "23 and never been kissed" on a search engine because I was trying to find someone in my situation I could relate to. What I found was this post, describing me to the t. uncannily so.

Its as if I wrote this post, everything inside its content is me with the exception of film school, trade that with art school and this lady is me.

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Anonymous

Im nearly 22, never been kissed, never been close to being in a relationship & obviously am still a virgin. Most times Im okay with this, I know who I am and I like myself. Im not ugly or whatever, although sometimes I feel like some kind of pathetic reject. But thats when I take a look around and notice that everyone I knew is either married, engaged or with someone (Im from a small religious community). And thats when I feel alone. Its not the kissing or whatever that I feel like Im missing out on.. Its falling in love with someone, and them loving you. I want that. I want to wholly care about someone else more than I care about myself. And to know that Im wanted and desired and respected by him. Im not going to just kiss someone just because I feel like Im missing the train. I want to share that with someone I actually truly care deeply for. I dont think I have high expectations. I just feel like I owe that to myself and my future love. Its like I already love him and care about him, I even pray for him, as weird as that may seem. I have faith that hes out there. I dont want perfect, I just want real.
But Im really happy Im not the only late bloomer on planet Earth! Thank you so much for sharing your experience, I feel less lonley now.
Heck, maybe Im delusional, but I figure Ive waited this long right?

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Anonymous

"And thats when I feel alone. Its not the kissing or whatever that I feel like Im missing out on.. Its falling in love with someone, and them loving you. I want that. I want to wholly care about someone else more than I care about myself. And to know that Im wanted and desired and respected by him. Im not going to just kiss someone just because I feel like Im missing the train. I want to share that with someone I actually truly care deeply for. I dont think I have high expectations. I just feel like I owe that to myself and my future love. Its like I already love him and care about him, I even pray for him, as weird as that may seem. I have faith that hes out there. I dont want perfect, I just want real."

I love, love, love this comment. This sums up my situation and everything I stand for PERFECTLY. Thank you for this!

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Star-Dreamer

This is SOOO perfect. Thank you so much for sharing! This is how I am too. At 25, never dated, never been kissed, never had a relationship, and still virgin (obviously). But the way you said that… It's so perfect. ^_^ It's just the way I see things. My friends have told me that my expectations are too high, and that if I ever want to find a man, I'm going to have to settle. But I don't believe this… because I think that God has the perfect man for me out there somewhere. I don't know who or where he is, but if I "just settle" for any ol' guy, I know that I'll miss out on the one that God intends for me. Besides, (except for the one boy who was my best friend for years and ended up marrying another girl), I haven't found anyone that comes even close to fulfilling any of the criteria on my "list". (Not that I have a big list, but, you know… it's nice to sort of know what you are looking for…)

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Katy

At college, the one & only thing I'm asked about by other girls in my agegroup is if I am or have I ever been in a relationship. The answer is long and complicated, but in short I just don't feel to be on the same timeline as everyone else in having relationships/being kissed/having sex/etc.

When I saw the title of this article, I literally thought I had been interviewed by you, Sara, and not been told about it! I'm 23, never been kissed, and comforted to see all the other fellow gals in similar situations!!

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Anonymous

Im 18 and almost had my first kiss. With a stranger at a party and we were both drunk. He asked me if he could kiss me and if I could kiss him back. I was going to kiss him just for the sake of having my first kiss but then I began to hesitate. I said no and told him that we should hug instead. I wanted my first kiss to be with someone who was going to be in a relationship with me, not a random guy I met while I was drunk. Yeah I regret it sometimes because it is embarassing to know I have never been kissed. But whatever, he had a girlfriend.

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Anonymous

It feels so refreshing to know that I am not alone, Im 20 and I have never been asked out or kissed… And it is sad knowing that your younger siblings are. My sister had a makeout session and shes younger than me! My brother a total computer nerd gets hit on by girls again much much younger than me. I get people telling me all the time that I am beautiful and others always say that the man that gets to marry me will be the luckiest guy on earth. Now when I hear that I want to cry knowing that it may never happen! To top it all off, I have a lot of male cousins and so anytime I get together with family they always ask if I have a boyfriend. Everywhere I go it seems to be the question that people always want to ask. It is disheartening to have to reply to that.

But… hearing that I am not the only one, makes me feel so much better. And I pray that Ill get married to a guy one day.

