30 New Things: Drive-in Movie

A double-showing! But we are old ladies

and only game for one movie at a time

The BFF is a professional drive-in attendee/nest-maker.

In case you were wondering, we are the kind of
girls who eat spring rolls and drink coffee at the drive-in.

Heaps of kiddos playing on the hill before the movie
starts, most of them already in their pajamas.

Mini-van central

Ever one to dig joyfully into a new list, two lovely friends and I headed out in the suburbs last night for some drive in tomfoolery. We quickly discovered that a Friday night, at a drive in, in the suburbs? Showing a Pixar movie? Kidville, population: gajillion.

Buuut, it was mostly adorable, watching the kiddos run around in their pajamas, making blanket nests on top of their family's minivan, and rolling down hills. Even better was hearing them guffaw at the movie's kid jokes and then repeat them to their parents "Haaaawwww! Mom! The big bird ate the old man's cane and then he coughed and he threw it up and it was covered with spiiiittttt! Grosssss!"

Up is, of course, completely adorable and enjoyable, like everything Pixar does. I won't attempt to explain the plot here as it would sound ridiculous and bizarre, but lordy, it is good. I am particularly enamoured with a certain chubby and overly enthusiastic boy scout who bears an uncanny resemblance to a former student of mine. An awesome, lovely night - highly recommended.

Wise Word from Sir Tupac

South American Photo Dump

Hey, remember that time I backpacked around South America for three months? In the event that you doubted me (or maybe just thought I was hanging out at home and learning Spanish from bad novelas) here's a bit of photographic evidence.

The salt flats in Bolivia

Flamingos dining in a thermal lake on the Altiplano in Bolivia

An old church on the Altiplano

Those little colored yarn bits are used instead of branding

to tell the herds of llamas apart.

The SUV I rode across the salt flats, filled with kiwis.

So much fun!

Indeterminate dead animal

Oh, lack of depth perception. You are hilarious.

The city cemetary in La Paz, Bolivia. People buy a little crypt

instead of a cemetary plot and leave bottles of wine/flowers/candy/toys.

Handmade weavings and yarn

In the mountains outside of Huaraz, Peru.

Glacial lake

Ruins n'stuff. I became oddly immune

to all the architectural wonders after three months.

Some of the kids I taught at the orphanage. Not pictured: the masturbator.

The orphanage's soccer pitch/basketball court.

A jellyfish at Playa de Silencia. I poked it with a stick

for a good ten minutes while my friend flirted with the cabana boy

and got herself a free sombrero. Seriously.

This woman was making a music video.

For realz. Witness the little boom box!

What you can't see is the camera crew and her dance coach off to the right.

And hey! Remember to comment for a chance to win for all sorts of South American goodies!

Thirty New Things

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Did you guys know that despite my propensity for living out of a backpack and watching movies with talking animals I am nearly 30?! Yes. Good lord, I know.

I am trying very hard not to do the pre-birthday freak out. And in an effort to calm the eff down and enjoy my life as it is, I'm trying to undertake 30 new things over the next three months, before I turn 30 on August 29th.

I haven't come up with 30 things yet. Here's what I have so far:

1. Try one of those horned melon things
2. Go to a strippersize class
3. Try water skiing
4. Drink wine on a boat
5. Get a brazilian
6. Get my palms read
7. Read Twilight
8. Read a Harry Potter book
9. Go to the Scientology "Church" and, uh, see what that's all about
10. Eat Ethiopian food
11. Engage in Guerrilla Gardening
12. Make sweet corn ice cream
13. Make beer cheese cupcakes with bacon frosting
14. Go to a drive-in movie
15. Eat dinner by myself in a decent restaurant, without a book

16. Try miracle berries

17. Get a ridiculous manicure involving decals

18. Complete a 26 things photo scavenger hunt

19. Go on a date (Okay, I have done this before. But not in a loooooong time)

20. Ride the Munger Trail

Do you guys have any ideas? I'm looking for things that cost under $50 and are doable in one day.

Also, I'd love it if you joined in the fun! I'll be blogging about all these shenanigans and I'd be happy to include a link to any other bloggers who want to part take in 30 New Things!

So suggest away!

A Prize From Peru! For You!

So you know the last three months? When I was backpacking around South America? I kept you in my thoughts, friends. So much so that I even bought some stuff for you! Ridiculously, at some point between the near the death experiences and the farting donkeys, I purchased some random stuff for one lucky, lucky person.

So what are we looking at here?

Bolivian charms
I actually bought these at the Witches' Market, the same place that sold the dried llama fetuses I may (or may not) have rubbed your postcards on. There are seven charms here, one for health, love, luck, home, money, career and babies. So I figure you're pretty much covered.

A traditional Andean stocking cap
Complete with ear flaps! Engineered by mountain climbing Peruvians, so I imagine it can handle anything the western world can dish up. Probably made from alpaca and knitted by a tiny, gnarled woman who was chewing coco leaves.

Seed necklace
Guys, I'm not actually sure a) how they dye these seeds b) how they drill holes in them c) what kind of seeds they are. But they made it through customs so I think we're okay! This necklace is wicked adorable, long enough to wear in one layer or two.

Are you keen? If you'd like like these things for your very own, just leave me a comment detailing what you would name a pet llama. If you were lucky enough to have one. Winner will be chosen at random next week. Good Luck!

