Dear Dude will actually take off his headphones when you're talkingabout how cute the cat looked in its new sweater
Last weekend, I was at a coffee shop engaging in two of my favorite past times: latte drinking and eaves dropping. And I overheard three college-aged ladies discussing their gentlemen. One guy refused to list himself as 'in a relationship' on Facebook. One dude kept exchanging licentious emails with an ex. On dude repeatedly stood this girl up and then sent her one-line, text message apologies three days later.
Appalling! Audacious! Totally Unacceptable!
It was all I could not to stomp over to their table and tell them about The Bad/Break Rule. But 1) No one takes kindly to bossy, eaves-dropping strangers interrupting their private conversations 2) women seem to take that kind of advice better coming from men.
Now, I will shamelessly announce that I'm a smart cookie. And I know that Yes and Yes readers are the sharpest knives in the internet drawer. But there are still things about men that I fail to grasp. Things that I totally don't understand. You too? Well, when I don't know about something, I just ask.
It just so happens that I have friends that are dudes who we can ask about stuff! One dude in particular. Said dude has dated many ladies and engaged in his fair share of heart breaking. And having his heart broken. I trust that he can answer your questions about the hairier sex with candor and humor.
And if I don't like his answers, I'll just include an Editor's Note.
So! What questions about dudes would you like to ask? It's all fair game, friends! Questions can be advice-y ("How do I get my boyfriend to clean up after himself?") or seeking translations of male behavior ("He's started farting around me. What's up with that?")
Appalling! Audacious! Totally Unacceptable!
It was all I could not to stomp over to their table and tell them about The Bad/Break Rule. But 1) No one takes kindly to bossy, eaves-dropping strangers interrupting their private conversations 2) women seem to take that kind of advice better coming from men.
Now, I will shamelessly announce that I'm a smart cookie. And I know that Yes and Yes readers are the sharpest knives in the internet drawer. But there are still things about men that I fail to grasp. Things that I totally don't understand. You too? Well, when I don't know about something, I just ask.
It just so happens that I have friends that are dudes who we can ask about stuff! One dude in particular. Said dude has dated many ladies and engaged in his fair share of heart breaking. And having his heart broken. I trust that he can answer your questions about the hairier sex with candor and humor.
And if I don't like his answers, I'll just include an Editor's Note.
So! What questions about dudes would you like to ask? It's all fair game, friends! Questions can be advice-y ("How do I get my boyfriend to clean up after himself?") or seeking translations of male behavior ("He's started farting around me. What's up with that?")
40 comments:
OK, I will bite....
Hey dude,
Why is it that once u guys are dumped, why do u keep coming back and trying even w/pitiful emails think that the dumper still is interested even when they have told u no, thanks? Don't u guys have any pride?
Hey Dude,
I am the firm believer that if a guy doesn't text you back straight away or doesn't make the effort to text all the time, he's not interested.
But meeting with a guy last night who I explained all my woes to, said that things aren't always that straight forward and that maybe I should give them the benefit of the doubt? And he proceeded to offer explanations as to why certain guys recently hadn't been in touch.
I just don't get men!
Dear Dude,
Why would a guy send flirty text messages if he claims that he's not at all interested in dating you and laughs when you even suggest that he might be interested.
Sincerely,
Confused
my bf claims to not like food. he is the most unhealthy eater ever, and he never tries anything new, eats a ton of fast food etc.
I on the otherhand am a dietetics student, love to exercise and eat healthy, and I LOVE to cook. he knows all these things.
He went with me on my grocery store excursion last night and he acted like he was sooooo miserable and he would rather be anywhere but there. I asked him a couple times to help me and he just whined about it. It was like I was actually watching him devolve before my eyes.
I knew he wanted to make spaghetti and he was just going to use store bought sauce. I offered to make him spaghetti sauce, which he has had before and I know he likes. And he turned it down because it's too much work (it's really not and i consider it a gift from me so i don't mind doing any work).
