Last week my amazing friend Laura launched a new line of bags, named lovingly after her fiance. To celebrate said line, Laura threw a fancy shindig at the W7 Collective - a lovely space that hosts events and showcases local talent and provides an opportunity for beautiful people to mingle with other beautiful people.
Now. Here is something you should know about me: I'm not really a schmoozer. Sure, I'm painfully pleasant and I love to throw my own parties, but rooms full of fancy near-strangers? Well, it's not necessarily my forte.
And what I have discovered is that my party demeanor? It has not changed or improved one iota over the last 25 years. You can dress me up and add a bit of eyeliner and tuck me in amongst beautiful movers and shakers and I will still behave the same way as I did when I was 8 years old and stuck at a church-basement potluck. Or when I was 15 and frequenting some boy/girl birthday party. Or when I was 22 and bopping around a discotheque in the south of Brazil.
Awesome coping mechanisms include but are not limited to:
* finding the odd-person-out at the party (the sci-fi-loving wallflower, somebody's aunt, the dog) and inadvertently engaging them in a deep-and-meaningful conversation. In this case, I spent a good half an hour discussing South American jeep travel with Laura's 60-year-old dad. Hot blond hipster dude? I see you there, trying to catch my eye. You'll have to excuse me. I'm very busy talking about tinted windows and one-lane roads with this grey-haired gentleman.
* avoiding eye contact/interaction with any dudes that are checking me out or attempting to hit on me. Yep, I'm friends with Laura. (stare into drink and nod) Yeah, her purses are great. (look into the middle distance and sigh audibly) No, I don't like Joanna Newsom. I think she's painfully twee. (purse lips and examine shoes). Why, Sarah? Why?!
* eating entirely too much food. You guys? There were three different wheels of cheese there! And gourmet chocolates. And wine and beer. Obviously I had to stand next to the cheese, saw off several hand-sized chunks and then mow on it while avoiding eye contact with the dude who was try to hit on me.
And then maybe I dropped a little bit on the carpet. And then maybe I ignored the fact that I dropped a little bit on the carpet. And then maybe I noticed my friend seeing me ignore the dropped cheese.
* acting shy and embarrassed when lovely people give me compliments. When I was six this meant that I'd twist my bows and glare when church ladies complimented my singing. These days, when I'm introduced to cool, important editors who read Yes and Yes, I stammer and down-play and attempt to hide behind my scarf. What?! Yes.
* announcing how much an outfit cost when someone comments on it. When I was 16, I'd reveal this information other 10th graders. Now, I choose to tell style editors that I got this vintage dress for $6 at Goodwill. And the boots were $3 at that really dicey Salvation Army in Frogtown.
Good lord, I can't take me anywhere.
How do you do at cocktail parties full of strangers? Have you developed any social graces as you've grown up?
*p.s. if you ever see me in real life, do come up and say hello! I'll do my best not to hide behind my scarf!
Now. Here is something you should know about me: I'm not really a schmoozer. Sure, I'm painfully pleasant and I love to throw my own parties, but rooms full of fancy near-strangers? Well, it's not necessarily my forte.
And what I have discovered is that my party demeanor? It has not changed or improved one iota over the last 25 years. You can dress me up and add a bit of eyeliner and tuck me in amongst beautiful movers and shakers and I will still behave the same way as I did when I was 8 years old and stuck at a church-basement potluck. Or when I was 15 and frequenting some boy/girl birthday party. Or when I was 22 and bopping around a discotheque in the south of Brazil.
Awesome coping mechanisms include but are not limited to:
* finding the odd-person-out at the party (the sci-fi-loving wallflower, somebody's aunt, the dog) and inadvertently engaging them in a deep-and-meaningful conversation. In this case, I spent a good half an hour discussing South American jeep travel with Laura's 60-year-old dad. Hot blond hipster dude? I see you there, trying to catch my eye. You'll have to excuse me. I'm very busy talking about tinted windows and one-lane roads with this grey-haired gentleman.
