Monday, April 4, 2011

True Story: I'm Into Ageplay

This is one of many True Life interviews in which we talk to people who have experienced interesting/amazing/challenging things. This is the story of Maya and her interest in ageplay. I realize that a few readers may be uncomfortable with this interview or take issue with these practices. Please remember that the point of the True Story series is to learn about experiences and lifestyles that we have not previously been privy to. It's about opening our minds, y'all. Any disrespectful or inflammatory comments will be deleted.

Tell us a bit about yourself!
My name is Maya. I’m 31 years old and I live in Cape Town, South Africa. My kink is non-sexual ageplay. My "little girl" side is 4 years old, innocent and very creative. I still have a child-like enthusiasm for beauty in the world. I’m open and honest...and try to be brave. (This IS what I do for fun and I'm not willing to talk about my career in this article for obvious reasons)

For those of us who don't know, could you explain what ageplay is?
Ageplay or AB/DL (Adult Baby/Diaper Lover) as a portion of the community label themselves, is a form of role playing in which an individual acts or treats another as if they were a different age.

Generally this can involve someone pretending to be younger than they actually are. Variations include Daddy's girl fetishism, in which real or imagined age differences are the basis of the roleplaying and the female is portrayed as the younger partner.

The practice can be regressive, in which the goal is to re-experience childhood, or sexual, recreating a child-adult sexual relationship. Some ageplay is purely regressive; while the person is in role, nothing that wouldn't happen with a real minor occurs. Ageplay can also be a form of BDSM in which a person pretends to be an infant, child or adolescent.

The appeal of ageplay, like other forms of submission, is in giving up responsibility, allowing oneself to be vulnerable and to give and receive affection freely. I choose to have relationships with men who play the part of my Daddy, to hold my hand when I cross the road, to open juice boxes and reach high up things. Stroke my hair at night and check under the bed. To help me do choosing and be the giver of stars for my star chart.

How did you first become interested in ageplay?
Originally I was into BDSM. The term BDSM is derived from the terms Bondage and Discipline (B&D), Domination and Submission (D&S, D/s, or Ds), Sadism and Masochism (S&M or SM). I found pure BDSM too harsh and preferred the nurturing side of being submissive. I was dating a Dominant 8 years ago and he introduced me to ageplay one evening. I was immediately hooked.

For me, and many ageplayers, I lacked the attention and nurturing I craved as a child, and had emotionally absent parents, others feel they were forced to grow up too quickly. Ageplay is a way of recreating and reenacting childhood in a safe and controlled way. Others grew up in happy, supportive, loving families. For some it’s a stress reliever, and a comfort in times of stress.

Can you tell us about the logistics behind this? Where do you do it? How do you meet other ageplayers? Where do you get your outfits?
Ageplay is a state of mind. I can switch gears fairly easy, just as a person might become shy at a big party or confident around friends, so I can switch between being little or adult. It can happen anywhere, anytime. I’m in control of it enough that I won’t switch at inappropriate times although I have been known to come home with a cart full of stickers, Hello Kitty party plates and candy when I was supposed to be buying household groceries!

Ageplay can vary greatly, from wearing adult diapers, a onsie and sleeping in an adult sized crib, to putting your hair in pigtails, collecting stickers and drinking chocolate milk from a Disney Princess cup.

Most ageplay accessories can either be bought at baby shops and adapted or bought especially at online fetish stores. There are quite a few online ageplay communities, but the most popular one seems to be a general fetish website called Fetlife. There is a community of over half a million kinky people. South Africa is very conservative and so our ageplay/ABDL community is still very new, but I spent the Summer in London and met members of their ageplay community, as well as organizing an ageplay party with my Daddy while I was there.

How much of your free time do you devote to ageplay? Has it affected other areas of your life?
It fluctuates. It depends on whether I’m stressed or have time to spare doing little activities, who I’m with. The only significant effect on my life so far is that it has made it much harder to find a romantic partner.

Have you ever had any questionable experiences?
No, accepting personal responsibility by carefully communicating your personal boundaries is always the first step when negotiating play with others. Many ageplayers and BDSM Dominants/submissives have actual negotiation forms that we give to prospective partners.