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Star-Dreamer

I hear ya. I'm 25 and can relate SOOOO much. 😛 Same situations half the time, same questions, same worries… You are not alone. *hugs*

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Anonymous

Thankyou for writing this. I just turned 20 and haven't had my first kiss. I was beginning to think I was a freak. I try not to tell people and when it comes up in conversation I usually manage to change the topic. I'm sort of scared about when the day comes…what if I'm a crap kisser, how will the guy react, should I even tell him? etc. It sucks not knowing what it's like as well. I sort of feel like I've missed out on this huge chunk of my childhood.

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Anonymous

I had my first kiss when I was 19, and then dated the guy for about 2 months (my first and only relationship thus far). I've kissed another guy since then, but it's been a few years…I'm 27 now and really anxious to get back in the dating game!!

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Anonymous

I had my first kiss when I was 19, and then dated the guy for about 2 months (my first and only relationship thus far). I've kissed another guy since then, but it's been a few years…I'm 27 now and really anxious to get back in the dating game!!

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Star-Dreamer

Hmmm… I've had a similar life, and it's good to know I'm not the only young girl out there like this. 🙂 I'm 25 and a Christain and have never been in a relationship… I can't even say that I've ever really dated (although I've gone out with guys before, but not on dates… just as good friends. I've never really been asked out, and of the few guys I have hung out with, I can't say that I was particularly interested in them from a romantic standpoint.) I was kissed once, but it wasn't my idea, it came out of nowhere, and it was the most awkward thing in the world, so I don't really know if it counts. All I know is that, at 25, I've watched almost all of the friends that are my age get married or have relationships, and as the oldest of six kids I know have one sister who is engaged, one brother who is in a serious relationship, another sister who is just starting a relationship with her crush, and another brother who all the little girls flirt with… and one sister who is too young to even think about boys. lol! Of the five of us who are old enough and capable of having relationships, I am the only one who has never come anywhere near actually having one… and not for lack of wanting or trying.

But oh well, I guess. I mean, for a long time I was really worried about the whole thing. I thought that there must be something wrong with me in some way if no one is interested. Perhaps I'm doing something wrong, or perhaps I'm just scary. I had crushes and even approached a few of them, but nothing ever came of it… half of the time the guy sort of backed away and avoided me afterward like I was the creepy stalker girl; perhaps that's really how they saw me, I don't know.

But anyway… now I've noticed that for the past year, I haven't been as worried, and I haven't cared nearly as much. I used to cry about it a lot (I did a little bit this year, but nothing to take note of) and I just feel… I don't know… content, I guess, with where I am now. I still want to find the right guy, but I'm not obsessed with it. I mean, I would prefer not to be 40 or 50 when I finally get married… but I still have 5 years to my 30s and who knows what could happen in that time, right? Maybe God will bring the right man along… right now I'm just happy being me, and let me tell you, I feel a lot better being this way than I ever did before, wondering how I was SUPPOSED to be to get a man. 🙂

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Anonymous

I have Cerebral Palsy, and although I've been kissed before, my first and only boyfriend went gay on me. So this really gives me hope that things are gonna get better for me. Thank you so much! 🙂

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Anonymous

next year I am going to be 18,so currently I am 17,i've never had a boyfriend or kiss someone before . So before i turn 18 i've made a list of things i want to achieve before i turn 18.one of things on my list is to boyfriend n kiss someone and it was a success :). AT 17 I got my first kiss with my first boyfriend. I feel bad that I lied to him because I've never admit to him that he was my first BF. but I was honest about the fact I've never kiss someone. when I told him that I've never kiss someone he was shocked and I felt so embarrass.
my first kiss happen when I was at his house . a few times I've gone to his house but usually nothing happen.
not until that day when he laid me on his bed and start kissing me.it was awkward n I did not know what to do with my mouth. it didn't last long like in movie but when he was done kissing me he slowly move backward and look at me. he was cute.. (if I wasn't shy n have the courage I could have kiss him again )my first kiss was awesome 🙂 but our relationship didn't last long:( but here n there I still remember this day n smile.

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Anonymous

Humm… all your stories are touching. I'm a guy and although ive been kissed and etc. a few times it didn't register in my mind. My emotions didn't respond and I didn't get aroused. No I'm not gay. I'm desensitized to Porn. I've never had a girlfriend and never had a relationship and I'm 26. To me and many other guys and girls; we're getting less and less interested in sexual contact. In Japan the statistics show that 36 percent of men and 59 percent of Japan's population are not interested in any form of sexual contact. Soit you think your alone or theres only a tiny community of us, touch are wrong!

