Needed: Your Questions About Style and Fasion

I'm putting together a podcast with my girl Katie who just happens to be the style editor at Minnesota Monthly. What?! Yes. (I told you my friends were awesome). What style or fashion-based questions do you have for her? I'll also be happy to chime in with my two cents.

My two cents probably being things like "Don't wear things that make you uncomfortable. Or that don't allow you to climb trees."

Questions can be technical ("How can I style a vintage dress so I don't look like a Mad Men extra?") or personal ("What are you must-have, go-to basics?)

Ask away!

The Happy House

We've established that I love me some anthropomorphism. It's really only a matter of time till I compose a post entitled "Animals in Outfits: You Knew This Was Coming." But my love is not limited to animals that talk or smile or wear tiny top hats.

No, no. I also love inanimate objects that have faces like people. See?

Oh, look at you, adorable clown clock tower!

This is on purpose, right? It's got to be. Nobody just accidentally
makes their house look like a Lego man!

This building is saying "Oh Em Gee. You DID NOT just say that!"

I feel like funny punk rock squatters who love B-movie slasher flicks live here.

What do these house faces say to you?

Adorable Like A Fox

Apparently only people with really, really adorable goods sponsor Yes and Yes. How flattered am I? Let's say hello to our newest sponsor, Kim of Finest Imaginary!

Name:

Kim Lawler, I trade under my brand FinestImaginary

Online haunts:
I'm a complete etsy addict, I could trawl that place for hours! I'm also massively into twitter, I know.. it's kinda sad, but as a web developer I have to keep up with these trendy social networking things... at least, that's the excuse I give. A-hem. And of course, for my finestimaginary trading I utilize (alongside etsy), great places like folksy and dawanda. I have a blog, too!

Awesome shop items:

We've got wood. No, seriously, we've just started making a variety of new jewelery designs in a fabulous veneered wood that just shines up so pretty. The designs are laser cut and etched and then transformed into jewelery by my own fair hands. I have a very special little brooch coming soon for the Sherlock Holmes fans amongst us, I'm so excited to premier it!

Favorite cheese:
Wow. Cheese. I'm obsessed with cheese. Luckily, I'm from the UK, so we have a massive cheese culture here. We're all about our Lancashires, Cheshires & Stiltons. Personally, I'm a bit of a blue-cheese gal, so it's stilton all the way! D'ya know what goes great with stilton? A delicious glass of port!

Sources of inspiration:
It's a corny line, but everything and anything. I draw my inspiration from every day objects, fairy tales, folk lore, stories, imagination, colors, pretty things – you name it! Sometimes I really have to reign myself in and pinpoint my inspirations otherwise things can get carried away on a massive tangent (similar to clicking through to a million different articles on Wikipedia!).

Who would win in an back alley brawl - a unicorn or a vampire?

Are we talking sissy pants Edward Cullen vampire, or tough as nails Le Stat? In the first instance, Edward would probably start petting said unicorn and end up killing it through boredom as he whines on-and-on about his obsessive relationship with a human.

A tough as nails vamp? Well, I don't think they'd really be bothered with a unicorn when there are so many tasty humans around!

How cute is Kim's stuff?!
If you'd like to sponsor Yes and Yes drop me a line at sarah_vonbargen (at) yahoo (dot) com

True Story: I Have OCD

This is one of many True Story interviews, in which we talk to people who have experienced interesting/challenging/amazing things. This is Sarah L's story.

Can you tell us a bit about your background?
I am a college student raised and currently living in the Washington DC metro area. I have two amazing older brothers. When my oldest brother was young, he showed some symptoms of OCD but grew out of it, so when I started showing symptoms as well, my parents decided to wait it out.

For those of us who don't know, could you tell us a bit more about OCD?
Obsessive Compulsive Disorder is an anxiety disorder which causes the affected person to feel uncontrollable compulsion to act a certain way, whether through ritualized behavior, tics, repetitions, or undesired thoughts. Sometimes people joke that when they are neat freaks or have a quirk or two, they have OCD, but it is in no way a "fun" or desirable disorder. Oftentimes the rituals one does are pointless, time-consuming, and cause anguish, but if they're not completed, one feels an overwhelming sense of guilt or fear. For me, my OCD included facial/breathing/bodily tics; obsessive cleanliness; washing my hands to a point where they were raw and bleeding; obsessive guilt and religious repetition; other repetitions which involved touching/doing things multiple times until it "felt right."


How old were you when you started to notice that you had compulsions that others didn't?
I was seven years old when I began having breathing and facial tics. I would sniff my nose every few seconds, blink one eye, make strange sounds. When other kids or parents asked about it, it was very embarrassing, but I couldn't stop.

When did you get an actual diagnosis? What sort of treatment were you prescribed? How did it work for you?
My parents took me to several pediatricians, but none of them seemed to have any explanation for my symptoms. They seemed to look at it as a type of cold that I needed medication for, rather than a psychological disorder. Back then, I don't think the diagnosis was as common as it is today. I didn't even know the diagnosis was an option; I just thought I was a freak. I don't remember exactly when I connected the label of OCD with my symptoms, but I do remember it being a huge relief.

