Eff Yeah 2011!

Ohhh, yeaahhhhh...What songs are you going to play to ring in your New Year?

Warming your heart

Happened upon this set of love-filled photos and even in the cold and dark of winter (for those of us in the Northern Hemisphere), these have warmed my heart.

What's been brightening your days lately?

OMG LOLCATS.

Gotta love this silliness if there is a cat in your life. As we say, "Funny because it's true."

Dreams Vs. Opportunities

The Naked Redhead blogs about life, love and funny on the regular. Go pop over and say hello!

When I announced that I wasn’t selected to Live off Groupon for a year, I had a lot of very sweet people ask me if I was okay. As in, “are you surviving the emotional trauma of not being selected for this opportunity?”

And without hesitation, I could say, “Yes, I’m completely fine.” Sure, I was a little disappointed—I knew I had done a good job, and that I could’ve rocked the assignment—but sad? Upset? Wistful? No, not in the least.

In fact, my reaction reminded me of a friend who was an actor in New York. I asked him how hard it was to wait for those roles he really, really wanted, and he said, “You literally have to get to the point where you’re working so hard, that you don’t remember what you auditioned for.” He recounted the time he did land that dream role, and when the call came through, he had to remind himself who was calling and why.

He realized the difference between dreams and opportunities.

His dream was to make a living as an actor, each audition was an opportunity to make that dream happen.

A few years ago, I knew what I wanted in life, but I had no desire to work for it. I knew I had some talent, I’d had people tell me they thought I could “make it”, and I had all the internal tools to get what I wanted, but I wanted it handed to me in a neat little package. So, when opportunities arose, I saw them as the means to make my dreams come true. I had nothing else to fall back on. When those opportunities passed me by, when I was said “no” to, I took it personally, as an affront to me and my aspirations, because it’s all I had going for me.

And then it hit me. No one will make my dreams come true but me. No one. I had a choice to either stop dreaming or get to work. So, I began to work. And work, and work, and work.

Suddenly, opportunities became stepping stones instead of walls for merciful benefactors to hoist me over. Not only could I now say “no” to opportunities if they weren’t completely in line with my end goal, but opportunities could say “no” to me. And guess what? It didn’t hurt or wound because I figured out that opportunities don’t make me…I MAKE my opportunities. And even without being selected to Live off Groupon for a year, or being asked to write that guest post, or having an article rejected, my dream hasn’t died because it's an organic thing that doesn't stop being when there's a hitch.

So why does it matter in the grand scheme of things?

1. Your dreams don’t matter if you’re not willing to work for them. Who cares if you want to win a Tony if you’re not willing to take a dance class? Who cares if you want to take over the blogosphere if you’re not willing to write. every. day. or open yourself to the community mindset of this neck of the interwebz? Who cares if you want to be a designer but you don’t pour over color charts, bookmark your favorite designer’s portfolios, or render that first sketch? No one will hand you anything just for being your talented self (though yes, talent does help). If your dreams don’t matter to you, they won’t matter to anyone else.
   
   
2. Your life will be filled—FILLED—with opportunities. But will you be ready? Can you show up for that last-minute audition with a prepared routine? Will you be ready to dash off that 300 word essay at a moment’s notice? Whip out your design portfolio when you just happen to run into that textile big-wig at a bar? When you’re not ready, opportunities carry more weight…they are the be all to end all, they are your LAST CHANCE. Don’t wait for that last chance…be ready now.
   
   
3. When you don’t see an opportunity, make your own. One of the coolest things I’ve learned in the last year is the power of ASKING. It’s okay to ask…to ask for that guest spot on a blog, to ask to sit in on a class, to offer your services for free to that business. “No” is not such a harsh word when you learn to never equate “no” with “stop”. Make it happen, don’t wait, get out there, pound that pavement…catch my drift?

I wanted to share this with you all because I am super excited about the next six months of my life. I feel like they will be full of fantastic opportunities, new steps, and hard, hard work. Please continue to join me for the ride…I’m glad to have you along.

We can always hop into the back seat later and make out.

True Story: I Had An Abortion

This is one of many True Story interviews in which we talk to people who have experienced interesting/amazing/challenging things. This is the story of "Mara" and her abortion. I think Mara's story is a particularly important one because most of us have been raised to believe that unplanned pregnancies (and abortions) aren't things that happen to "nice girls." They happen to women who have unprotected sex with multiple partners and make bad decision after bad decision. When, in reality, these things can happen to anyone.

I recognize that abortion is an extremely sensitive topic and I really appreciate Mara's willingness to talk about her experience. Please keep all comments respectful. While I usually maintain an no-delete comment policy here on Yes and Yes, any hurtful or inflammatory comments will be deleted. Intelligent, respectful disagreement is, of course, welcome.

Can you tell us a bit about yourself?
I'm 26, married, pretty traditional in lots of ways. I grew up a bit south of Boston in a middle-class college town, had a lapsed-Catholic upbringing that eventually morphed into agnosticism, and currently work as a middle school teacher. I was brought up with the understanding that it's good that abortion is legal, but it's not for "good girls." (I was and still am very much a good girl.)

What was your life like when you got pregnant?
When I got pregnant, I was two weeks shy of 25. I got laid off on Monday, found out I was pregnant on Friday. My personal life has always been pretty drama-free, but I was especially happy, because my boyfriend of 6 years and I had just gotten engaged. It was a week of the most intense highs and lows I have ever experienced.

Were you using protection when you got pregnant? How did it happen?
I was using protection. I was on the pill. Something my doctors never told me until my appointment at Planned Parenthood was that if you use the same pill for a long time without a break or switching brands, there's a chance your body will adapt to the hormones and you will be able to get pregnant. That's what happened to me. After 5 years on the same pill, taking it the same time every day, it stopped working.

How did you feel when you found out you were pregnant?
I was angry, honestly. I have never been promiscuous or irresponsible in my sex life, I had been religious (ha!) about taking my pill on time, every day, I was educated and aware of the risks, I felt like I had done everything the "right" way, and so it was hard to deal with the truth. I was in denial about being pregnant for about 4 weeks before I took a test and had to face it. In hindsight, all the typical symptoms (nausea, constipation, smell sensitivity, giant breasts) were there, but I was so committed to my pill I thought there was no possible way.