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Sanjib Ghosh

29 going on 30. Never kissed anyone. I've done many things wrong but the basis are religious/cultural/moral reasons. Proud of it. Waiting for marriage. We should form a support group though for the difficult times 🙂

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Anonymous

This is a great post. I'm a 21 year old woman, never been kissed either. My reasons though are different than most peoples. I have something called Dysautonomia, and the symptoms are horrendous. Racing heart and blushing and feeling like I'm going to pass out only hurts the experience of talking with young men. I usually come off very confident anyways (as long as I get out of the situation quickly), but then they wonder why I don't want to talk to them again. The worse of my symptoms is that I have sweaty palms! Extremely sweaty palms. A lot of the time they are dry, but when I'm nervous or warm they just pour! I just sort of decided "when I'm well, I'll date, I'll kiss, I'll hold hands", but that never really came. I had this drop dead handsome guy interested in me, and I sort of avoided him and he took the hint and stopped pursuing me. Now I say hi to him and talk with him, but there's always some sort of friction/attraction between us. About six months after that, another really handsome guy (I didn't believe it either! Especially since he had his choice of girls!) took interest in me and started asking me out. We went on about ten dates, no joke, and I didn't let him get close enough to me to kiss me. I ended up telling him I had feelings for him but that it couldn't work because of our religious differences. Which was true. And felt so embarrassed about the whole thing. I even had a guy fall in love with me and when we got together one night, he tried everything to kiss me… he was holding my hand and had his arms around me (luckily at a time my hands were fairly dry) and in that case I wasn't interested in him and told him no thanks. Just weird to have so many opportunities, but no luck. I guess I wanted to post my story because for some people, like me, even if there is an opportunity, I have to push it away. Even if I met the right person, would I be able to truly be in a relationship when I can't handle being touched a lot of the time? I think if its the right person, maybe… Hopefully… But don't lose hope. Just be happy you don't have a chronic illness that keeps you from the opportunity when it comes 🙂

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Anonymous

As a 24 year old male, who largely considers himself an "Alpha male" but struggles struggles to initiate relationships with people I believe are viable partners. Your blurb very motivating and inspiring, It gives hope and courage to those that are merely holding out on a potentially great life out of fear (myself included). I wish you all best with your journey.

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Anonymous

I am nearly 24 years old and the loneliness I have felt for years is becoming overbearing. Recently, in order to console myself, I started considering my boyfriend-less situation as coming down to my always being an independent person and traveller, having been to a few cities since I was 19 and never, ever really finding a decent someone whom I still feel is a true friend, let alone a lover. My standards, too, are quite high, but I will never succumb to thinking that I or anyone as myself should 'settle' in order to be happy.

As a young woman I understand that 'making new contacts' each time I move is difficult and rarely results in a confident relationship, friendly or romantic. However, this makes me (and the others I have read from this page) feel even more insecure and anxious about finding that one nice man whom I can find comfort and reliability in, all the while remaining on my own feet.

This leads to my other, though lesser, worry: my first real kiss. I reached a new 'low' in my current state by Googling 'my first kiss stories', feeling ashamed and ridiculously childish, just to find a possible detailed romantic story with which I could link my endless dreams. Yes, I have been kissed – a few times – but each was more catastrophic and shallow (and wet) than the previous. Each a**hole, I realise now, was only interested in one thing from me (surprise, surprise) which, thankfully, I never gave into – until the last one, a few months ago.

I reached a desperation that made me hate myself; I even lied to myself, convinced that this boy was at least the first decent 'step' onto the bridge that I had to make in order to reach the man whom I will fall in love with, and he with me, at some future point. I even went against my own screaming inner self and kissed his ugly, arrogant face just to feel attached to someone. But my morals won in the end and I pulled away defiantly, resulting in my longest relationship yet: 8 days.

I have certainly grown because of this, but I remain as lonely as before. I feel I have wasted my first kiss (as well as a few other things), all because I wanted the real rather than the perfect, settling for his imperfections, thinking I was too harsh on others. How wrong I was.