My parents were staunch believers in the idea that one should not rely on medicine as a single answer, so while they were supportive when I needed a shoulder to cry on, they didn't resort to medicinal help. I think the worst phases of my OCD has passed, so I guess in retrospect, I'm glad I'm not on medication, but there was a time when I think it would have been helpful.

Can you explain what it feels like when you're going through an OCD episode?
The obsessive guilt I had was brought on by a voice in my head that I didn't feel I could control. I could sometimes drown it out with distractions, but it felt like I was battling myself. Most of the time, though, it's a physical compulsion.

When I was younger I used to feel that if I didn't do this or that, something really bad might happen. For instance, growing up in a religious home, my parents asked me to pray before I went to bed. I used to feel that if I missed praying for someone, then that person might die and it would be my fault. I had episodes when bad thoughts about a friend would jump into my head and I would feel so riddled with guilt that I felt like vomiting.

There were a few tics as well that I would do so much that the skin of the area would be raw or the joint would be sore. If I don't complete a ritual, I feel as if I can't continue what I'm doing; feelings of anxiety and great discomfort fill my body. The tics are at a point where I don't realize I'm doing them, but if I try to consciously stop, I have trouble breathing.

How have the people in your life reacted to your diagnosis and your episodes? Is your OCD something that's obvious to most people that interact with you?
My parents have been there for me from the beginning. However, they are both of the mind that by accepting the diagnosis of the disorder and taking on the label, I am giving it more control over my life. They encouraged me not to allow my compulsions to take over. While to an extent I disagree with the way they handled it, I'm also grateful that OCD doesn't rule my life now, and I think my parents' belief that I could fight the compulsions helped me get past a lot of the worst symptoms. My close friends were also amazing when I was going through the worst of it. Middle school was particularly difficult, and when people made fun of me because of the "weird faces" I made, my friends stood up for me. They were also wonderful, because they never asked about it. It felt humiliating every time someone brought it up.

Today, most of my symptoms are not noticeable to someone unless they spend a great deal of time with me or are sitting next to me in a quiet room for a few hours. However, when someone notices and asks me about it, I do feel embarrassed, as if there's this secret part of me that someone has uncovered.

How have you managed your OCD? Do you feel like it's under control now?
While I've stopped doing things like obsessive hand washing and guilt to the point of feeling sick, I still ritualize and have tics. Sometimes they pop out of nowhere, but some of them I have been doing since I started having issues in second grade. The tics I have today, while annoying, never feel overwhelming and are barely noticeable. I still ritualize, but I feel like I have a certain extent of control over it. It doesn't make me feel hopeless any longer.

Popular culture would have us believe that there are "benefits" to having OCD - being really organized, very detail oriented, etc. Has that been true for you?
Personally, no. While I might be in a Blockbuster and start organizing dvds so they're perfectly symmetrical and straight against the shelf, my own room is a mess. The things I obsessed about were never admirable. I remember one time I cleaned a house at which I was babysitting of all the hair I found on the floor, because I was afraid it might be mine. The things that people with OCD tend to obsess about don't make sense. Of course, I'm sure there are those with OCD who keep their things neat to a fault, but I never got that benefit, and I don't know anyone with OCD who actually enjoys the obsession.

How do you feel when you hear someone jokingly refer to themselves as OCD, when they're really just clean or organized?
It does bother me a little. The disorder is characterized by ridiculous obsessions and compulsions, not reasonable ones. Anyone who has suffered through the agony of feeling unable to control his own thoughts will tell you that it is not a joke. Hating germs and being conscious of when to wash your hands doesn't make you obsessive compulsive. It is only when you feels it is negatively affecting how you live your life that it can be characterized as a symptom of OCD.

What advice would you give to someone who's struggling with OCD? Or to those of us who know someone with OCD?
Don't give up! Find a support system. My parents encouraged me to never allow the disorder to control my life, and I am now happily living without the feelings of hopelessness I used to have. I also believe that it is a disorder that can be controlled without using medication if you so choose.

The friends who have best handled it are the ones who treat my OCD matter-of-factly, like it's just another facet of my personality. Being a listening ear and a shoulder to cry on when things feel overwhelming really makes a difference as well.

Do you know anyone with OCD? Any questions for Sarah L.?

Needed: Your Questions About Creative Work and Working For Yourself

Friends! I'm putting together yet another podcast, this time with my fantastic friends Laura and Christina. Laura knows all about the creative process and working for herself (she built a handbag line from the ground up that's been featured in O magazine and InStyle) and Christina can tell you all about branding, marketing and design. What fantastic founts of knowledge! And I'll chime in with my two cents about how I juggle working full-time, planning a seven month trip and blog every day.

What questions do you have for them? Questions can be advice-y ("How do you get out of a creative rut?") or personal ("Why do you like working for yourself?")

Ask away!

A Brief Guide To World Domination

Do you guys ever encounter things so awesome that you are oddly hesitant to tell other people about them? Them knowing about it won't diminish the amount of awesome there is to go around ... but you inexplicably want to hoard it? You greedy little awesome hoarder, you!

No? That's just me? Awkward.