How long did it take you to decide that you would terminate the pregnancy? How did your partner feel about the decision?
When my husband and I discussed the possibility of pregnancy when we first started sleeping together, I told him that I'd have the baby. I think that's easy to say at 19, when you've yet to make a real adult decision. (Not that being a teenager excludes you from adult circumstances, but I hadn't faced one yet.) When it did happen, the decision part was easy, surprisingly. After I took the test, I called my fiance at work. He was prepared to rush home, but I told him to take his time, that I was calling Planned Parenthood to make an appointment for an abortion. I just knew that I wasn't prepared to be a mother, regardless of my love of all things tiny and helpless. I have to give credit where credit is due: my fiance (now husband) was a rock. Only after did he share that I had chosen what he would have wanted. He refused to let me consider his opinion: to him, it was my choice and my choice only. His role was to support me.

Can you tell us about going to the clinic?
I think that was what scared me most: protesters, judgment. But there was no one! I live in the Northeast, and in general there isn't a lot of zealotry-- Massachusetts isn't a very socially conservative state. I was in and out in one appointment. The thing I would tell a woman to prepare for is a long, long wait. My appointment was scheduled for 9:15, but I wasn't seen until 5:30. They take your clothes and give you a johnny, but it was cold and I wanted a sweater and thick socks. Pack a book, a cardigan, a small blanket if you're wimpy like me. You can't eat for 12 hours beforehand, so tuck in at dinner, you'll need your strength. You do speak with a counselor. They ask questions about how safe your relationship is, if you have multiple partners, if anyone has forced you into your decision. It's a little embarrassing, but totally necessary.

Could you tell us about the procedure?
I'm going to give the gory details here, because I want women to know what they're in for. First you're given an ultrasound, to make sure you're within the medical and legal parameters for first-trimester abortions. Often if you're less than 4 weeks in, you have to wait to have the procedure. When that's done and the wait is over, you're brought into a dim room and sedated. The sedation doesn't kill all the discomfort, but it made me relaxed enough to chit chat a bit with the nurses. There's a brief internal exam, the cervix is dilated, and the doctor will tell you when he is inserting the vacuum. I don't know if there's a way to describe the feeling other than it feels like a really prolonged visit to the gyno. I didn't think it hurt, but it's different for everyone. The whole thing took about 15 minutes, even though I'd been there 8 hours.

How did you feel afterward? Have you ever regretted your decision? Do you plan on having children in the future?
In the days and weeks after, I felt like I was trapped in a Dali painting and everything was shifting and breathing and melting around me. It was the most surreal few weeks of my life. I felt like I was in someone else's body, watching myself. I know now that was partially my hormones readjusting, but I was definitely depressed for awhile. Not because I regretted my decision (I still don't) but because I was confused as to how I had ended up on the other side of the statistics. It took awhile to forgive myself, and recognize that I had done my part as best I could. Birth control is never 100% guaranteed, and asking myself "what if" 30 times a day wasn't productive. My husband and I do plan on having a family, but we aren't committed to when. Definitely not until we're in our 30s. I have a Master's degree to finish first!

What do you think are the biggest misconceptions about women who have abortions?
That they're all irresponsible teenagers, that they're mostly of minority races, that they're promiscuous, they're from a big city or a tiny country town, that they're uneducated or lack resources. Something I learned from my experience is that all kinds of women, of all ages, races and religions, for all reasons, have abortions. No two women ever have the same experience, so it's completely inappropriate to lump us into groups. I am an educated white woman from a fairly conservative family, with access to doctors, health insurance, and counseling-- I still got pregnant unintentionally. It could be any of us.

What advice would you give to a woman who experiences an unwanted pregnancy?
Talk to someone. If it can't be your mom or your partner, seek out a counselor, friend, or forum online. You don't have to hold this inside you, and you're never alone. Be kind to yourself. Even in the darkest hours, you're still your own woman. You're good and complete, even in the scariest times. Forgive yourself. You have to live with yourself forever, in situations that bring you pride and pain in equal measure. I guarantee you'll be amazed at the strong and resilient woman inside you.

Do you know anyone who had had to deal with an unplanned pregnancy? Any questions for Mara?

What Do We Have?

Unwrappable Gifts I'd Love

We all have Christmas lists, right? Chock full of stuff and non-stuff and maybe a new Wii. Here's my list of unwrappable, slightly unpurchasable things that I'd like for Christmas. In event that you haven't bought me anything yet, any of these will do.

The ability to speak and understand any language

Yeah, I know I asked for this for my birthday, but nobody bucked up and got it for me. C'mon guys. This would be mighty handy with travel looming on my horizon. It would also help me live out my personal fantasy in which I overhear someone running their mouth in another language and I calmly (and shockingly!) respond in their language. With one eyebrow raised and intense eye contact. Ooooh.

Hang time with Little Sister Yes and Yes
A month after my return to the states, Little Sister Yes and Yes packed her worldly belongings into a tiny car and drove herself down to Phoenix. And while I envy her weather these days, I do miss the girl. So, sis. Let's meet somewhere in the middle and hang for a week, eh? I will even bring some of Grandma's chocolate/peanut butter/Ritz cookies. Or I'll bring them and try not to eat them on the way.

A White Christmas
This will be my first non-tropical, Northern Hemisphere Christmas in four years. If it is not positively snow-filled, I am taking my toys and playing elsewhere. Possibly Bolivia.

Several Calm, Drama-Free Months
The next four or five months of my life are shaping up to be, well, rife with plans and changes and Big Important Decisions. I am 80% excited, 20% pukey about this. So here's hoping that it all goes as well as possible.

Giselle Bundchen's Jawline
So. I come from a long line of button-nosed blonds. And while we have been blessed with nice feet and good calves, DNA has not smiled on us in terms on jawlines. Friends, I fear there is a waddle in my future. I think I have a few good years left, as the waddle traditionally arrives in tandem with our 35th birthdays, but I've been preparing by compulsively applying neck cream every night and developing a method to suck in my jawline. So if anyone has Giselle's number and knows if she'd be willing to share the love, hook a sister up, kay?

What un-wrappable things do you want this Christmas?

Web Time Wasters

Friends! How are you getting ready for the holidays? I'm in Nepal, at the Timai refugee camp (the same camp that a lot of my students came from). I've been out of America for four other Christmases, but this will be the first Christmas that I'm not celebrating with friends. So I hope that this December 25th doesn't find me slouched over a plate of cold Nepali dumplings, all by my lonesome!

Some links for your holiday perusing!

I live for thrifting, and I think I'd still do it even if I was making a lot of money. What about celebrities who thrift? And then make a tv show about it?