But I am still lost, and the wait is more cruel than ever. As I said, I will never settle, and patience is virtue, but my question is this: when, when, when? There is only so much an honest, non-whory woman wanting a taste of a lovely relationship can do and take and endure until something dies inside. Will there ever be a man good enough to re-awaken that? To kiss me, for the 'first' time?

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A *

hey i totally get this. im 23 never kissed or had sex. i'm saving it for that special lady. honestly, let the world be damned. i'll improvise according to what she wants, when the time comes. till then, stay proud bro 🙂

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Anonymous

Im a 17 year old guy. Never been kissed/ never dated… I just hate how i have to feel like s*%& every day because of some form of peer pressure. This is really getting to me and not alot does. I just feel lost and like something is wrong with me. sorry to be such a downer

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Anonymous

listen dude.. why do you feel upset about it? you are still very young and not even 18 so you've got plenty of time. you are not an old man or something. the trick is to never bother or feel pity. just be yourself. enjoy life. talk to everyone but don't over think or take any thing deeply to heart then you won't feel depressed. nothing is wrong or weird about you. chill dude.

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Anonymous

I really don't see the big deal for never having a boy friend nor been kissed. I'm 26. i never had a boyfriend nor been kissed till now. i don't ever feel bad about it nor dying or self pitying for not having any one. it's not that i'm hard up or unable to. it's matter of time when the person would ever come. god has he's plans. i don't need to go some where just for a kiss or make effort to find a guy. i'm fully independent, cautious and a happy-go-lucky spirit. and i love the way i am. i see no big issues. why people think i'm weird for still not having one yet. I always look at the positive out look of life. and speaking man is not the one and only source of life. there's so much more to be happy even if you are single. you can always travel around the world, do charity, go party, adopt animals and much more or may be even educate yourself more…
i don't see anything wrong in me if others think i am… 🙂

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Anonymous

I am 19 and have never been kissed, I had 1 girlfriend, that lasted a week and was in my freshman year of highschool. It's not that anything is wrong with me, I'm smart, I don't look unappealing or anything.. It's just that I suffer from painful shyness, that makes me almost unable to talk to any girls completely. I think this is the case with about 80% of people who haven't been kissed after 18 years old, theres nothing wrong with them, just they are way too shy to try anything. 🙁

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Anonymous

The same goes for me, I'm male, 21, very kind guy and I had never dated a girl or had a sexual moment in my life, I talked to many girls as accquiantances, but haven't got into the dating part, the fact is that I was so SCARED to ask a lady out, back at high school and If I did, people will think I'm crazy, and I didn't want that to happen. There are times where I got so close to dating somebody but I never really managed it, I just feel pain a little bit where I just see handsome looking people with beautiful girlfriends by their sides, I want that to happen to me! The type of lady I love to meet someday is someone from an international country, someone who is cute, beautiful, trustworthy, spunky, and has a positive spirit about them. Good post mam, and if you ever needed a friend, just let me know.

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Anonymous

I'm 21 and have also never been kissed or had a boyfriend. There was one guy last summer but I just did not feel like kissing him. As much as other people might say that I'm not getting younger, I am not going to kiss every guy I meet. I am still waiting for that one guy who I want to kiss. Yes, you can say I'm waiting for "that one special guy" . P.S. Really liked the interview 😉

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Anonymous

I am 19 and wow so glad I came across this page! I was 18 when I had my first 'kiss' with someone I don't know and can't even remember what he looks like, in a club. It was not enjoyable at all, but I felt like I had never kissed anyone and had to at some point.. my friends are not like me at all in that they are all in relationships or very experienced with boys. I have always had crushes, but I am ridiculously shy and very unattractive, so nothing has ever come naturally for me… Although I have had these crushes I have always been the girl who hasn't cared about having a boyfriend or ever getting married but it is hard to feel comfortable with that!

Thank you for posting the interview 🙂

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Anonymous

im 17……i was 15 when i had my first kiss wow it was soo dream come true

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Anonymous

I want to just give hope to anyone who stumbles upon this page in the same boat. I'm 29 years old and I just found myself in my first serious relationship, had my first kiss and lost my virginity to the same guy – now my boyfriend of 8 months. I honestly wouldn't change the way it happened for ANYTHING.