Well, when I encountered this amazing, free ebook I wanted to keep it all to my greedy little self. Because don't we all want to be remarkable? But! after reading it - and being deeply thrilled by it - I felt it was my duty as your internet BFF to tell you about it.

So, in the event that you want to dominate the world with your awesome, here's your textbook. Annnnnd you're welcome.

Your New Tiny Friend

These three minutes of adorable were written and voiced by SNL's Jenny Slate. Now, I would never have expected a tiny, talking shell with shoes to join my list of "Cutest Things Ever," but, apparently, I stand corrected.

Now, you'll have to excuse me. I'm off to glue one googly eye and some old barbie shoes to a shell.

Real Life Style Icon: Alicia of Inny Vinny

This is one of our many interviews with Real Life Style Icons - gorgeous, smart, funny women that we want to drink coffee with and then steal their shoes.

Name: Alicia (insert a long and hard to pronounce even though it sounds exactly as it's spelled last name here)
Age: One score and six. It sounds cooler that way.
Location: Los Angeles - born and bred.

Online haunts: my main blog is http://www.innyvinny.com/ and I'm a serial tweeter at twitter.com/innyvinny. I also have three places I sell accessories: licier.etsy.com, drkgmtry.etsy.com and talonalia.bigcartel.com. I feel like I have dissociative identity disorder looking at all three of them together. TOTALLY different vibes!

Three reasons that you're awesome:

I have a talent for figuring out how things are constructed by looking at them, I am a source for a ton of mostly useless but sometimes practical information, and despite its status as an impossible feat, I can actually lick my elbow. Really!

How did you dress as a kid?

I was either extremely mismatched or extremely color-coordinated with a tomboy lean. There were lots of oversized shirts, combat boots, jeans, sneakers and crazy socks. I loved wearing lots of silver rings, too. Conversely, I hated dresses with the heat of a thousand suns and wouldn't be caught dead in anything too girlie. No lace, no ruffles, no pastel unless it was demanded by the occasion.

Very little has changed since then...I mean, I'll wear dresses and like them, but it feels wrong.

When did you become interested in fashion?

Fairly recently, actually. I'd date it to around 2006. I enrolled in a fashion school two years after graduating college (mostly because I was insanely bored with my 9 to 5) and was suddenly thrust into a world where people wore more than jeans and t-shirts to school. It was shocking. Then came the classes on the history of design houses and collections and haute couture...I was blown away. I felt sort of like a fish out of water since I seemed to be the only fashion newbie there, but I really enjoyed it.

Where do you find style inspiration?

I find most of it in the many blogs I follow. I've also had some great "lightning strikes" moments when I revert to my 5-year-old self and try on things in different and strange combinations (sometimes a cardigan looks really cool worn upside down). I like to look at runway collections, too. I don't really follow fashion weeks, but I can always look to a Dries Van Noten runway show to get ideas for color and print combinations, Marni for proportion play, or Rick Owens for how to make all black everything look more interesting.

Where are your favorite places to shop? Goodwill, ebay, and other people's closets. I hate paying retail prices for clothes and malls scare the hell out of me. Because of that, nearly 60% of my closet is from thrift shopping. Ebay is a long-time love of mine for finding things that are older or a bit obscure, but still high up on the want list. Usually, I get away with some great things for little money. As for other people's closets, I'm starting to get really big on bartering with friends. It's a great (and practically free) way to experiment with new things while cleaning out your own closet. WIN-WIN!

Could you tell us your top three style tricks/DIYs?

Absolutely!

#1 - a 60" by 60" piece of fabric is the best thing ever. It's a scarf/hood/shawl/shirt/wrap skirt/pool coverup/super huge bow/choose your own adventure. I often reach for mine to finish off a plain outfit or to shield my head from light rain. Best part: it cost me $3. I'd recommend a textured, lightweight black fabric, but use whatever makes you happy.

#2 - cutting three holes in a 2 yard piece of fabric makes for a great wrap dress/draped vest/layering piece. I have a tutorial on my blog here.

#3 - the only thing you need to take an outfit from borderline slummy to polished is a black blazer. It doesn't have to be made of anything special, it just has to fit well. A black blazer works over everything and says "effort" even on days where you roll out of bed and throw on yesterday's jeans with the only clean t-shirt you can find...not that that's happened to me or anything like that...ok, actually it has...several times...in the past week.

Thanks so much for sharing, Alicia! Do you guys have any questions for her?

Yummy Clutter

Normally I hatehatehate clutter. My apartment verges on museum-like in its spareness (exactly three knick nacks! that match exactly two throw pillows!) But Imke Klee's beautifully curated, color-coded clutter? Now, even the Virgo in me can get into that!

How do you feel about clutter? Can you handle it?

Yes and Yes Network of Nice Hook ups!

If you're new to Yes and Yes, this is our once-monthly sharing of love, expertise and good karma. Ten readers write in about hook ups that they're looking for and other readers help them out. And some readers even write in volunteering their own area of expertise. Isn't that sweet?

And a gentle reminder: if you're looking for a hook-up and someone is nice enough to email you offering you advice or input, for the love of Pete, please email them back.

I need a hook up!