I was so disappointed that I tried to integrate him into my lifestyle a little and he so immaturely refused to be a part of it. He is normally open minded and at least willing to try something.
Dear Dude,
I had an amazing conversation with a guy and afterwards he told a mutual friend that he thought I was cool. But, now it is like he is ignoring me. I never get more than a quick hello. What is the deal?
Dear dude,
How do I get my loving husband to dress like a grown-up? I love the ironic tee as much as the next girl, but it would be nice to see him wear something besides beat-up tennis shoes :)
Also, y'all, the confirmation code for my comment is dictsuck. Can't make this stuff up.
My boyfriend works out of town 4 days a week so when he is home he parties like its 1999. the only problem is that these late nights happen on days I have to get up at 5 am for work. How can I make him be a grown up 7 days a week instead of 4? added bonus if you can figure out how to get him to give the dog a bath.
Dear Dude,
I have an ex-boyfriend who, after nearly ten years since our breakup, still texts (or calls!) me a couple of times a year to update me on his life. e.g., "moved in w/ my girlfriend," or "starting a new job on Monday," etc.
We live in different states and I am now happily married to someone else. I don't want to be rude, so I keep my responses brief and friendly, but it baffles the mind!
Is he seeking my approval? Or just trying to stay connected? Should I say something to help him "move on"? Or do you think it will peter out in (more) time?
Thanks!
Dear Dude,
I've been with someone for almost four years. We've lived together for two years. We just bought a house and we are getting married next week. Our relationship is very good, but one thing I consistently struggle with regarding him is this 'Nutty Professor Syndrome.'
It started with him leaving out dirty dishes and empty soda cans for days. Clothes left everywhere, both clean and dirty. He regularly misplaces his phone, iPod, keys, shoes, etc. But it's been getting worse...
He doesn't always turn the faucet all the way off. He will leave for work and leave lights on all day, leave the TV on, leave the door unlocked... yesterday I came home to find he'd left candles burning in the house all day. I thought i was going to have a heart attack!
I honestly can't tell if it is absent-mindedness/laziness, or something else. In your opinion, what is the best way to approach this?
Dear Dude,
I've been dating a guy for three months - I really like him and I know he really likes me. He tells me all the time that he thinks I'm hot and sexy but when we're having 'The Sexy Times,' um, the evidence indicates otherwise, ifyouknowwhatimean. Like, we can't seal the deal at least half the time.
He's made a variety of excuses (stress, weed, etc) but I feel like it's got to be at least partially me. Thoughts?
Dear Dude,
I'm seeing a guy in a not-very-serious-but-exclusive-way. His facebook status is listed as 'single' which I'm not comfortable with. I'm not really in a place where I want to have a Relationship, but it bums be out that he's telling tien internet he's totally available. Input please?
Dear Dude,
Why would a guy flirt with you (and pretty much exclusively you) unless he liked you? He has sworn to my friends that he doesn't like me that way, but why would he bother flirting if he didn't? (it's pretty much constant.) We've known each other for three years and it always feels like something's going to happen, but it never does. Any light to shed on this?
What are the best/worst things a girl could do during a first date?
Dear Dude,
At the risk of sounding cocky, I'm a fairly accomplished lady. I have a good job, an advanced degree, I'm well-traveled and well-read and I think (and I've been told) that I'm pretty cute. I've had serious relationships before but lately I just can't seem to get lucky.
My girlfriends tell me that I'm such a catch, men are intimidated, but I feel like that's just something girlfriends say to each other. Is that an actual possibility? Could I really be intimidating men with all the things that I've accomplished and the fact that I have my life together?
And if so, then what? Just wait around for a guy who's equally put-together (they're pretty thin around here). Lower my standards? Downplay my accomplishments? What should I do?
Dear Dude,
What's a girl to do when the boy she's interested in live across the country?
We're both out of college, and see each other every couple of months...