I considered myself a normal girl growing up – had a lot of friends, went away to college, fun to hang out with. Was I shy? Sure. But shy girls still kiss people and have boyfriends, so I couldn't necessarily blame it on that. It just never happened for me. As I got older, it certainly got more frustrating and part of me wanted to just get it over with. But I'm not the type of girl to seek out that kind of stuff. I wanted it to happen naturally and not because I was drunk at a bar or paid to fill out some dating profile online. What made me different? Nothing.

Like others have said, some days it didn't bother me one bit. I felt lucky to not have to deal with the trials and tribulations that come with hook-ups/dating. But as humans, we crave to be loved and it was tough. I felt very alone sometimes. And I'd have legit nightmares about it. How/where was I going to meet someone now? And how do you explain to someone how behind you are? It was halfway TERRIFYING.

To my surprise, a month after I turned 29 the man of my dreams showed up in my life and he's been my everything (literally). Sharing my past with him was actually relatively painless. And finding out that he was my first everything was amazing to him. It makes him feel special – as it should. 🙂 YOU CAN go through these firsts later in life and not be looked at as weird, a freak, etc. I feel blessed to have found a happy, healthy relationship as I head into my 30s and not some kind of crazy mess many people find themselves in during their teens/early 20s. All I can say is don't settle and believe it is worth waiting for someone completely wonderful who will accept you. I promise.

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Anonymous

I'm 19 years old and I have never had an actual real kiss or peck where I am able to respond back to the person. Every time I try I just can't. I also have never been able to be in a stable or real relationship that I last more then 1 day. I really don't understand myself. I just assume I have a great fear of relationship or I'm too childish or that maybe something is wrong with me because I have a lack of confidence and I'm to shy in meeting people.
kick username for advice (Bane_c)

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Anonymous

i'm 22 and i"ve never dated…actually i'm writing this because i'm woriied and kind of scared … it's not just that i mean i was before a really succesful person in studies been always the best and lived for that i thought that i wouldn't compromise between studies and any thing else so i was kind of devoted and even when some boys were intreted in me i just refused to date ..so whatever i thought love might come at college … but no thing changed irealized that i don't date because i have no confidence in my looks… in fact it's even worse now because the years i spend focusing on my future i kind of stopped talking to guys… so i feel like evey day i got more and more shy around them … so i'm kind of scared that i will never meet someone and end up alone …can u plz tell me what u think ?

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Anonymous

i'm 23, female. sometimes i go on online dating, have a great experience meeting new guys. some of them are trying to kiss me. and yes, i have never been kiss. so, i reject all those kisses, because i'm not ready, and i don't want to give my first kiss to stranger. and guess what, all of them who i reject their kisses, they just walk away from me. why do i feel, nowadays guys only want sexual or physical contact? will there be any guys who will patiently getting to know me and fall for who i am not for my outlook? i'm tired being on online dating. it seems so hard to find a genuine guy who know how to treat me well. 🙁

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Anonymous

I'm 24, male, and never kissed. It was just last week when I cuddled with a lady for the first time. It was pretty amazing but I am the last of my friends who is a virgin, nevertheless kissed. It's hard to not be embarrassed and ashamed but I know I shouldn't be.

She's the first girl I've really romantically talked to and she lives two hours away. After two dates, she was really hoping to get a kiss but I didn't feel ready at that point. I told her my story, and she was very understanding and willing to go at my pace, which is super sweet.

I wish it could lead to something more but I'm so tired of waiting and even though I don't see myself getting married to her, I just want to get some firsts out of the way so it doesn't drag me down further. I want to build some self-confidence so I'm capable of building further relations myself!

Thanks for writing this post! I really don't feel so alone anymore!

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Anonymous

Everyone talks about not being kissed as either being some horribly embarrassing thing or as something that you can be proud of, because you are a confident and independent enough woman to admit that you just haven't found the right person or been in the right moment yet. While both of these things may be true depending who you are, there are still some people out there who consider themselves to be independent, confident and beautiful women who still are embarrassed and worried about the fact that nobody has kissed them.
That person is me. 90% of the time I am happy enough about my life that it doesn't bother me, but the other 10%, I remember that, compared to the people that I spend time with, I am just a little pathetic in the whole "romantic" aspect of life. And I guess that's ok, but, I don't want to be 25 years old with no romantic experience whatsoever. I want someone in my life. What scares me is that it might never happen. I just might end up someone who is successful in her work life but totally alone in her personal life. Wanting that does not make me weak, even though it feels like it does.
Obviously everyone else has their own personal and life experiences so what I'm saying is most likely not relatable to a lot of people, but I mainly wrote just to get my complex and ridiculous emotions out about the subject. After this, I'll probably just realize that my biology paper is more important and go back to writing that.