I need to know about visiting/moving to Seattle
My boyfriend and I are visiting Seattle in the end of October. What restaurants, tourist attractions, hikes, parks, would you recommend? We have no idea how to get around the city or what forms of transportation to use. We're planning on moving to Seattle later, so we'd also appreciate some advice on neighborhoods to take a look at as far as our apartment/house search goes. I'd just looking to speak to someone who lives there about all this and maybe even make a potential friend!
keriannwierzbicki (at) gmail (dot) com

I need to meet people in Raleigh, NC
I just moved to the area from Orlando (bf's starting his PhD at NC State, I'm a graphic designer on the job hunt). I love traveling and finding hidden gems in my area, so I'm excited about exploring Raleigh. I'd love to find a bud or two to roam the town with-- riffling through vintage treasure trunks, popping into art galleries, sipping milkshakes on a Saturday afternoon. Any Raleigh Yes and Yes readers that love exploring and artsy things? Let's be friends!
bremingt (dot) gmail (dot)com

I need to make some online friends
I live in the boonies, so it's really hard to meet people. I love to write, read, ride horses, bead, hike and have cats and dogs. I'm going to be a Navy wife in a few months, and would love to have online friends that can move with me when bounce to a new base. I blog, but I don't really know how to get my blog out there, and would love some people to chat with life about.
khippor (at) gmail (dot) com

I need to know about getting a PI American Visa
I am looking for anyone, ideally in Australia or New Zealand, that would consider themselves an expert in the minefield of applying for a P1 USA visa. I am planning on taking my band to play SXSW in March of 2010 and no matter how much information I read, I can't make any sense! I would really love to have a skype conversation or online chat with someone who really knows what they are talking about.
emmaleesharp (at) gmail (dot) com

I need a travel partner
I want to spend October and maybe part of November in Europe. I would like to find someone (a female, and about my age(34)) to be a travel partner for the trip. I don't have a set itinerary yet, but I'm hoping to incorporate a couple of last minute cruises (just as a means of transport - not big into the casino or vegas-style shows!) that I've seen. In addition, I am planning to do some backpack-style travel, and some economy-class hotels and maybe a river cruise. I'm flexible, but like to travel comfortably but on a budget. I have traveled a good deal and have found a good balance between planning and being spontaneous. I'm flexible about countries, but have interest in Western Europe primarily.
jrtorvi (at) gmail (dot) com

I need to meet people in Copenhagen.

I'm 23 years old & have recently moved to Copenhagen to work as an au pair for the next year. I don't really know anyone & despite my best efforts, meeting new friends has been tough. I'm happy enough on my own but I really want a rad circle of friends to enjoy life with! Copenhagen is SUCH a great city & is just teeming with cool people...I know you're out there! :) I'm easy-going, friendly & interested in everything & everyone. Please help!
blinn.jessica (at) gmail (dot) com

I need a good, curl-friendly hairdresser in southeastern Pennsylvania
I am new to southeastern Pennsylvania, and boy do I need a haircut. I have chin-length, fine, curly hair. It's been an agonizing year or two growing out a buzz cut, and I don't want to gamble my hard-earned hairs. Do you know a curl-friendly stylist in the Whitehall/Allentown/Bethlehem/Easton area?
rebekah (at) nmsu (at) edu

I need a penpal
I'm looking for a penpal with similar interests.I was thinking hard about where to find people as awesome as Yes and Yes readers when it struck me- Yes and Yes readers! I love to travel, take photographs and meet new people! Snail mail is preferred.
peppermintcandy (at) gmail (dot) com

I need to know about immigrating to and finding work in London
I am applying for jobs in London. I'm looking to chat with others who have emigrated to London & found a job. The kind of info I'm looking for is related to the interview process. How are English interviews different than American interviews? Any faux pas I need to be aware of? English office etiquette? Any advice and tips would be greatly appreciated!
trekkermary (at) gmail (dot) com

I can give you a hook up!

I can offer advice on New Zealand, making a career in the arts, internships!
kelly (at) kellydare (dot) com

I can tell people about living or traveling in Auckland, New Zealand
louise (dot ) coad (at) gmail (at) com

I can offer advice about working as an au pair.

I am currently working as an au pair in Copenhagen, & people ask me all the time how I found my job, what I do, how it works, etc. So if you're curious, just ask! I can tell you about the entire process - from finding & selecting a family to sorting a visa, arriving at your new home, what to expect, tips & advice. It's a great job so don't be shy!
blinn.jessica (at) gmail (dot) com


I can tell you about working in radio in Australia
I know all about the community radio sector in Australia and how to get involved either as a volunteer or a paid worker. It's about the only thing I would consider myself an expert in! I've been volunteering and working in community radio for 10 years, I have my dream job and I just LOVE talking about it.
emmaleesharp (at) gmail (dot) com

I can tell you about vegan cooking and Physical Therapy school
If anyone needs any help vegan cooking, or has any questions/concerns with applying to PT (physical therapy) school, I'd definitely be able to give some pointers
aknea001 (at) umaryland (dot) edu

