This is the story of my friend Marie (29) who's dating Mike (49). Marie bears absolutely no resemblance to the be-cleavaged and pouty, snow-pea-loving 'younger women' that society usually imagines in a May-December relationship. In fact, she went to one of the best universities in Canada and runs a non-profit on a tiny Caribbean island. That said, I was surprised when she told me how old her boyfriend was - when we were friends in Taiwan she was dating the cutest little 24-year-old hipster you could ever imagine. Here she talks about the ins and outs of dating a great guy who just happens to be 20 years her senior.
How did you guys meet?
We knew each other for a year before we started dating. We met playing pick-up soccer. Now, I must mention that his son played in those games as well (he was 12 years old at the time). I instantly categorized Mike as “older-guy-with-kid” and therefore, undesirable. Not to say that I didn’t consider him good-looking, I just didn’t consider him. Period. You know, due to the child thing.
Was there an instant attraction?Initially, I just have to go back to that first reaction. I saw him with his son and although I very much consider him attractive now, it just wasn’t in my realm of comprehension at that time. Did you ever hear that story about when Columbus landed in the West Indies and the natives were not physically able to see the boats because nothing like that had ever entered their reality before? Well, sort of like that.
Have you dated men who were significantly older than you before?No, but I suppose I have been attracted to older men in the past. I was the girl with the crush on Harrison Ford while my friends all went crazy over whoever was in the latest teeny-boppers mag (at the time, most likely Joey Lawrence). I also liked men in positions of authority… teachers and sports coaches (if they were in their 20s or 30s)…. Not ALL of them mind you but there was definitely an appeal.
Have your age differences created any problems?
Well, not yet but we are approaching a time when our future will take more of a leading role in the decisions we make. For example, he will be retiring long before me and although it’s still a long way off, our savings and where we will be settled at that point are things we need to plan out. Also, I still have a good 10 years of potential child-bearing in me, but we have yet to seriously think about going down that road. And I don’t want it to be too late for him in terms of really enjoying that child growing up – if we do decide to take that path.
Has anyone hassled you about your age differences?No one has ever given us a hard time. But do take note that we also live in a small place where I would say “unique” relationships are a little more frequent than average.
Neither of our families really cast a second glance (well, in front of us anyway… who knows what they had to say amongst themselves when we left!). I think it makes a difference now that I’m nearly 30. If I was in my early 20s, I think my mother would have been worried. I’ve done a lot with my life in the last 8 years and I think she knows I can make a good decision.
What are the benefits to dating someone who's more settled into their life?
Ah, I do like this question as there are so many benefits! Although, these may be due to the person I am dating rather than a function of his age. But anyway, for starters –
1) Chivalry! I’m not saying everyone who spent their teenage years in the 60’s will pull the chair out for a lady (in fact, I would have assumed the opposite) but after nearly 3 years, I still get the door held open for me almost every time and the words “hello gorgeous!” uttered every day!
2) We don’t have double the melodrama. I admit I am still a bit consumed by my own selfish consumption of where I am on my life’s journey but thankfully, when I have a panic attack or a hissy-fit, I have someone to show me the bigger picture and level me out, rather than someone I will have to counsel for similar reasons later down the road. Being with someone solid in his career, with a little more life experience and rationality has certainly brought me down to earth more than once.
3) Guidance. I think having the courage to admit that the life-path you are on is not working and starting again is very inspiring. Being with a man who can talk about how he felt in a given situation and what he did to turn it around is not only impressive but consoling and helpful, even if my situation is not entirely the same. It’s much better counseling than the blanks stares I received in past relationships and I don’t feel quite so alone with my problems.
4) Sharing. Be it chores, time or the other dish that I wanted to taste at the restaurant we are at, I love to share and I think this is a skill many men develop with age. Or perhaps it’s comes with having a child. Anyway, we have absolutely no issues with sharing the workload or compromising on any issue.
5) Gratitude. My boyfriend, or partner, (whatever title you like) has made some big relationship mistakes because he didn’t take care of the ones he was with and wasn’t really “present” enough to realize that the person he was with was not the right person. He learned the hard way and now that he has someone that fits perfectly, he shows me everyday! That hasn’t waned a bit in the time we have been together and I have good faith it never will. In return, I show him the same respect and I find it really grows our love every day.
What are the challenges?
Nothing really, other than some of the long-term things that are a challenge to any relationship. Saving for the future, whether or not to procreate… all these pink elephants transpire the age gap! What luck!
I think the real challenge is finding a place that accepts the two of you together. Right now we have that but who knows what a move would bring? I don’t doubt we could be happy elsewhere, but I do foresee an awkward stage of “friend-making” in a place that doesn’t know us!
Any advice to ladies crushing on someone a bit older than them?
If you feel that it could work and you think the sentiments are returned – go for it! And don’t let society’s pressures of “right and wrong” get to you too much. Hopefully you are comfortable enough in your own sense of moral and ethical values to be able to judge if the relationship is appropriate or not (for example, I would imagine age can mess with a workplace romance or it could be difficult to date the father of a kid you teach). However, as long as you are not taking on the role of a mistress or getting yourself involved in some other sticky situation, remember, you only live once and the best opportunities are not necessarily the most obvious ones.
Have you dated someone significantly younger or older than you?