The Soundtrack of Summer

In my mind, summer starts the moment I can comfortably drive with my windows down, turn up my favorite songs and sing along with them, alienating everybody else at the stoplight. My summer soundtrack?

Paperplanes M.I.A.
Perfect for driving through the inner city as the sun sets behind the sky scrapers, watching kids jump rope in the street and working on an orange push pop as you merge onto I-94. Every time I hear this song, I feel deeply, deeply hip. Which I am very much not. Sooooo, good job with that M.I.A.

Float On Modest Mouse
This song is meant to be played at 4 p.m. on a Saturday, as everyone is starting to show up for your backyard barbecue. Maybe you are drinking a shandy and putting your veggie dogs on the grill. It is also imperative that this song be played from a stereo that is in the window of your second floor, playing out over the neighborhood as kids bike down the alley.

Free Falling Tom Petty
I'm not sure if you knew this, but Tom specifically designed this song to be used as background music while you make out with your high school boyfriend, during a thunder storm as the electricity goes out. (Based on something a friend actually did!)

The Bucket (As performed by The Wellington International Ukulele Orchestra) Now, I love me some Kings of Leon, but there's something much more "Summery" about hearing this song performed by joyfully plinking ukuleles and sweetly harmonizing voices. Probably the best song for dancing on the porch with your friends before you head to bar.

Energy Spent Liam Finn
What? You don't know my boyfriend Liam? Well, you're going to be obsessed with him after this. This is the song you need playing at the lake house you've rented with a huge group of friends. You will hear it echoing out over the water as you stand on the porch drinking a beer as the grill warms up.

What songs are the score to your summer?

How to Posh-up Your Apartment Without Breaking the Bank

If you are human being, somewhere between the ages of 18 and 32, living in a sizable city and generally rocking the not-quite-settled-down life, you probably live in an apartment, right? And said apartment is probably a high-ceilinged number, with hardwood floors, looking out over a park, just down the block from work, renting for a whisper and a prayer. No?

Weird. Mine's not like that either.

Like most things in life, apartments require a certain amount of compromise. The big place in the suburbs or the closet in hipsterville. The acres of dingy carpeting or the three square feet of imported cherrywood. Oh, the luxury of choices.

I, personally, would rather live in a wee little place in a neighborhood that I dig, rather than in a mansion in the 'burbs. And by the grace of the real estate gods I found a gem in a neighborhood full of giant lawns and big Victorians and tiny cafes. But said gem? It is very, very much in the rough. Like, hasn't been repainted in years, kind of rough. So I'm summoning all my DIY powers and thrifting talents to posh up my place without going into debt. Some of the tricks I have up my sleeve?

Clean the Sweet Bejesus out of that place
No, I mean like a really epic down-on-your-hands-and-knees kind of cleaning. Shampoo the carpet, dust the ceiling fan blades, bleach the grout. Cleaning supplies don't have to cost a fortune, you can even make your own for a pittance. Little details add up: you can remove paint splatters from hardwood with nail polish remover and return the gloss to dry, faded wood with a $1 bottle of mineral oil. Anne Sullivan, you're not the only miracle worker in town!

Replace and upgrade the hardware
Most of the things that come with an apartment are rubbish, or at least not particularly attractive - those oddly flesh-toned light plates, the dirty blinds, the skinny towel bars. It's easy to replace these things and usally not too expensive. You can upgrade to nice brushed nickel lightplates, bamboo blinds and towel bars that don't leave a crease in your linens. And you can even take them with you when you move! I've even been known to replace cupboard knobs and light fixtures. But then don't go by me. I'm the girl who will spend her Saturday night joyfully oiling her floor.

Repaint
If you are lucky enough to have a laid-back landlord, embrace the power of the brush. Even if you are required to stay with in the confines of "neutral earth tones" a new coat of paint makes everything look clean and fresh. And painting over questionable wood panelling or dark cabinets can make a world of difference. Choosing a vibrant color can overcome mediocre furniture or a weird layout.

Never pay full-price
But then with craig's list, ebay and garage sale season, why would you? By the time I'm finished furnishing my new place (love seat, buffet, bed, dining room table and chairs, desk and chair, rug) I think I'll top out at $400. At the most. I also find that buying things on the cheap keeps me from getting too emotionally attached to stuff that is, ultimately, just stuff. It's a lot easier to sell off your belongings and head to Russia when you found your sofa on the curb.

Cover up the ugly

Cheap-o, twenty something apartments usually have character up the wazoo. "Character" meaning windows in your shower, avocado green fridges paired with mustard yellow stoves, or a giant brown 70's air conditioner mounted into the middle of your living room wall. Dude, just cover that shit up. I am a huge fan of obscuring any unpleasant views via a fake stained-glass window (paint egg white onto your window and then layer pieces of white tissue paper over it) and hanging big ol' pictures over unused air conditioners/fuse boxes/bad plaster. I solved the problem of the ridiculous fridge and stove by painting stripes in varying shades of green and yellow onto one wall. And lo! There was matching!

How have you fancified your place on the cheap?

My new favorite mannerism

On Thursday, I was playing a guessing game with my students. And apparently guessing doesn't come naturally to them as there was a lot of head tilting, eye squinting and ummming before any choices were made.

