Tuesday, March 29, 2011

Don't Be Jealous (No. Really. Don't.)

This fantastic guest post comes to us from my fellow Virgo Lady Smaggle. If you love her advice on this topic, you'll love everything on offer over at her blog. Go say hi!

The green eyed monster comes to visit us all once in a while. My current obsession is with Mia Wasikowska who was plucked straight from the Canberra theater stages and delivered into the loving arms of Tim Burton. I want to bury myself in a big black pit of jealous screaming ‘SHE’S SO LUCK-EEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!’…

But calm down just a minute there Miss Smaggle. She’s not lucky, she’s ambitious. Aside from sacrificing life, time, sanity, food and her childhood years that should have been spent pashing Stussy-jeans wearing pre-pubescent boys at the bus interchange she obviously did something to get noticed. Tim Burton doesn’t generally wander around going ‘Hmmm… I wonder what the Canberra Philharmonic Society have on at the moment.’ She worked. And it worked.

When was the last time you ran into a friend who was half the size she was then when you last saw her? Did you gush and say she looked great? But secretly wanted to liquefy donuts and feed them to her intravenously as she slept? Why? We all know weight loss is hard and there’s no easy way to do it. So why after spending months on the couch drinking wine and eating refined cellulite do we sneer ‘lucky bitch’ at our newly size ten friends who have been counting calories like Oprah counts money and – Shock! Horror! Actually have a banging bod to show for their hard work? Why?

What about that friend from high school that has been interning pro-bono at a fashion magazine while struggling to make ends meet at her part- time job only to be rewarded with an assistant editors position? It was all peachy keen and BFF when she was ‘chasing her foolish dream’ but now that it’s been realized suddenly we put our jealous hats on. Why?

Or that friend who just bought her first house? The one that you stopped inviting out because she could ‘never afford it’? Why are you jealous with your 15o plus pairs of shoes and Chloe handbag?

It’s not that you’re bitter that they’ve achieved amazing things. It’s because you’re annoyed at yourself that you haven’t. Ouch. That hurt a little didn’t it?

No one will know you are writer unless you write something and show them. You will never buy a house unless you stop getting mani-pedis every week. You will never lose weight while you have a Mars Bar in your hand. And you will never be handed a gallery exhibition unless you draw something and wave it around in front people.

It’s time to be honest with yourself. What do you want? Write it down. Figure out how to get it. You don’t reach your goals by accident.

In fact… tell me! What do you want? And what are you going to do today to achieve it?
I’ll start… I want to start my jewelery line. And today I’m going to go to the library, sketch, do research and find my design voice. Then I’m going to draw up a business plan.
And you…?

See you back here in three months to report. Let’s make everyone jealous of us!

46 comments

  1. I want to ace my next essay, and to do that I am going to spend today reading articles and writing up an essay plan. Great article, Smaggle, and thanks Sarah V for posting it! xx

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  2. Ouch, this is confronting. That diet is really going to happen. Because I seriously will never lose weight when I'm eating fastfood all the time and stay on the couch.

    Thank you sooo much!!!

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  3. This was nice to read today - I think we are often embarassed at any jealousy we have so we hide it and deny that it's there. This post made it easy to identify that jealousy and how it appears matter-of-factly - the first step to getting it GONE!

    I'm often jealous of outwardly nice people (they make it seem so easy to be nice!) so today I'm going to strike up a conversation with my coworkers out of the blue.

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  4. have to admit, this hit pretty close to home. i know i procrastinate too much which is why i can never seem to get things to done. thank you for this wake up call! and off to do 30 crunches!

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  5. This is one of my favourite posts ever. It's what I tell myself, and my friends everyday. It's my way of encouraging myself.
    This just completely hit the spot.
    I want to be a blogger and childrens book author. More than anything else. So thank you for the motivation.

    Belly B
    http://www.bforbel.com

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  6. I've been feeling jealous more than usual lately. And it's true what you said. I'm just about 26, have a really crappy job and terrified of social encounters. I went to pastry school only to end up with nowhere to apply to for work. I'm an artist with an etsy shop because I've kinda given up on the traditional ways. I've had some disappointing experiences with galleries in the past and have gotten my lovely rejection letters from publishers...Other people make it seem so easy to succeed!

    My plan:
    -Try to blog every week day (weekends are too busy at the moment)
    -Participate in the receiving project which will teach me to actually feel like I deserve good things
    -Signed up for a few art lists so I should be able to find and enter a contest/juried show within the year...
    -re-apply to the few grocery stores with bakeries that I can actually get to by 5am with no car :( and hope hope hope that I can start earning some money!