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Anonymous

I’ve had romance before, but mostly online. About 10 years ago I had a girlfriend in real life, but the furthest I got was a kiss on the cheek. I guess I can understand, as we were teenagers. 27 now, recently broke up with a girl I met who is from Japan. Although even she told me that she was too shy to kiss. Strange thing is she tells me she wanted to get married to me soon. Go figure. I’m told I am a handsome man, have a great personality, etc. but the thought of kissing me repulses women I guess.

For a few years it didn’t bother me and I just gave up, but recently I’ve felt a sense of despair over this. I’m tired of it, I’m tired of waiting. When/if it happens, it better be the best damn thing I have ever experienced, it should be for all the time I waited.

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Anoymous

I am actually 31 and have similarly never been kissed, not sure how old this post is, but I have a similar story… I have never even been asked out and people always ask why, they also say stop looking and you’ll meet someone but I have never looked. Have I admired people in the past sure but beyond that it has been nothing… anyway, this was cute to read. 🙂

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Anonymous

22 and never been kissed or on a date. I didn’t use to think to much about it, but now I dwell on it all of the time. I always figured I’d meet someone at school. Well, completed my undergrad with no dates, and now I’m in grad school….still no interest from any guys. Usually I don’t care because I feel like I don’t have time for that kind of distraction, but when it comes down to it I really wish SOME guy was interested enough in me to ask me out (I’m kinda shy, so I don’t think I could ever make the first move). Older acquaintances of mine always assume that I have no problem in this area of my life, saying “Boys your age must love you. Your pretty, smart, you hunt, fish, and drive an awesome truck!” Yeah, I wish that was the case. Being a strong, independent woman and just letting things happen in their own time is great and all, but I feel like finding a guy who is understanding and not weirded out by the fact that a woman in her twenties has absolutely no relationship experience will be increasingly difficult in this day and age.

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kiki

Yes, u are absolutely right. This is all what I want to say! I don’t think not being in rs or being kissed is a big issue in my life. Coz i dont want to do it with wrong guy and i believe there will be time. But now Im 22 and feelinf a little bit werid when i think of it bcoz most of my fris are doing well, one of my fri os getting married in this february ’16. I hate the confused feeling that they say this is becoz ur 22.

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kiki

I’m nealy 22 and today afternoon I was being read that I will never get married by an astrologer and damnn,I’m starting to get this fear. It’s not like I want to get married so bad, but you know, when someone tells you like this so straight, it makes me feel like i’m under dark cloud. And I thought back my teenage and uni life, i had never been in a RS, and never been kissed. I had crush and still have (another one). But things never work out. And I’m starting to feel as if I was lack of something or I am not attractive. Now I’m turning 22, I’m enjoying on building my life, pursuing my career, that not being in RS doesnt bother me. However, sometimes, when I watch romance movies or being alone, when I think of my crush, I’m feared that I might end my life forever single. Apperantely, I dont want bf now, but i dont like the idea of being alone. I want to be kissed by someone I love right now, at the same time i still want to enjoy my single life. thats why tonight i’m searching some kind of single staff and found this interview. This relived my stress. Thank you ladies! At least I found out I am not the only one. So whoever reading this post and our comments, we are under the same sky and never feel ashamed and worried for not being in RS or being kissed or having sex. I think there’s someday we will meet the right guys. Dont push urself to be RS, u know, there will be the right time.

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Rachel Robbins

Im currently 21. My first kiss was when i was 19. Some weird self proclaimed nymphomaniac that i was chatting with essentially just stuck is tongue in my mouth. It was soo strange. Beside that i have only ever been approached by black men old enough to be my father….. I have resigned myself to be forever alone.

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JL. Future

I’m currently 23 and I’m about to graduate college. I’ve only kissed and dated someone once and that was last year. I’m no longer with that person because of the following reason:
“I didn’t have time for him”
I guess because he’d already graduated and I still had one more year to go. But even then I didn’t really feel anything between us… I’m not really self conscious of myself it’s more like I’m not really attracted to anyone who seems to be attracted to me. Or maybe I find myself prioritizing my school over someone who does try to like me and they get upset over it. Or it turns out I do find someone attractive, but then I realize how busy I am with college so my brain says “stop” and I stop myself from pursuing that person… Is that wrong? I’m I a cold person for being that way?