But then I witnessed what will go down in history as The Best Way To Make a Decision Ever. After being asked to make a random choice between several variables, my student inserted her index finger into her cheek, pulled it out with a popping sound, swung her arm around in the air and then poked herself in the rib cage. She then announced, with total confidence, that she was choosing C.

Eenie meenie miny moe? You have been replaced.

Procrastination

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Girl Meets Couple, Part 2

This is the second half of an interview with my friend Elizabeth who happens to be dating a couple. Here's the first half.

What are the challenges and benefits of dating these guys?

Challenges

Time

We date each other long-distance (3.5 hours) and because of busy schedules, that means about one weekend together a month—that’s it. But we’re very conscientious about communicating online and on the phone every day. I know a lot of people deal with long-distance relationships, but since I can only talk on the phone with one at a time, it requires a decent chunk of my day to keep up with both of them. But I feel very close to them, which is worth the time spent. It does add up, though!

Communication

Along these same lines, however—on days when one of them is having a tough time or there’s conflict (granted, they have a solid relationship and talk about everything—no one’s throwing vases or anything), I hear both two versions of what happened without being there to form my own impression, and have to try to get a sense for what went down. That gets tense…but fortunately, they don’t expect me to take sides or negotiate because I would feel super awkward in that position.

Benefits

Doubly satisfying

Dating two people may involve extra complications—three sets of feelings, more time and energy, more stuff to keep track of—but it also pays off double. I have two people telling me every day that they adore me, that I’m cute, that they’re grateful to have me in their lives. I have two sources of comfort and validation when I’m having a terrible day. They make me laugh twice as much, and I always know I’m being discussed affectionately by two people I’m crazy about.

Yay for women!

I don’t know if it’s because I’m dating a lesbian and the open-minded guy who worships her, but I will never be in a more pro-girl relationship in my life. I think women often feel pressure to downplay or defend their girly traits, like they’re silly or trivial. My gf and bf are each big fans of girlyness and are feminists like I am, which makes me feel more gratified about all my woman business than ever before!

How have people reacted when you told them about this?

I’ve told most of my good friends and my brother, and some have met my bf and gf—most everyone has been wildly supportive in a way characteristic of the wonderful people in my life. Here are a few responses/questions I seem to get a lot: "Soooooooo…pretty hot, huh?" Well, yeah, but not at all in a kinky 70s shag-carpeting, circular bed kinda way.

Men in particular (some, not all) seem to assume at first that this is primarily a sex thing. We have great chemistry, but there’s a huge emphasis on feelings. We are good friends before anything else. Also, my bf would be the first to say he’s a sensitive, non-macho type (I’m a big fan of this, as it turns out), so it's absolutely not about serving some typical male fantasy of watching two chicks together, nor is it solely about my gf being able to express herself as a lesbian. Everything is mutual—as long as we’re always talking honestly, gender politics don’t seem to get in the way.

Alot of people can't imagine sharing someone they love. How does this work for you guys?

Speaking of sharing —people seem curious as to how a woman could share her husband with another woman (again, it’s rare that anyone asks how a dude could share). All I can say is that it works for this couple because of her sexual orientation and his emotional makeup, to paraphrase the way they put it. Trust is vital—we’re very open. They’re both privy to anything I say or write to either of them, and nothing sexual happens unless everyone’s included. Sorry if that’s more information than you wanted, but it’s important!

What kind of future does this relationship have?

Fair question—if my significant others are married, where’s this going? Something I’ve noticed since I started dating this couple is the extent to which a traditional relationship is fraught with expectations—little markers signifying progress toward some sort of destination. It’s profound to be in a relationship where affection is given purely for its own sake; they’re not lonely or in need of a mate—they just like me! But the flipside of that is that I have a wonderful bf and gf but no prospect for partnership of my own, which is something I’ll want eventually. They understand this and tell me they’ll be happy for me when I decide to pursue that. For now, I’m content and enjoying myself.

What advice do you have for anyone else interested dating a couple?

Find the second-awesomest couple in the world and go from there? It’s such a unique scenario—but if you meet a couple with whom you want to spend your time, make sure they’re VERY caring, considerate, mature people who want to know you and not use you. Make sure it’s safe—otherwise, it won’t be fun. Be open about it with the people close to you—their perspective will be helpful, even if they can’t advise you from experience. Trust yourself, too—only you can say if it’s right for you. And never say never—believe me, no one who knows me would’ve figured I’d go for dating a couple. Happiness comes in unexpected forms sometimes, I guess!

Girl Meets Couple, Part 1

I met Elizabeth* as a senior in college, sharing the editing software in UMM's newspaper office. I immediately wanted to be her friend because a) we were hair twins b) I had heard an urban legend about her class project "Yeats: The Musical." These days, she throws theme parties, works on her PhD and dates a couple.

Yes.

You read that correctly. Girlfriend's got a boyfriend. And a girlfriend. Elizabeth was kind enough to give us some insight into the workings of a healthy, loving relationship that just happens to involve three people.

Could you describe your current romantic status to us?
For the past few months, I've been involved in a romantic relationship with two people--a man and a woman who are married to each other. My girlfriend identifies as a lesbian (always has) who just happens to have fallen in love with a man perfectly suited to her. They are very compatible and happy as a pair--their interest in dating another woman together is not about making up for any lack in their own relationship--they just have a lot of adoration to give, and love being able to share the experience of showering it on another woman. And while I'm sure a lot of people are capable of expressing feelings for more than one person, I think these two are uniquely suited to do so without hurting their marriage--I'll go into more detail about their natures below.

