Gather round friends, for I have a story to tell you about three ladies that I know.
Lady Number One is working on her PhD and regularly runs marathons. She makes pirogi to die for, dances a mean salsa and is completely fluent in three languages. She has been dating and breaking up with the same guy for a year now - moving in with him, breaking up with him and then meeting him parents.
Lady Number Two has the cutest boyfriend you could ever imagine and heaps of amazing, lovely friends. She rides her bike everywhere, throws great parties and goes to all the best shows. For the last four years she's been shifting from non-job to non-job and is now seeking amnesty in graduate school, hoping that after this program, this time, she'll get it sussed.
Lady Number Three (okay, this one's me) has a job that she loves and a creative hobby that lights her proverbial fire. She has friends that inspire her, a mister that amazes her and a cat that occasionally attempts to pilot cardboard jets. However, her diet mainly consists of Lean Cuisines, Cheetos and canned coffee. The extent of her exercise routine is walking to and from work and she frequently wants to sleep for 10 hours a day.
So all these ladies? They're real. And though they're all smart, scrappy, amazing ladies there are aspects of each of their lives that are not smart and not amazing. It's not awesome to keep messing around with the same dude, or to be adrift professionally or to attempt to survive on gas station food. But I would venture the guess that all of us (myself very obviously included) have one aspect of our life that we'd like to rein in a bit.
Is it possible to have it all? The fit healthy body, the great relationships, the challenging career, the fulfilling creative life? I'm sure that someone, somewhere has this. And it's something I actively try to work towards - balance and happiness and fit upper arms. But as of yet, I haven't figured it out. Have you?
Do you think it's possible to have it all?
What areas of your life are you trying to work on?
Lady Number One is working on her PhD and regularly runs marathons. She makes pirogi to die for, dances a mean salsa and is completely fluent in three languages. She has been dating and breaking up with the same guy for a year now - moving in with him, breaking up with him and then meeting him parents.
Lady Number Two has the cutest boyfriend you could ever imagine and heaps of amazing, lovely friends. She rides her bike everywhere, throws great parties and goes to all the best shows. For the last four years she's been shifting from non-job to non-job and is now seeking amnesty in graduate school, hoping that after this program, this time, she'll get it sussed.
Lady Number Three (okay, this one's me) has a job that she loves and a creative hobby that lights her proverbial fire. She has friends that inspire her, a mister that amazes her and a cat that occasionally attempts to pilot cardboard jets. However, her diet mainly consists of Lean Cuisines, Cheetos and canned coffee. The extent of her exercise routine is walking to and from work and she frequently wants to sleep for 10 hours a day.
So all these ladies? They're real. And though they're all smart, scrappy, amazing ladies there are aspects of each of their lives that are not smart and not amazing. It's not awesome to keep messing around with the same dude, or to be adrift professionally or to attempt to survive on gas station food. But I would venture the guess that all of us (myself very obviously included) have one aspect of our life that we'd like to rein in a bit.
Is it possible to have it all? The fit healthy body, the great relationships, the challenging career, the fulfilling creative life? I'm sure that someone, somewhere has this. And it's something I actively try to work towards - balance and happiness and fit upper arms. But as of yet, I haven't figured it out. Have you?
Do you think it's possible to have it all?
What areas of your life are you trying to work on?
32 comments:
Of course it's possible to have it all -- it just depends on how you look at your life, and not someone else's perspective. For example, you present that you've got everything going for you except your diet, but if you're happy with Lean Cuisines, Cheetos and canned coffee, then darn it, you've got it all! If you're content in the moment, that's what matters the most. I'd say that whoever's got that acceptance for their life, no matter what else is going on -- they're the ones who have it all!
I think that it's possible but unlikely to have it all.. There just isn't enough time. I think we're forced to either prioritize and focus on some areas to make them really stellar, or to try to balance everything knowing that nothing will get our full efforts. As for me, I feel like I have none of it, but I'm probably just not looking on the bright side. I have a job with awesome coworkers, benefits, and learning opportunities, but the pay is crappy and the field is of no interest to me. I have a boyfriend who's a great guy, although our relationship is really challenging. I have lots of creative interests which I don't have nearly enough time for. I think the area where I struggle though is social network. I have tons of people with whom I'm friendly, but very few I'd consider real friends.
While I think it is probably possible to have it all from an outsider's perspective I doubt that anybody truly feels that their life is perfect - even if you were to achieve a healthy lifestyle on top of what you already have, you would probably find another fault and instead be striving to improve that area of your life. I'd say be happy with what you have, by all means try to be the best person possible but don't beat yourself up if you fall down occasionally.
I know for a fact that while I am very happy with my life, it is by no means perfect and I'm always trying to improve myself in some way - I don't think that will ever change!
x
@leland, yes! can i get an amen? it's about the sum of the details. we have so many things to be thankful for, some of them imperfect, but that just makes us the interesting ladies we are! how boring would it be to be perfect?