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  7. "It’s not that you’re bitter that they’ve achieved amazing things. It’s because you’re annoyed at yourself that you haven’t."

    One of the best, most true things I've ever read. Awesome.

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  8. Great guest post! I love Lady Smaggle :)

    My month plan
    - sign up to the gym to do zumba and hip hop lessons to get into shape (finally doing a free trial this week!)
    -build up my animation showreel.

    My dream
    - work for pixar, disney or dreamworks and get into their internships
    or
    -get the summer school in paris!

    Actually they'd both be great!
    Dream.BIG!

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  9. I nodded my head while reading this. I have a friend that is very jealous of a lot of things and it isn't until SHE reaches the same goal/milestone that she can actually share in my happiness (ie getting engaged). It really hurts my feelings because it is SO obvious when people are "fake" happy for you. I actually stopped talking about the great things that happen in my life to her. wah, wah.

    On the flipside, I'm jealous of any taller than 5'5. No fair! :)

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  10. Great post! I often get frustrated by blog posts that attack other bloggers for not being transparent enough or honest about the bad or boring stuff in their lives, which makes everyone else feel like they don't measure up. That's so ridiculous. You hit the nail on the head. I'm not really jealous of the success of others, but I do get frustrated with myself...my bad habits and the way I procrastinate when I'm overwhelmed. This weekend I wrote out my short-term mission statement for my personal growth, career, finances and fitness. I'm trying to do something every day that gets me one step closer to those goals.

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  11. This really resonated with me. Jealousy is a scary thing. It takes even the nicest people over at some point. I have actually already started doing the Look Better Naked Workout and I feel so much better. It's a 6 week program and I'm on my 4th week. Yay! I will not be jealous of my friends who are losing weight.

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  12. This is exactly what I needed to hear. You have a new subscriber to your blog.

    Thanks!

    www.aweekfromthursday.wordpress.com

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  13. Wow, you DID hit the nail on the head. We AREN'T really jealous of anyone else, we're just frustrated with ourselves. You put into words what I couldn't for so long.
    I am wanting to get back into writing for publication, and even break into travel writing! I also want to finally lose that extra weight, do some "Do Good" work in this world helping people in whatever way I can, and live a rich full life. Full of love and full of life. Like I always say, "I want more LIFE in my life!"
    Thanks for inspiring me. You're awesome.

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  14. wow lady, great post. spot on. with permanently green eyes, jealousy comes natural to me. i've been trying to be more conscience of it lately and especially its roots. so thank you!

    i want to be able to support myself off of my painting. easy to say, harder to do. but gotta start somewhere, eh?

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  15. Amen! Love love love this. You are so very right... I needed that message today.

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  16. i want to ace my trust, tort and land exam. I will make sure my concepts are crystal clear. I will remember everything inshaa'Allah. Including concepts. I will know how to write, and write well. I will memorize case law and authorities. I will solve questions and answer problems and test myself to be sure of my abilities.Get them checked again and reach a model answer. IA..Ameen.

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  17. knocked it straight outta the ballpark. Love this smart ladies!
    xo

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  18. This post was FANTASTIC.
    I love blatant honesty like this...for me, that's what makes me feel motivated the most.

    I would love to work in magazine editing, so lately I've been pushing myself to apply to lots of related internships. I'm also just starting my blog...like she said, if you want to write, then write!

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  19. I am going to be ten kilos lighter, I am going to be healthy, I am going to be out of overdraft! I can already hear the little demons telling me I can't but I'll wear earmuffs for the next three months if I have to!

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  20. Absolutely so true! I was actually nodding the entire time reading this, because jealousy is one thing that I struggle with.
    Amazing! :)
    Thank you, made my day

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  21. Wonderful article! Read it before on lady Smaggle's blog, and actually copied it somewhere, that's how significant it seemed then (and indeed still is).

    I am almost addicted to being jealous or wanting what others have and be all victimy about it (in my head, cuz really, I hate victimy people). Anyway, now, whenever I feel the green monster, I say to myself: remember the EFFORT others have made to get this/there. And it does really help.

    As for actually reaching my goals, well, I'm too lazy for that still...;-)

    Love, Eliza

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  22. Wonderful article! Read it before on lady Smaggle's blog, and actually copied it somewhere, that's how significant it seemed then (and indeed still is).