We knew each other for a year before we started dating. We met playing pick-up soccer. Now, I must mention that his son played in those games as well (he was 12 years old at the time). I instantly categorized Mike as “older-guy-with-kid” and therefore, undesirable. Not to say that I didn’t consider him good-looking, I just didn’t consider him. Period. You know, due to the child thing.
Was there an instant attraction?Initially, I just have to go back to that first reaction. I saw him with his son and although I very much consider him attractive now, it just wasn’t in my realm of comprehension at that time. Did you ever hear that story about when Columbus landed in the West Indies and the natives were not physically able to see the boats because nothing like that had ever entered their reality before? Well, sort of like that.
Have you dated men who were significantly older than you before?No, but I suppose I have been attracted to older men in the past. I was the girl with the crush on Harrison Ford while my friends all went crazy over whoever was in the latest teeny-boppers mag (at the time, most likely Joey Lawrence). I also liked men in positions of authority… teachers and sports coaches (if they were in their 20s or 30s)…. Not ALL of them mind you but there was definitely an appeal.
Have your age differences created any problems?
Well, not yet but we are approaching a time when our future will take more of a leading role in the decisions we make. For example, he will be retiring long before me and although it’s still a long way off, our savings and where we will be settled at that point are things we need to plan out. Also, I still have a good 10 years of potential child-bearing in me, but we have yet to seriously think about going down that road. And I don’t want it to be too late for him in terms of really enjoying that child growing up – if we do decide to take that path.
Has anyone hassled you about your age differences?No one has ever given us a hard time. But do take note that we also live in a small place where I would say “unique” relationships are a little more frequent than average.
Neither of our families really cast a second glance (well, in front of us anyway… who knows what they had to say amongst themselves when we left!). I think it makes a difference now that I’m nearly 30. If I was in my early 20s, I think my mother would have been worried. I’ve done a lot with my life in the last 8 years and I think she knows I can make a good decision.
What are the benefits to dating someone who's more settled into their life?
Ah, I do like this question as there are so many benefits! Although, these may be due to the person I am dating rather than a function of his age. But anyway, for starters –
1) Chivalry! I’m not saying everyone who spent their teenage years in the 60’s will pull the chair out for a lady (in fact, I would have assumed the opposite) but after nearly 3 years, I still get the door held open for me almost every time and the words “hello gorgeous!” uttered every day!
2) We don’t have double the melodrama. I admit I am still a bit consumed by my own selfish consumption of where I am on my life’s journey but thankfully, when I have a panic attack or a hissy-fit, I have someone to show me the bigger picture and level me out, rather than someone I will have to counsel for similar reasons later down the road. Being with someone solid in his career, with a little more life experience and rationality has certainly brought me down to earth more than once.
3) Guidance. I think having the courage to admit that the life-path you are on is not working and starting again is very inspiring. Being with a man who can talk about how he felt in a given situation and what he did to turn it around is not only impressive but consoling and helpful, even if my situation is not entirely the same. It’s much better counseling than the blanks stares I received in past relationships and I don’t feel quite so alone with my problems.
4) Sharing. Be it chores, time or the other dish that I wanted to taste at the restaurant we are at, I love to share and I think this is a skill many men develop with age. Or perhaps it’s comes with having a child. Anyway, we have absolutely no issues with sharing the workload or compromising on any issue.
5) Gratitude. My boyfriend, or partner, (whatever title you like) has made some big relationship mistakes because he didn’t take care of the ones he was with and wasn’t really “present” enough to realize that the person he was with was not the right person. He learned the hard way and now that he has someone that fits perfectly, he shows me everyday! That hasn’t waned a bit in the time we have been together and I have good faith it never will. In return, I show him the same respect and I find it really grows our love every day.
What are the challenges?
Nothing really, other than some of the long-term things that are a challenge to any relationship. Saving for the future, whether or not to procreate… all these pink elephants transpire the age gap! What luck!
I think the real challenge is finding a place that accepts the two of you together. Right now we have that but who knows what a move would bring? I don’t doubt we could be happy elsewhere, but I do foresee an awkward stage of “friend-making” in a place that doesn’t know us!
Any advice to ladies crushing on someone a bit older than them?
If you feel that it could work and you think the sentiments are returned – go for it! And don’t let society’s pressures of “right and wrong” get to you too much. Hopefully you are comfortable enough in your own sense of moral and ethical values to be able to judge if the relationship is appropriate or not (for example, I would imagine age can mess with a workplace romance or it could be difficult to date the father of a kid you teach). However, as long as you are not taking on the role of a mistress or getting yourself involved in some other sticky situation, remember, you only live once and the best opportunities are not necessarily the most obvious ones.
Have you dated someone significantly younger or older than you?
It is such an interesting to heart it that the boyfriend of her is 20 year elder then her!!!! but it is an amazing!
ReplyDeleteI love it. My fiance is 30+ years older than I am (I am 37), but we just fit together somehow. We didn't intend for it to be this way. When we became friends, we both said we didn't want to fall in love, but we did. And now I can't imagine it any other way.
ReplyDeleteI know that I am setting myself up for heartbreak in a few years. But I have never in my life been so loved or so happy. I love him with all of my heart. And it is worth it, to experience this love.
Lawgirl - Wow, that's fantastic! I have so much respect for people who aren't afraid to follow their hearts <3
ReplyDeleteMy boyfriend is...nine years older than me. It's not as large of a gap but I'd still say significant.