* avoiding eye contact/interaction with any dudes that are checking me out or attempting to hit on me. Yep, I'm friends with Laura. (stare into drink and nod) Yeah, her purses are great. (look into the middle distance and sigh audibly) No, I don't like Joanna Newsom. I think she's painfully twee. (purse lips and examine shoes). Why, Sarah? Why?!
* eating entirely too much food. You guys? There were three different wheels of cheese there! And gourmet chocolates. And wine and beer. Obviously I had to stand next to the cheese, saw off several hand-sized chunks and then mow on it while avoiding eye contact with the dude who was try to hit on me.
And then maybe I dropped a little bit on the carpet. And then maybe I ignored the fact that I dropped a little bit on the carpet. And then maybe I noticed my friend seeing me ignore the dropped cheese.
* acting shy and embarrassed when lovely people give me compliments. When I was six this meant that I'd twist my bows and glare when church ladies complimented my singing. These days, when I'm introduced to cool, important editors who read Yes and Yes, I stammer and down-play and attempt to hide behind my scarf. What?! Yes.
* announcing how much an outfit cost when someone comments on it. When I was 16, I'd reveal this information other 10th graders. Now, I choose to tell style editors that I got this vintage dress for $6 at Goodwill. And the boots were $3 at that really dicey Salvation Army in Frogtown.
Good lord, I can't take me anywhere.
How do you do at cocktail parties full of strangers? Have you developed any social graces as you've grown up?
*p.s. if you ever see me in real life, do come up and say hello! I'll do my best not to hide behind my scarf!
42 comments:
These are all good methods. When I am feeling particularly awkward, I also like to pretend to be VERY interested in the hosts bookshelves; sometimes interested enough to take something down and pretend to absorb myself in it whilst the party rages around me. Social wizard.
I'm so glad that there are other people like me out there!
You're so adorable! I would totally eat giant cheese with you. <3
you tell people how much stuff costs? i thought i was the only one! it doesn't help that people usually only compliment dresses i got at goodwill or at such a ridiculous clearance price that the cashier has to double check the tag.
(i have an epic story about stalking an Anthropologie dress until it was 90% off, and i shouldn't share it with ANYONE.)
Just the other day I was with my boyfriend at a political fundraiser and as his professor is running for office, he was there. I've heard so much about this professor because he's had a huge influence on my boyfriend. So I was a little nervous to meet him. When we shook hands, for whatever reason the first thing I blurted out was "I'm from Massachusetts!" Ugh. Note, this is in the deep south... yankee hating land.
Favorite method: asking endless questions - gets people talking about themselves but takes pressure off you (this is good for me as I am an introvert who is in sales, go figure). Favorite opening question: where are you from originally? The follow ups from there are endless...
Wow, this sounds very much like me. I'm glad I'm not the only one!
my best friend loves telling me this story about when her mom (sue) got engaged to her dad (pat). apparently pat asked sue's dad for her hand in marriage, to which he replied, "sure. as long as you don't mind having prices quoted to you for the rest of your life." HAHA! i am exactly the same way! bragging about bargains=totally fetch (and yes, i stole that word from the mean girls movie...which pretty much proves MY inability to shmooze).
I actually will think of pretty much any excuse NOT to go to things like this. And when I have to? I take a human shield.
you are hilarious. and I do the exact same things!
maybe you should try to talk to the guys that are hitting on you though ;) that never hurt anyone!
:D
-- MAYA
Ha! I'm the same way. I will not approach people. I hate it! And I do the same price-quoting thing. I never know what else to say when someone compliments me. :D
It's the Virgo in you. We are good on paper, but not so good with people we haven't consciously chosen to allow into our "real life" inner circle. I, too, am learning how to overcome this foible, and basically, it involves trying not to be too weird, and being warm and inviting if someone speaks to me first. It's really hard, and yes, sometimes I just camp out by the cheese.
But I've learned some lessons from my friend who used to be a bartender...if you're the one asking all the questions, you don't have to give away just how nervous you are about talking about yourself. AND it makes you seem like you're really engaged and inviting. Bonus!
I am the same way. If I even kind of know people at the party, I'm off. But too many strangers and I just shut down. I don't know what to say, what to do, who to approach. And of course, me sitting in the corner looking enthralled with my drink doesn't really convince people that they should approach ME either.
