Changes

Sure-fire Cure for Mid-Winter Malaise

Yes. Buy your pet a ridiculous winter outfit. I promise, at least 20 minutes of laughter will ensue. $6.50 well spent, friends.

Last Call for 'A Year in Yes' 2010 Calendar PDFs!

Is 2010 treating you well so far, friends? How are all those resolutions coming along? By some quirk of fate are you still sans 2010 calendar?! Horror!

If you are, may I be so bold as to suggest the PDF of the 2010 'A Year in Yes' calendar? We sold out of the paper version around Christmas so we're offering the PDF for a pittance. If you've been putting off buying yours, perhaps now is the time. The PDFs will be available for one more week and then we're taking them down to make room for other exciting things!

If you're not quite sold on the calendar, here are a few lovely things that people have said about them:

I received my copy yesterday, and when I opened it up I ran my hand over the glossy pages and literally gasped "It's beautiful!" out loud, to myself, alone in my kitchen. That's how amazing it is. It will make you act like a melodramatic after-school special. - Winona

I have this and it is so cute! - Gala Darling

I just received my "Year in Yes" calendar and I wanted to let you know how much I absolutely freakin' love it! I definitely read the entire calendar like a book. I am dying for the New Year to get here so I can take down my old boring calendar and put up this cheery, quirky one! - Brittany

As always, thank heaps for supporting Yes and Yes and making it part of your day!

A Copy of the Charade Annual! For You!

Are you guys fans of Charade? You should be - it's full of great ideas, gorgeous images and good writing. And Megan, clever girl that she is, has bound up the best articles from the first year of Charade into this lovely annual. You can find The Dream Style Series, The Ultimate Geek’s Guide to Fashion Budgeting, Planning and Having Your Best Year Ever, Making Your Dreams Come True: A Sure-Fire Strategy and lots more!

You'll also find

*the entire first year’s ‘Words to Live By’ quotes,

*beautiful images from Megan's favourite Flickr people,

*a comprehensive list of her favorite blogs and websites

*A two thousand word bonus feature article, never to be published on the site: How to Cultivate Individual Style

All this (full color!) goodness £15.00 plus P&P!

If you'd love to get in on this, but your budget is a bit tight at the moment maybe you can win this free one! Leave a comment with your email if you'd like a bit of blog-shaped love

Best of luck!

True Story: I Was a Stripper

Friends! I'm experimenting with a new feature here at Yes and Yes - a series of interviews with interesting people called "True Story." I'm got all sorts of intriguing interviews on deck: identical twins, hot shot forest firefighters, anthropologists living with hill tribes, trekkies! Let's kick it off with this super interesting interview with a former stripper!

How did you become a stripper?
When I turned 18, my top priority was to "grow up" and become independent as soon as possible. To me, true independence meant never having to ask my parents for money -- though they were more than willing to provide it. I hated the fact that they paid for my car, my college tuition, my food ... I had a joe-job slinging wheatgrass at a juice bar, and I got a scholarship to help with my tuition, but living in Los Angeles ain't cheap. My meager income wasn't nearly enough to survive on, and it drove me nuts. I felt so infantilized and trapped.

Just before my 19th birthday, I saw an ad for an "amateur night" contest at a local strip club. I'd always been a pretty repressed young lady -- perfect grades, respectable hobbies, never so much as a parking ticket -- but something about the idea of exotic dancing captivated my imagination. The amateur night was a few weeks away, so I slowly built up to it ... first I bought myself some 6-inch platform heels, then I practiced walking around my room, then I got myself a lacy lingerie set, then I picked out my setlist ("You Shook Me All Night Long" by AC / DC and "Vivrant Thing" by A Tribe Called Quest).

Finally, the night of my big debut arrived. Standing backstage, I was completely terrified -- not because I was about to expose my body to a room full of strangers, but because I was convinced I would trip and fall! But the moment I stepped onstage, I went into an altered state. Turns out, I was a total natural. I won second place -- competing against several dancers who were far from "amateurs," I'll have you know -- and made $400 on the spot. The rush of adrenaline and exhilaration was indescribable. I knew, without a doubt, that my life was about to shift dramatically.

Tell us about the place where you worked.
I stripped for about 3 years, primarily at two clubs: The Jet Strip (Los Angeles) and Ecstasy Theater (Orange County). The Jet Strip was essentially a cozy neighborhood dive bar, but with naked ladies. Most of the customer were "regulars" -- or as they jokingly called themselves, "pathetic losers" (PLs for short). The dancers were exceptionally diverse -- every ethnicity, body type and educational background was represented. Unfortunately, the place was run by a mega-douchebag named Billy -- a red-faced, testosterone junkie who managed the club like an oppressive dictator. I quit after about a year, largely due to Billy's appalling behavior. Most of my regulars followed me to my next club, Ecstasy Theater.

Ecstasy was a female-owned club run by a former stripper. The clientele was mainly businessmen and college students -- an interesting mix of big spenders and frat boys. Unlike Jet girls, Ecstasy girls were polished and "perfect" -- in a very conventional, Maxim magazine sort of way. I worked out 3-4 days a week with a personal trainer and had standing hair, nail and tanning appointments, just to keep myself in Ecstasy-worthy shape. The earning potential was insane -- $700 to $1,000 dollars a night was pretty standard. The downside was that I had to drive nearly four hours (round trip) to work at the club ... driving back home at 4 am and getting into bed at 6 am totally tweaked my sleeping schedule, making it difficult to spend time with friends and family during the daylight hours.

What were your co-workers like?
There are certain stereotypes about strippers: they're all drug addicts, they're all skanky, they're all single moms. I won't lie -- I met more than a few drug-addled slutty baby mommas. But I also met PhD students, professional tattoo artists, fashion models, real estate agents, event planners and hair stylists. The happy, healthy dancers had three things in common: a day job, a savings plan and an exit strategy.

You're a lesbian. Do you think that made it easier for you to strip for men?
You know, I really think it did. For one thing, getting to watch spectacular women twirl around a pole for hours on end was a pretty sweet workplace perk. And unlike some of the straight and bisexual girls, I was able to maintain a black-and-white divide between my stripping persona and my real-life personality. I didn't socialize with male customers after work ... I didn't develop crushes on them ... I didn't dream about them "rescuing" me from my current lot in life. And -- perhaps more importantly -- I didn't despise or belittle them. I could relate to their longing, their loneliness and their desire for female companionship, because I shared those feelings, too.

What were your patrons like?
Hilarious. Beautiful. Generous. Flawed. I picked my customers pretty selectively, and they were all over the map in terms of income level, age and relationship status. Most of them never knew my real name, but we forged deep connections that lasted weeks, months, years. I still keep in touch with one or two of them, believe it or not!

How did stripping effect your ideas about sexuality and commitment?
Stripping taught me that "chemistry" -- for lack of a better word -- can explode in very unlikely pairings. I'm a gay lady, so I wasn't exactly lusting after my male customers, but I nevertheless felt chemically drawn to certain guys: an obese school teacher, a weedy nerd with terrible fashion sense, an elderly gent with a creased face and feathery hair. The "spark" wasn't exactly sexual (at least not for me) but it was something. It was real. To this day, my strongest friendships with men fall into that gray zone between "I want to know you" and "I want to sleep with you." Learning to feel comfortable in that zone, without having to put a label on it, was a big part of my coming-out process.