ReplyDeleteThe only difficulty that's age-related that I can see is that every once in a while he uses his "telling his kids what to do" voice on me, which isn't cool, but I think just comes naturally, as he has two (every second weekend and the summer holidays), and he works in a teen center a few days a week. It's been the source of a few arguments.
Okay this line right here: "I was the girl with the crush on Harrison Ford while my friends all went crazy over whoever was in the latest teeny-boppers mag"
ReplyDeleteThat was ME to a t! I loved this post so much because I've always dated older men (my current boyfriend is 36 and I'm 25). I've just always been more attracted to them, physically and emotionally. Thanks so much for this post!
Right before I moved to Korea, I was dating a man 16 years older than me and it was fantastic, the best relationship I've ever been in. I find that there's so much less drama with older men - I'm not sure whether that's because we had different friends or because we just weren't concerned about the same things that younger/same-age couples are. I have to say too that the break-up when I left was completely drama free... we were disappointed, of course, but it wasn't dramatic or heart-breaking, it was just the right choice for us.
ReplyDeletePlus, if I may be so bold, sex with older men is so, so, so different (and better, in my opinion). Older men know what works and what doesn't, and they're not afraid to tell you what they like and what they want to try. That confidence leads to a lot of wonderful moments both in bed and out.
Great post. The Oldest man I dated was 10 years my senior. He was 50 and I was just turning 40. He was the biggest baby I knew, so go figure.
ReplyDeleteI went through a phase when I was 20/21 where I casually dated older men (32, 38, and 41). It never got serious with any of them, but they all treated me very well. I've always been mature for my age, and it just came naturally to date men in their 30s. It was definitely not a bimbo/dirty old man situation, but thinking back 20/21 is an awfully young age to be dating men who are in their 40s. It was a valuable experience for me, but now I'm in a relationship someone who's only 1 year older than me, which goes to show, age ain't nothin but a number! :)
ReplyDeleteMy boyfriend and I got together when I was 23 and he was 37, now I am 26 and he is 40. At the time, as far as I knew, neither of us believed in marriage, or wanted to have children. It becomes an issue when you begin to think about these things. Being with someone older has such amazing benefits, the maturity of men in their twenties certainly leaves something to be desired. One great thing about dating older men is that it makes you realize how important it is to savor this moment. Of course we never know how much time any of us have, but a fear of being alone in your old age is also a consideration.
ReplyDeleteWhen he and I first started dating, two people I was working with had significant others 10+ years older than them, them being in their early 40's and their significant others being in their 50's. They both told me if they could go back, they wouldn't do it again. I also know someone my same age whose father was 75 when we graduated college and it created a lot of issues for her and her mom, who was a lot younger. He got alzheimer's while we were in school and past away a year later. It's difficult to think this far in the future, but they are things to consider if you think you might bring more people into the picture.
this post is awesome! it's interesting hearing about people in relationships similar to mine (my husband is 37 & i'm 26... he's closer in age to my parents than he is to me). i think when you love someone, age is nothing more than a number. :)
ReplyDeletethank you so much for this post -- it speaks to my heart. it's always reassuring to hear from others who are in a similar situation, and have managed to find a way to make it work. my best friend is a man 29 years older than i, and though we are both crazy about each other, the so-called obstacles are still keeping us from being in a relationship. this gives me hope though :)
ReplyDeleteMy fiancee is 17 years older than me. (I am 31) Reading this was like taking a step inside my own head. While there are questions about kids, retirement, etc...I don't consider them any more of a challenge than issues you have to deal with in a relationship with someone closer to your age. You never know what is going to happen, but when you find the person who "gets you" and makes you happy...I say live and love!
ReplyDeleteLast summer I had a fling with a guy who turned out to be twenty years my senior... with a son who was only one year younger than me! We didn't realize the huge age difference at first... I guess I acted a bit older than I really am, and he acted much, much younger than he really was! We got along quite well, and funnily enough, he ended up acting like a much younger man when the relationship ended. I guess some people never change! Either way, I think I would defiantly want to be older before I try anything like that again! It's kind of weird when one you express wanting to do something and having your partner say, Oh, I did that a long time ago... When I was your age I did this and that... (eg. Me: I'm getting turntables! I'm going to be an awesome dj! Him: Oh, I had turntables in the late 80's! It's fun!")
ReplyDeleteHmmm.....
ReplyDeleteI suppose if I was 20 or 30 something, it would be kind of interesting. But since I'm a 49 about to turn 50 girl, I am very sad that so many men can't appreciate what women their age have to offer & don't even look at us any more. I don't want to date a guy who just goes for young women & can't appreciate a mature blossom!
Joy, Good Lord but you are a hottie! Based solely on your profile photo I would try to talk to you about how we both grew up in the 80s. Ceee-ute! ;D
ReplyDeleteI dated wildly the summer after I turned 22; the youngest man I dated was 23 and the oldest was 35 (and the guy who ended up being my boyfriend was right in the middle - 28).
ReplyDeleteWhat I learned during that summer: age doesn't matter! Chemistry is what's important, and it's a complicated and elusive thing. I think that if you're lucky enough to find someone with whom you have amazing chemistry, you should go for it, regardless of the disparity (or lack thereof) in age.
i hear about the older man/younger woman relationship quite often. but i wonder if this happens the other way around as much? i don't see many younger men with older women.