Oh, dudes. Pie fries? Fry shaped bits of pie crust that you dip in pie filling? Why didn't anyone think of this sooner?!

Interesting. The Sexual Reality of Being a Parisian Woman.

Best evar! Six Animals That Just Don't Give A F*ck

Hey, remember summer? Me neither. But I bet if we wore these awesome sky scarves we'd remember.

Interesting and moving. A photo essay about female soldiers who are trained to go where male soldiers can't.

Yes. Gifts For People You Hate.

How To Dress For Holiday Parties Without Freezing!

You know how I feel about reading city maps all unfolded and giant when you're traveling. But these crumple-able, nylon maps are water proof and can be mashed into any pocket or bag.

Awesome advent calendar DIYs!

Awesome! A Chinese artist recreates Shanghai with cheap, plastic boxes, bin and strainers.

Steve Tucker, a public servant from Australia sent an email to 4,000 colleagues trying to track down a woman who had captured his heart at a party. And they say romance is dead!

The Paris Paradox: how sexualization replaces replaces opportunity with obligation

It only takes a girl a few seconds to realize what someone else may want from her sexually. It often takes her much longer to figure out what she really wants, to discern the pleasure she gets from bringing pleasure to another from the pleasure she wants for herself. And once she’s figured that out, it’s vital to work to create a culture where she can articulate that want without shame. That’s part and parcel of what it means to stand up for sexuality — and stand against sexualization.

Notes From The Road: Expectation Management

When I'm in America (or any western country, really) I'm one of those pain-in-the ass Virgos who strides around crowing about high expectations and how you get what you expect from people and how you live with what you tolerate and on and on etc.

Yes, it is approximately as annoying as it sounds. My BFF is a very patient person.

And even though I've spent a the majority of the last ten years traveling and living abroad, every time I travel I spend the first six weeks desperately try to manipulate this new country and culture into fitting my western expectations. Yes, I realize that I will be eating different food, in a different climate, possibly with different tools. But every time I travel (every time!) I spend the first bit freaking out about customer service, timeliness, cleanliness and ohmygod why won't you just stand in line!?

A lot of these things seem like forgone conclusions to us westerners. If the time schedule says the train leaves at 9:30, it should leave around 9:30. Once you've finished eating that bag of chips, you should throw the empty bag in a rubbish bin. If one orders spaghetti, one would really prefer to get spaghetti instead of pad thai.

And it's tempting to think "India! (or Peru or Cambodia) you're doing it wrong!" Surprisingly, this mindset will not actually help you enjoy your trip. Weird, right?

May I suggest instead, altering your expectations?

Don't expect:

* when you order a type of food that you recognize from home, it will taste the same. Sometimes you will ask for crackers in your soup and get crumpled Doritos (true story). And America-Indian food doesn't taste the same as India-Indian food.

* there won't be cockroaches. Because there will frequently be cockroaches, regardless of how much you're paying for that hotel room.

* that you can flush the toilet paper - you probably can't

* that the sheets will be stain free. They'll probably be clean, but they won't necessarily be stain-free

* that there will be hot water

* the electricity/internet/time tables to be 100% reliable

* central heat or air conditioning

* that person really, 100% understood what you asked for

* that the piece of clothing you bought from a sidewalk vendor for $3 will hold up for more than five washes

* that it's realllllly an antique

* that it's going to look like the pictures they're showing you

* that the village visit, the canoe ride, the dance performance is included in the price of the package

* handwashing clothes in a bucket to have the same results at your Maytag at home

* airplane/train food to be any good

* that you're paying the same price as a local, even after half an hour of haggling

This all seems rather dire and disappointing but I swear my goal is not to make you preemptively hate travel. But maybe you can learn from my (on-going) mistakes and land in a new country with the appropriately placed expectations and then be pleasantly surprised when your hostel room has clean sheets, wifi, hot water and a conceirge with passable English.

What things regularly surprise you when you travel? Do you have to adjust your expectations?

Needed: Your Questions About Solo Lady Travel

Friends! I'm (finally) working on the second part of the Wanderlust Workbooks, and this one is devoted to traveling while female - and traveling alone.

Thus far, topics we'll be discussing include:
* the only three pairs of shoes you need
* the perfect, tiny, travel makeup kit
* perfecting the art of travel hair
* what to wear so you'll be comfortable, fashionable and un-groped
* travel romance
* safety issues
* dealing with street harassment
* handling your period
* countries that are especially lady-travel friendly
* finding and choosing travel buddies
* how to break up with a travel buddy
* looking good in travel photos
* enjoying solo travel

What other solo, lady travel topics would you like to know about? Ask away!

What A Character!

When I first started Yes and Yes two and half years ago, one of my favorite series was called 'Character Sketches' in which I'd write a paragraph or so about funny/memorable/ca-razy people that I met.

But as the blog's gotten bigger (and just about everyone I know in real life knows of it) I feel a bit off writing about 'The Crazy French Guy From Your Trek You're Pretty Sure Is A Drug Smuggler' or 'Your Roommate In India Who Thinks Sex And The City Is A Good Source of Relationship Advice.' So I don't feel like I can really write them anymore.

But! That doesn't mean I can't drag the archives and share my favorite old character sketches with you!

Your Friend's Pseudo Step-Mother

Her outfits consist solely of Harley Davidson gear, worn in varying degrees of formality to every occasion. Her haircut inexplicably makes you think of a bus driver. She spends the majority of Christmas morning sitting on the couch, reading aloud from one of those joke t-shirt catalogs. She periodically yells out "Hey you guys! Listen to this one" while the rest of you brunch amidst her unicorn figurines and novelty sized margarita glasses.

Your College Roommate

She is half Ojibwa and half Norwegian. The result of this is a tiny, spunky woman who is often mistaken for a Latina. She often reduces you to tears of laughter with her tales of growing up an only child and building robots out of old guitars and computer parts of keep her company. She would attire her inanimate friends in doll clothes and strum the sagging guitar strings to make them speak. "What's that robot friend?" "D chord"

Your junior year of college she breaks up with her long-term boyfriend in favor of his family's 19-year-old Danish foreign exchange student. She moves back to Denmark with him when his visa runs out and lives with his family while working as a newspaper delivery girl. When the relationship heads south, she returns to your little college and moves into a tiny room above the only coffee shop in town. You are so glad she's back. Everything is more fun with her around.