You have a cool, 'grown-up' job now. How did you get around that time on your resume?
I took a two-year leave of absence from college when I first started stripping, because I was deeply unhappy and had no flippin' idea what I wanted to study. But during that time, I added a number of impressive jewels to my resume: I worked as an assistant producer at an independent film company, got a research grant to study alternative medicine and doctor-patient relationships, earned my helicopter pilots license, read voraciously and developed a writing "voice."

Once I made the commitment to complete my undergraduate degree, I went full-throttle, taking extra courses during regular semesters and squeezing in even more credits during winter and summer school sessions. I wound up graduating with my BA at the exact same time as my high school friends -- even though I'd taken a significant "detour!"

Would you ever go back to stripping?
If I did, it would require serious physical preparation! I'm still pretty attractive (at least in my own mind) but my 25-year old "retired-stripper" physique is considerably softer than my 19-year old body. It would be kinda hilarious to stage a grand comeback tour, though ... hmmm ... !!! :)

What advice would you give to ladies who are considering getting into stripping?
Ooh, list time! Here are my top three pieces of sage wisdom for would-be strippers:

(1) Have a specific savings plan and a clear timeframe, and write it down to reinforce it. Do you want to save $30,000 and take a yearlong sabbatical to write a novel? Pay off your credit card bills and graduate from college debt-free? Make a 10% down-payment on a house? Pay for your own damn wedding? All of the above? Whatever it is, stay focused. To quote esteemed financial adviser / rapper Xzibit: "make that money, don't let it make you."

(2) Pay your taxes. All of them. Every year. Really. I can't stress this enough. It can be very tempting to sock away rolls of cash and never declare it to the IRS, but that is a terrible idea. Get an accountant you can trust, write off your legitimate business expenses (hello, manicures!) and pay the government what you owe. Getting audited is no fun, no matter what you do. Getting audited when you're a stripper? Double-plus-no-fun.

(3) Be very cautious about who you confide in. Not everyone will understand your motivations, and some people (i.e. parents) will worry themselves sick. Come up with a believable cover story (ideally one that's grounded in truth) about where your money is coming from. Better yet, get a day job -- even if it's just part-time -- to deflect raised eyebrows and probing interrogations. Or, pull a Diablo Cody and write a best-selling memoir. Either way, be prepared for the potential backlash.

Have any of your ever stripped? Do you know anybody who does? Any (respectful!) questions for our friend?

The Definitive 'What To Pack' Post

Disclaimer: This is the packing list that works for me, when I'm in hardcore, multiple month, living-out-of-my-backpack mode. My packing list for a weekend in Vegas would read more along the lines of "small, sparkly things. lipgloss." You should also know that I'm ridiculously minimal and one of those people who's willing to wear the same outfit for four days in a row and then wash it with bar soap in a bucket. Soooo, consider yourself warned.

When I'm backpacking, my goals (fashion-wise) are:
a) that you don't notice that stain
b) that my outfit doesn't ruin that photo
c) that I'm mistaken for European (there! I said it!)

And I try to accomplish all of this with a wardrobe that's small enough to carry around on my back. Now, this may not be the most exciting wardrobe ever, but, based on my experience, it works. I've used this combination across multiple countries, cultures and climates and it hasn't steered me wrong!

Logistical Clothes
These are the not particularly-cool-or-fashionable items that you need to carry, especially if you plan on traveling through cold climates or doing outdoors-y stuff. These things can be quite expensive, but (as per the usual) I found most of mine at thrift stores for just a few bucks.

1. Silk Long Underwear
Sure, they're expensive. But they're also thin (and thus layer-able), light and incredibly effective. Much of the world doesn't have central heating, so you may even need these if you're frequenting Ireland in March.

2. Those Ubiquitous Hiker Pants
You know the ones. They're made of high-tech material, you can make them 47 different lengths and you could use them to walk through a lava flow and emerge unscathed? They are also a big ol badge that screams "I'm a tourist!" But if you're going to do any jungle exploration, glacier climbing or bush bashing, you probably need a pair. But I only wear mine when I'm engaging in the above activities because I'm totally vain.

3. Zip Up Technical-Gear Coat
Again, you know these. The ones that cost a million dollars, have 35 zippers and were designed for astronauts. I like ones that zip all the way open (as opposed to half-zips) because it's easier to warm-up/cool-off without actually removing clothing.

4. Merino Wool Socks
They're light, they dry quickly and they keep your feet really warm. Done and done.

5. Nylon Windbreaker
I have a tiny black one that's actually a boy's size XL and I love it. It'll keep you warm and dry, pack up into a tiny ball and if you pair it with the right scarf and jeans, you won't even look totally ridiculous.

Fashion Clothes
For all those travel situations that don't call for nylon, mesh or pick axes. Personally, I like to stick to cotton/lycra blends because they can go awhile between washes, dry fairly quickly when you do wash them, and don't look too painfully touristy.

1. Black cotton/lycra blend dress (knee-ish length)

You can dress it up, dress it down, find one at any given Target/TJ Maxx/Goodwill. I'd recommend something knee-ish length because many temples/churches/cultures don't go in for the miles of exposed leg that we Westerners favor. Also, when in doubt it's always better to dress a bit more demurely, isn't it?

2. Black long sleeved t-shirt

3. Black tank top
I know, I know. I'm overwhelming you with all this color, right? But you'll look classier in black and it won't show dirt as easily, I promise!

4. Dress/skirt combo
You know those elastic-y topped, strapless sundresses? And then you can pull them down and wear the elastic-y bit around your waist? That's what I'm talking about! They're super versatile and good for dealing with all those awkward pop-a-squat-no-toilet situations that Southeast Asia is always presenting. Yes, really.

5. Black thin, zip-up hoodie
Not your giant Hanes hoodie, but something a bit thinner and more sophisticated. You can wear it as a coat when you don't want to rock the nylon windbreaker or layer it with the windbreaker when it gets cold.

6. 2 or 3 patterned sarongs
Sarongs are every traveler's best friend (it's a dress! it's a towel! it's a water filter!) so you can use them all the time. I like to wear mine as a scarf to dress up my black outfits, so I'd recommend getting a few in patterns that your really love. And no, not that tie-dyed lizard pattern.

7. Black ballet flats
They're always classy and should be quite comfortable. I swear by Clarks ballet flats. Yes, they are spendy and no, you shouldn't just get a pair from Goodwill or Target. I know you wouldn't want to spend $2,000 on a ticket to Japan and then spend most of your time there with blisters and an aching back because you're wearing $12 shoes, right? Riiiight?

8. Good flip flops
There is such a thing, I swear! I always opt for flip flip style sandals over the strappy sport sandal version because, as we've established, I'm vain. A high quality pair of flip flops can run you $50, but you can wear them every day of your trip, they'll support your back and I've even hiked in mine! I love my Chacos. They're so innocuous you can even wear them in your daily, non-travel life.

9. Black Adidas (or any non-white athletic shoe)
I will certainly be evicted from the Society of Serious Backpackers for saying this buuuut, you don't need to bring hiking boots with you. Really. I've hiked Vietnam, Peru, Greece and Bolivia in a pair of black Adidas shelltoes. They weigh one-third of what hiking boots weigh and you can actually wear them around the city without looking totally ridiculous.

10. Dark wash jeans
They're dressier than a light-wash pair and they won't show dirt. I'd opt for a pair that is not skin tight, so you can layer your long johns underneath if need be.

11. 1 or 2 other solid color tops that match your sarongs
Mixing and matching, you clever thing you!

12. 7 pairs of underwear (non-cotton)
This is where I gross you out by recommending that you get used to hand-washing your underwear in a sink. Yes. Sure, it's a little yucko but 90% of the time when you travel, your laundry is going to be hand washed - either by you or by the tiny grandmother who runs your hostel. So you might as save the money and keep your panties to yourself. I'd also recommend non-cotton underwear as they air-dry much, much faster.