ReplyDeleteMy husband is 21 years my senior, and we both knew right away that we'd be together permanently. This relationship does have some built in challenges, such as knowing that he'll be retiring long before I will, but also with many lovely bits that you can't really understand unless you've been there.
ReplyDeleteI never really thought I'd get married, and I've never wanted children of my own, but now I've got a wonderful husband and a fantastic 19 year old stepdaughter.
Funny where life takes you, if you let it.
My fiance is 14 older than I am (23 and 37). We met at work, actually, right after I had moved to a new city after college. We clicked instantly and within a few months he had become the best friend I'll ever have. We spent every weekend and most evenings together- he even took care of me for a couple of weeks after I had surgery.
ReplyDeleteAbout a year after we first met, we finally started dating; first we had to break through both the age barrier and inter-office romance stigma. We moved in together quite quickly thereafter, and started our family with a puppy!
Neither of us has ever been married before, and we're both on the same procreation timeline. Before I met him, I wasn't sure if I wanted children at all- especially as I'm on the outset of an incredibly demanding career; however, I absolutely can't wait to have children WITH him. Raising the (now 16 month old) puppy together has assured me more and more that we're going to make a great parenting team- no arguments, easy compromises and effortless task sharing.
He currently has the job that I'm going to school for 8 more years to get (plus another 6 years of training after that!). I'll come out with an MD and a PhD; most guys I've dated have been intimidated by just my ambition to achieve these credentials. Instead, he's my biggest supporter and fan. He knows how much time and work this takes- and how much dedication- and he'll be there with me every step of the way.
As an aside, my older brother (36) is married to a slightly older woman (39), so it works both ways. In my experience what's been important is finding someone who sees the good in you even at your worst, and makes you a better and happier person for it. And if he (or she!) is a sexy pediatrician, all the better!
Funkypuppy, I find it interesting that your brother's relationship with a woman three years his senior even qualifies to be in the same ballpark as relationships in which women are paired with decades-older men.
ReplyDeleteDo you know if your brother sees his partner as "an older woman"? I wonder if, as a 36 year old man he'd consider being with a 50 year old woman thereby having the same age spread as in your own relationship?
I dint mean to put you on the spot, but your post and examples made me super curious! Congrats in finding a partner who is supportive of your ambitions, both personal and professional.
This woman speaks the truth!
ReplyDeleteIt's good to know I wasn't the only one crushing on full grown men as a pre-teen =P
My guy is 19 years my senior and we get along juuuuuuuuuust fine!
Such a timely post! It was rather difficult to read. Partly because I hate to admit that I could be, or tend to be, the one in my circle of friends with older men interested in me. And partly because it churned up some of the unanswered questions I (and some of my friends!) have been trying to ask of me about what's going on with such-and-such. (Nothing, at this point.) My friends have been frustratingly supportive of my potential pursuit of someone 15 years older than me (I'm 23, he's 37) - I'm the only one who doesn't envision anything coming out of this, primarily because of the age difference! Indeed, it's unnerving to read the comments and see quite a few people in identical situations (identical to potential future me, that is), particularly the one pursuing a Ph.D. with a partner who also has a Ph.D. (almost the same as I).
ReplyDeleteWell, wait and see what happens, I guess. (And I'm so paranoid about blabbing this to people that I'm not even signed in as my usual poster identity.)
So.right.on.
ReplyDeleteI love this post and all the pros she gives! They are so right on!!
I am loving this series. Please, keep 'em coming!
ReplyDeleteFinal anonymous poster,
ReplyDeleteI see what you mean about the age difference of 3 years between a man and a (slightly older) woman not being in the same time scale to the 1-3 decade differences discussed here. I didn't mean to equate them, but someone had asked if the converse ever happens and that's the closet thing I've seen.
It such a very interesting to read that how much her boyfriend is elder then her, But after all this thing she Loves him. it is called a true love, I really appreciate him.
ReplyDeleteThank you so much for sharing this! My boyfriend of almost a year who i am truly in love with is 25 years my elder. I do get a lot of grief about it from close family and friends. They ask me what am i thinking and ask,how could i be attracted to someone who could be my father? They question my love for him and don't agree at all. I also hear alot, "That's like a 25 year old dating a new born!" but they don't understand my position or relationship. It's been hard sometimes, almost like having to choose between my family and the one i love. but we've stuck it through and even though he doesn't always get the approval or respect he deserves from my family or friends, he's stuck it out and shown me that he truly loves me. i'm so happy with where i'm at now and i've learned to be a bit more accepting and opened minded with people in different situations. i've learned that it's not so much about age, but very much so about maturity and your level of understanding and the place you're at in your life. I've made the best decision of my life by choosing to ignore what society says and following instead, what my heart's telling me. I don't know where i'd be without him now and i fall more in love with him every day. i am living proof that unusual isn't always bad.
ReplyDeleteCourtney
Oh it is so nice to read that other people have a similar experience to mine. I'm 22, my boyfriend is 37, and he has two daughter, 11 and 13. I'm closer in age to his daughter than I am to him. I love him, but because of our age difference and that fact that I'm not interested in being a stepmother to his girls, I don't think we'll ever get married... not to say we won't be together for a long time, because this is the best relationship I've been in. I hope as I get older the difference will see less extreme- we started dating at 20 and 35, and that caused quite a stir in my family. I'm still unwilling to take him on trips to see my parents because I'm afraid of them judging him or me. Thanks for addressing this issue, it's nice to know I'm not alone.