Do people in your life know that you are into ageplay?
Everyone in my life knows that I am into BDSM and ageplay except my immediate family and people at work. It’s just simply inappropriate to talk about your kinks with certain people. If I were every asked about it I would answer truthfully.

What are the biggest misconceptions about ageplay and people who take part?
The fact that ageplay has nothing at all to do with pedophilia. Ageplay is about role-play and about adults being consensual whereas pedophilia the victim has no choice.

Ageplay has nothing to do with anyone under the age of consent.

What advice would you give to someone interested in ageplay?
Join a community like fetlife or diaperspace and get to know other ageplayers. Realizing they are not alone, and discussing concerns and ageplay dynamics is often of great comfort to many people.

Do you have any (respectful!) questions for Maya?

23 comments

  1. That was so interesting. Thanks! I adore these real life reads. Thanks for sharing!

    x

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  2. This is very interesting. I'd heard of ageplay before but I didn't realise that it was at all common.

    I have a question for you Maya if you don't mind. I can understand wanting to regress to childhood for comfort etc, especially for those who feel they missed out on their real childhood like you said, but I don't understand the opposite role. I was wondering if you have discussed with those individuals who play the older role what they feel they get out of it?

    Thanks for sharing.

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  3. Thanks for being open about this part of your life - I think it's very brave of you.
    I do have a question: the piece mentioned acting out a child/adult sexual relationship, but then you mentioned that this roleplaying doesn't have anything to do with child molestation. Doesn't that counteract the comfort of ageregression to act out such an abusive act?
    Thanks again for your honesty.

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  4. This was really interesting! I've heard of Babyism before, but I don't know if that's the same thing. It's where men who are usually powerful and influential in their work place, have sexual fantasies where they enjoy being cuddled and nurtured, or even scolded. Some of them also enjoy wearing diapers and pacifiers etc.

    Belly B
    http://www.bforbel.com

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  5. Very interesting! Thanks for sharing.

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  6. I have to agree this was an interesting post, but I do have a couple of questions for Maya. Does anyone outside your circle in the ageplay community (ex your parents, friends, coworkers..) know that you participate in ageplay and if so how do they feel about it?

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  7. you always have such interesting interviews! i appreciate the originality :)

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  8. The above is my story.

    @Kathleen - I'll ask my Parter/Daddy to respond to your question.

    @Josephine - You are right, it can be a form of self directed therapy for childhood neglect/trauma/abuse but is NOT to be accociated with/involving actual underage children.

    @Alycia - A sprinkling of carefully chosen relatives/friends outside the kink ommunity do know...and they have all been as interested/supportive as the above respnces.

    maya

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    1. If it is not meant for underage children then why do people act it out as little children...could that be eat to get off easy without actually doing things to children?

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    2. I wouldn't go as far as saying this might NEVER happen but it certainly isn't why I role play and if I ever suspected a partner of mine was doing it for that reason I would report him immediately.
      Our ageplay community is fiercely protective against any people displaying illegal or harmful sexual behaviors.

      Maya

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  9. @Kathleen I am maya's partner/daddy. She's asked me to reply to your question as to what those who play the older role get out of it. It depends on the person and how the little likes to play as to what you get out of it. For me I get enjoyment from being able to help and look after her. Some daddies get enjoyment from being in control a bit like a dominant would. For some also like me its the intrest in age play but either not comfortable or not wanting to be the sub or little role.

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  10. This was very interesting! Thank you for helping share Maya's story.

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  11. thank you for this! it's very enlightening and I really really appreciate her note that it has nothing to do with unconsenting adults or psychological issues regarding pedophilia. kinks are totally normal and healthy, and more people have them than are willing to realize it ;)

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  12. Great post! I really appreciate how the True Stories series continues to discuss and normalize things that are often considered taboo. This is bold, wonderful blogging - keep up the good work, Miss Von!

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  13. I LOVE Fetlife . i understand what it means to be a submissive i am one 100% but im not into the adult babies . ive met alot and many of them say the same exact thing.