13. 5 pairs of socks

14. Black leggings
Layer then under skirts and dresses or even under your jeans if the long johns are dirty or too warm

Non-clothing stuff
Since you're only bring a few carefully edited pieces of clothing, you'll have heaps of space for other important things, right?

1. Money belt
Sure, it's a little embarrassing when you appear to be rummaging around in your groin to find your passport. But these really do keep your money and documents safe. I like this method heaps better than those awful around-the-neck numbers. Just be sure to actually tuck it into your pants, for the love of Pete. I've seen a shocking number of tourists attempt to use these as fanny packs. No. Fail.

2. Packing Cubes
Ohhhh, these are fantastic - I love the ones made by Eagle Creek. They will save you approximately three years of time in repacking your backpack every time you have to pull your jeans out of the bottom. If you want to get all Virgo about it, you can get different colored ones for different items - red for bottoms, blue for socks/underwear/bras and yellow for tops.

3. Shampoo bar
Doesn't weigh much, lasts forever, won't spill and gives you sexy beach hair. Win!

4. Lotion bar
See above.

5. Tinted moisturizer with SPF
I don't know about you, but two days into any trip I usually abandon any attempts at makeup and just start wearing sunscreen and chapstick. But with tinted sunscreen, at least I'm kind of faking it.

6. Tinted chapstick
Because I'm 11 on the inside, I have a deep and abiding love for Lipsmacker's Dr. Pepper chapstick. But mileage may vary, so find something that works for you.

7. Really good smelling deodorant/solid perfume
There's not point in wasting your spendy perfume on gaseous llamas or lascivious teenage Peruvian boys, but one doesn't really enjoy stinking. I like to get a solid version of my favorite perfume or some really, really yummy deodorant.

8. Bar of laundry soap
You know, for all that hand-washing of underwear you're going to do

9. Messenger Bag
You'll need a day bag to take around the city, but backpacks are easy targets for theives and fanny packs are douche-y. A messenger bag can be tucked under your arm or worn in the front without creating too much of a "I'm nervous that you're going to rob me" vibe.

10. Sanity pack
Inflatable neck pillow! Ear-plugs! Sleeping pills (though I'd only use these on overnight flights or overnight bus rides in safe areas) Motion sickness pills! Ibuprofen! Copies of all your documents and cards! An extra camera battery! An extra memory card! A swiss army knife! Mace! Playing cards!

Whew! My goodness - what a list. What are do you always pack when you travel?
Got the travel bug?  Check out my ebooks and podcasts on making long-term travel a reality!  Only $15 forpetessake!

The Kind of Girl Who Drinks Straight From The Bottle While Strangers Cheer

The above photo is not representative of my experience in Vegas with a performing bartender/former male stripper and a bottle of fruit flavored foolishness. If you're keen to hear about me doing ridiculous things outside of my comfort zone, do pop over and read my guest post over at Not That Kind of Girl!

31 New Things: Leave a Really, Really Big Tip

Having worked in the hospitality industry before, I'm usually a pretty good tipper. If you ignore me, make snarky comments about my order of pie and bacon and then spill things on me, I will still probably give you 15%. And if you behave like a human being? I'll give you 20%.

And sometimes I'll just give you 20% because my math skills rival those of a third grader and somehow it's easier to figure out 20% than 15%.

However, I'm not one of those people who tips three dollars for a five dollar drink. Largely because three dollars is roughly equal to my non-profit teacher's salary. So I knew that if I was going to do this giant-tip thing, it was going to have to be A Very Special Occasion.

And what is a weekend in Vegas if not A Very Special Occasion?

During our three-day weekend in Las Vegas, the BFF and I ventured ever.so.slightly off the beaten path (aka three blocks from Fremont Street) and happened upon a very promising little piano bar, endearingly named Don't Tell Mama. We decided that we should probably pop in for a few drinks, hoping that we'd see a sexy lady in a sequined dress rolling around atop a baby grand.

We did not see this. Instead, we saw a nearly empty bar, being serenaded by a 20-something dude who looked like a chubby Jonathan Brandis but sounded oddly like Frank Sinatra. We ordered drinks from a lovely and attentive waitress, suffered through a drunk and mumbled version of 'Fool's Rush In' and wondered if we could find pizza anywhere between the bar and our hotel room.

But just as we were emotionally committing to a night of cheese and carbs in front of HBO, the lovely and attentive waitress took the stage and blew us away with her rendition of At Last. And then with You're Gonna Love Me. And then lovely and attentive bartender took the stage and there were various amazing and awe inspiring duets! And then the other bartender joined them and it Destiny's Child all over again. Really. It was amazing.

And it was obvious that everybody who worked there loveloveloved their job. They loved each other. There was that tangible taste in the air of people doing what they love. And the former theater-geek in me just wanted to jump up and hug all of them, wanted to be a 20-year-old music major at UNLV, waitressing at the coolest little piano bar in Nevada. They were so good at what they did and obviously loved it so hard.

I decided that they loved their job 110% so that's probably the tip I should leave. So I did. And then I went back to the hotel and ate pizza in front of HBO.

Have you ever left a giant tip? Or received one?

Animal Imaginings

True Story: one of my good friends spent the majority of his childhood convinced he was a horse. Not like, "periodically pretending he was a horse and galloping around the yard." No. Dude was convinced that he was not so much a human boy as he was a horse. So much so that his parents were neeeaaarly moved to get A Professional involved.

These days, Former Horse Boy is a PhD candidate and married to The Coolest Girl Ever. From this story, let us take the lesson that a little imagination never hurt anybody and that the more you imagine, the more awesome you will become.

That last lesson is probably backed up by scientific evidence. Somewhere.

When I was a kid (okay, 15) my girlfriends and I spent many a summer day re-creating that scene in The Little Mermaid where Ariel throws herself onto the rock, hollering about being part of your world. And like every other little book worm, I loved the Narnia books and the magical creatures that resided between those covers.

What fantastical creatures did you love as a child? Or, um, today?

(P.S. if you've got a few hours to spare check out wikipedia's list of legendary creatures! A huge magical eel! A fish-tailed goat! A giant turtle that supports that world! and that's just the letter A!)

Wise Words from Mr. O'Brien

"All I ask of you is one thing:
please don't be cynical. I hate cynicism-
it's my least favorite quality and it doesn't lead anywhere.
Nobody in life gets exactly what they

thought they were going to get.
But if you work really hard and you're kind,
amazing things will happen. "

- Conan O'Brien's farewell speech

Fall In Love With Snow Again

I realize that at this point in the year, we are probably very much over snow and winter. But remember how exciting and lovely that first snowfall of the year was? Let's review:

The First Snow, Canon 7D from Reid Carrescia on Vimeo.

Because I Know You Have Old Prom Dresses

Did you guys go to prom? Are there wrist corsages and strapless bras and questionable up-dos in your past? I went with my high school sweetheart - he wore a tux with tails and a pair of converse all-stars. I wore a full-skirted Cinderella number with white Doc Martins and shaved the back of my head. Oh my.

All of those layers of tulle don't come cheap though, do they? Many high school girls can't afford those expensive dresses, so why not donate your old prom and bridesmaid dresses? You'll free up space in your closet and help make someone's dream come true.

How to participate?

Have your dress dry cleaned. This usually costs $6 - 10 and dry cleaners are sometimes willing to do it for free if you explain that it's going to charity. If you can't get it dry cleaned - no worries! Send it along anyway.