ReplyDeleteOkay so I love this post! I can totally relate to this, but unlike all of you I'm only 15 years old. I fell in love with my swim coach who is probably in his 20's. At first it was physical attraction, but then I began to love him. I get a vibe that whenever he shouts my name he means something. I don't know if he'll actually fall for me. I don't know much about him, but I love him. It's not infatuation. I mean I just broke up with my ex who "cheated" on me and I regret going out with him because it was so awkward. After that event I never felt like falling for another guy. I don't know what to do because I'm a bit lost. I truly love him and I want to tell him, but I'm afraid that he'll cast me away. I will keep my feelings to myself if that means I can remain close to him. There is also a part in me that want to tell him. Please email me back with advices and responses: brycecrz@gmail.com (email for blogging). Thanks!
ReplyDeleteMy dad was 19 years older than my mom; they met when she was about 21/22 and he was divorced, and they were together for over 30 years when he passed away. I am truly blessed to have grown up in a home where, even when they loathed each other or were on completely different pages, they were truly the loves of each other's lives. It was always a kind of love that was different to anything I've ever seen. It's a bugger though, because now I want that kind of relationship and bond, and it's set a pretty high precedent. :)
ReplyDeleteOkay so I am loving this post. I am in love with a man who is 20 years older than me. However there is the added complications that originally he was my dads colleague. He is now my colleague as dad has retired and we are very much in love. This is a top secret affair although a few friends know. He has two boys, they are 18 and 17 and I am 20.....Also he has a girlfriend...I know i know this is an awful admission but sometimes i just have to tell someone..namely you lovely people. So now he wants to leave his partner and be with me. I am very maternal and traditional and he is more than willing to give me the life i want. Marriage and babies. I just have the fear that if it all fell apart what a mess it would be with his sons and also would this work in the real world?
ReplyDeleteHmmmmm....
Audrey, i'm in a very similar situaton. (Im 23, he's 40. He helped raise his girlfriend's kids who are 22 & 19) it can get heart wrenching at times. But my biggest piece of advice is dont push the breakup for his current girlfriend. If things dont end well between them, its possible it will come between the two of you in the future.
DeleteI've been with the man I love who is 17 years older than me for 35 years. We fell in love and have stayed in love. I cannot imagine my life without him-- ever. We will be together until death parts us.
ReplyDeleteMy husband is 35 years older than me. He is a physician at a nearby facility. I also work with himas a nurse. Actually, that is how we met. Heinvited me numerous times out to his horse farm. Which by the way, I grew up riding and showing. But, I was quite reluctant. Not only did we work together, but he was much older and I really wasn't into older men. As the months passed, I grew more drawn to him. Especially, when I saw how caring and compassionate he was with patients. Finally, I visited his farm. We have been together for 3 years, married for 1. We hsve a faithful 4 month old daughter and could not be happier. You can't put a number on happiness. No I'm not weird, just honest.
ReplyDeleteFunny, this was posted a day after my birthday! :P
ReplyDeleteAnyway, I love this girl! When I first met my guy, he thought I was at least 18, but I was actually 16 at the time. When he found out my age, he apologized and walked away very fast. haha. I stopped him and told him to calm down. We became very good friends after that. We never talked about restricted things. Everything was rated G.
I'm 18 now and we've been going out for a while now. I'm as happy as I can be(=
PS: He was 38 when we first met. Now he's 40, but when I look at him, I don't see/think of our age difference. I see the man I love. He's the only person who can keep me sane(=
PPS: We haven't had sex yet. Every time I attempt to take our clothes off, he stops me and always tells me he want it to be "perfect" and that he doesn't want me to think he's taking advantage of me. Like hell, at this point I WANT him to take advantage of me. LOL.
I love him!!!<33(=
I just met a guy from a dating site; he's 56 and I'm 31. He's gorgeous, stable, and sweet beyond compare. So far, we get along great and have a lot in common. He has three sons from a previus marriage whom he adores and he would like more. He lives in Colorado and I live in Minnesota; we plan on traveling to see each other sometime next month.
ReplyDeleteI think I'm in love!
I love this post!
ReplyDeleteEver since I was 15, Ive had a crush on this guy who was 8 years older than me (we go to church together and our families know each other well) . I grew up loving him all my life. But he would never date me cuz of the age difference. Last year our mutual friends took us on a double date, and we have been dating for a year now. Im now 21 and he is 28. I love every moment I spend with him and I know its cliche to say.. but to me its like a dream come true. I don't only love him, but I respect him. our families are pretty accepting and most of my friends are too but they see how happy we are for each other. But one of my friends is very rude to him, dosnt even talk to him and also talks bad about our relationship to other people. I really dont know what to do. I guess I never really thought about the age difference since my parents also have 10 year age difference and they are happily married. I love this post and the comments other people have written as it has given me the strength to deal with my friends bitching attitude.
|Thank you guys
i applied for a job on a farm, and my boss and i liked each other right away, though we knew it was risky. he's 21 years older, we dated for a few months, and well we got pregnant which i have to admit scared the both of us, and didn't know how to take it, but he felt that we should get married, so we did. it was a rough first 2 years, me being only 24 at the time. but as time went on, i learned to love and appreciate him so much, he is the nicest, most patient man i've ever met, and good looking too! we are now married 3 years and have 2 children. what i enjoy the most is that we are 100% honest with each other and trust each other 100%. also, we communicate all the time, which i find so important. We have our highs and lows, but he's my best friend and we do have a love for one another, despite the rough start!