How does one go about meeting a couple to date?
Well, this is a characterization of events that I'd want to dispel--I initiated a discussion about us getting to know each other that lead to dating, but none of us were "looking" to get involved like this randomly--as my gf pointed out, it wasn't in any way "desperate". The idea of dating a couple had never occurred to me until I met them, and part of the appeal of dating them was that they were looking for something that made sense to me: a legitimate, caring relationship as opposed to some indiscriminate, raunchy swinger action.

I met them like this: my bf and I have both been active(ly NERDY!:) commenters on a very well-known, hipstery pop culture website. After months of poring over posts, you get to know people's personalities a bit, so a handful of commenters have ended up becoming Facebook friends. He and I bonded over the rad late-80s monster adventure comedy "Monster Squad" (seriously--run, don't walk) and sort of peripherally left each other FB comments, did some shameless meme-tagging, etc. I was curious about him, and also would read comments from his cute wife on his Wall which invariably gave me that "this person and I are meant to know each other" feeling.

One day, he left comments on our hipster website hangout about his non-traditional marriage that intrigued me to no end. The way he described their own relationship was gorgeous and moving--that they're best friends and deeply committed partners (who, I hasten to clarify, have a super-hot sex life between the two of them) who like the idea of sharing a relationship (as opposed to a casual hookup) with a woman they can mutually adore. You guys, I was fascinated. I sent my FB friend a message letting him know that, to my surprise, I could not stop thinking about how lovely and hot this all sounded. It turned out that they were not involved with or seriously pursuing anyone else at that moment.

I started talking to both of them so we could get to know one another, first on FB and then on the phone and then after some time, we began to meet up and it turned out that...well, there's no modest way to put it. We're sort of perfect for each other. These are people with whom I would have become good friends anyway--we have heaps in common and our personalities are very well-suited--and the attraction was pretty incredible from the get-go. I don't meet many people with whom I vibe in a romantic way--I really have to LIKE whomever it is as a friend--so to meet TWO hot people that I truly dug at once was really exciting…and mutual!:)

Has your couple dated like this before?
Yes. It's been challenging for them to find someone who's on the same page about what kind of relationship they wanted to have. They have gone on a number of dates with women (mostly contacted through the Internet through personals sites, using a really careful, lengthy, detailed ad meant to weed out the sleazoids) whom they weren't into or who ended up being unable to develop an attraction to both of them. Some simply became friends. Before me, there were a couple of short relationships (a few months each) that both went south for one reason or another, nothing that should also end up becoming a problem for me. They took those seriously, but neither one ended well, as so many relationships don’t. Honestly, they were about ready to throw in the towel on finding something functional when they started getting to know me. Yeah, I know, I'm a back-patter:).

Are you really equally into both people?
I am! Thank goodness. I wondered about this, too, at the very beginning, especially because I'd never been involved with/kissed/seriously considered dating another woman. I mean, I've always been hardcore pro-GLBT and had lesbian friends and super-close female friends, but I never really thought I'd have an honest-to-goodness romantic response to a woman, or a sexual impulse I'd feel comfortable acting on. I had convinced myself that all of that "person-specific" rhetoric I'd heard in college was just the prattling justification of horny people who got all hot for anyone who found THEM attractive.

But it's a real thing, guys—turns out I happen to like this woman a lot. And though some aspects of it have been new, it hasn't been weird for a second--it's been just like it should be, just like it was with my darling boyfriend as well--that thing where you meet someone and you just feel you're going to get each other, that you long to be near that person as often as possible.Of course, my relationship with each of them has its own characteristics--I relate to each one in our own way, which is really fun because I get to share different sides of myself really intimately with two people at once.

But we all agree that one of the most crucial factors that makes us work so well is that I adore them as a couple. I was drawn to their rich, loving relationship and am constantly touched and rewarded to be included. They like that a lot--without it, a lot of jealousy could creep in from all sides, which, I probably don't have to mention, would be a surefire way to screw everything up, including our relationship AND their marriage.

Tomorrow: Part 2, the benefits and challenges of dating a couple

* super sexy and exotic fake name

Because A Smart Girl is a Sexy Girl

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True story: A few years ago, while living in Taiwan, I was sitting in a bar discussing travel with some friends of mine. They were detailing the ridiculously rutted and bumpy road that connects Cambodia and Thailand.

And instead of cooing consolation over their six hour bus ride from hell, my thought process was "Wait. What? Isn't Thailand an island? Isn't, like, every country in Southeast Asia an island?"

This was the extent of my knowledge of Geography, whilst actually living in Southeast Asia.

Good lord.

Since this rather humiliating experience I've started making a more active effort to avoid brain rot. Now, I'm not saying we should give up on The Real Housewives of New Jersey or speak only in four syllable words, but a smart girl is a sexy girl, no?

Some of my favorite ways to stave off the stupid?

Salon, Slate and The Morning News - Well written feature pieces, current events, and headlines from around the world. In a much more friendly, consumable format than CNN.