By the end of February, box it up and mail it to:

Julie W.

Attn: Cinderella Project

3320-B Foxboro Drive

Woodridge, IL 60517

Thanks so much for helping!

Not That Kind of Girl

You guys may know that I love

a) weird sociological experiments (what's up cat shows? or visiting a Scientology 'church'?)
b) trying not to limit myself with ideas about being That Type of Girl
c) nerdy personal challenges ala 31 New Things

So you can imagine that there was some dolphin-caliber squeeeing coming from The House of Yes when I discovered Not That Kind of Girl. Dudes? You are going to loves this so hard. Over the course of 365 days, girlfriend is attempting 250 things that are outside her comfort zone. Things that fall under the heading "But I'm Not That Kind of Girl!"

Like what? Welllll, she's already asked out a stranger, requested a discounts (for no discernible reason), taken part in a pantsless subway ride, and written a Craigslist Missed Connections ad.

I find this pretty fantastic and wanted to pick her brain about all of this awesome.

As a point of reference, what Kind of Girl are you usually?

Before I started this blog, I was definitely the awkward intellectual girl sitting in the corner, reading her Portable Dorothy Parker, waiting for everyone else to quiet down so she can fit in the occasional well-placed one-liner. I'm sure no one I've met since I've started the project will believe this, but I am deeply shy. Not just have a "has time talking to new people" shy -- I mean will sit in an Indian restaurant choking on curry because I don't want to trouble the waiter to refill my water.

What made you start this project?

In August, I got out of a very happy, extremely loving four-year relationship and decided on a whim to pack up my life and move from California to Boston. No job, no apartment, no friends (aside from my awesome sister!); a whole new life from scratch. And when I thought about what good changes I could make, I realized that never before had I made an unexpected decision. I was a model high school student, went to the right college, put myself on the PhD track in my very appropriate field -- there was nothing unexpected in my path.

I was relying so much on other people's opinions of what I should be that I hadn't taken time in years to evaluate what I wanted to be or who I had the potential of becoming. The idea for the blog came from the fact that I needed to take some uncalculated risks and scare my pants off every day to see if maybe -- just maybe -- I had the potential to be just a little bit more than I'd always imagined I could. And it has, I think, succeeded in that front.

What's been the toughest thing so far?
Oh my gosh, talking to people. Like a lot of shy writerly dudes, I spent a lot of time as the sardonic, benevolent dictator of my own head, and hide my social insecurities from the rest of the world with a shield of quippy detachment. Which doesn't exactly work when you're traipsin' around town, asking dudes out and trying to make friends on the street. Every time I approach a stranger and let them into my world, I'm paralyzed with fear for a moment or two, afraid they'll say something nasty or just totally shut me down. But you know what? It hasn't happened so far, and I'm just beginning to suspect that it's not going to happen at all. Turns out strangers are nice!

What's been the most rewarding?
It's hard to isolate one particular experience from this crazy five-months-and-counting ride, but when I look at the girl I am now, compared to the one who started this blog, I can tell you that I am -- in the best of all senses -- an almost completely different person. If you'd told me six months ago that I'd think nothing of asking out a stranger in the bookstore, riding the subway in my underwear on No Pants Day, or shaking my junk on a Jumbotron, I would have laughed in your face. Heck, if you'd even suggested I'd voluntarily go to a sports game, I would have shot you straight to the top of my Certified Loonies Not To Lunch With list.

Everything I've done so far seems to boil down to three lessons that I keep learning and relearning: 1) if you want something, just ask for it -- people are nice and genuinely want to help you; 2) don't worry about what other people think of you, because they don't; 3) you -- you -- have infinite potential. And it's one thing to know these lessons intellectually or to hear them from your mother, but once your pants are off in the subway and you feel awesome, it's much easier to really swallow.

Every once in a while I'll get an email from a reader telling me: "hey, today I got terrible service in a restaurant and decided: I'm not standing for this today! I wasn't that kind of girl!" or a reader telling me they finally asked out their crush or got up on stage at an open-mic poetry slam, and my heart just swells. All I'm trying to do with this project is be a little bit more than I thought I could be, and if writing about it inspires one or two people to push themselves a bit too, then I just couldn't be any more thrilled.

What are you currently working up the nerve to do?
My big hit-list for 2010 includes taking on my fear of fish in a horrifying, head-on way (I'm thinking one of those fish-bite pedicures. Who's with me?!); trying my hand at stand-up comedy; and, if I can scrape the funds together, hurtling my shrieking self out of an airplane.

NTKOG challenges for me would probably include:
* Getting highlights
* Going to a bar by myself and talking to strangers (The Horror!)
* Drinking a fruit-based alcoholic drink through the tiny straw without removing all the umbrellas and decorative fruit
* Reading something I've written at an open mic night
* Flirting my way into or out of something.

Eeee! I get The Fear Stomach just thinking about some of that stuff! Which means I should probably do them. Watch out for my guest post at NTKOG next week in which I chronicle my out-of-character Vegas shenanigans involving a performing bartender/former stripper, fruit flavored shots and everyone staring at me.

What sort of Not That Kind of Girl challenges would you make?

How to Have Lucid Dreams

I'm not particularly good at dreaming.

I mean, I can fantasize with the best of them. I could ramble on for hours about my plans of world domination and running marathons and having a herd of lop-earred bunnies at my beck and call. But actual dreaming? Like imagining things while I'm sleeping? I'm oddly bad at that.

But I bet I can change that. Have you ever heard of lucid dreams? Essentially, they are those dreams that you have where you are aware that you're dreaming, and bizarrely enough, you can apparently learn how to have these dreams. What? Yes. Allegedly you can even teach yourself how to have lucid dreams where you fly!

Let's learn how! (tips based on this wiki how article)

1. During the day repeatedly ask 'Am I dreaming?' and perform some reality checks whenever you remember. With practice, if it happens enough, you will automatically remember it during your dreams and do it. Maaaaybe you don't want to do this outloud in the office you share with your boss?

2. Keep a dream journal
Keep it close by your bed at night, and write in it immediately after waking. This helps you recognize your common dream elements (people from your past, specific places, etc.), and also tells your brain that you are serious about remembering your dreams.

3. Learn the best time to have a lucid dream
By being aware of your personal sleep schedule, you can arrange your sleep pattern to help induce lucid dreams.

Studies strongly suggest that a nap a few hours after waking in the morning is the most common time to have a lucid dream. Lucid dreams are strongly associated with REM sleep which is more abundant just before the final awakening. This means they most commonly occur right before waking up.

Dreams usually run in 60-minute cycles. If you are working on dream recall, it may be helpful to try waking yourself up during one of these cycles (interrupted dreams are often the ones we remember).

4. Try Stephen Laberge's mnemonic induction of lucid dreaming (MILD) technique.
Set your alarm clock to wake you up 4 1/2, 6, or 7 1/2 hours after falling asleep. When you are awakened by your alarm clock, try to remember the dream as much as possible. When you think you have remembered as much as you can, return to your place of rest, imagining that you are in your previous dream, and becoming aware that you are dreaming.

Say to yourself, "I will be aware that I'm dreaming," or something similar. Devotedly hope that the person sharing your bed does not think you're crazy. Repeat this a few times and go back to sleep. If random thoughts pop up when you are trying to fall asleep, repeat the imagining, self-suggestion part, and try again. Don't worry if you think it's taking a long time. The longer it takes, the more likely it will 'sink in,' and the more likely you will have a lucid dream.