ReplyDeleteI am 20 years old and Im dating a man that is 37. I found my soulmate..We come from different eras,but me as an inividual stuck in the past.He is everything I've always wanted and could ever imagine. Age is definently just a number.
ReplyDeleteI am 29 and my partner is 47. We've been together for 4 mths now and we've known each other for about 5 years. We first met while doing the same course during undergrad.
ReplyDeleteI must admit, a few years before, I would have never dated someone this old. Recently before dating him I had my cap at 10yrs my senior (following on from my dad who is 10 yrs older than my mom married for 45yrs). His charm made me fell for him and I use to wonder why he had to be this old. But he respects me and treats me well, better than my previous 2 byfriends who were 4 and 5 yrs older than me. I know he loves me dearly. He makes me smile, laugh and we have fun together, but sometimes I go off on a tantrum when the age difference comes to my mind. I'm slightly afraid if I can handle what my family, friends and people will say when they see us together. I even bug him about his looks if I see that he is gaining a bit of too much weight.
I am with my masters heading to pursue my phd and he is comfortable with is bachelors being a supervisor in his present job. I am not at all worried about that, but again, I am afraid of what others way say. He has no kids and my 6yr old daughter gets along well with him. Reading this article and other comments makes me feel a little bit confident in the choice i've made, realizing that it is love that matters and nothing else.
It is so refreshing to know that I am not alone! I am 26 and I'm dating a 50 year old man. We have known each other for 4 years and decided to actually get involved in a serious relationship 2 years ago. We are so in love with each other, but I haven't had the courage to introduce him to my family.He is only a few years younger than my parents and I fall in between his two daughters and I am scared about what my family will think.I come from a Christian household and so my family has certain views on relationships. I didn't plan to get involved with someone so much older than me and now I can't imagine my life without him.
ReplyDeleteWell. Iam 20 and My boyfriend is 32. I met him when I was 16 in My neighbors' house while I was wearing my wendys uniform! :) We never talked, but i would see him almost everyday because he was always at My neighbors house. When i turned 18, he asked me for My number & we talked for a few months. I KNEW he was the one since I saw him. We have been together for 2 years & 6 months (wedding plans!!) Iam still a virgin and he respects me too much. Finally Yes since society is so blind and My friends and family typically date guys their age they are so ignorant to realize that two people could Love eachother. Age is just a number not a crime
ReplyDeleteI have been seeing a man who is 30+ years older than me since April and it has worked it out great. It has been difficult to get past the awkward glances and stares at restaurants.I am slowly getting used to it and just trying to not care what others think.
DeleteWe are by no means your typical couple in the South, and most people think I'm with him for money, (he's not rich!) I am with him because he treats me better than any guy my age. I'm 27 and I'm tired of the lack of maturity in my generation. I've dated lots of men in their late 20s and 30s with no luck.
I met him last year in September and never thought it would turn into something romantic. My feelings changed after many dinners and walks spent together and just talking for hours. My family has met him and accepts him. He wants to introduce me to his family and I hope to meet them soon.
Only time will tell if we get married, but I'm excited to see what the future holds.
Love this article, I'm 19 just recently became involved in a 34 year old man. I, already, am happier than I have ever been. I knew I always was more attracted to older men, but now that I have one it makes even more since. He has 2 beautiful children, while they do not want to see their father hurt again, they seem to accept me greatly. Especially the younger one! I take alot of time up with them treat them as they were my own. There are so many things that are much better about an older man. We both come from the same, small town in the south so yes, people talk, alot. But we just have to ignore it because we are happy and that's what matters. Wouldn't ask for it any other way. I'm excited to see what life holds for the both of us...together!! Lastly, we have not actually had sex yet, he is so respectful and loves me for who I am, not what I have!! :)
ReplyDeleteMy soul mate was brought to me by the universe and he is 39 now I am 25. It has been an amazing and indescribable experience so far and reading posts like this re assure me that our age gap can be acceptable in public, with family and friends. I still have some walls up from a previous horrible relationship but now that I am sober I trust that my decisions are true honest and from the heart. We love eachother and our bond cannot be broken. He has been divorced has one sweet child in her teens. I think about the future a lot now because hes almost 40 and i seriously wanted to have at least one kid of my own. Since its so early in the relationship I think i'm going to let God decide when is a good time to bring it up but it's driving me crazy, like I just want to know if he would be interested in having one? Everything else is so easy and amazing and I would not give that up for anything or anybody! He feels the same.
ReplyDeleteI'm in love with my man his 52 and and I'm 24 I just sometimes feel like I'm innoying him but I just always wanna be around him..