Free Rice - Take quizzes on a variety of subjects. Each right answer earns a few grains of rice for the UN World Food Program. I'm a sucker for the vocabulary quizzes, but should really be dabbling in the pre-algebra area. Uggg.

The Daily Show - Eye candy and brain candy all rolled into one! My boyfriend Jon Stewart makes politics delicious and nutritious.

This American Life - I'm not sure exactly how listening to The Best Radio Show in The Land makes me smarter. Maybe it just makes me a more compassionate, involved human being. Or maybe I just love me some Ira Glass.

Reading Non-Fiction - Because truth is often so much more fascinating than fiction. If I really want to geek out, I read anthropological case studies (what?!)

What do you do to feed your head? And are you willing to share some of your most epic brain farts?

What You Wear Under There

Last week, as I was doing my weekly Target walk-through, I discovered quite possibly The World's Best Underwear. I immediately bought a pair to test drive and discovered that they were, in fact, truly fantastic. These underwear are particularly great because they somehow manage to bridge the gap between sexy and comfortable - and that is not an easy gap to bridge, friends!

Of course, a girl should have many a weapon in her panty arsenal, for every imaginable occasion. Like what sorts of occasions?

Comfy underwear for the steampunk in all of us. Probably best worn under that cute black petticoat you thrifted, while drinking absinthe and reading dirty Russian literature. Or on a trip to Ikea. Either or.

Best worn under sweats and with a wifebeater sheer with age. Good for overcast Sundays spent lounging around the house, indulging your sweet tooth and trying to beat your roommate at Resident Evil 5.

These beauts are just made for that vintage dress your grandma gave you - the one that fits like a second skin. Obviously, they need to be coupled with a filmy slip (a lady never goes without!), an oddly pointy bra and seamed stockings. Then you should probably make a dirty martini and drink it while smoking a veeeeerrrry long cigarette.

These lacy little numbers bring out the racy lady in all of us. You should probably wear them (and only with them) and a pair of feathered mules as you teeter around your apartment on your day off. After nibbling on some Ben and Jerry's, make a list of everyone you've ever kissed and what you found attractive about them.

What kind of underwear do you rock? And have you found the perfect pair that we need to know about?

My Next Boyfriend

Now that I am taking applications for a new boyfriend, I'd like to encourage this gentleman to apply.

I'm telling you right now dude, you will get at least a preliminary interview.

Thoughts on Risk

Fairytale Fashion, Round 2

Back by popular demand! More Disney maidens in skinny jeans!



Snow White

After her near death experience with that nasty apple and the glass coffin, Snow White becomes a lobbyist for organic farming. Convinced that her coma was brought on by a factory farm's overuse of pesticide's, S.W. (as she's known to her friends) spends her days teetering around Washington D.C. in heels, batting her eyelashes at hardened politicians. After a long day of extolling the virtues of the family farm, S.W. rarely has the energy to clean up her tiny studio apartment. It is then that she calls on her animal friends to help clean. Except for the pigeons. Those guys are not to be trusted.

Cinderella

After a few months of life in the castle, Cindy quickly realizes that marrying someone based on three hours of dancing and the size of your feet is pretty stupid. Prince Charming spends most of his time playing Wii and leaving a trail of wet towels and Dorito bags all over the palace. Cindy dumps this messy man and sets out on her own, founding a cleaning business that quickly takes off. Who knew that all those years of compulsively scrubbing the fireplace grate would come in so handy? Within three years, Cindy sells the business to Merry Maids for a million dollars and buys her own damn pumpkin carriage.

Sleeping Beauty
With all that blond hair and the pert little nose, people are constantly underestimating Aurora. But she never tires of the look on their faces when she tells them that she's one year away from her PhD in neuroscience. After her personal battle with narcolepsy, she's bound and determined that no other girl goes through what she went through. What with the waking up in a castle all full of dragon and what not. (Thanks to Liz for this idea!)

More Fairytale Fashion!

Things I Love Thursday

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Being back in the states
After three months of bad water pressure, using my sarong as a towel and speaking very mediocre Spanish, it is fantastic to return to the many luxuries of America. There is so much to love here. The giant grocery stores! The novelty of owning a car! Shelf after shelf of different shampoos. There are many, many things that are great about traveling, but there are just as many great things about coming home.

Fantastic Friends

As you may know, it's been a rough couple of weeks for the good ship Yes and Yes. But I am lucky enough to pack an arsenal of amazing, amazing lady friends. There have been many offers of couches to sleep on. There have been bonfires and beers and veggie dogs, and friends who say all those things you want to hear. I am so, so lucky.

My New Place

Oh, it is a diamond in the rough friends, but beneath the questionable paint colors and layers of grime, I can see the glimmer of something great. It's a one bedroom with a wee little office (read: over sized walk-in closet with a window), hardwood floors and a fire escape just begging for big pots of basil. Even better is the fact that it is in one of those coffee shop/boutique/huge Victorian house neighborhoods and within walking distance of work. My commute is non-existent! My life has been revolutionized!

My New Purse

Every single bag I've ever owned has been bought second hand, usually something in tooled leather with the name "Tootsie" etched into the side. (Seriously. I own that purse.) So when I splashed out a whole 25 dollars for my very first Grown-Up Lady Purse, I was pretty damn impressed with myself. However, The BFF maintains that it is not, in fact, a Grown-Up Lady Purse as it is bright orange. Something akin to this. Only more schmoopy. And less subtle. It is awesome and I love it.