I can help someone find someone else!
I'm getting pretty good at it, too. So far I have found: Birth parents, a family lineage dating back to 1500's England, someone's son (custody issue), old friends, a renegade tenant, a missing lawyer for someone who lost their wife in Haiti. If someone is looking for someone else, I will try my very hardest to find them! I can't promise anything but effort, as I am not a professional.
tgwtss (at) gmail (at) com

I can tell you about running a yoga studio!
I know a lot of people qualify from yoga teacher training but have no training at all in business management etc. I was lucky as my background was law and business management so I've mentored quite a few people through this and hope that I can offer advice to anyone who has it. I am British so some of the legal and tax stuff won't be the same but the principles will be.
suburbanyogini (at) googlemail (dot) com

I can help you if you've ever wanted to ask someone about adult products!
I'm a cisgender female law student, who also volunteers for a sexual health clinic, reviews sex toys and has worked in the adult product industry. I can give you friendly, open, personalised advice about all manner of adult products, with a focus on health, safety and pleasure! I've got nothing to sell, just a willingness to help others and maybe answer a few questions you've always had, but never had someone you could ask.
thecherryscoop (at) gmail (dot) com

I can tell you about getting a purebred puppy!
My husband and I got a French Bulldog puppy, so I can give advice on a) French Bulldogs/Bulldogs/brachycephalic breeds in general and b) finding a reputable breeder if someone is looking into buying a purebred puppy. I did a crapload of research on the breed before we started looking for breeders, and then I spent most of a year looking for the right breeder.
isisrtd (dot) gmail (dot) com

Network of Nice Success Stories!

Last month, Isis was looking for a great hairdresser in Binghamton, NY. And Allison delivered! Look how great that haircut is! And look how great that pup is!

And our friend Laura was able to find someone who helped her put her blog on a self-hosted platform. "She was so sweet and so great, refused to let me pay her (even though she did tons of work for me) and was so patient with me!" Thanks so much to the kind reader who helped her!

Earlier this month I got this email:
I just wanted to send you a quick thank you note for hosting the Network of Nice. Through it, I was able to contact Kate and find the courage to face my binge drinking problem.

How amazing is that?! A huge thanks to the reader who was able to help her!

Wanderlust In Video Form

This video is technically a marketing tool for the clothing company Toast, but mostly it makes me long for a) Europe b) Autumn. So lovely, no?

Got the travelbug?  Check out my ebooks and podcasts on making long-term travel a reality!  Only $15 forpetessake!

Oh hi, Katey Pie!

You guys! Yes and Yes is now offering sponsorships to lovely bloggers and small businesses, just like you! And because it's my birthday month, I'm offering 30% off my normal rates. Email me at sarah_vonbargen@yahoo.com for more information.

Let's say hello to our first lovely sponsor, one Ms. Katey Pie!

Name: Kate (I'm known as Kateypie in the digital scrapbooking world)

Online haunts: You can find me at: my website, my facebook, my twitter

Awesome shop items: My personal favorite are my storyboards, scrapbooking pages and blog designs - I have the most fun with them - there's lots of room for creativity and making things pretty! Despite first appearances, my favorite color is not in fact pink, I just happen to have made a lot of pink things lately!

Favorite Harry Potter character: I never made it through any of the movies, but whichever character Alan Rickman plays - I find him strangely attractive! I should read the books, it's actually on my '101 things in 1001 days' list.

Sources of inspiration: In terms of design, I find inspiration everywhere - cute packaging, blog designs, style blogs, advertising, even my kids clothes! In real life I am inspired by people - my family, my friends, and anyone with a story to tell.

Who would win in an back alley brawl - a shark or a bear? I'd go with bear, because they are totally badass and huge! Plus they have an arm and leg advantage.

I would also like to offer $5 off any order to anyone who mentions Sarah Von in their order email!

The Quiet Birthday

This Sunday is my 31st birthday. Can you believe it? I dork out over Jersey Shore and cat vests and I'm in my thirties?! Yes.

The last twelve months have been pretty amazing. I spent the vast majority of my twenties in school, or living with boyfriends, or living in other countries. Sometimes all three, simultaneously. And it was fun! But this last year I've stayed in one place, stayed out of school and stayed away from joint leases. And I feel more myself and more confident in my decisions than I have in ages. If you're afraid of your thirties, don't be. They're awesome. You're still cute and you know who you are, where you're going and what you're willing to do to get there.

Last year I celebrated for three days straight (spa day! brunch with my ladies! a pub crawl with heaps of friends! a concert!) but this year I'm taking things a bit slower. My summer has been filled to overflowing, with a million barbecues and dates and parties and weddings and dinners with friends and bachelorette parties. And since I'll be having a big ol' going away party in a month and a half (!!!) I decided that my birthday would be best spent at my parents' house on the lake, eating cherries in a striped swimsuit. No giant party, no big presents. Just the lake and my fam and a long weekend of reading magazines and eating at the local diner with old friends.

I'm so excited for this coming year. I think it's going to be my best yet!

How did you (or how are you going to) celebrate your birthday this year?

Because Messy is Fun

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True Story: I Have Aspergers

This is one of many True Story interviews in which we talk to people who have experienced interesting/amazing/challenging things. This is the story of Jessika and her Aspergers diagnosis.