Your Ex-boyfriend's Best Friend

Upon meeting him, you are overwhelmed by his resemblance to Wile E. Coyote. When you have your first apartment in the big city after college and are looking for a flatmate, he offers his services and moves into the little blue bedroom under the eves. There, he installs an enormous sewing tables that consumes half the room. He works on his fashion creations late into the night - most notably raver pants made from disemboweled beanie babies he wins from the claw machine.

One night after a few beers, he confesses to you that he empathizes with transsexuals, as he feels he is a Japanese man born in America. Now, years later, you hear through friends that he has become fluent in Japanese and moved to Sapporo.

Your favorite Kiwi professor

He is a tiny, perfectly formed and groomed gay man that you love to pieces. He has a face like a naughty cat and does not partake in 'discussion' as much as he tells people that they're wrong. He is the consumate professional, but fumbles for mechanical pencils in a faux fur pencil case and has been overheard dishing on the latest Harry Potter. You can appreciate the fact that he wears matching sweaters and scarves in colors often reserved for party dresses.

Your favorite American professor

He is easily 75 years old and has been allowed to single-mindedly pursue his two passions now that he is so deep into his tenure: basketball and Moby Dick. He carries a copy of the novel so dog earred and book marked that it requires a zippered bible case. You are one of five students who sign up for his Herman Mellville intensive and at the end of the class he asks each student what grade they think they deserve. You tell him that you should get an A because you were able to answer a Double Jepordy question with the knowledge you gleaned from Redburn. This is totally true. During your senior year, he announces to the class that when he gets too old to enjoy life he plans to stumble out in a prarie blizzard with a bottle of Jim Beam and lean against a fence post until the night claims him.

The Sound Tech at The Turf Club

He is confident that the look he rocked in 1999 still gets the ladies. However, black cargo pants have migrated a few inches up in the intervening years and perhaps the tight black t-shirt should have migrated a few sizes up as well. He uses mic check as an opportunity to sputter intensely and wink at you. You are unclear if the glasses perched a top his highlighted head are sunglasses or bifocals.

That Guy From Your Dorm

He was the president of his high school class, the largest high school in the state. When he talks to you, he uses your first name frequently and touches your arm whenever he makes a point, as though he has internalized every lesson taught in How To Make Friends and Influence People." He is good looking in an extremely bland and forgettable way and you find yourself thinking of Patrick Bateman whenever you see him. The winter of your senior year, you hear a rumor about a bizarre sexual interlude between him and a friend of yours, in which the friend allows him to eat Cheese Nips off of his clothed crotch. Much later, you will hear that your Patrick Bateman has been diagnosed as schizophrenic.

Share your stories of the characters in your life!

Things To Do In The Belly of A Whale

Measure the walls. Count the ribs. Notch the long days.

Look up for blue sky through the spout.
Make small fires with the broken hulls of fishing boats.
Practice smoke signals.
Call old friends, and listen for echoes of distant voices.

Organize your calendar.
Dream of the beach.
Look each way for the dim glow of light.
Work on your reports.

Review each of your life’s ten million choices.
Endure moments of self-loathing.
Find the evidence of those before you.
Destroy it.

Try to be very quiet, and listen for the sound of gears and moving water.
Listen for the sound of your heart.
Be thankful that you are here, swallowed with all hope, where you can rest and wait.

Be nostalgic.

Think of all the things you did and could have done.
Remember treading water in the center of the still night sea,
toes pointing again and again down, down into the black depths.

- Dan Albergotti

via Yum and Yuk

How To Move In With Your Beloved and Not Kill Them

This guest post comes to us via the lovely and talented Corrine of Frock and Roll fame. You should pop over to her blog for inspiring posts on career, style and life.

They love you, you love them, and quite frankly, you’re growing the teeniest bit tired of being entwined in the tiring dance of hauling your belongings between their place and yours every weekend.. so kapow! It’s decided! You’re moving in together!

Firstly, CONGRATULATIONS! What an exciting time! But secondly (and now, I don’t want to sound like The Fun Police here and all, because nobody likes them!), but to protect the beauty of your wonderful relationship, it may be necessary to roll out the red carpet of all rules so that your time together can continue to be blissful and delightful, and not so much "uh, I’m going to KILL you"

Here’s how!

Step #1: If You’re Not Already Acquainted With The Joyous (And Did I Mention LIFESAVING?!) Word That Is Compromise, Introduce Yourself!
For a fairly small word, it sure packs a LOT of power, and it’ll quickly become your new best friend when you’re on the verge of pulling your hair out because you’d really fantasized about having a modern, romantic-style décor` in your new digs and he’s already decked out the place with an African safari theme!

Step #2: Decide Who Will Pay For What, And WHEN
Will one person cover the amount of the rent each week, while the other takes care of the bills and the grocery shopping, or will you split the cost of everything?

Establishing some financial ground rules BEFORE co-habitating will avoid the likelihood of squabbling over money later, which rarely spells anything other than bo-ring and and also, di-sas-ter!

Step #3: Have A Basic Understanding Of Each Other's Needs
Who needs the bathroom first in the morning? What foods makes your stomach churn? And, well, now that you've mentioned it, who will be doing the cooking each night?! While these may sound like obvious guidelines, it’s important to have a basic understanding of each other's needs to ensure that you don’t have a ‘’what? But how was I supposed to know that it wasn’t a good idea to bring my friend Mark home at 3am to play loud music when you have to be up for work at 6am?!’’ scenario on your hands further down the track!

Step #4: Respect Each Other’s Space
There will be times when it will seem that no matter how much you wriggle in to snuggle with each other on the couch, you’re still too far apart. And there are others when it will seem that even spending time in a separate room from each other seems much, much too close! The solution?

Learning when a healthy dose of time-out is required! (After all, do you remember that episode of Sex & The City where Carrie first moves in with Aidan, and laments to Charlotte, Miranda and Samantha in the coffee shop that every single time she comes home he’s ‘’all up in her face’’ exclaiming ‘’how was your day? Who did you see? What did you do? Who do you know?’’, and that, well, she was growing ever-so tired of it? Yeah. Not-so-great.) Respecting each other’s space is all a part of maintaining the ebb and flow of a magnificent relationship, so learn when it’s time to give one another a bit of it!

Have you ever moved in with a loved one? What were/are your saving graces?

True Story: I Survived A Crazy Childhood

This is one of many True Story interviews in which we talk to people who have experienced interesting/amazing/challenging things. This interview is particularly close to my heart be Brooke is one of my closest friends from high school. We spent so, so many Friday nights together drinking coffee at the roadside cafe and discussing two certain boys that we loved in a way that only 17 year olds can.