I tend to drink in those occasions. Somehow I'm much more friendly and lovable with bourbon.
When I said "I'm off" I think I meant something like "I'm off like a rocket" or some other phrase that meant "I have a good time."
I say similarly vague and confusing things when talking to strangers too.
Haha I am so glad I am not alone!
I do the exact same thing, when someone tells me they like my dress or whatever I cant help but blurt out "I got it for a fiver at primark!"
xoxo
This made me laugh out loud!!! You pretty much described me to a t. Cocktail parties full of strangers make me break into a cold sweat. Maybe I should start wearing a scarf so at least I have something to hide behind. But it does make me feel better to know that a cool chick like yourself is not so cool at parties, maybe there is hope for me yet =)
H! Long time reader and first time commenter. Yaa for us social awkwards! My husband is the social butterfly & I marvel at how he moves about the room seamlessly entering and leaving conversations. I on the other hand stalk the food table. If someone does talk to me I inadvertently spit out bits of food as I mumble an answer to a question or laugh too loudly or ask inappropriate questions. I have been known to show up at a party and be the one person who can find a corner and fall asleep. Yup kids that's me social genius.
I do the same thing! Somehow, over the years, though, it's become charming to be awkward, so that definitely helps. Oh, and when guys hit on me, I am usually so naive I don't get it until after I go home and digest what happened. <3 cheese wheels!
Oh my I'm so awkward! I'm not great at first impressions either. I have a bit of a sarcastic streak (which tends to come out a little more after a few drinks) and it doesn't always go down as intended. There's often someone who leaves thinking I'm a bit of a bitch because they don't get my sense of humour.
My other trick is pretending to be texting, when in reality I'm just too gawky to attempt conversion with real people.
I've learned how to handle myself at cocktail parties since working in a global business office. I had to! There used to be upwards of four formal cocktail parties a year! And, I often found myself face-to-face with the CEO or general manager.
I find that if I use my glass of wine as my best friend, I usually do ok, but I'm still a tad awkward. I'm awful at small talk. I hate it.
I was like this too! I used to be really shy and I still am but now I'm a little better :)
I'm another one. My tip is not to try to embrace my social awkwardness.
I think the more you pressure yourself to be someone you aren't , the harder it becomes. I'm fine in some social settings but hate the compulsory socialisation and small talk at parties.
You know what? I'm really good at schmoozing (having been raised around my mom's posh clients ensured that), and I still do all the things you do when left to my own devices. It's usually more enjoyable that way. Plus, I've found that when you're standing there contemplating how much cheese it's polite to take, they usually think you're in the midst of some much more meaningful mental puzzle.
People that "fit in" are usually boring. The fellow nervous person in the corner at any gathering is far more entertaining to talk with, given a chance, I find.
Haha. Whenever I'm in these situations I ALWAYS tell people things that aren't true. It's always about things I have no experience or knowledge in, too. "Oh yeah, polar bears shed their entire coats every spring."
confessionsofanapper.blogspot.com
Ahahahaha, I always end up telling people how much my clothes cost!! I even remind myself not to do it when I receive a compliment but it somehow blurts itself out at the end of the sentence. "Oh, my bag? Thanks, I love it. It was from H&M a while ago...itwasonlythreepoundscanyoubelievethat?!!
I suppose it would be far more obnoxious if you were telling people how expensive your stuff was.
Hilarious post! I'm very socially awkward as well. I mean, once you get to know me I'm fun and loud and occasionally funny and boisterous, but when I'm in a situation where I don't know anybody, I just clam right up. I can't hold a conversation to save my life. Oh, and when dudes hit on me, I'll figure out some way to quickly mention my boyfriend to shut them down. :) This is effective whether or not you actually have one.
I've read your blog for... oh. Yonks? And never scraped up the stones to comment.
But your post reminded me so painfully of myself I couldn't resist, this time. And you sound so adorable, and so charming, that it gives me hope that someone sees my total lack of social graces as adorable and charming instead of monstrously gauche.
In short, I would ignore cheese-crumbs on carpets with you any day of the week.