Can you tell us a bit about your background?
I live in Sweden where I was born. I have been living here and there though, the US, Japan, and I've travelled extensively. (Looking back, I travelled so much because it was easier to be a stranger in a foreign country than a stranger in my own) My parents divorced when I was 11 years old. It was for all intents and purposes, a very messy divorce.My father slipped into his own world, my mother into hers. My sister and I fended for ourselves.

Looking back now I can see the early signs of Aspergers dating back to preschool.

For those of us who have never heard of it before, could you tell us about Aspergers syndrome?
First of all, I will refrain from using "we" when speaking about Aspergers other than in this section. The width and depth of problems are wide. What is "my" Aspergers is not someone else's. Yet, those diagnosed do share a lot of similarities.

Aspergers syndrome is, clinically speaking, part of the autism spectrum disorders. It was first identified in 1943, by Hans Aspergers. Then it was practically forgotten. Autism came to be, not about autism as a 'brain disorder', but autism as a 'mother and child bonding problem'. Tons of parents were vilified.

Diagnostic criteria are dull and quite honestly, I still find them horrific to read. Anyone who wants to read about the specifics included in an Aspergers diagnosis can search DSM-IV, the code is 299.80.

It is characterised by "qualitative social inadequate behavior" (as it's stated). Let me tell you that this is a huuuuuge area and the variation is very wide. This can mean avoidance of eye contact, gestures or facial mimic, wrong speech intonation, many describe themselves as clumsy and with sensory impairment. All will have some sort of intense interest or fascination in something. This may be the world's flags, the geology of volcanic rock, cooking, or some special historical event.

Diagnostic criteria are required to classify who has what illness and who hasn't. Yet, seeing yourself described in the dry and clinical tone of medical lingo, I always feel "That Is Not Me."

Yet it is. I have some intense interests and when I get interested in something new I am like a sponge, soaking up knowledge. That made me very academically successful. I fail to understand the subtext of social environments or I don't get what is the ACTUAL topic until waaaay too late. I've dropped the ball so many times that I've gone home and pulled the blankie over my head and stayed there.

Do you remember a moment when you realized that you interacted with people differently and viewed the world differently than other people?
I've been considered an odd bird all my life. I never did well in team sports, or team activities for that matter. I was always content doing things on my own, in school I was partially bullied and partially excluded, picked last in team selections in gym class. I was born in the 70's, the idea that you could have a neuropsychiatric disorder was barely thought of.

I did seem normal but beneath the surface it was a struggle. Whatever I tried to do, in terms of social activities and to make friends, I always failed. And I couldn't understand what I missed and why I failed.

I studied behavioral science at university along with Asian languages. Behavioral science is a perfect thing to study for someone with Aspergers. I'm great at it, I'm a great observes. In hindsight I can see that I was teaching myself proper social behavior.

The real understanding for myself and a new found kind of acceptance came with the diagnosis. Wow, I was normal! By Aspergers-means I had done well. I have two university degrees and I can discuss anything. Growing up, there were so many things you were supposed to like and do. I did tag along with others but found little or no enjoyment in it. I just didn't get the point of doing stuff just because everyone else did them. I tried but I guess I looked too out of it to be taken seriously.

When were you diagnosed? What led to that diagnosis?
I was diagnosed last year, at age 33. I've suffered from relapsing depressions for years and my psychiatrist suggested a neuropsychiatric evaluation so that we had covered everything. I couldn't keep a red thread in much of anything, she suspected ADD or ADHD which can be medicated to provide some relief. I wasn't prepared. With the diagnosis conference came shock, then dismay, then relief.

A lot of people seem to think that a neuropsychiatric diagnosis is made quickly. Nothing can be further from the truth. My own took 3 months with some interviews and psychological tests.

What happened after you were diagnosed? Did you start taking medication or going to therapy?
I was quite surprised after the diagnosis. I had envisioned many things, but Aspergers was not one. I had imagined ADHD, ADD, sensory overload. It was a relief that my odd-bird-behaviour and that all the years of exclusion and feelings of not fitting it had a name.

With the diagnosis came a new approach to life. Since Aspergers is life-long you're not prescribed medicine unless you have a sub-diagnosis of an OCD-kind nature. With illness, medicinal science assumes that you are sick - you take medication - cured. There's no cure for Aspergers. At this point I can't say I'd want to cure myself either. As intriguing as the human being is, this is who I am. Odd bird or not.

How does Aspergers effect your daily life?
It effects everything in one way or another. But first of all, it should be said that you can demand so much of yourself that you suppress your own needs completely. What I needed until diagnosis was something I never acknowledged until I had it on paper. That's when all the pieces to the puzzles came together. Plus, I was being told that I was such a great girl, highly educated, good job, good everything. Nothing could possibly be wrong with me? For a while I believed it.

I like it when things have a beginning, a middle and an ending. I'm not overly thrilled by surprises. I can handle them but I'm not thrilled. When someone says I'll be there "in a bit", I want to know what "in a bit" is. Is it 5 10 20 minutes? Or I'll see you later in the week. What is later? Is it Thursday at 10? Wednesday at noon? A decisive time and place is better.