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anon

This is my life without the religious stuff. I find it hard at night especially to think about. I’m 23, I’ve never been kissed, never had sex, never even come close to a date. I was last asked out at the age of 11 when I moved to England. I worry every day that I’m going to die alone. I’m so desperate for someone to love me. I just want something to happen to make me feel less of a freak. Everyone around me has had their time and I’m frightened because I’m the only one who hasn’t. I fall for guys and think something could happen before reality smashes me in the head when they turn me down subtly or others begin to mock him and me. It happens every time and now my attraction to people is rare because all I can think is that I’m too ugly for love. That I’m so hideous it embarrasses people I fall for even more than it embarrasses me that I haven’t done these things. I don’t want to be alone anymore.

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Diego

I don’t know how things work on Australia, but where I live if a girl likes someone she just need to show some signals (like looking directly on his eyes, search Google for more) and let the guy make the move and handle the conversation. Even if you’re not particularly interested in a guy you could just show yourself more open to others by, for example, playing with your hair.

She had blue skin,
And so did he.
He kept it hid
And so did she.
They searched for blue
Their whole life through,
Then passed right by-
And never knew.

Like you said, it’s silly to hide who you really are from others – and if you hide it from yourself it’s even more silly. You want to truly love and be truly loved, then why do you hide it?

Your perfect match is out there, maybe he passed right by your side and you ignore him. The question is, will you ignore him the next time?

Just make eye contact every now and then, is all he needs to find you 😉

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Cristina

I am in the same boat as you. I’m 25 and I have never dated, never been kissed or anything. I’m also a Christian so I don’t believe in pre marital sex. I’m glad that I’m not alone in this. I sometimes feel sad about it. I need to trust God that it’ll happen one day and that he has the man for me. I feel embarrassed when I tell people that I have never dated. I try to steer away from the conversation as much as possible.
I know it’s been a couple years now from this interview, maybe things have changed for you? Any updates?
God bless you and keep trusting in the Lord (that’s what I’m trying to do too lol)

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Grace

Wow I love this article, your mindset is positive and refreshing. And I agree; don’t ever feel yourself short of just because of life experiences that may not measure with others.

I had my first kiss when I was 18, but it was nothing romantic at all but after having it I realized there’s really nothing to be scared of!!! BUT I’m a really shy person, even though outwardly I may seem very opposite of. Even though I’ve kissed fair share of people before (good and bad ones), I still get nervous especially if I haven’t kissed someone for a period of time. I dislike the fact that I’m only bold when I’m intoxicated because it’s always easy to blame it on the alcohol.

But for those who’s never been kissed before or gotten a relationship yet (21 this year and 0 actual relationship), don’t rush, and don’t feel like a need to find someone. Get to know yourself more, do the stuff you love and most importantly be positive. When you are positive and feel great, that’s gonna radiate outwards and attract others (of like minded)! Never validate your worth with the expectations of a partner, relationship, another person, etc.

Because love works in a funny way, as quoted by Kahlil Gibran the prophet, “And think not you can direct the course of love, for love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course.”

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mark

yes! i was 14,in junior high school,small town,lots of country girls,teachers here were so down,no one for a relationship—I was told that i was nice looking,poor,slender—the teachers(2) put the move on me,after school,at first,i knew nothing,i learned real fast(keep your mouth shut–no talking about it)it lasted for 3 years–3 time+ a week.so———just stay cool–let them come to you–when it is right—you will know–(boy or girl),stay cool,be careful and good luck,time will tell.

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Michael

If it makes you feel better I’m 27 and I had my first and only kiss at 23 and that fact doesn’t bother me. Quite frankly I think it doesn’t matter whether you’ve kissed a guy before or not if he likes you then he’ll want to go out with you whether you’ve kissed 0 guys, 1 guy, or lots of guys. And if he doesn’t want to go out with you I doubt it will be because you’ve never kissed a guy before, he’s probably just not that into you. The important thing is to stay confident. 1 thing I learned is to think positive and not to think negative. Maybe never having kissed a guy before is a good thing because it will make him feel special because he’s the only guy you’ve kissed before.

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