Man, I love Cheetos. I even love the cheese-ish powder that sticks to your fingers.
I've read that whenever you take a self-assessment like you've done here, you should always raise it by 10%.
I think A Life Analytical touches on a good point. Often 'It All' is an awful lot to juggle at one time. Currently while I might not have it all, I certainly have a lot, but I constantly feel like I don't give enough to all areas of my life.
I have great friends, but often feel like I don't manage to spend enough time with them and make them feel valued. I have a great (though long distance) boyfriend but often worry that I'm neglecting my friends for him, or vice versa as travelling to see each other takes up a lot of our time. I am soon to be starting a new job, which challenges me and pays well, but I don't want to let it take over my life. My family are also really great people and we get on well, but I worry I take them for granted.
Currently what's losing out is definitely my exercise regime and general health as I rush around trying to keep all the other balls in the air. I think maybe having it all may mean accepting that you can't always manage it all, and knowing what things you can cut back on, and what you can't.
wow hon, way to hit close to home. I often wonder if I'll be able to have it all: successful law career, happy marriage, great kids, trained puppy, wonderful home life, fun social life, and a creative outlet (or two) as well. I know that it's especially hard having it all (as defined by me) and being a successful female attorney, you just have to look at the most prominent female attorneys in our country to see how hard it is (Sotomayor, Rodham Clinton, Ginsburg, O'Connor. . .)
I hope I'll have it all, I definitely don't think its impossible. But it requires hard work, planning, a steady partner and some luck. So maybe I'll have it all but at different times rather than at the same time, who knows?
Either way, I think that the point isn't to focus on having it all and what is lacking in order to have it all. The point is to focus and be thankful for what you do have and have goals and aspirations to keep moving forward.
Well, for the first time I've got an amazing job that I love, a good relationship, and solid friendships. However, I've been continuously working on my terrible temper, which has proven to be quite the challenge to overcome. But if I don't get this under control, I risk ruining all of those great things I just mentioned. D'oh!
i don't think it is likely to have it all or the perfect life. i think its possible to have a balance and be happy with what we have and make the best of whatever comes our way. what's important is that we strive towards that goal :)
leethroughthelens.blogspot.com
No, it's not possible. Let's get personal here: I have friends who literally say to me, "Your life is perfect" and "what do you have to complain about? You have a boyfriend and a job and excellent marks in school and your pretty". But everyone, EVERYONE has problems and issues in their lives. Some people's problems are on the surface, but some peoples problems are invisible but still deeply affecting. Examples drawn from people i know include self-esteem issues, eating disorders, family problems, terrible memories, the list goes on and on.
It's important to remember that no one has it all. Everyone has secrets. But these supposed 'flaws',like not eating properly and taking longer to finish your degree, are just part of life and are only considered negative when compared to others who appear to have a more desirable lifestyle than oneself.
I love this conversation, you guys! I wish we were all splitting a bottle of red wine in my living room right now!
MMM...wine.
I don't think it's possible--nor desirable--to have it all or to have "balance". Here's why:
-"Balance" suggests "fairness" or "equality". For me, it's not desirable to give my career the same vivacity I give my passion for writing, nor my relationship with my boyfriend the same attitude I give the gym (we'd totally break up while I'd pay him $44 a month for nothing).
-Life demands imbalance--going for your dreams with gusto, staying in bed for days with a new lover, putting off set plans with one friend to comfort another.
I say, instead, deal with what you can in the moment. If you are really bothered by the fact that gas station food is a part of your regular diet, then tackle it, but don't think that NOT tackling it means that your life isn't heading in the right direction. (I think we've all witnessed in the last couple of months that Cheeto eating hasn't hindered you one bit, Ms. Von.:))
To All, my life philosophy is this: fix your vices if you think it'll make you feel better, but don't do it because you think it'll make your life better, because something will always, always slide. Forget "balance" and go for "imbalance"...you'll be way happier at the end of the day, I promise.
At the moment I am working on loving myself like I love my friends. I constantly put myself down & tell myself I'm not good enough, not fit enough, not the right size etc etc.
Reading your blogs everyday make me feel a little better. You're so human & I love you for it.
You don't pretend to have it all.. or even how to get it. But you seem to thoroughly enjoy life, and by sharing it, you're helping others enjoy it too. Like me.
So thankyou.
I unequivocally say: Yes, you can have it all. But you might have to redefine how you get it and what it is. Can you have everything without getting any support from loved ones while you get it? No. Does having it all mean matching an ideal image that feels authentic to you or to society? Because you've got to pick the one that feels right to you, not to the onlookers. Finally, can you have it all in all arenas at all times? Absurd!
I honestly think that having it all means having an understanding of the in-perfectibility of life, the impermanence of things, and the fact that we can be just peachy regardless.