Dear Dude,
I've dated women before but I'm not a swinger or interested in open relationships or threesomes - though that's what's most men expect when I tell them I've been with women. When's the right time to bring up my sexual past? How do I address the fact that I've slept with ladies while simultaneously killing their dreams of a three-way? ;)
Dear Dude,
How do I tell my boyfriend that he's letting himself go and I'm beginging to lose interest, you know, sexually? Obviously, I don't want to hurt him, but I take pride in my appearance because I want him to think I'm sexy. Apparently he doesn't have the same concern. Since we started dating three years ago, he's gained thirty pounds, dailed down the oral hygene and his teeth are starting to get discolored from smoking and coffee.
I love him and I don't want to leave him, but it's hard to get sexually excited about someone who won't take care of themselves.
P.S. My brother told me that I should just start letting myself go as well, but that's not an option.
My boyfriend and I have been dating for 9 months, and things have never been better. Why does he still not want to put that "in a relationship" status on Facebook? Is this a sign of a fear of commitment?
Dear dude,
I'm smart, I'm funny, and I'm basically super awesome. However, at a size 16/18, I'm not exactly thin. I can't tell if the reason it's hard for me to find dates is because I'm insecure about it, or if my weight is a turn-off to ALL men. Is it possible for dudes to look past that?
Dude! Let's talk!
All of this "game-playing" stuff that my lady friends are obsessed with -- waiting a certain amount of time between phone calls, feigning casual disinterest, vaguely evocative tweets -- what's going on there? Does that actually lure men in? Or if a dude really likes you, will no amount of game playing (or game-rule breaking) make a difference?
Hearts,
TKOG
[Also, my captcha word is "defuggs," so apparently the internet is suggesting that the best way to land a dude is to ... get plastic surgery to de-fug yourself? Feminism fail!]
No questions come to mind but I must say that I can't wait to read this Q&A Session at a future date.
Hi Dude!
What's the right way to hit it off with a potential-dude-friend without giving him the wrong (romantic) impression, or throwing in the awkward "But I've got a boyfriend so it's not a date!"? Can dudes and ladies be friends without sexual tension?
Oh, please answer Morgans question! I can't tell you the number of times in the past year I have awkwardly blurted out "I have a boyfriend!" and ruined an otherwise perfectly good coffee chat.
Also! My boyfriend of 2.5 years has this phrase he thinks is cute to say to me: "Yours for as long as you'll have me." How do I tell him that makes it sound like he's leaving all of the decision-making in the relationship up to me (which he usually does, by the way)? It's cute, but it makes it sound like I have to do the breaking up or asking to get married, something I'd rather not have to think about?
Dear Dude,
Whenever anyone gets my dad a gift (excluding certain computer + tech type things), he never uses and often doesn't even open them. This sort of insults me, since when I give him gifts, I want him to utilize them somehow. Why does he do this? And why doesn't he tell us to just stop getting him gifts or tell us what he WOULD open?
Dear Dude,
do guys eventually grow up?
okay, i too will bite...
Dear Dude, I don't really know where to start. I wish you could just read my mind and then tell me if my boyfriend is truly happy and wants to stay with me. He says he does, with much emotion and passion in his voice, but I barely see his love. I, on the other hand, am pushy, but love him endlessly and hugely.
What's the best thing I can do to make him happy?
Cara
I totally want the answer to Stacey's question too... and I'm guessing many more of the beautiful and intelligent Yes and Yes readers are wondering the same thing!!
Hey dude =)
If a guy is your best friend and starts joking about the two of you being a couple, and treating you differently...what does it mean? Like if a guy treats you like he has a thing for you, but won't come out and say it, does that mean he doesn't?
ALSO
What's your thoughts on guys in transition. Like if a guy has had a broken heart, say a year beforehand, and wavers between still being upset about that, and being interested in you...what would your advice be?
thanks! =P
Hey Dude,
I live with my husband and 2 sons, ages 19 and 17. How can I get them to treat me like the princess I deserve to be? In other words, how can I get them to willingly do *anything* around the house?
I'd love to see an answer to Morgans as well!