I actually behave quite similar to you! I eat tonsss when I go to parties just to keep my mouth stuffed and myself looking busy
to anonymous a couple of posts above,
you have a nice way with words, I bet you're awesome for corner of parties chats :)
I'm the same, Sarah- I'm pretty good at being brilliant when talking to regular people but if cute guy is making moves, I lose all conversational finesse. It disolves into smiling too much and awkward silences.
I'm destined to never attract a guy I like, because I just can't be witty around hot blonde, blue-eyed hipster dudes.
hahaha...wowsa, i wonder if all of us socially awkward awesome people would find each other in a crowded party?
I don't drink, but I anxiously eat everybody under the table. EVERYBODY. After all the nervousness and eating my weight in tartes, i'm so bloated i'm ready to blow...and then i stand there awkwardly praying that i don't clear the room. i'm so damn attractive that way!
and, yes, i carry fake louis vuittons. everytime someone comments on my purse, I always exclaim it's a fake. word vomit. my friends cringe in embarrassment.
when will i learn??
I love this! This is why law school was a bust for me: all of those bar reviews? Receptions for alumni? Networking events with attorneys? Yeah, let's just say I'd end up talking to my fellow 1Ls most of the time.
I'm terrible with the last one. I really need to learn to handle compliments a lot better.
I think I once heard a quote somewhere about how a person receives a compliment reveals a great deal about their personality...
Ha ha ha great post. I'm actually not bad in these situations. I'm really good at pretending to be super interested in someone/something.
"Oh you're a roofer? Man that's gotta be rewarding you know? Such a fundamental necessity and you're the guy doing it. Wow, you must be able to sleep like a baby at night knowing that you're doing a great social service."
And so on...
I have a green dress and a flow-y brown shirt that people always comment on. My replies--
Dress: "Oh thanks! I actually got it in a grocery store in Hawaii when the airline lost my luggage and I had no clothes!"
Shirt: "Thanks a lot! I actually got this in a thrift store in Fiji because I was desperate to wear anything different than the same four outfits I'd been wearing for the past three months!"
My best friend is the QUEEN of finding fabulous dresses/shirts for $3 or $1.97 for me, and I like to share those stories as well :)
Thank you for posting this... I feel & act the same way...
These are 100% all the same party tricks I used. When I was a teenager, and probably up until a few years ago, I thought it all made me look confident, self-assured, endearing, and interesting. But now I realize it just makes me seem aloof and a bit of a snob (as far as the boys are concerned). What I've started doing is try and compliment 4 people on what they're wearing at the party. Even if it's just "Ooh, that's a really cute button on your dress!" It tends to open up the space for more comfortable interactions until, in an attempt to dole out compliment #4, I'm finally face-to-face (eye-to-eye) with the guy wearing the cheeky tee-shirt, and actually have something to say.
Again, since I know the huge difference there is between someone reading, invisibly, and someone actually commenting and revealing themselves- well, I find it difficult to knowingly NOT comment.
I've been reading and loving, especially the music in recent posts. I find this post in particular to be very funny. I tend to act the same way. That is, only talking to the one person I can relate to the best and eating plenty of food. And, always being on the move so as not to attract attention with idleness. What can I say... I'm getting better?
Ooh. I can add a couple of new coping mechanisms to your list if you like.
1) I often find that people can be very generous with the alchohol in an attempt to get me out of my shell. The consequences of this plan vary but only on the scale of minor embarrassment to utter humiliation.
2) Dancing by myself. That way if someone trys to make eye contact I can do my 'actually I'm too busy being an independent woman to talk to strangers' face.
Hahaha, I'm not sure what I love more, you for posting this or the fact that everyone else seems to feel the same way!
We should have a slightly-awkward struggle-to-make-small-talk cheese and alcohol (whatevery's your poison)party! It would be so easy to relax knowing every single person there felt the same way! ;) xx
1. You are my new favorite blog fo-sho.
2. I am all of the above.
3. My mom always tells me to do that question asking thing but
a) I might get stuck in a conversation and I do not know how to make an exit from one.
b) I don't want to appear nosy.
it's amazing to see how many girls do the same awkward stuffs I've always done <3
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