I totally agree with leland, it really is all about perspective. Whenever I get the feeling that I'm totally happy with how my life is going, I suddenly get anxious that something bad is going to happen, which is no way to live life. I am getting better at reminding myself to remember to live in the moment and be appreciative of all that is going well because most of the times life is about balance and sometimes not everything can be equally weighted.
I think it is definitely possible to have a balanced life- a job you love, a fulfilling relationship, heaps of creative outlets, and a healthy body. Of course, everyone falls back on their old standbys (mine being Hot Cheetos, Coke, and days without removing myself from bed), but the key is embracing those things as part of your perfect self and understanding that sometimes, it's right to indulge.
I also think Eat Pray Love does an excellent job of touching on this subject and offering an inspiring and realistic solution.
You just made me feel about a thousand times happier with my life. I'm constantly upset that I don't have everything 100% perfect, I think I just need to remind myself that no one else does either.
Having it all is tough if not impossible, I have been in an amazing relationship for ten years but I cannot cook and my job is lame (posting anonymous today - lol) and spend my time that I should be working on getting a better job with my guy having fun. Plus we are broke !!
I'm working on the social side of me. I haven't had a boyfriend in about five years? But I'm still in high school so my theory is that, well high school sucks hahah :)
Ebony, you sweetie! You're going to make me weepy!
No, you can't have it all. Something will always have to give or yield. It is one of the greatest myths of our time that you can have it all at little or no price to yourself.
I wish more people would grow happy with themselves. That the continued hunt for everything would cease and land in the fact that you are ok, even if you don't have or are all what society wants you to be.
I don't think you can have it all, but then again, would you want to? Wouldn't that just be utterly exhausting? I'm happy with myself, even if I don't have everything. I don't have a lot of money, I'm working on my career and my fitness, but I have a fantastic boyfriend and I also dance a mean salsa. I'm in good health and I have good friends and family. Do I really need more? I think it's worthwhile to want to get better, but not absolutely necessary to have it all. If you're driven to constantly work towards getting it all or not driven at all, I think you have a problem.
I often feel like perfect is a really small table... my relationship with SB stays somewhere around the middle - I try hard not to let anything change that. I can add on eating well and things seem fine. But when I try to fit on searching for a new job it seems to knock off the healthy eating and vice versa. Maybe when I finally find a teaching job, I can buy a larger table ;)
You may not be able to have it all, but loving what you have, now that's the key to happiness!
Sarah, I LOVE this post because it makes such a good point: you can be an amazing person, and you can have many great things in your life, but there's always one thing that falls by the wayside. Life isn't about having it all; if we all had it all we wouldn't be very unique. We prioritize; we thrive in some areas and struggle in others. Those not-so-awesome things in your life make you grateful for what you do have and what is going well.
Plus, life would be so boring if we had nothing to work towards.
~ Jen
It would be nice if we could have it all, but life gets so hectic that I don't know if it's possible without stressing about everything.
I think we can have it all in the sense that we can be overall happy with what we have, even though if it's not the ideal situation in every aspect of our life.
Perfect post for me today. When I run into (okay, when I'm friended on Facebook by) someone I haven't seen since college, the story of my current life & the photos that go along with it paint a picture of having it all - gorgeous, loving husband, crazy great kids, ability to work part time at a job I really enjoy & still be home for said crazy kids, a very good body for a mid-30's mom (if I may say so myself!)... BUT good grief it's boring to have what you wanted!! Lately I'm constantly fantasizing about being a little "bad". Luckily, a great friend's agreed to a mini-GNO tomorrow so I can dish it all to her & she can set me straight.
So, no, you can't have it all. When you get everything you wanted, you simply end up changing your wants.
I think that you can have it all- your ALL. You can have it all, but you have to give some things up. I guess I don't really make sense, but I think you can have it "all"
This David Sedaris article:
http://www.newyorker.com/reporting/2009/08/24/090824fa_fact_sedaris
mentions him meeting a woman who retires very early in life. She talks about life being like a stove with the burners representing friends, family, work and self and that none can be all going at full blast. One has to be off. I'd like to think that's not true but finding that balance I think is part of the fun struggle of living.
i don't know if i WANT it all. i don't think i could keep up with it and still be happy. i sort of like embracing the days when i don't want to work out (5 out of 7 days) and don't want to cook so i buy a huge chipolte burrito. i can't visit my parents across the country enough to make them happy and still have vacation time left over to go on romantic vacays with the hubby. i'd be spread way too thin to do it all so i just try not to succumb to the pressure. sure i'd like to have a 'dancing with the stars' body, a masters, and a fresh coat of paint on all the walls but its not going to happen any time soon. i'm okay with not having it all as long as i'm happy and, lucky for me, i am very happy!
Check out inspiredbykath.com. Kathryn is a Life Coach. She helped me realize the path that I want to walk in life. She is well worth the effort.
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