I'm a very girly girl looking girl, and I'll venture to say I'm pretty cute, but I grew up on a farm, I'm a gym rat, gamer and I think engage in more "manly" activities than most men I know! So I'm interested in the same things as them but they all kind of dismiss me as "that chick that's getting married". OR, we'll make plans to hang out and I'll get mad for them standing me up, but I'm mad at them for standing me up as a FRIEND, so occasionally I'll get paranoid that I did something wrong and ask them. So really, a few questions
- is asking if I did something wrong giving the impression that I like them? Because it makes me feel like I'm pestering a potential interest when really, I'm just mad as a potential friend.
- What's the deal with not wanting to hang out with a girl thats in a solid relationship? Do you think I'm trying to be unfaithful and it'll get you in trouble? I'm not. Are you only trying to hang out with potential girlfriends? Argh!
- Also, girls that are into guy things - do you think I'm lying just to get your attention, or do you believe that maybe I'm seriously interested in the same things?
I'm going to echo all the questions about how to maintain a friendship with a dude while you have a solid romantic relationship already. Obviously Dear Dude is able to be friends (just friends, it appears) with the smart, amazing, and beautiful Sarah Von, so why can't more guys handle a basic friendly hang-out or long talk with a great girl without thinking there's something awkward going on? And on the flip side, if you're the guy in a relationship with a girl, how do you feel about her keeping up with male friends and spending time with them? Are dudes always threatened by this, or only if the relationship is not really on solid ground?
Hey Dude,
I recently broke up with a guy who I'd been dating for two years because I had to move halfway around the world and didn't want to do the lond-distance thing again. Now he's e-mailing me like nothing happened, very much like when we still acknowledged we were in love. What does he want?!
Dear dude,
what's up with you guys wanting to have a constant harem of women all around you and keeping on acting all jealous even when you have dumped us and don't want us back? Just because you need to feel the power on us?
And how do i make such a dude suffer slowly and horribly for doing it in a particularly mean and disturbing way? :P
Dear Dude,
What's with the asking for a girl's number and then not call?
Sigga
1. How can I get the message to him that he needs to brush his teeth more often than just before bed?
2. How do I get him to clean up the sink after he shaves? (Water and whiskers EVERYWHERE!!!)
Okay, I have this friend who I am completely in love with (there I've said it, that was scary), other people have said I should break off the friendship if ever I want anything to happen as he (rightly) sees us being 'just friends'. 1. in your experience do guys ever think of their girl mates as potential dating material? 2. Are there any subtle hints I can drop that I'd like us to be 'slightly more than friends' without scaring him/freaking him out.
Thank you. X
Okay, I have this friend who I am completely in love with (there I've said it, that was scary), other people have said I should break off the friendship if ever I want anything to happen as he (rightly) sees us being 'just friends'. 1. in your experience do guys ever think of their girl mates as potential dating material? 2. Are there any subtle hints I can drop that I'd like us to be 'slightly more than friends' without scaring him/freaking him out.
Thank you. X
Srsly, what's up the farting?
I have a question:
About six months ago, I broke up with my boyfriend of 2+ years. It was a pretty bad breakup that came suddenly. He pretty much immediately started dating a (not very classy for lack of a more polite term) girl who he had previously hooked up with before he and I started dating.
Before me, he hadn't dated anyone for more than a few months at a time and never treated them really well.
Anyway, despite having a new(ish -- they've been dating 2+ months) girlfriend, he still texts and Facebook messages me. In fact, right after we broke up, we were not in contact until he realized that he couldn't see my Facebook profile anymore and was bothered enough to message me and ask about it. He regularly offers to help me out with things (homework, moving into a new apartment), and checks in with me to see how things are going. (Examples: How were your midterms? How is your best friend; I know you were worried about her?)
He has told mutual friends that he thinks I'm "such a great person" and that he "really wants to be friends with me" but doesn't understand why I don't want to be his friend.
It's interesting to note that his communication comes in spurts; he will eagerly text me for a few hours straight then suddenly stop replying for the evening... I'm guessing that's when the girlfriend shows up.
WTF is his deal?
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