Extra credit

Bun Chay, Metric's Give Me Sympathy, kitty nephews, wearing Chacos as house slippers, Mr. Clean Magic Erasers (the most satisfaction you can get for $3), conceptualizing my summer wardrobe ("Amazonian Explorer Preppy" in case you're wondering), the cashier at my local Asian grocery store saying "Long time no see! Where you go? You skinny now!", cheese.

What's good in your life?

In Which I Pretend I Don't Know That Word

Teaching is an amazing profession. What with the molding of minds and lives and blah blah blah. You also spend a lot of your time taking away cell phones, picking gum out from under desks and saying things like "Do you have something you'd like to share with the class?"

While I was in Peru, I spent a few weeks volunteer teaching at an orphanage in the mountains and as far as students go, orphaned South American teenagers are pretty tough customers. At least compared to my usual group of tender-hearted adult refugees. After a year of dealing with sweetly demure adults, I had practically forgotten how to stare a 13-year-old into submission.

On my first day at the orphanage, I decided to work with everyone's favorite English phrase, "I like to _______ " Easy enough. We brain stormed some answers and worked our way around the classroom, asking each other "What do you like to do?"

Now. I should have know that Renaulto was trouble when he answered as three different students during roll call and spent a good part of class putting pencils in his ears and nose. Thankfully I was facing the blackboard when shy little Juan asked him what he liked to do.

"I like to masturbate."

I had to bite my lip to keep from laughing out loud and will my face not to blush.

I turned around, and did a bit of coy, pleasant faced head-tilting.

"What?"

"I like to masturbate."

"Hmmm, I don't know that word, Renaulto. Is that an English word?"

"Ummm, I think so. I like to masturbate."

"Maybe you're not pronouncing it right."

"mas-TUR-bate."

"No. I don't know. I don't think that's a word."

"Oh. Uh. I like to play video games."

"Good. Okay, Jesus. What do you like to do?"

I fear I may have given the boy a complex about his pronunciation.

How To Travel on Your Own Without Getting Attacked, Maimed or Robbed (And Maybe Even Enjoy Yourself)

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Dear Sarah,

I am traveling to India this summer for about 4 or 5 weeks on my own to teach ... But I've never actually gone anywhere on my own, or not another continent anyway. My parents, naturally, aren't too thrilled, though my dad thinks it's a great opportunity, but in a small way, i understand their concern: I've yet to turn 18 and am a girl, which seems to make a world of difference to them. Do you have any tips for traveling on your own, like how to "stay safe"?

In my five years/twenty countries worth of travel, I have never been robbed, groped or seriously harassed. Mostly, I have been lucky. But I also employ the all-important “Don't mess with me walk” and follow these tips:

Staying Safe

Be Aware of Your Surroundings

Of course, all the normal rules for personal safety still apply while you're traveling. It's tempting to lose yourself in the architecture and cobblestones and dark-eyed boys of a new place, but don't get so enthralled that you wander into a dicey neighborhood or find yourself alone, in a cemetery, as the sun is setting. When you travel, you'll inevitably visit places you might not frequent at home – crowded street markets, isolated ruins, underground crypts. You still need to hold on to your bag and keep an eye out for gropers even at these tourist attractions.

Leave the Daisy Dukes At Home

Many countries have a much more conservative approach to fashion than those of us who live in the western world. And some of the countries that do embrace the short short and halter top are quite keen to express their approval via wolf whistles and ass-slaps. You'll be less likely to encounter trouble is you leave the camisoles and mini skirts at home. And you might even help counteract the belief that all western ladies are shameless hussies.

Learn Some Choice Phrases

“Leave me alone,” “I have a boyfriend,” “Stop!” and “Help!” are always good to know in any language. But then you can also accomplish a lot with pointed glares and rolled eyes. I've heard urban legends about female travelers who have grabbed the hand of men who groped them, held said hand up in the air and yelled “This man touched me!” Public shaming: huge deterrent.

Know the Scams Before You Get There

Sure, we all know not to buy a “Timex” from a guy selling them out of his coat pocket, but every country has different scams. Check out your Lonely Planet's “Dangers and Annoyances” section and read a few travel message boards about your destination. However, take all of this information with a grain of salt and don't let it ruin your trip. Common sense and confidence will keep you safe 95% of the time – carry a messenger bag in front of you, keep your credit cards, passport and cash in a money belt under your clothes and don't go home with the hot Peruvian you just met at the bar. You'll be fine!

Make Friends With the Locals

If you speak the language, chat with your waiter/concierge/guide about which neighborhoods are safe, which bus companies are nice and how much you should expect to pay for different services. They are usually thrilled to share their knowledge and might even hook you up with some amazing, off-the-beaten track experiences.

Enjoying Solo Travel

I would venture that you will rarely find yourself traveling completely on your own. Yes, you might arrive at the airport all by your lonesome, but faster than you can say “hostel dorm room” you'll be meeting people left and right. In the event that you really are a solo traveler, here are a few tips to enjoy your time.