Can you tell us about your parents' background?
My dad is the oldest of 4 kids. His mom was a stay-at-home mom for most of his life & his dad a building contractor & backhoe operator. My dad worked a backhoe from the time he was 12, because my granddad broke his back building a bridge and was bedridden for a few years. By the time he was in 8th grade, he had quit school to work full-time. His parents approved.

My mom is the youngest of 2. Her parents were both school teachers. She tends to rebel against the normalcy of her childhood... so while everyone else in her small childhood family fit in, she forced herself out. Both of her parents and her sister graduated college... she did not. See next answer for further details...

How old were they when your parents had you?
My mom was 18 when I was born. My dad was 16. ... but my dad isn't my real dad, so that complicates things a bit. The sperm donor was a guy my ma had a crush on; he hit it & quit it... and then there was me. Mom liked the "bad-boy-irresponsible-party-hard-stay-up-late" type, so she quickly found a replacement (the guy I call "dad.") when I was 8 months old.

How do you remember your early childhood? Where did you live? What was day to day life like?
This was a hard question.

I remember my early childhood in a lot of ways... I remember living in the "townhouses," (which sounds really posh to people who didn't grow up in Aitkin!) the low income-housing projects for the broke-ass bitches of my hometown. I remember seeing teenage boys' penises in snow forts when I was in kindergarten. I remember waking up to a man beating his wife below my bedroom window and my mom telling us to "ignore them and go back to bed!"

I remember moving to Missouri. I remember before we moved, my mom cried for days, because my dad went first... with another woman. I remember getting a package with a stuffed otter from my dad, and a letter telling us he was sorry... and I remember finding out years later that my mom sent it, so we wouldn't hate him.

I remember my dad always having a motorcycle, no matter how many trips we had to make to the food bank. I remember the smell of pot billowing out from the garage. I remember moving back to Minnesota to live in a trailer park at the end of a long driveway, surrounded by a bog. I remember the trailer only had 3 bedrooms and there were 8 of us. I remember we didn't have money for heat, so dad would fill up the kerosene space heater and we would all "camp" in the livingroom during the winter.

I remember when my parents told us they bought a house. It was like a mansion to us!! There were 5 bedrooms, 2 bathrooms, a big kitchen and a backyard!! I remember getting my own room and finally wanting people to come to my house. I remember my 7th grade birthday party. My mom let me invite 28 people and only one person came.

I remember my mom telling me to try out for anything I wanted in school. I remember always having presents for Christmas. I remember laughing so hard I cried. I remember my mom taking me to A&W in the middle of the day just to hang out, so I could get a break. I remember crying as I stepped onto the school bus, because of all the fighting that had taken place that morning. I remember feeling loved through all of it.

How many siblings do you have? How did having that many siblings effect you and your family?
I am the oldest of 6. It affected us in multiple ways... it's nice to have a place to belong. I belong to them. They belong to me. It's nice to know that someone shares my story, because some of that stuff sounds made up. We were broke because there were too many of us. The middle kids got lost in the shuffle for a bit... My brother closest in age to me has a lot of the same memories, so we learned from it & we turned out all right. The 3 after us, chose a similar path to that of our folks, and the baby is just ... well, doing whatever he wants, which I have mad respect for!!

Did you feel like your family was different from those around you?
Honestly, not all the time. In the small town where we grew up, there were a lot of people I knew going through the same stuff, so I didn't think much of it. The areas where we lived promoted a white trash lifestyle, so it seemed "normal." It wasn't until I was in late high school that I became grossly aware of the difference. When I went to the houses of friends who parents got along all the time, or who had fully stocked pantries, and we didn't have to ask for something to eat, we could just take it... Then I felt different.

How did you deal with all of this? How did your siblings deal with all of this?
I am fairly confident I have not dealt with it. I tried to fix it for awhile. I realized I couldn't and I ran away. I created my own life. One I can control, one where everything runs according to how it's "supposed to." I got a good job with good benefits. I married someone who I love and who loves me, and has no chemical or alcoholic addictions. He is someone who would NEVER raise his hand to me and who is very supportive and a good provider. I have 2 beautiful children, after which we consciously made the decision to have my husband clipped. My siblings are a 50/50 split. Three of us are successful by society's standards and three of us are repeating history in various ways.

Tell us about your life now. How is it different from the one you had growing up?
My life now is PERFECT. A little too much risk calculation/mitigation, maybe... but perfect, nonetheless. Sometimes I worry, though... if we don't start breeding at least a little dysfunction, I'm concerned my children won't be independent or have any coping skills. You know, I wouldn't be this strong or smart had I not been born to this family. I also find that I relate to Marshall Mathers on an inappropriate level and I'm ok with it. You can take the girl out of the trailer park and put her in a nice English tudor, but she'll still beat you down if you talk trash about her family.

What did you learn from your childhood that you apply to your life now?
Everything. Seriously.

I learned that family comes first. My mom always made sure we had something creative or fun to do, to keep us bonded, despite the chaos. I have learned laughter is a requirement to a happy life.

I learned being financially responsible reduces stress. I make conscious decisions about any expense that faces my family, and if we can't afford it, we don't do it. My mom would ignore the light bill/phone bill/car payment/house payment in order for us to take a trip or buy my dad a new motorcycle or buy herself something to fill a void... I am not willing to do that. I make sure my bills are paid, my pantry is always stocked, and we either find free/cheap things to do, or we stay home & chill. I have found that money is not evil, if you have enough to be comfortable. If you don't have enough, you covet it. If you have too much, you take it for granted. I am very happy being middle class. I have come from little enough that I am grateful for all that I have, and I have enough to have most of the things that I want.

I have learned everything in life is a choice. Things do not happen to you, you are not a victim, you create your own circumstance. I have learned personal responsibility and accountability. No one is keeping me down. If I am down, it's because of me or a choice I have made. Poverty does not just happen to you. Addiction does not just happen to you. Change is a choice. Success is a decision. (I have learned (just now) I might have a career in corporate tag lines or positive bumper stickers. :P)

One of the most important things that I have learned is this: The ability to breed healthy children, does not mean you have an obligation to continue doing so. I have 2 very nice, very healthy children. That's plenty. Too many children allows for too many missed opportunities, missed moments & mistakes.