    I am almost addicted to being jealous or wanting what others have and be all victimy about it (in my head, cuz really, I hate victimy people). Anyway, now, whenever I feel the green monster, I say to myself: remember the EFFORT others have made to get this/there. And it does really help.

    As for actually reaching my goals, well, I'm too lazy for that still...;-)

    Love, Eliza

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  24. I needed that, thank you :)

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  25. Not only was I inspired by the post, but I loved reading everyone's goals and plans to accomplish them. Much love and inspirational thoughts going out to each of you! Good luck!

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  26. FANTASTIC article. Comparison kills the best of us, I'm working hard at focusing on my own goals and stopping looking to other's for ideas. Thanks so much for the wonderful advice!!

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  27. 90% true. And that's good enough for me.

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  28. hell yeah, get it girls (and dudes and zies)!!

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  29. True words! This is definately an article to be massively proud of! Love it.

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  30. want to earn enough money to volunteer in Kenya for 2 weeks in December whether my parents say yes or no to it, if I have the money no one can stop me... now I gotta save the money, the hard part

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  31. Great article. Agree with everything 100%. There is this saying by Watzlawick which goes hand in hand with this topic: "What Peter says about Paul, sometimes says more about Peter than about Paul." Goes for thinking, too.

    Relatable Style

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  32. I want to be an okay painter and drawer. Today I'll practice.

    Thanks.

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  33. In two words: Flippin' fantastic. Amen and hallelujah. You hit the nail on the head and the ball out of the park.

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  34. I want to get my greeting card company started!

    Thanks for the excellent post. Just what I needed to hear.

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  35. I want to get more work as an actor. Today I landed an audition on Friday, and I have submitted my headshot and resume to vie for a few upcoming auditions.

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  36. This is a great article. I think everyone can identify with its message in some way. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and getting us thinking seriously about our lives.

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  37. I want to have my gymnastics legs and abs back. I've been walking 30 minutes uphill every other day, and doing fifty sit-ups in front of my tv every evening. I'm going to start walking 30 minutes 5 days a week because I should, and my dog should too!

    Small goals first. Life goals soon.

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  38. Seriously good article. I think we tend to blame ourselves for our achievements but blame other people/events/situations for our failures. We don't take the time to step back and say, okay, I didn't do it this time, what can I do differently next time to realize my dream? What did I do (or didn't do) to make it not work? I definitely love this.

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  39. First of all..

    hooray going to the library! I hope you find inspiration there! (PS - I am totally a librarian.)

    Second, this is very inspiring. I just spent weeks of my life trying to get a job that I thought I wanted, and now realize that I dind't. I need to figure out my actual goals before going for it. Good luck in all of yours!

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  40. I enjoyed this post for a different reason.
    Over the years, I've had lots of bitchy trouble with busybodies who get offended at me trying to better myself.
    This post made me feel less guilty about wanting to have an amazing life, full of the things that I love.

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  42. Deleted my comment because (a) it contained information, however vague, about my personal life that I would really rather not be on the internet, and (b) I have drawn myself a line: I like this post, but I cannot apply it to sick children. All right.

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  43. It is touching to see so many people inspired and moving forward with their goals and dreams.
    When it comes to goals, I have too many that I have just left behind for an apatethetic and jealous lifestyle as well.
    I want to ace my AP/SAT exams, start an art portfolio, improve my writing by milestones, be a better dancer, get that next belt in Tae Kwon Do, be the nice, friendly, and optimistic person that I sadly have not been.
    I want to continue into environmentally conscious work, and i want to bring my activism with me.
    In order to achieve these goals I will make a well managed time schedule that balances time to studying and memorizing all that I can in a concise and short amount of time, some time apart for my artistic endeavors, sign up for environmental summer sessions and internships, practice writing more often, help out family and friends more often, work harder to stay physically fit, take dance classes/make choreo more, and make a goal list to stay motivated.
    Thank you for this post! (:

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  44. THANK you for this post! (:
    It is forever inspiring to see everyones goals and accomplishments as well.
    I want to study abroad, just need to make the MONEY for it. With that said, will definitely find a way to make money, and handle my money more effectively. Won't be easy, but have to start somewhere x__X

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  45. I want to and am saving to buy my very first car. I was going to ask my parents but I figured I've paid for all my driving lessons and tests by myself, why break the pattern now. Feels good too.(which can never be bad)

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