Recently, I've had more incidents where I notice that I completely missed the gist of a conversation. I didn't understand any of it - I couldn't read between the lines. The topic of conversation and the response didn't make sense to me. The social codes of society run in some kind of code that I don't understand.

My cognitive function is low - my working memory. During my evaluation I was asked to draw a picture from a copy of that picture. I did. Then I was asked to draw the same picture from memory. I couldn't. After 15 minutes and a bunch of stuff in between I could draw a perfect copy from memory. Since I don't trust my memory I don't drive, I carry notebooks and cellphone at all times. It becomes worse when I'm tired - everything from speech to memory.

I have a small group of "real" friends. I love to meet them out for coffee but after about an hour I can no longer filter out my friends' voices from background noise. This is really disappointing because it has become progressively worse.

I am very particular on certain things. It's important that clothing "feels" right, the same with food. For some reason cereal is disgusting, yogurt isn't and for periods of time I can live on a specific food and then move on. The need to eat the same thing has lessened, my live-in-boyfriend is not so happy about the two weeks of chicken tikka.

How do feel when people say that Aspergers and other Autism spectrum disorders can be cured?
It pisses me off. It pisses me off so much. But then people have suggested to me that all this is a mistake. "There's fish oil to improve memory. I'm so talented, all the time I spent at university. You should see another doctor for a second opinion."

There are attempts at "curing" people with CBT, cognitive behavioral therapy. On a social level, some people are being taught how to keep eye contact, hold body posture, use voice intonation. correctly. Scientists are identifying the causes of autism to be on neurological level. People with Autism are wired differently. Any Autism spectrum disorder presents at around 4 or 5 yrs of age. Around this age the demand on children for more social activities begins. There are children, like me, who just doesn't understand what the point of being with others if you find them needless. I understand that parents want their best for their children. They hear "syndrome" or "Autism spectrum disorder" and they just panic and go looking for any attempts for a cure.

Some people do suffer greatly though. I do understand their desire for cure. They usually have several diagnosis. Loneliness and social isolation along with ADHD can be devastating.

Now, knowing what I know, if you'd take away Aspergers from me, I wouldn't be me. That's not to say that Aspergers is a peachy existence. Life would ultimately be easier without it, but it wouldn't be me. I'd like to see more research on women with Aspergers, or women with any neuropsychiatric disorder. Research to date has focused on men. There's a high degree of evidence that it manifests differently between genders.

Any advice for anyone struggling with a spectrum disorder? Or for those of us interacting with someone who has a spectrum disorder?
Ask for help on where to find local resources available to provide assistance. Ask for help remembering or keeping a schedule or eating or showering. Needing help is not shameful. I've been getting a lot of help, especially in regards to memory. I was losing a lot of weight since I was forgetting to eat.

Don't spell Asperger wrong. It is Asperger, this is a touchy subject. Aside from many being word police, this is really a thing. Forget whatever B you want to put in there, remember the P.

Remember that Aspergers isn't always obvious. It doesn't show with me which surprises people when I tell them. "But you um eh, uhum, look so... um, normal. " Well yeah!! Of course, there are people with the more classic Aspergian features like voice intonation, lack of eye contact. Just let it be.

Just because you have Aspergers doesn't mean you're a geek. Don't imply that it was your assumption. It's already well known that the common idea is that of the geek hermit found in front of a computer.

If someone goes off on their special interest, it's okay to interrupt, but do it with some compassionate understanding though. This person just opened their heart to you.

A person with Aspergers, who finds social codes difficult, will show empathy differently. It is a common misconception (very common and it makes me furious!), that Aspergerians lack empathy. I'm a very empathic person, I will do anything for people I care about. Most often I need to think about the proper approach, making what some might consider an inappropriate break, other times I act intuitively. First I think pragmatically, then emotionally.

Do you know anyone with Aspergers? Any questions for Jessika?

I Don't Know What Prayer Is

"I don’t know exactly what a prayer is.
I do know how to pay attention,
how to fall down into the grass,
how to kneel down in the grass,
how to be idle and blessed,
how to stroll through the fields,
which is what I have been doing all day.

Tell me, what else should I have done?
Doesn’t everything die at last, and too soon?
Tell me, what is it you plan to do
with your one wild and precious life?"

- Mary Oliver

Wise Words From Stephen Fry

video via Charade

Do you follow actor/writer/comedian/ass-kicker Stephen Fry on twitter? That man is damn near unstoppable. In this long-ish video he talks about the merits of travel, keeping an open mind and doing what you love. Smart cookie, that one!

What twitter feeds do you love?

31 New Things: Walk My Cat On A Leash and Be All "What?"

I would like to preface this post by telling you that if my cat Putin was a human, he would be Niles Crane. He would probably have a variety of imagined ailments, he'd be allergic to peanuts, he'd be married to shrew of a woman and he'd definitely have a PhD in Something Useless from Somewhere Impressive.

I'm just saying: Putin is not necessarily an example of robust manhood.

He's more an example of Fraidy Cat, Fancy Boy.

So I did not take this goal of leash-using and outside-going lightly. Oh, no. There was a week of just wearing the harness around the house for funsies. There were two weeks of wearing the harness outside, while sitting on a blanket. There was walking on the leash up and down the halls of the apartment building. There was pre-walk cat-nip doping and mid-walk treat-giving.