I have learned to take care of everything and everyone. This one is good and bad. My mother, the martyr, taught me self-sacrifice to an unhealthy degree. I have a tendency to deal with stress very well, so I keep taking on projects or helping people who are struggling without recognizing my own need for help. Sometimes it's to remind me how strong & stable I am, and most of the time it's because I have a need to be needed. It's nice, because everything gets done, everything is taken care of, and everyone else feels good... However, through counseling & the support of my husband, I am learning to make myself do things for me. I get a massage once a month, and I try really hard not to feel guilty about it. I joined the gym. I am consciously choosing to be friends with people who are seemingly self-reliant and stable. (This was not always the case, however some of them have come around.)

I have also surprised myself in a lot of ways. I figured I would grow up and become my mom. I figured I would grow up and marry my dad. (I lucked out, I only had to live with someone like him for awhile before I made a getaway!) I have some mom-icidal tendencies that I am working on, and my husband has very few of my dad's negative qualities, none of them serious. I am very happily married to a man who loves and respects me in a way I've never experienced before. We understand the need for communication, parental unity and friendship.

I always feel a little bit sad when I say, my parents showed me a lot of what not to do. My mom says she doesn't regret any of her choices, so I can't say that I do either. My dad doesn't regret his choices, because he's in Recovery for the drugs and the alcohol, and according to the program, it's not productive to regret. I am ok with everything now. I have learned forgiveness, I cannot forget. I have learned acceptance. I am who I am, because of where I come from. I have learned we're all ok.

What advice would you give to others going through the same things?
The only things I can share are trite repeats of things that have already been said...

It will be ok. No matter how not ok it feels, it will be ok. There is a lot to be learned from other people's mistakes. Keep your eyes open for the lessons, and when you're in the driver's seat you can take a different road. (ok, that one was exceptionally corny.) You cannot change your family, so you might as well accept them and find those qualities that make them lovable. I would like to say that I am grateful for knowing the big mistakes before I had my own family, because I'm doing a damn fine job now!

Have any of you come from crazy families? Any questions for Brooke?

Mistakes

Notes on Being

Notes From The Road: Hiking The Himalayas

You guys! I'm back from eight days of trekking through the Himalayas! And I didn't die and none of my limbs fell off!

I could tell you a million stories. Like how chickens and puppies are allowed inside Nepali busses, but goats? Well, they travel on top of the bus. And I could tell you about eating yak cheese (it tastes like the love child of Swiss cheese and Parmesan) and how dried yak dung makes for a nice fire. And I could tell you that trying to bathe in a bucket of luke warm water in near-freezing weather is not The World's Greatest Idea.

But instead of telling you these stories, I'm just going to show you some pictures of my trek. And you can imagine the stories that accompany them. Because I'm a jerk like that.












If you're into hiking/trekking/tramping I can't recommend Nepal and the Langtang trek highly enough. It's hard in that you'll-get-blisters-and-feel-stiff kind of way, but never in a holy-crap-I-can't-do-this kind of way. You can reach the trail head from Kathmandu (unlike other popular hikes) and you get an amazing bang for you buck. For about $35 a day I got three hot meals, a porter/guide, a bed to sleep in and a once-in-a-lifetime experience! If you're planning a trip through Asia, you can't miss it!

Calling All Christmas Calendar Orders From The U.S.!

Want to get a copy (or two) of the 2011 'A Year in Yes' calendar under the Christmas tree? Then may I suggest that I order within the next day or two? My incredibly sweet parents are over seeing calendar shipping while I ring in the holiday season in Nepal.

December Network of Nice Hook Ups!

Hello, friends! Welcome to another edition of do-gooding and karma spreading via the Network of Nice!

Here's how it works: you read this post. If you see someone looking for advice or a hook-up that you can give them, you email them. If you see someone offering up advice or info that would be helpful to you, you email them. If someone is kind enough to email you offering helpful info, you respond with a thank-you email because you were not raised by wolves. If you don't see the hook-up that you're looking for, you peruse the the Network of Nice archives because there are heaps of other lovely people offering up their knowledge and contacts back there. Easy peasy, right?!

I need a hook up!

I need to know about graduate programs in literature

I'm a third-year English Literature major, and I'm seriously considering entering a graduate program for literature. I don't personally know anyone who's been through grad school, and was hoping to get an informal account of what the experience is like- anything from applying to the workload to a post-grad school job hunt. Any wisdom you have to share would be appreciated.
cmarielandis (at) gmail.com

I need to know about professional baking

I need advice about how to transition from someone who LOVES to bake and cook and does it like it's her job, to someone who *actually* does it for a job. I graduated from college with a degree not at all related to food or business, nor do I have any experience in the food industry. I might want to eventually open up my own business, but what I'm looking for now are some smaller steps I can take to get my food out there. I currently have lots of time to invest into this dream, I just don't know how to make it happen.
amoulton11 (at) gmail.com

I need to know about living and working in New Zealand

I'm planning a year-long stay in NZ, and need to know about the best places to go, fair rent prices, things to do and to avoid, the most delicious restaurants, the best hikes, and all about staying in New Zealand in general! I am hoping to do some fruit picking as well and would love some input on that. I'm planning on getting a working holiday visa and live in Canada. If anyone has WWOOFed successfully in NZ, especially on a vineyard, I'd love to hear about that too. Basically I need to know anything and everything!
glynis.cassley (at) gmail.com

I need to talk to people who have 1950's or 60's Airstream Trailers

I am writing my master's thesis in historic preservation on mid-century Airstream restoration subculture today and its implications on preservation. Examining the role of nostalgia is of particular interest. I noticed that you have mentioned wanting an Airstream before and thought perhaps you may have readers who shared this interest.
airstreamthesis (at) gmail.com

I'd love to meet new friends in Toronto

I've lived here for a while but being out of school for a while has meant people have moved around and I am hoping to find some new people who would love to hang out and enjoy all that there is to do here. I'm a big music nerd (indie, classic rock mostly), love film (studied film theory in school), am happy to try anything artistic, take classes, go dancing, to comedy shows, travel, staying healthy, doing yoga/pilates etc.
rainydaywoman12 (at) gmail.com

I need a free-lance writing mentor

I'm looking for a freelance writing mentor. I don't expect anyone edit or do my work for me, but just someone who would be happy to offer advice and suggestions, share experiences, answer questions as they arise ... you know, mentor-stuff.
jas (at) dardoandme.com

