Not That Kind of Girl

You guys may know that I love

a) weird sociological experiments (what's up cat shows? or visiting a Scientology 'church'?)
b) trying not to limit myself with ideas about being That Type of Girl
c) nerdy personal challenges ala 31 New Things

So you can imagine that there was some dolphin-caliber squeeeing coming from The House of Yes when I discovered Not That Kind of Girl. Dudes? You are going to loves this so hard. Over the course of 365 days, girlfriend is attempting 250 things that are outside her comfort zone. Things that fall under the heading "But I'm Not That Kind of Girl!"

Like what? Welllll, she's already asked out a stranger, requested a discounts (for no discernible reason), taken part in a pantsless subway ride, and written a Craigslist Missed Connections ad.

I find this pretty fantastic and wanted to pick her brain about all of this awesome.

As a point of reference, what Kind of Girl are you usually?

Before I started this blog, I was definitely the awkward intellectual girl sitting in the corner, reading her Portable Dorothy Parker, waiting for everyone else to quiet down so she can fit in the occasional well-placed one-liner. I'm sure no one I've met since I've started the project will believe this, but I am deeply shy. Not just have a "has time talking to new people" shy -- I mean will sit in an Indian restaurant choking on curry because I don't want to trouble the waiter to refill my water.

What made you start this project?

In August, I got out of a very happy, extremely loving four-year relationship and decided on a whim to pack up my life and move from California to Boston. No job, no apartment, no friends (aside from my awesome sister!); a whole new life from scratch. And when I thought about what good changes I could make, I realized that never before had I made an unexpected decision. I was a model high school student, went to the right college, put myself on the PhD track in my very appropriate field -- there was nothing unexpected in my path.

I was relying so much on other people's opinions of what I should be that I hadn't taken time in years to evaluate what I wanted to be or who I had the potential of becoming. The idea for the blog came from the fact that I needed to take some uncalculated risks and scare my pants off every day to see if maybe -- just maybe -- I had the potential to be just a little bit more than I'd always imagined I could. And it has, I think, succeeded in that front.

What's been the toughest thing so far?
Oh my gosh, talking to people. Like a lot of shy writerly dudes, I spent a lot of time as the sardonic, benevolent dictator of my own head, and hide my social insecurities from the rest of the world with a shield of quippy detachment. Which doesn't exactly work when you're traipsin' around town, asking dudes out and trying to make friends on the street. Every time I approach a stranger and let them into my world, I'm paralyzed with fear for a moment or two, afraid they'll say something nasty or just totally shut me down. But you know what? It hasn't happened so far, and I'm just beginning to suspect that it's not going to happen at all. Turns out strangers are nice!

What's been the most rewarding?
It's hard to isolate one particular experience from this crazy five-months-and-counting ride, but when I look at the girl I am now, compared to the one who started this blog, I can tell you that I am -- in the best of all senses -- an almost completely different person. If you'd told me six months ago that I'd think nothing of asking out a stranger in the bookstore, riding the subway in my underwear on No Pants Day, or shaking my junk on a Jumbotron, I would have laughed in your face. Heck, if you'd even suggested I'd voluntarily go to a sports game, I would have shot you straight to the top of my Certified Loonies Not To Lunch With list.

Everything I've done so far seems to boil down to three lessons that I keep learning and relearning: 1) if you want something, just ask for it -- people are nice and genuinely want to help you; 2) don't worry about what other people think of you, because they don't; 3) you -- you -- have infinite potential. And it's one thing to know these lessons intellectually or to hear them from your mother, but once your pants are off in the subway and you feel awesome, it's much easier to really swallow.

Every once in a while I'll get an email from a reader telling me: "hey, today I got terrible service in a restaurant and decided: I'm not standing for this today! I wasn't that kind of girl!" or a reader telling me they finally asked out their crush or got up on stage at an open-mic poetry slam, and my heart just swells. All I'm trying to do with this project is be a little bit more than I thought I could be, and if writing about it inspires one or two people to push themselves a bit too, then I just couldn't be any more thrilled.

What are you currently working up the nerve to do?
My big hit-list for 2010 includes taking on my fear of fish in a horrifying, head-on way (I'm thinking one of those fish-bite pedicures. Who's with me?!); trying my hand at stand-up comedy; and, if I can scrape the funds together, hurtling my shrieking self out of an airplane.

NTKOG challenges for me would probably include:
* Getting highlights
* Going to a bar by myself and talking to strangers (The Horror!)
* Drinking a fruit-based alcoholic drink through the tiny straw without removing all the umbrellas and decorative fruit
* Reading something I've written at an open mic night
* Flirting my way into or out of something.

Eeee! I get The Fear Stomach just thinking about some of that stuff! Which means I should probably do them. Watch out for my guest post at NTKOG next week in which I chronicle my out-of-character Vegas shenanigans involving a performing bartender/former stripper, fruit flavored shots and everyone staring at me.

What sort of Not That Kind of Girl challenges would you make?