ReplyDeleteSome times I feel why is he with me when he can find him self a women that he can have a full conversation with and not just having a "banta" but deeply I am into him ... Can't see my self without him I guess
My boyfriend is 28 years older than me (im 19) and it feels incredible we have the same sense of humour we both understand each other and can share things easily and i love him with all my heart and cannot see myself settling with anyone else xxxx
ReplyDeleteI was on google searhing for relationship advice on dating someone that is 20 years older me. I too am 29 and he is 49 (which I like to say a young 49) is so special to me and I am falling in love with him. He is established and knows what he wants. The main thing I love about him is that he is such a man about everything he handles his business and does not play any games. The love making is amazing too and I feel so connected to him on a whole nother level. I really enjoyed reading this post!
ReplyDeleteI'm currently dating a wonderful man 30 years my senior, and it works fantastically.
ReplyDeleteThe only issue that we've had so far is my father being rude about our age gap and telling me that I can't see him- but my mother thinks he's wonderful and my friends think he's funny.
I am 36 and boyfriend 66. I never would have imagined being with someone that much older but it was attraction at first site. Now I think I am in love with him. The physical aspect is so amazing, it absolutely blows my mind. Its been 5 months and although we come from different worlds, we seem to fit perfectly together. I have not told my parents yet, he is their age and I am know they will not approve. But I am an adult and am happy.
ReplyDeleteThe above post could have been written by me... I am 47 and my lover and friend is 81. He cannot be my boyfriend because he is still married... but we are very much in love, even though the relationship has no future. I am however enjoying each encounter, each time we meet to go out, each time we dance together (we belong to the same dance club)... Funny thing is that no one of our mutual friends know about it.... the age difference and the fact that he is still married are the biggest no... also he was in the army, was a diplomat and a count... I am an art history major working as a language instructor... But then... we compliment each other beautifully; There is friendship, passion, laughter and then companionship... and when he looks at me with his piercing blue eyes, I just melt!
ReplyDeletewow, i know this is an older post, but i stumbled upon it at the right time. I am 25 and my boyfriend of a year and a half is 48. I am a serious over-thinker and worrier, in all aspects of my life. I really could see myself being with him, but i feel no support for this relationship in any aspect of my life outside of my boyfriend himself...until i read this post. My friends and family dont get it ( and i dont blame them, i can understand where they come from), his kids dont really like it, since they are close to my age. We had a dinner with his children (18 & 20, both live at home) to ask them how they felt about me living there also. We didnt expect them to be thrilled, but we werent prepared for them to say no. This article gives me hope to not just run away from my relationship.
ReplyDeleteI really did enjoy this post. I am in a weird situation with an older man. I am 22, he is 39. We met a couple years ago, hung out, started seeing each other. I was really enjoying him. I really liked this guy, and we were seeing each other for a couple months. I was 19, he was 36. He didn't want to have sex with me, and I was confused on why. Our age difference? Was I too young? I thought he didn't want to pursue anything at all. So I left. I got into a relationship with another guy, who was older by 5 years this time, not 17. We dated for about 2 1/2 years and broke things off. After all this time, I still couldn't get "J" out of my mind. For those 3 years we would send each other an "update" of what was new. Now that I have been single for awhile I asked if he wanted to meet up again. After a few weeks of e-mails, we have been back to the same thing as before.
ReplyDeleteThis time I had to ask him why? I was always sad about his no desire to have sex with me. He explained to me that he just has a fear of sleeping with people because he has doesn't want children, and or diseases. He had a pregnancy scare with his serious 7 year relationship ex girlfriend. I know I am only 22, but I have never had a desire for children, and as I get older I have had less a desire. BUT maybe one day I will want to that to change with the right circumstances, but I honestly don't see it. I don't know if I should take a chance on this guy. Not because we don't get along, we get along PERFECTLY. I just don't want to waste my time unless I am worth it.
I really like him, and we have been getting to know each other more intimately this time around, and I mean emotionally, not physically. I don't mind waiting, because right now we have no labels with each other. He respects that I don't know what I want, and helps me more emotionally then any other guy I have known. But can I really wait around again for the sex? He said it takes him 6 months to a year to get sexually involved with someone he is seeing. Is that reasonable to wait that long for someone you are really connected with?
Today I asked him how long has it been sense he has been in a seriously committed relationship, he said 11 years. Now, should I hold onto this and be the that special girl who breaks that cycle? And I am not exaggerating about his "sex problem". He was the one who brought it up and he thinks it's a problem, and wants to go to therapy for it. Is it because of his age as well? I hear that a guy when he get into his 40's (hes 39) can sometimes loose testosterone very rapidly. I really like this guy, and what he has to offer is what I really was wanting with the guy I had previously dated. I am in a pickle. What do you think ladies?!?! What should I do?
I am a 25 year old woman dating a 49yr old man, its still very new, we'v only been dating for a month now. Iv hardly dated guys my age it never really works for me, but dis is d eldest iv ever went. M not sure wat to expect, I really like nd if he asked me to marry him I wldnt tink twice. Wen he asked me out he told me he had been divorced for 11yrs nd wants to settle down now.
ReplyDeleteI am a 17 year old female currently pursuing a man who is 31. I am aware that this isn't exactly legal, however, it was a complete.. Surprise? Accident? One of the best I've made, seemingly. Anyhow, we started as friends and just talked and talked and he really likes me and I really like him. I don't know how I'm going to break this to my parents or introduce them. I'm so afraid of the awkward. I'm certainly waiting until after I turn 18 though. I don't want them to think badly of him or get a bad impression because he is such a sweet heart and complete gentleman. I'm happy to see 15 + year age gaps, I am not alone in pursuing the older man. They're just over all more accomplished and being the driven young woman that I am, I am certain that this is something that I want. He's stable, kind and more giving than any young, inn experienced boy could be and I love that about him.