I need a a Vancouver based estate lawyer
I am creating a networking group for self-employed people in the phase of starting their business (2-3 years in the business at most). I have found lots of great people for the group, but no luck finding a great estate lawyer. If you know a Vancouver based estate lawyer who's relatively new in the business, I would love the chance to connect with them. To be clear: I am not trying to find a client. I am looking for someone who would find it beneficial to be part of a group that will help each other grow our own small business practices.
laurashannonsmart (at) hotmail.com

I would like a hookup in the Bennington, Vt. area.
I transferred here last January from the University of Hawai'i and have had a hard time meeting people I enjoy at my very small school. My boyfriend does live only an hour away, but it would be nice to have someone to do yoga with or go for coffee some time during the week, or maybe even get an apartment with next fall! It stinks eating the cafeteria food here, especially as a vegetarian!
alyssa.mccutcheon (at) gmail.com

I need to meet people in Pullman, WA

I recently transferred to Washington State University in Pullman, WA. I'm 21 and married (which I LOVE) but being married in a new city also means a serious lack of girlfriends. My husband is from the area and has a great group of friends who I enjoy being with but a girl needs some females to spend time with! So I'm also offering my friendship: I'm a good cook, love to have fun, and have an extra bedroom in my apartment for someone to crash on!
kristen.penwell (at) gmail.com

I need to know about traveling in Montreal

I am travelling to Montreal with my fiancee in April next year and would love some advice from someone about fun things to do, the best areas of the city to stay in etc. We haven't worked out details of the trip yet, but we'll be there for at least 4 days and would like to do some things we would do if we lived there, as well as touristy things. I'm into live music, thrifting/vintage, vegetarian food and contemprary art. I'm also looking for information on ways of getting to Montreal from New York where we will be flying to intially (we're in the UK) other than by plane. Are there any decent trains?

franca.eirich (at) gmail.com

I can give you a hook up!

I can tell you about nursing school and working on an organic farm

I am currently going through nursing school here so I could offer advice on choosing nursing, and what it entails thus far, as far as studying and will power! And I worked on an organic veggie farm this summer as well! I plan to be back for the next few summers and I can tell someone about what it is like working on an organic farm.

alyssa.mccutcheon (at) gmail.com

I can give advice on how to create a well-balanced personal financial plan.
laurashannonsmart (at) hotmail.com

I can tell you around travel around the UK

Hey I’m Hannah, I live in the UK. I spent most of my childhood going on holidays around the country rather than abroad so lots of useless (or useful) information about places to visit. I love writing pen pal letters/emails, taking photos, sewing and others bits and pieces so if I can help give me a shout – or if you’d like to write to me go ahead
hannah (at) rockangel.co.uk

I can give advice on starting your own eco-friendly house cleaning service

As a student it is the perfect job. It is flexible, I am my own boss and the money is good! I have about ten clients who I clean for regularly, I also do house-sitting and short notice cleaning. I try to experiment with making my own products and using different essential oils (hello lemon and peppermint!)The only skills you need to start? Responsibility, attention to detail, and really whether you like cleaning or not.... I can give advice on getting started, cleaning supplies (what works best!), being bonded/ insured.... or anything else you might have questions about!
hmacleod (at) uoguelph.ca

I can tell you about Scotland

I can offer advice on things to do in Edinburgh, Scotland, life in the UK, moving to Scotland (I'm originally from Luxembourg), knitting and making the switch from social science academia to working in government. Plus, I speak German, so am happy to email anyone that wants to practice their language skills.

franca.eirich (at) gmail.com

Network away, guys!

Breaking Out Of A Winter Style Rut

Sal is one of my favorite Twin Cities bloggers and one fantastic human being. You can read more of her musings on style and body image at Already Pretty.

If you live in the northern hemi – and especially if you live in the northern reaches of the northern hemi – you know that winter has only just begun. Sure, we’ve been enduring cold temps and oppressive darkness for several months now, but we’re entering the true long haul here at the beginning of January. The holidays are over, spring seems eons away, and there’s not much between here and there but loooooong stretches of grouchy shivering.

And this, my friends, is when most of us tend to start pulling out the same black slacks and gray sweater every single day. We feel sluggish and uninspired, cold and resentful, and we don’t want to invest any energy into … well, anything. But CERTAINLY not anything as frivolous as style. Eating heavy casseroles and watching “Pride and Prejudice” marathons, OK, but anything that taps our dressing creativity can seem overwhelming.

But now may be the most important time of the year to keep your style spirits up! SAD is a very real thing, and what better way to fend it off than by dressing yourself in items that inspire energy and joy for wearer and observer alike?

1. COLOR: You knew that one was coming, didn’t ya? I am a devotee of black, and have a habit of snapping up any and everything funky and midnight-hued that comes across my radar. But while I’ll happily don chiaroscuro ensembles through the beginning of January, it’s around this time that I start enforcing color laws. No more than one colorless outfit per week. Every outfit should have at LEAST two bright, non-neutral colors and colorful shoes should be worn as often as possible.
   
   
2. SHINE: Rhinestones, hammered silver, sequins, bright chains, faceted gems, and all things sparkly are ideal for this time of year. Anything that catches and reflects light will help its wearer feel lighter and more energetic.
   
   
3. SOUND: Jangling bangles will prevent their wearer from falling into a wintry stupor. Musical corduroy pants give you a cheerful little soundtrack when you walk. Rustling petticoats or stiff silk skirts make you aware of your outfit, your posture, your ladylike self. Choose something that talks back when you choose your daily wear.
   
   
4. TEXTURE: Layering is an art form, and incorporating texture into a heavily layered winter ensemble can seem daunting. But just a splash of floral or geometric pattern here and there – on a scarf or blouse or pair of tights – adds the illusion of movement to an outfit. A tweedy blazer or vest gives flat cottons dimension, and a ruffled shirt lends depth to any outfit.
   
   
5. SMELL: Say what? Oh yes, smell can play a part in perking you up when you dress for the doldrums of winter. A scented lip gloss, spritz of your favorite perfume, fragranced hand lotion, or deliciously pungent hair product will keep you alert and engaged.

And that covers all of the senses minus taste, because munching on your wool sweaters might cause them to shrink and felt. But seriously, folks, do your utmost to dress energetically during this dark, cold time of the year and you’ll be amazed at the difference in how you feel.

Are you in a winter style rut? How do you break out of one?

What's On Your Future Resume?

Guest blogger ALEXANDRA FRANZEN has been lauded as "Spock, but with a sense of humor. And better hair." At the mo', she's co-writing a digital book called "Lifescripts for Hustlers." Contribute your "I-dunno-what-the-eff-to-say" story, and get a copy of her Self-Promotion Toolbox as a "muchas gracias" gift.