Would you ever try this? What would you want to dream about? I think I would want to dream that I'm flying on a magic carpet over Bankok. Or maybe riding Falcor.

The Prescription For Happy

Like most people in the northern half of the northern hemisphere, I am rather non-plussed by post-holiday Winter.

Maybe non-plussed is an understatement.

Last weekend, I found myself trundling around a third-ring suburb, lost between the overcast sky and beige housing developments. I stopped in a Wal-mart to pick up a few things and while standing in line behind a screaming child, I had an overwhelming moment of "Oh, good lord. What. is. the. point? No, really. What's the point."

And maybe getting lost in the suburbs and enduring auditory assault from a kiddo who REALLY WANTS GUM! is enough to drive anyone to an existential crisis. But I knew that this was the beginning of my yearly bout with the Winter Blues.

And of course I know how to work myself out of a funk (dance to Shakira! cuddle the cat! try something new!) but when you're a two weeks into your January-sulkathon, it's hard to work up any interest in doing things other than watching Hulu and eating carbs.

However! Being the internet hound that I am, I remembered hearing about this study. Essentially, it points out that when doctors give patients vague, over-arching suggestions about exercise and diet, these suggestions are largely ignored. But when the doctor gets out her prescription pad and actually writes out a specific, tailored plan for these things ("30 minutes of walking, after evening meal, 4 times a week") the patient is much more likely to do these things.

So what if I applied this method to myself? Instead of knowing (and mostly ignoring) all of the things that I know I can do to pull myself out of funk, what if I viewed these things as the treatment for my Mid-Winter Sulk?

Post-haste, I wrote myself a prescription for happy. And this is what it looks like:

* 30 minutes of fresh air and sunshine, to be applied daily at 7 am and 3 pm.

* 25 minutes of aerobic activity, 4 x a week

* Skype video chats with various friends around the globe, 1 x a week

* Thrifting (as needed)

* Over-priced, out-of-season fruit (as needed)

And you know what? I think it's working. All that air and sun and sweat makes me feel better. Of course it does - I knew it would. But viewing all these activities as non-negotiable has changed my mindset. You wouldn't willfully forget to take your allergy medicine or to wear your mouth guard while playing hockey. Why shouldn't we treat our minds and hearts the same way?

What would your prescription for happy be?

90 Years Worth of Wisdom

I spent a good part of my Christmas holiday nibbling cookies and enjoying the company of my two 89-year-old grandmas. Grandma Von is still living in the house where my dad grew up, making The World's Greatest Mashed Potatoes and announcing that various slacker relatives need 'a good kick in the patoot.'

And while my grandma is not the author of these bites of wisdom, I imagine that she'd nod along with all of them, slapping her thigh and shaking her fist at the truth behind all of these, written by the incredibly wise Regina Brett.

1. When in doubt, just take the next small step.
2. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.
3. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends and parents will. Stay in touch.
4. Pay off your credit cards every month.
5. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.
6. Cry with someone. It's more healing than crying alone.
7. Save for retirement starting with your first pay cheque.
8. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.
9. Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present.
10. It's OK to let your children see you cry.
11. Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.
12. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn't be in it.
13. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.
14. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.
15. Whatever doesn't kill you really does make you stronger.
16. It's never too late to have a happy childhood. But the second one is up to you and no one else.
17. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don't take no for an answer.
18. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Don't save it for a special occasion, today is special.
19. Over prepare, then go with the flow.
20. Be eccentric now. Don't wait for old age to wear purple.
21. The most important sex organ is the brain.
22. No one is in charge of your happiness but you.
23. Frame every so-called disaster with these words 'In five years, will this matter?'
24. Always choose life.
25. Forgive everyone everything.
26. What other people think of you is none of your business.
27. Time heals almost everything. Give time.
28. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.
29. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.
30. Believe in miracles.
31. Don't audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.
32. Growing old beats the alternative -- dying young.
33. Your children get only one childhood.
34. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.
35. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.
36. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else's, we'd grab ours back.
37. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.
38. The best is yet to come.
39. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.
40. Yield.
41. Life isn't tied with a bow, but it's still a gift.
    
    What wisdom did your grandparents pass along?
    I learned: 'this too shall pass' and that I should really brush my hair

A Necklace Winner!

A name has been drawn from the great bowl in the sky, and the winner of our lovely Enroute necklace is Heidi Rose! What did Miss Rose list as her favorire travel destination?

My favorite travel destination would be Ireland. I've always wanted to go, and I hear that the scenery is fantastic. I want something spellbinding

Lovely, no? Thanks for playing!

Another Great Movie You Might Not Have Seen

What were you guys doing in 1992? I think I was busy wearing flannel, picking things out of my braces and getting my hair permed. I certainly wasn't watching a copy of the gorgeous and haunting Baraka.



Baraka isn't as much a movie as it is an exercise in cinematogrophy and anthropology. But don't let that incredibly dry description dissuade you! It's a collection of scenes from all over the world of nature, animals, people and cities, interacting in amazing/moving/heart breaking ways. Whirling dervishes. Monkeys in hot pools. Temples by sunset. Indian children picking through rubbish. It's about the things that connect and distance all of us. So, so lovely.

What movies do you love that we might not know about?

Adventures

The Ex-Factor

Confession: I'm a serial monogamist. Out of the past 12 years, I've spent maaaaybe two of those single and prowling the town (and by 'single and prowling the town' I mean 'not understanding that you're hitting on me/avoiding eye contact with interested parties/dating men five years younger than me with adjectives for names.')

However. As I'm not married, the math here would indicate that I've left ten years worth of ex-boyfriends in my wake. Now, it's not as dramatic as all of that: five years were devoted to a college sweetheart, three to another man, and a few year/year and a half relationships thrown in there for good measure.

Now what does one dooooo with that sort of thing? It seems a pity to spend such a big portion of your life with someone, to become so enmeshed in their families and dreams and then - because things don't work out on the romantic front - cut them out of your life. But break-ups, no matter how friendly or mutual, are hard. And it's hard to see someone who was your Special Someone, become someone else's Special Someone.

I'm friendly with my various exes: we comment on each other's facebook pages, meet for drinks if they're in town. My college sweetheart and I are special buddies - I set him up with his current girlfriend and called him whining when I moved back to America from New Zealand and didn't know how to cope. (He was the only other person I knew in Minnesota who'd been through something similar). I hang out with his sisters regularly and like to consider myself their pseudo-cousin.

But what if you want to be real, true, actual friends with your ex? Like 'let's hang out in our sweats' friends? 'Call just to catch up' friends? 'Catch a Sunday matinee' friends? Is it possible? Can you be really close and emotionally intimate with someone that you used to date? What about when you're both seeing other people? What are your relationships like with your exes?

The

I should preface this post by saying that I owe this idea to the insanely funny and talented Erin of The Fierce Beagle. If you're not reading her yet, start now. Girlfriend is hi-lar-ious.

A few months ago, Erin left a comment on one of my rather photograph-heavy posts about how awesome it would be to assemble a photo album that consisted solely of photos of us being awesome.

Now, this is not to be confused with photos that are awesome. I'm talking about photos that capture all of our personal Moments of Win. The photo of you crossing the finish line of your first 5k, all red-faced and sweaty. Or that photo of you accepting your degree, where that weird tassel hat is mashing down your hair. Or that totally hot photo of you in your bikini after you worked so hard to lose the last 5 pounds.

Here is an example of a photo that is not a Moment of Win.

This is an (unrealistically) flattering photo that my professional photographer friend Jill took of me. Yes, it is an awesome photo. But it means approximately nothing to me. The Awesome in this photo is a direct result of lighting, photoshop, an expensive camera, makeup and my friend's talent. I just sat there and mooched off all that Awesome.