Make Friends With the Locals (Seriously)

Not only will the locals clue you in to safe neighborhoods and good restaurants, they can explain local customs, teach you slang and maybe even teach you to samba. What's the point in flying half way around the world just to hang out with other backpackers, right? When I was volunteering in Arequipa, Peru, I spent a good part of every day chewing the fast with a guide housed out of my hostel. We talked about Peruvian politics, Peruvian samba vs. Cuban samba and he even taught me how to cook some of the local delicacies. So much fun!

Take Part In A Volunteer Program

If your family (or you yourself) are nervous about traveling alone, I cannot sing the praises of volunteer programs loudly enough. Most programs will meet you at the airport, provide housing, and even coordinate language lessons for you. You'll meet other volunteers and travelers, gain a deeper understanding of the country you're visiting and get in with the locals. If you're really lucky, you might even be able to get free lodging in exchange for your volunteer work. Two birds! One stone!

Learn How to Amuse Yourself

If you do find yourself all alone in an unknown city, it's important that you know how to entertain yourself. And no, playing solitaire on your hotel bed doesn't count. I like journalling over a cup of tea, taking heaps of photos, trying on ridiculous outfits composed completely of tourist crap and sitting in the park making up stories about all the people I see.

Allow Yourself Some Downtime

Traveling is hard. And traveling on your own is even harder. It's important that you allow yourself the occasional luxury of sitting in your hostel watching Legally Blonde, hiding out in an internet cafe for hours at a time or eating at the totally overpriced chain restaurant from home. You can't be a Professional Traveler every minute of every day, so cut yourself some slack.

How do you stay safe when you travel? And have you ever traveled alone?
Got the travel bug?  Check out my ebooks and podcasts on making long-term travel a reality!  Only $15 forpetessake!

And now to sleep, perchance to dream

(A is a grad student by day, fashion blogger by night, combining the two flawlessly in her blog The Glamorous Grad Student. She loves classic, bombshell style, cupcakes and fellow redheads.)

Ever since my final year as an undergrad, I've been tired literally all the time. It doesn't seem to be a medical problem, I am just tired. Being a good grad student, I have applied Occam's razor to the problem, which is a principle stating that the explanation of a phemonena should make as few assumptions as possible. In other words, the simplest explanation is probably the right one. So with the bloodwork coming back normal so far (yay!), I'm starting to think about sleep in more detail than ever before.

People need sleep in the same way they need food and water. Yet in our face-paced modern society, we often perceive this basic need as a weakness to be overcome. Looking back, I was spectacularly guilty of this as an undergrad, when the measure of a party's success was how late we went to sleep. I would stay up late to cram for exams, thinking that this was what successful, dedicated students did. And I know I'm not alone. How screwed up is this thinking, when actually, even short term sleep deprivation has a significant impact on your alertness and performance in the day?

Oh, how little I knew. How stupid I was. I was always the "responsible" one at our undergrad outings. I would try not to drink very much as it seemed wise for one of us at least to be coherent and able to walk unassisted at closing time. The morning after, I was never hungover, but never felt like a million bucks either and often wondered why. I mean, jeez, a late night couldn't be that damaging, right? Everyone does it!

Wrong. At the point in our lives when sleep deprivation effects us the most, we're up until all hours! And as if this was not enough, there's evidence to suggest that women require an hour extra in bed compared to men. So here I am, a 23 year old female grad student, unwittingly at a point in my life where I need to take care of my sleep needs the most, and not doing a very good job of it at all, as my all-day zombie face confirms!!

But fear not! All is not lost. I've discovered a few teensy tiny yet hugely effective ways to improve the way I sleep. Turns out it's a lot like theatre! Because you need...

The right costume
Is there any task in life which the right clothing does not make easier to actually do? One of my breakthrough discoveries was the Bra Cami Top from American Apparel, which provides just the right level of comfort and support for us busty gals.

The right lighting
The impact of light on sleep is insanely interesting. For example, blue light can restore the sleep cycle, and sudden exposure to light when you're asleep can interrupt it. So if your bedroom window overlooks a busy road, or your garden has one of those security lights that comes on when a curious cat wanders by, it may be worth investing in a good pair of blackout curtains.

The right set
Ok, so I haven't found research on this, but I do think having an orderly, clutter-free, soothing bedroom is very important. The environment you sleep in should agree with all your senses. This may be a no-brainer, but the bed should feel comfortable. The room should either be totally quiet or sound calming, with toned down classical music perhaps. It should also smell nice, so try some lavendar oil on your pillow.

The right timing
As it turns out, going to sleep should be gradual, taking 10 to 15 minutes. It takes me about 30 seconds, which is a clear sign of sleep deprivation, so my tactic now is to try to be in bed 15 minutes before I usually get exhausted and try to relax into sleep. Lying awake in bed for hours is clearly no good either, so if that's your problem, try getting up and pottering about for a little while then trying it again. You know, kind of like show-jumping horses, let yourself come round and take another run at it.

If anyone has any other tips on getting a good night's sleep, please pass them along!!

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Should I Wait?

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The Best Book You Might Not Own

Do you ever wish a book would anthropomophize so that it could become your BFF/lover? I knew that I was totally gone on this book when I read the following passage:

There is this myth that if you're a woman traveling alone people will instantly want to kill you. This is an example of where you shouldn't listen to anybody. So much of the way we live and the decisions we make in this world are based on fear. It's amazing.