Wanna know a scandalous little secret? I’ve got two resumes: an active resume, and a future resume.

My active resume is the one I confidently hand to potential clients. It contains stuff I’ve actually done. Y’know, like a resume is supposed to.

My future resume is for-my-eyes-only. It’s got all the stuff I’ve actually done, plus all the stuff I’m gonna do / wanna do / Xanadu.

Both resumes are critical to my professional development. But I’m starting to suspect that my future resume is the real catalyst for growth and change.

See, once I’ve typed, formatted, spellchecked and saved a future accomplishment on my future resume, it sorta feels … doable. Something in the back of my reptilian brain shifts gears, and suddenly the most fanciful achievement is just another bullet-point. No biggie. Heck, it’s practically done!

Some examples of future resume items that I’ve successfully transferred over to my active resume: Licensed Helicopter Pilot. Published Poet. Public radio whizkid. Personal branding professional.

Of course, there are plenty of things on my future resume that I’ll probably never do (operate a mobile gourmet donut delivery truck!) and plenty of things I’ll probably never be (charismatic frontwoman of an all-girl band that only performs cover songs by Oingo Boingo!). But that doesn’t mean those things don’t deserve a line of their own. After all: if I won’t give my dreams the courtesy of a bullet-point — on a fantasy document, no less! — am I likely to give them anything else? Methinks not.

So, folks — if you’re willing to share (or at least cryptically allude) — what’s on your future resumes?

A Beautiful Bullet Necklace! For You!

How gorgeous is this necklace from Jasmine Turner? I'd love to wear it with a ribbed tank, ripped up boyfriend jeans and smear of red lipstick.

This lovely piece is handmade from a .45 casing, amethyst crystal on a 20 inch brass chain. Do you want it? Pop over to Jasmine's etsy shop and then leave a comment telling us what you'd wear it with!

True Story: I'm on Broadway

This is one of our many True Story interviews, in which we talk to people who have done interesting/challenging/amazing things. This is the story of Helene Yorke, who starred as 'Glinda' in the touring version of 'Wicked.'

Can you tell us about your background?

My background was in Ballet, actually. I started at the age of three, and discovered ten years later that it was stressing me out, but kept dancing because that 's the sort of thing that never really leaves you. I'm glad I didn't give up because obviously it's a huge asset to my life now.

My parents are two conservative Canadians both of whom are very bookish, so I kind of hurled myself into left field. However, they like to think they know everything about theatre and the "biz," but that's just cause they're parents and parents know everything, right? They supported my quest very early on, and I was in choirs and acting classes in the summer. It wasn't until college that I decided to major in musical theatre because of my passion for singing and dancing in addition to acting.

How old were you when you realized this was what you wanted to do?
I don't know! I think you sort of exit the womb this nuts - it is 100% a genetic mutation.

How much time did you devote to lessons and practice when you were growing up?
I was in ballet class three times a week from a very early age. From middle school on I was in choir twice a week, and in high school we would stay insane hours to rehearse drama festival scenes. I also went to the University of Michigan and got my degree in Musical Theatre, so that was a lot of class and a lot of practicing.

How did the people in your life react when you told them that you wanted to do this professionally?

I think people in my life always knew I was going to do this, so there was never really a time when I announced it and they reacted. I have always felt supported by those around me, and my family has always been incredibly supportive, which I could not have done without. I think it's important when you do something in which you face so much rejection to surround yourself with those who lift you up and keep you believing in yourself.

Can you tell us about the various roles that you've played?

I played a hodge podge of characters off-Broadway in a show called Walmartopia. It was an incredible experience. I was with some hilarious actors - observing and working beside them was such a pleasure. That was a show which was kept open by our very generous producer and we would often do it for an audience of 20-30 people. Keeping yourself motivated and "with it" in a situation like that is incredibly difficult, but we had such a wonderful cast and we were really always there for each other. That experience was the perfect one for my first show out of college.

Then I went on to play Sharpay in High School Musical for Disney on tour. It was amazing working for such a huge company and touring the country. It was a great group of young people, many of whom were doing their first job. I also love playing the villain. There's just something so fun about it.

I played a small role in an off-Broadway show called What's That Smell - The Music of Jacob Sterling which meant working for the very prestigious and established Atlantic Theatre Company and David Pittu and Peter Bartlett, two of the best actors in New York City. Again: a wonderful environment in which to learn. Plus, the show was brilliant.

Then I played Marty in Grease on Broadway, which was incredible because the cast was a wonderful group, I loved the chance to dance again, the character is fun and a little slutty, and I was on Broadway! Walking through the stage door at the Brook Atkinson theatre never got old. It was a pleasure and an honor to join those ranks.

And then I was Glinda in Wicked, opening and originating the Second National Tour. It's probably my favorite part to date. I loved exploring the journey she goes on during the course of that story, and playing opposite someone so closely. It was an incredible experience also to lead our wonderful company and be a part of something so big. It is so rare to be in a show that always has a full house with a guaranteed standing ovation every night. People go nuts for that show, and it's no wonder why. Again, it was an honor to join the ranks of all the Gilndas who came before me.

How long did it take you to "make it"?

I still don't think I've "made it." There are certainly incredible markers: being in my first playbill, booking a lead on tour, my first Broadway show, Glinda; but I still don't feel like I've accomplished all that I'm meant to do. I think you "make it" when you've satiated that whole hunger, and I'm just not done yet.

What do you think you'd be doing now if you weren't performing?
I would be (and hopefully will one day) opening my cheese shop. I love cheese. I read books, I've taken a class, I love eating it. I love it.

Where do you see yourself in 10 years?
In 10 years I see myself happy - with my career, with my cheese, with my man and maybe some babies.

What advice would you give to others who want to get into the performing arts?

If you're getting into performing, you have to be ruthless. I don't mean tearing others down to better yourself: that gets you no where. Be ruthless in your belief in yourself and the things you're really good at. Don't listen to CD's of Gavin Creel, Sutton Foster, Idina Menzel, Kristen Chenoweth and try to be them. They are them and frankly, it's not worth competing with that. Be yourself and make a go of it from that angle. No one does you better than you.

I feel very fortunate to have had the career I've had, and that this business has been very good to me. I think everyone should focus on the things that make them feel bad ass, because where is anyone without that?

Are any of your trying to make a go of it in the performing arts? Any questions for Helene?