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  14. The older half of the ageplayers are clearly pedophiles who desire a sexual relationship with a child else they wouldn't pretend their sexual partner was a child now would they. However, being a pedophile, that is having the desire but not acting on it, is not illegal, only acting on your desires against real underage children is which is called being a molester. Ageplay is a harmless means of assuaging those pedophilic desires without harming children which I regard as win win for everyone.

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    Replies
    1. Age play has nothing to do with pedophilia. It's a desire to take care of someone and love them- it's not always sexual.

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  15. What age can u be to start age play. for example can u be fourteen

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  16. Hi all. I'm an ageplayer and ab/dl also. If you think you might be into ageplay or ab/dl there are so many resources and communities online that are, nonjudgmental, friendly, and filled with amazing people.
    Biglittlepodcast.com
    Fetlife
    reddit.com/r/abdl
    understanding.infantilism.org
    en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Paraphilic_infantilism

    These are great starting points. Also ageplay, for either the big or the little, is not about fulfilling pedophilic desires. The big receives immense and deep emotions of caring, nurturing, and loving in ways that traditional relationship can lack. For males especially the dominant masculine social model really suppresses these expressions of emotions. Ageplayers don't fetishize age, they fetishize the vulnerability that comes from acting little. When little's and big's play its about the simulacra of childhood, all of its tropes, and idiosyncrasies. Meaning it's not an exact recreation of ones childhood, because it can't be, its a constructed adult version. It can and usually is sexual because as adults sex is part of people sharing intimate and intense emotional experiences. If you are just coming to terms with having feelings like these, know that you're not alone, and that we are all just as happy, healthy, and whole as everyone else. - Johnjohn

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  17. Hi Maya!

    I wanted to thank you for sharing your story with us! I find the subject of ageplay very interesting and captivating. I wish I could be as forward as you when it comes to admitting I'm into this stuff, but as you can see, I've chosen to remain anonymous, and it is only for that reason that I do so.

    I had a pretty bad experience a while back in terms of diapering. Living at home with my parents, it wasn't too long before they found out about it. They made me feel so ashamed. I even had a pacifier and all that, they just couldn't accept that I wanted to act like a baby. So I gave it up for a while but I still am very interested in it.

    Looking back on it all, I can see that it's because I had a rough childhood. A verbally abusive father, teasing older sister, and I was potty trained too early. I felt like I had to rush to grow up because my sister was. Ageplay is a way for me to get back some of that comfort that I missed out on. I still have a "little" side. She's three but she does want to wear diapers occasionally. Just not all the time because I tried that and it can cause incontinence. So she's grown up some. She's into stuffed animals, Disney movies, and pink. :) She loves animals and I can't stop her from baby talking about a cute little bunny or kitty or puppy!

    So, Maya, as someone who is a proud ageplayer, I was hoping you could give me some advice. I currently still live at home with my parents but am going to college soon. How can I balance my "little" side with all of the responsibility and growing up I have to face soon? I don't want to lose touch with her completely. I just wish that I had someone in my life who could accept this part of me and allow me to enjoy my "little" side while also helping me stay "big" for when it matters.

    Thanks for reading my question! :)

    All the best,
    Little Girl in Pink

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  18. I'm a little "daughter" I have a Dada. It is very much about pedophilia, and I like it. I don't care if anyone tells u it isn't. It is, they all know it they just want to pretend they are better then that when they aren't. Who else would have sex with someone playing as a minor. There are no misconceptions. If u think it sounds like pedophilia that's cause it is, and yea it's a safe way to get it out without hurting an actual child. It is a win win.

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  19. Ha! It's super obvious that last Anon. person is the same Anon person pretending to be someone different. You might want to try losing your worn-out 'win-win' clique. Don't you have anything better to do? You clearly don't understand Age play (you couldn't even write a convincing post), so why don't you just leave off? In fact, the world could use less ignorance--we have no use for you.

    I'm not an Ageplayer, but I am interested in all of the various sexual fetishes out there and like to attempt to understand the psychology behind them--call me a Kinsey. Thank-you Maya, for being brave enough to share. Your words were very informative.



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