Sure bad things happen. They always have.

Someone once wrote something about one person being cool, but many people are assholes. And that's the truth. A lot of times getting an asshole one-on-one is better than a group of people you love carrying ice cream.

(ICE CREAM = TORCHES)

And check it out - I highly doubt you'll find a traveler pumping you full of psycho-killer fear. No. Only people who stay at home and watch too much TV will pump you full of that shit. How do they know? Look at their doors: they probably have fifteen deadbolts and an alarm system to protect their rhinestone-horse sweatshirts.

Ahhhh! How good is that?! Speaking the truth! Inspiring independence! Referencing sparkly horse attire! I love it so hard!

Flaming Iguanas is the story of Tomato Rodriguez's cross country motorcycle trip, illustrated with pictures of nuns, clams, angry dentists and anything else that took the author's fancy. Tomato is funny and sweet and not so intimidatingly tough that you can't empathize with her.

I am personally much more likely to relate with a biker who's afraid to drive over 40 mph and has to sing Bruce Springsteen songs to calm herself down.

What's your favorite book that no one else seems to know about?

How To Be a Better Writer

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The Naked Redhead blogs about dating, love, and sometimes squirrels on her aptly named blog, The Naked Redhead. She hails from Columbus, OH, and lives with her dog, two cats and hunky boyfriend.

A reader asked me recently how to write, citing specifically that she has trouble getting emotions from heart to page. While I was flattered to be asked to share this advice (seriously, I say “fuck” a lot…I’m not sure this qualifies as being an expert writer), I began to think back on the steps I took to be a better writer. Lo and behold, I came up with three essential steps that every writer should keep in her toolbox. Read away, Internetz, and then go write something! (There will be a test. Results will be back in five to seven days. If there is burning or itching in the meantime, see your doctor.)

1. Honesty is key. I really did not get comfortable with writing until I learned how to be honest. I know that seems like maybe an obvious piece of advice...however, I did have to train myself to actually write what I mean. So, I started doing personal journaling where I forced myself to write EXACTLY what I was thinking. For example, don't write "poop" when you're thinking "shit", don't write "make love" when you're thinking "fuck". I found that I was censoring and editing myself a lot, and when I forced myself to write uncensored in my personal writing, I was able to write more honestly for an audience.

2. Write every day. Ugh, I used to hate this phrase in college: "Good writers write always." I would think to myself, "Well, I can write well, I don't need to write every day." Wrong. Wrong, wrong, wrong. I think the blogging world is a little different, because readers expect regular posts, but it wasn't until I began writing (nearly) every day that I saw a spike in my readership or improvement in my style. Even if I'm not publishing something, I'm writing: writing a speech for my Toastmaster's group, writing an e-mail, writing a paper. If you don't have the initial discipline to write on your own every day, join a class or a group where you will be forced to write regularly. You'll be surprised at how the words start to flow.

3. Find your voice. Write like who you are. Learn to write in the same way that you speak and think (though obviously within most of the rules of good grammar and syntax. Really, there is nothing worse than visiting a blog where everything is all “omg u wer so awesome lol on mi blkberri, lmao!!111!”). My verbal conversations are almost always light, a little snarky, and wry. It took me a long time to begin to write this way, because I think I thought that, “people can hear me talk, why would they want to read the same thing?” But they do, because, again, your true writing voice stems from an honest place. Don’t copy…I effing love to read Agent Lover (www.agentlover.com), but if I tried to write the way she writes, my audience wouldn’t buy it. Finding a voice takes time--sometimes you'll find it just sort of "evolves"--but, if you're being honest and writing every day, it'll come sooner than you think.

One last little tidbit: good writers are also readers. Read great blogs like Yes and Yes, The Naked Redhead (shameless personal plug! WOOO!), or The Fierce Beagle. Pay attention to who they link to, and read those guys, too. You’ll find that your words flow better when you’re reading good stuff. Get writing!

Fairytale Fashion Circa 2009

Oooh! Let´s engage in a little day dreaming and imagine what would happen if the heroines of our favorite Disney movies were young ladies, gadding about the city circa 2009!

Ariel

Things between Prince Eric and Ariel rapidly head south when he callously suggests a seafood buffet for their wedding. The nerve! Ariel is crushed that she can´t run home to her sisters, but finds sollace in UCLA's oceanography program. Her classmates are awed by her fantastic swimming abilities. That and the fact that she insists on combing her hair with a fork.

Belle
After a few years of pottering around the castle and constantly brushing Beasty Boy's hair, Belle runs out of gowns to wear and songs to sing. She remembers fondly her days of bookwormery and announces to her mister that it's high time she went back to school. In September, she joyfully begins her Master of Library Science. Mrs. Potts returns to her teapot state to accompany Belle to grad school and sees her through many cups of Earl Gray and revisions of her thesis.

Jasmine

After becoming queen of Generic Middle Eastern Country, Jasmine spends a few months relishing her new new role as a tabloid fodder royal ("They're like us! They eat fallafel! They chastise their pet monkey for throwing poo!"). However, she quickly realizes that her previous life of singing on carpets and battling evil sorcerers has not prepared her to rule a country. So onwards and upwards: a BA in Public Policy with a minor in music. One can't completely abandon singing on flying carpets.

Who were your favorite fairytale heroines? And what would they be like these days?