This is a photo of one of my personal Moments of Win:

This is from my three-month trip backpacking around Bolivia and Peru. I reached this tiny village in a van stuffed full of local farmers, hugging the curves of the mountains. We stayed in a run-down hotel, ate lots of Andean cheese and cuddled baby goats with the local kiddos. This photo seriously captures two of my favorite things: travel and baby animals. Moment of Win, indeed!


Here's another Moment of Win. Is this an example of great photography? No. Is this a particularly flattering photo? In answer to that, I point you towards my apparent double chin. But this photo documents one of the best weekends of my life in Taiwan. I spent the weekend with a group of friends at the completely insane YainShui Fireworks Festival. Revelers dress in rain gear, helmets and wet towels and wander the streets having fireworks shot directly at them. Yes. And it was so, so fun.

Don't you want to join in the fun? I've created a Flickr group called, surprisingly, Moments of Win. Join us! Upload photos of your Moments of Win and tell us why this photo means so much to you. And go crazy! Post lots of pictures - I'm sure you have a lot of photographic evidence of The Awesome!

WWW = World Wide Wonderful

We all have our favorite internet haunts, no? I literally have a favorites folder entitled 'Daily Perusal' that I click through every blessed morning as I nibble on my peanut butter toast. And though I lovelovelove Design Sponge and Slate, some overcast mornings I need an extra shot of joy in my coffee. When that happens, I turn to a few sites that always lift my mood, no matter how dour.

1000 Awesome Things

A fantastic, ongoing list of the many tiny things that make life great. I love reading this and then yelling "You're right! That is awesome!" to no one in particular. Some of the mooost awesome things? #620 Singing In the Car on The Way Home From a Concert, #967 Illegal Naps and #935 Eating Cookies Like Cookie Monster.

Gives Me Hope
Similar to the FML (Eff My Life) and MLIA (My Life Is Average) websites except, you know, happier. Some awesome entries that give me hope?

One day, after substituting at a pretty tough high school, I was walking to my car, feeling rather beaten. I looked up to see one of the tenth graders who had given me trouble walking through the parking lot holding his 10-yr-old sister's hand, carrying her Dora the Explorer backpack. Love GMH.

In the small town where I go to university there was a homeless man who did small chalk drawings, always in the same spot, on the pavement. He was always smiling. Over the summer, when I was away, he died. When I returned his old space was full of cards, flowers and chalk drawings from local people saying how much they will miss him. GMH

Today, a professor found out that I have no family nearby to spend Thanksgiving with, and invited me to enjoy the day with him and his family. When I sheepishly mentioned I don't have a car, he immediately volunteered to give me a ride, both ways. He lives an hour away. Caring teachers GMH.

I think I'll be referencing this website on the daily now that it's January and I no longer have holidays and sugar cookies to get me through the remaining three months of winter.

Operation Beautiful

Encouraging notes, left for strangers, in public spaces. Lovely! And you can take part to help spread the love!

Love My Life
Another member of the MLIA, FML, GMH family, this little site allows us to sing the praises of our own lives and break our arms patting ourselves on the back ... which can be a bit awkward in real life. Some good ones:

Today, I received a package in the mail. It was my wallet that I lost a week ago in the Chicago O'Hare Airport! I now have my licence and school I.D. back. I love my life!!

Today, I got the results of a math test. One of the answers was (2, infinity), and on the side I wrote "and beyond!" I got extra credit. LML

Today I wore batman leggings under my jeans to school. I had to change for gym so all the girls saw my leggings and rolled their eyes or laughed jokingly. Then the new kid pulled off her jeans to show her superman leggings. Best friend? Yes. LML

You Are Remarkable
A fantastic collection of inspiring quotes and original prose, this site is always thought provoking and lovely. This is probably my favorite post.

Improv Everywhere
Ahhhh! Hilarious, fantastic 'missions' meant to incite laughter and glee and eye rolling. Pants-less subway rides! Spontaneous supermarket musicals! Major league cheering for a little league team! I would be all over this if I lived in NYC.

Love 365
This is the pet project of Yes and Yes reader Vanessa. Here's how it works: Vanessa is writing one thing she likes about herself every day and she'd like you to join in the love! Email her something that you love about yourself and every Friday she'll put up a big post of everyone's selflove, slathering the internet with joy and fun. Lovely, no?

Operation Nice

This site is full of lovely testimonials of People Behaving Kindly and even Nice Assignments. Assignments like: write 10 thank you cards, learn someone's name, make small talk.

What are your favorite pick-me-up online haunts?

How Do I Become A Grown Up? Part 2

This is part 2 of my incredibly long-winded answer to this series of questions:

Dear Sarah Von,
I’m currently in my third year of undergrad and I feel completely unnerved. I’m studying Communication Studies and am second guessing myself. My passions and interests are so varied (education, public advocacy, public health) that I’m feeling pulled in so many directions. Will my degree be enough to land me a job after graduation? Can I survive working at a non-profit that pays approx. $2? How do I find the resources to network and find jobs? Do I have the courage to move? How long should I wait for grad school? What do I want to study in grad school? How do I get the good paying job that fulfills my pay-it-forward needs? Will I ever have the time/money/opportunity/courage to travel/move abroad? How do I get where I really want to go? What do I really want?

Don't go to graduate school unless you're really, really sure you want to
Many of us (myself very much included here) go to graduate school when it takes us more than a few years to find a job that we really like. Or maybe the professional world isn't quite shaping up how we imagined and we were always good at school, so why not go back? Or everybody we know is doing it and, dammit, I'm totally as smart as they are! I want a Master's!

Dude. Here is my incredibly mercenary advice. Do not go to graduate school unless:
a) the school is paying you to go
b) you are really, really, really passionate about the topic you'll be studying
c) a Master's is required for the field you work in and you are 100% sure that you want to work in this field for a long, long time

I decided that I wanted to go to graduate school because I love doing 'programs' that have a beginning and an end and give me a piece of paper when I'm finished. Also, I thought I'd spend all that time engaging in witty banter in coffee shops with people who wore wool sweaters and scarves. Really? Grad school is really, really hard work, it can be quite expensive and it will completely consume those years of your life.

Now, I'm glad I got my Master's; it's made me a better teacher, opened doors for me and I had a great time in New Zealand. That being said, I know approximately a million people with MAs in English Literature who are working at Barnes and Noble and substitute teaching. Or people who could have gotten to the same place in their career simply by spending those two years climbing the ladder and gaining experience rather than spending all that money on an MBA.

I would never discourage someone from expanding their education, just make sure you're doing it for the right reasons.

You don't need super human amounts of courage. You only need enough courage to take one step
Traveling the world alone, moving to a new city where you don't know anyone, starting graduate school - these are all scary, scary things. And, sure, they require courage! But luckily for all of us, you don't need super human amounts of courage. You only need enough courage to take one little step at a time.

If you would have told me in 1998 that I would find the courage to move to New Zealand on my own, where I knew no one, and complete a Master's degree there, I would have turned around to check if you were talking to the superhero behind me. Because that business sounds terrifying, y'all!

But here's the thing: you don't need all of that courage at once.

You need enough courage to check out a copy of The Lonely Planet at your library. Maybe a week later, you can work up the bravery to google "tourist visas + Thailand." Then you need to find the wherewithal to email your cousin who spent a year teaching in China. See? Totally doable! Don't think in terms of "I am going to travel the world, alone, for one year." Think in terms of "I might go look at backpacks at REI."