And you know what all this resulted in? A whole lot of this:

Total refusal to engage in walking. Followed directly by:

Freak out. "OMG! Is that a squirrel?! Don't squirrels eat cat face for breakfast?!"

"That hydrangea is glowering at meeeee!"

"Human across the street. Dire threat to personal safety. Eff this noise."

"I can has inside?"

Have you ever walked a non-dog pet on a leash? What's your secret to success?

Radio Yes! Makeup Made Fun

Friends! It's finally here! The first of what will hopefully be many (hopefully) fun, silly, informative podcasts. This time I talked to my girl Elizabeth of Beauty Bets fame and we (read: she) answered your questions about makeup and talked about the following:

* how to deal with the dreaded wet zit
* the pimple treatment you already have in your medicine cabinet but probably aren't using
* what to do with fair eyebrows so you don't look like a kabuki lady
* where to start if you have absolutely zero experience with beauty products
* how to keep your lipstick from running into the fine lines around your mouth
* what make up I wear if I want to look old/like a vampire
* how to tell which lip colors are going to look good on you
* and the story of how a student complimented me on a makeup look that I, uh, wasn't aware I was attempting.

You can download it here or you can listen to it right here:

Do let us know (nicely!) what you think! It's the first time I've tried a two-person podcast.

Do you need a hook up? Can you hook someone up?

I'm putting together the August edition of The Network of Nice - would you like to be part of it? If you're looking for advice, input or just want to meet some cool people in your new city, send me a 100-word write up about the hook up you're looking for at sarah_vonbargen (at) yahoo (dot) com. You should also be comfortable having your email address published on the internet. Although I'd love to publish each and every connection request that I receive, I'm afraid time and space don't allow for that. As previously noted, The Network of Nice gives preference to those seeking personal, advice-based connections, rather than requests to promote a product or find a job.

Also! If you've got a unique area of expertise (adopting a baby! opening a hair salon! building a house!) that you'd be willing to share, I'd love to hear from you. Let's help each other out!

The Podcast Fantastic

I'm knee deep in editing our first Radio Yes podcast. Audacity! Fade in/fade out! Background music! It's really fun, if a bit of an undertaking. It's given me a new appreciation for all those podcasts out there. Let's talk about the podcasts we love!

This American Life
Of course. Of course! Everybody loves Ira Glass and his stories about daily life. The preceding week's show is always available for free for seven days following its broadcast.

Sound Opinions
Two rock & roll critics from Chicago dish on the latest & greatest (& worstest) in popular music. Well-researched and nerdy, but still accessible. Fantastic live sessions. Interviews. Amusing calls from fans & listeners.

The Dinner Party Download
Bone up on NPR-ish news and events in a consolidated pre-dinner party podcast. Impress fancy-pants people over cocktails. The end.

The Moth
Live storytelling from spoken-word clubs in NYC, LA, Chicago and Detroit. Hysterical. Tragic. Poignant. Sometimes well-known authors, sometimes random peeps. Always incredibly moving and perfectly produced.

RadioLab
Hilarious, quirky and provocative slants on "big questions": what happens when we die? What is dreaming? Why do people lie? It's science + sociology + sublimely silly sound effects. Full-length podcasts and mini-podcasts, too.

The Stuff of Genius
I frequently fantasize about getting a patent for an improved windshield wiper design that I've imagined (really!) and this podcast feeds that fantasy - all about fantastic inventions and how they came to life.

Stuff You Missed in History Class
I love the 'story' part of 'history,' but not so much the dates and wars (snooooooze). This podcast is stuffed full of crazy interesting historical bits. If you likes Bill Bryson's A Short History of Nearly Everything, you'll love this.

Jordon, Jesse, Go!
You know a podcast is going to be great when it comes from a website called "maximumfun.org." This podcast is about life in your twenties and all that goes with it - last week's podcast was about secret sex parties, Calgary, Alberta and the next twitter star. You know, the usual.

Which podcasts do you love? Have you ever made one?

The Happiest DJ In The World

I.love.this. Also? There are totally songs that make me feel like this. Namely Waka Waka and Dynomite. There I said it.

Which songs bring out the crazy happy in you?

Felines + Design = Awesome

If you've been reading Yes and Yes for more than two days you probably know that I love few things more than cats and well designed spaces. Well, I like cheese and travel, too. If someone would pay me travel tour the cheese capitols of the world (Wisconsin, Italy, France) with my cat, while I stay in gorgeous boutique hotels, I would die a happy woman.

So you can imagine that I shattered a few ear drums with my excited shrilling when I saw that Design Sponge had a special feature on cats hanging out in gorgeous spaces. Let's drool a bit shall we?

Okay, this is actually my space. And my cat.

Isn't that red lino great? Although this cat
appears to be rolling his eyes over the entire fiasco.

I can appreciate a cat that matches the furniture.

I can also appreciate a cat that matches the paint.

Mondays, right?

Tomtom had been holding that pose for hours in hopes
that Claire would notice how well his coloring matched the photos.

Are you a cat person or a dog person? Or a finger monkey person?