ReplyDeleteI am in a so call relationship right now with a 42 year old man and i am 24 it has been very interesting. I only dated two guys before him one was a young love the other was a 6 year relationship. Both of those guys was 2 years older than me. i feel like I am more happier dating someone older than me then aroungd the same age as me. We were friends 2 1/2 years before i even started dating him but he makes me laugh, hes very kind, and a good listener. But I really dont know if i would feel comfortable letting everyone know we are dating. Does anyone else feel the way I do??????????
ReplyDeleteI have a boyfriend that is 19 years older than me. I am 26 and he is 46. We get along so well. We are like best friends. I am pregnant now. I did not mean for this to happen, but I can't change whats already been done. We been knowing each other for 1 1/2 years now. I sometimes wonder what other think about it. My boyfriend says "forget them, they are not living your life and they should mind their business". I guess love comes in mysterious ways.
ReplyDeleteHow lovely to know we're not alone going through this love roller-coaster together. I'm a 19 year old gal, dating a 45 year old man. I'm a Student in college and he's a Doctor and a Surgeon. I had an appointment and we both were not expecting anything, just 'another' day, and we both knew once we looked into each other's eyes (nothing else, but the gaze in one another's eyes) allowed us to be aware of what we as humans are capable of. As if within a stare of a gaze, we planted a seed and filled it lovingly with creation of devotion within each pause we took and smiling eyes... the love began.
ReplyDeleteBy my second appointment he admitted how beautifully I carry myself, I smiled, and thanked him. I confessed to him, how his genuine smile, and presence is like a realm I have been dreaming of to have in life. He then had no words to put together, I smiled and remained at ease. He then asked, I would like to take you out to dinner soon, if that's alright with you? I couldn't help but to smile once more. I said, It would be my pleasure. And so we exchanged numbers.
~Eve
He's divorced and has been for exactly 2 years. He has 4 children the oldest one is a boy 12 years old and the youngest one is a gal that's 5 years old. They're all so lovely and also fell in love with me. They always ask for me and want to show me what they made me in school. They're amazing kids. His ex doesn't approve of their kids loving to be with me so often. But she needs to grow out of it. Just as she chose to grow out of love with her former husband and cheated on him 3 times.
ReplyDeleteWell, it's now a couple of months, It's getting serious. So I went on to let my parents know about him. My step-father will not accept the fact that my soon to be fiance is a year older than my step-father. My mother has no problem with it, as long as we're both truly happily in love (which surprised me immensely!). My mother is 4 years older than him and she knows his age, and she understands me. As for my step-father he keeps telling me no, that he will never accept him. Because he thinks he's using me as if it were just a 'fling'.
If we were to marry this would be my first (and no, I have no kids). And I would never have sex until marriage. He knows that, and respects my every word. For him it would be his second marriage. Also, I came to find out he's Mormon, I'm not within any religion act nor system. I'm a highly spiritual woman, and believe in a higher power. He has been 'trying' to get me to become a Mormon. But I told him clearly, I would love also for him to know my point of view of life and everything you're capable of also. He agreed and loved how I explain everything to him, rather than create a meaningless emotional over-drive of an argument(like most other women/men do).
As long as you have self respect for yourself, meaning: you care for your body by what you choose to put in it and put on it. The more you take care your Goddess body and respect it diligently with grace; the more everyone will automatically take notice and be aware of how valuable you are. And not just that, but they'll respect you by noticing your grace of touch on anything and the way you know to control your posture, and tone in voice. Everyone with just your pleasant grace and mannerism will respect you by the words of choice in front of you and open doors for you, just as getting the chair ready for you to sit on gracefully before you sit down for dinner with them.
You must love your body and inner-self without limit, make YOUR love for yourself overflow upon your heart, in order to love another without end... lovingly without bound. You see, it comes to you effortlessly, just by welcoming grace within your every move and respect for yourself as to others (physically, emotionally, and the tone of voice) soon every one whom surrounds you at all times, will take notice and appreciate your presence more than ever.
You have control of your entire body including your emotions. Keep in mind emotions will always be there. Emotions love to be directed towards anything you desire. Therefore let that certain desire be something wonderful, rather than disastrous for you and the other person. Be a lady, and take thought of your every move you make. Take a calm pause every now and then and correct the word choice you choose for that certain person in front of you. Not everyone has your same point of view. So put words together in a way that is NOT insulting the other person. In order for them to accept what you have to say and understand what you plan on doing next.
~Eve
I tried dating guys my age but usually have no luck. I want to try it before I completely just stop trying. I must admit I'm attracted to them but seems like the conversation is dry or the way the act or carry themselves. Drive's me to be very critical, not meaning to be. I had one prospective in mind but due to my strain of bad luck I may have lost the chance. It hurts. I mean I'm still pushing forward in life, by all means I wont stop due to some hurdles I'm much stronger than that. It seems that I attract all these older men I mean 35+ and I feel like I'm missing out on someone my own age.
ReplyDeleteAny suggestions/comments? Anything at this point.!