You should also know that you are so, so much braver than you think you are. I have been in ridiculous situations that I now look back on and wonder why I didn't have a nervous breakdown (what's up, getting from Santori, Greece to San Remo, Italy on my own, using six different types of transportation!) But you know what? While you're in the midst of doing said scary thing, you will simply put one foot in front of the other and make it happen because you have no other choice. Weeping on the steps of the San Remo train station at 1 a.m. because there was no one there to meet me wouldn't have accomplished anything, so I found a cab, found a hotel and then found my group the next morning.

You'll figure out what you want slowly, one step at a time, after taking several detours
I have worked at a million different jobs - resort social director, receptionist, home health care, PR girl, event planner, newspaper writer. I have had multiple long-term relationships - with a golden boy, a charming punk rocker, a hipster nerd, an outdoorsy adventurer. I've lived heaps of places - rural Minnesota, urban Minnesota, uber-urban Asia, out of a backpack, semi-urban New Zealand.

Now, I could easily look at all these jobs and relationships and places as failures - jobs that didn't fit, men who weren't right for me, cities that didn't work. But instead, I try to leave each of these situations thinking that now? I'm one step closer to knowing exactly what I want. Now I know that I need to live somewhere that has a Target. I need a job that doesn't require sitting in front of the computer for eight hours a day. I need a gentleman friend who can entertain himself and take initiative.

Life is a game of trial and error, right? You probably won't luck into your dream job/relationship/life on your first try. Try heaps of things! You'd be surprised how far the process of elimination can get you!

You'll get where you want to go slowly, one step at a time, after taking several detours
Knowing what you want is a huge part of the battle. And now you've sussed out that you want to live in a large coastal city, date a successful, outgoing person and work in marketing for non-profit. Congrats! You are officially half way there.

But getting what you want, in any avenue in life, is a slow process. Maybe you'll find work at a non-profit but it won't be in marketing. Or maybe you'll find a marketing job at a giant corporation. Or you'll find the job you love in a tiny town that does little for you. No situation is perfect, but that doesn't mean you can't learn something from it and keep working towards something that's a better fit for you.

It's difficult when we see people who seem to have it all. But it's worth remembering that
a) they probably don't, in fact, have it all
b) if, by some miracle, they do have it all - it's probably taken them a lot of hard work and time to get it

Any other advice you have for our friend?

How Do I Become A Grown Up? Part 1

Dear Sarah Von,

I’m currently in my third year of undergrad and I feel completely unnerved. I’m studying Communication Studies and am second guessing myself. My passions and interests are so varied (education, public advocacy, public health) that I’m feeling pulled in so many directions. Will my degree be enough to land me a job after graduation? Can I survive working at a non-profit that pays approx. $2? How do I find the resources to network and find jobs? Do I have the courage to move? How long should I wait for grad school? What do I want to study in grad school? How do I get the good paying job that fulfills my pay-it-forward needs? Will I ever have the time/money/opportunity/courage to travel/move abroad? How do I get where I really want to go? What do I really want?

Oh, friend. This? This is a million dollar question.

Short Answer: you won't wake up one day with all of the answers. Nobody knows 100% what they're doing. Even if it seems like they do, they don't. And that's okay.

Long Answer

Your degree does not determine your life or your job

Unless you go to a technical college for hair dressing or welding or radiology, your bachelor's degree is mostly a piece of paper that proves you
a) can write papers and make supporting arguments
b) are responsible enough to start and finish four years of education

I know some very successful people who didn't finish their bachelor's degree. I know a million people who are not working in the fields they went to school for. Really, I know approximately 10 people whose jobs are vaguely related to their bachelor's degrees. My cousin has a degree in philosophy and works at a bank. One of my best friends has a degree in political science and works in marketing. Another friend has an MA in theater and does real estate evaluations. Working in the field you went to school in is practically the exception rather than the rule!

More than your degree, your work experience, personality, connections and work ethic will help you find a job. If you've got a few good internships, knowledge of the appropriate software, a friendly demeanor and a buddy in the company, it probably won't matter if your degree is in underwater basket weaving - you'll be in.

You will find a job you like. Eventually.
It would be totally, totally awesome if you landed a job making $37,000 a year doing PR for the Red Cross right out of college.

This probably won't happen.

But you can make it more significantly more likely! See if your school can hook you up with a pertinent internship. If they can't, take a little initiative. I got my first job out of school by literally typing the word 'creative' into switchboard.com and calling every company listed and asking if they had internships. Find out what software people in your field use and learn it on your own. Find pertinent volunteer opportunities. Call people who have the type of job you want and see if you can job-shadow them or do an informational interview.

Even if you do all of these things you might end of taking an unpaid internship in your field and waiting tables. You might become a personal assistant for someone in your field. You might land your dream job and discover that it's totally not your bag.

Finding a career that you really love and working your way up that ladder is a slow process. I interned and worked in PR/marketing/event planning/journalism for several (misguided) years before I succumbed to my genetic destiny of teaching. Now I have a job that I lovelovelove; it has taken me four different teaching jobs to get here.

I think it's important to realize that no job is a total waste of your time, especially if it's in the field that you know you want to work in. You can always learn new skills, network and volunteer to be on committees.

If you manage it wisely, you need a lot less money than you think you do
If you want to work at a non-profit or teach at a charter school or travel the world, you'll need to be careful with your money. But here's the thing about money: if you're careful, you probably need less than you think you do.

I earn approximately $2 and have pretty significant school debt, but I still manage to live in a nice neighborhood, in a one bedroom + office apartment on my own. I own my car, I travel, I wear (what I shamelessly consider to be) cute clothes and I pay off my credit card every month. I can do all of these things because I make sacrifices elsewhere. Nearly everything I own is second hand; I rarely eat or drink out; my apartment is super cute but also the size of a breadbox and I earn extra money by tutoring and writing on the side.

I find it's a lot easier to make these sacrifices when I'm doing it for a really tangible reason. I can't buy $200 boots because I'm saving up for a world ticket. $200 is probably two weeks of travel in India. When I think about it in those terms, it's a lot easier to stomach. I'm sure you can do the same thing! If you're passionate about your job/saving for grad school/buying a house you'll be amazed what you're capable of once you're committed to that goal!

Tomorrow: Part 2 - graduate school, courage and getting what you want!

What advice do you have for our intrepid friend?

Like what you see? Do you digg it? Think it's delicious? Is it worth stumbling upon?

In Which I'm Shameless. (I mean, more than usual)

So, uh, did you hear that The Bloggies are coming up?

Yeah.

Interesting, huh?

Do you, um, know of any cool blogs that could (cough) maybe be nominated? For say, oh, 'The Best Kept Secret' Award?

Okay. Enough with the heavy-handed subtleties! I'd be eternally grateful if any of you lovelies were kind enough to nominate Yes and Yes for an award. I'd probably go back to Peru and rub another postcard on a dead llama for you.

We're Like Ocean's 11. Except There Are 2 of Us.

What are you doing this weekend, friends? Normally my weekend plans would read something like: dinner with friends, writing, hassle someone into snowshoeing with me, drink some red wine, lecture cat about his grooming habits.

But! Not this weekend!

This weekend, the BFF and I are taking three days to escape Winter's icy grip and enjoy a bit of Sin City. This is our reward for all the hard work that went into our calendar and we plan to celebrate with $1 Margaritas, Madame Tussaud's Wax Museum, bingo (!), the nickel slots and lots of buffets. We will also be celebrating the fact that we will not need long underwear to exit the house.

Really? This trips is thanks, largely, to all of you lovely people who purchased the calendar and stop by Yes and Yes every day. So if we win a jackpot, we'll split it with you! How does 70/30 sound?

Wish us luck!

A Necklace! For You!

Isn't this a gorgeous little number? It was designed by Yes and Yes reader and jeweler extraordinaire Lilie Green. Her jewelry line Enroute creates one-of-a-kind pieces inspired by global destinations, using colorful, quality gemstones and crystals. Lovely, no?

If you'd like a chance to win this lovely necklace, pop over to Lilie's etsy store and then leave a comment telling us what your favorite travel destination is!

Good luck!

Best Case Scenario Me

You guys? If I'm going to be painfully cliched, 2009 was a roller coaster of a year for me. There were ups, there were downs, my gum fell out of my mouth, got stuck in my hair and I made a weird face when we went by that camera. And while I really, really try to rise to the occasion in tough situations, there are plenty of times when my coping technique goes something like this:

1) Freak the eff out
2) Say things like "Eff me? Double Eff you!"
3) Kick the dead horse
4) Poke the dead horse with a stick
5) Kick the dead horse some more
6) Eat carbs and cheese in all their varying and delicious forms

But after all that fussing and cheese-eating, I'm usually left bloated and disappointed in myself. Once I calm down, I try to use one of my favorite psychological tricks:

What would Best Case Scenario Me Do?

(Or WWBCSMD if you want a super catchy acronym.)

Who's Best Case Scenario Me? She's the version of me when I'm in top form, firing on all cylinders, making choices that I'm proud of. She doesn't put up with that hot but shitty British boytoy, she doesn't lay on the couch shaking Bacos into her mouth on a Friday night and she doesn't sit idly by when people sprinkle their conversations with the word 'retard.' She's who I am on occasion, and would like to be more often.

I really like this strategy. Instead of wondering how my mum/Madonna/Virgina Woolf would with deal with something, I try to think of a reaction that within my own lexicon. Sometimes it's helpful to think about how people we admire would handle things, yes. But I think that can also take the focus away from the unique strategies that we surely have inside ourselves.

And any given situation can be dealt with any number of ways. What would Oprah do if she was moved by the plight of stray dogs come winter? Probably adopt the whole pound and give each dog a gold dog mansion. BCSM would volunteer at the pound ... and knit tiny dog sweaters. If some Lothario harassed Madonna on the street, she'd probably wring his neck with her giant biceps. BCSM would narrow her eyes, sigh and say "Don't do that, buddy." I'll never be able to channel these amazing women that I am not, but I can channel the me that I someday hope to be.

This mind game is also helpful because it forces me to think about the person I want to become and distance between her and who I am now. BCSM is a bit more active, a lot more patient, procrastinates less, is more tolerant in some areas of her life ... and less tolerant in others. But she's not so far from Sarah Von version 1.0. This gives me hope that I can get there someday and also reassures me that the version of myself that I am now isn't too bad.

What is your Best Case Scenario Me like?

Like what you see? Do you digg it? Think it's delicious? Is it worth stumbling upon?

The Happy Animal

I'm a complete nerd for animals (anthropomorphism is my favorite -ism). I am totally that girl who will talk to the dog but not the walker and refer to my bestie's cats as my 'kitty nephews.' So, not suprisingly that I love these pictures of wee little animals grinning their heads off.

Now, I don't want to hear that these animals were photographed in the middle of a yawn or a cough or they caught their top lip on their teeth. Because we all know that really? They're just super pumped about life, right? Riiiight?

What do you imagine the captions for these photos should be?

I'm pretty sure that dog is all "Duuuude, I've got the muchies. Let's hit up White Castle, bro!"

The Timing of Travel

Dear Sarah Von,
I have had the HUGE case of wanderlust, and am thinking of spending this coming summer traveling. I can either travel OR go to school. Do I travel before school or after? do I even need to go to school? I'm not sure what to do. My heart tells me to forget school and go see and experience the world, but my logical head (and adult figures all around me) would have me go to school, finish my degree, and THEN go gallivanting.

Dear Sarah Von,
I am really excited to be finished with undergrad & begin the next chapter of my life. I have the standard 6 month period to wait before starting to pay off my loans. I know the rational thing to do is find a job immediately post-graduation...but I'm not sure if I'm ready for that. I worked for an NGO in Bolivia this past summer & loved every minute of it. Part of me wants an experience in that vein again-- I want to take off post-graduation for a little while (& I have saved funding to do so for a few months).

Should I do it? When is the best time to travel?

You guys? I hear you. I totally, totally do.

There's Rarely A 'Perfect' Time To Do Anything
Just like having kids, changing careers or dying your hair purple, there is rarely a 'perfect' time to travel. There will always be other things that you could be doing, other things that people in your life think are a better idea - interning, buying a house, marrying your partner, taking a temp job. But we have to make our dreams priorities if we want to make them happen, right?

And though there isn't really a 'perfect' time to sell everything and backpack through India, doing it while you're mortgage and child-free is a pretty good time. That being said, I know people who have traveled for long periods of time while they paid on house payments or school loans. I know people who have left impressive jobs and who have traveled with children. If you want to do it badly enough, you can find a way!

Prepare As Best You Can
Heading out for a big adventure takes a good bit of planning, not just for the traveling bit but also for the inevitable return to 'reality.' I felt a lot more comfortable doing my world ticket because I knew that I'd be starting graduate school the following November. Being a deeply nerdy Virgo I even need my free-falling adventures to be a bit structured.

Make sure you have enough money for your trip. However much you think you'll need, you probably need at least 30% more. Consider volunteering in exchange for your room and board to save a bit of money. Stay in places for a while - you'll save a lot of money on transportation and get to know the culture much, much better.

Have a return plan in place. Even if it's just the knowledge that you can crash with your BFF and nanny for your aunt for the Summer, it'll make you feel a lot better to know that you have some sort of plan.

If You Think You're Not Ready For Something, You're Probably Right
If you suspect that you're not ready to commit to a major or to start climbing the corporate ladder, you're probably right. I don't know about you guys, but I'm much more likely to think that I'm ready for something, bite off more than I can chew, choke quietly and spit it back out into my napkin than vice versa.

If something gives you The Fear, then you probably shouldn't be doing it, right? It can be hard to differentiate between a wee case of cold feet and genuine trepidation, so sit down and have a serious think about it. When you imagine working in an office, how do you feel? When you think about listening to lectures, does that bottom of your stomach drop out?

Understand The Reality of Long-Term Travel
Traveling for months at a time is awesome. Totally life-changing, enlightening and amazing. It will also create holes in your resume, use up a lot of money, change the way you view the world and challenge a lot of relationships. I spent most 2004 - 2008 living abroad and traveling, and I'm saving money at the moment for another world ticket. I would not trade my experiences for anything - really, anything. But you should also know that I'm 30, unmarried, childless, renting and making significantly less money than other people with my qualifications. All of which I'm totally fine with! But you should realize that all of that travel? It comes with a price. Had I stayed in America and kept my nose to the societal grindstone I'm sure I'd be in a very different place in terms of finances, relationships and career.

But then I'm not really one for grindstones.

It should also be pointed out (and I'm really not being glib here) that the nomadic life is genuinely addictive, just like any other pleasurable habit. Itchy feet are real! Don't let this dissuade you from traveling, just be aware that you might be chasing the dragon.

What do you guys think? Should these girls bite the bullet and book their tickets?

Got the travel bug?  Check out my ebooks and podcasts on making long-term travel a reality!  Only $15 forpetessake!