Failure is gross right? You know the feeling when you thought you aced the interview only to receive the disappointing 'we're going with somebody else' email? When you don't get into your back-up school? When the cutie who said they'd call never does? Even typing up these scenarios is enough to make me break out in a cold sweat and contemplate never putting myself or my pride on the line ever again.
But encountering the occasional fail is part of life, no? And really the more often you're reaching for the proverbial brass ring, the more often you're bound to fail - it's just the law of averages. You can't be a failed writer if you never tried to write The Great American Novel. You can't be a washed up singer if you never wrote that awesome novelty song. You can't be a 'has been' if you weren't an 'is now' first. Shouldn't we imagine that our failures are just badges of attempts at greatness? Battle scars that show how hard we tried?
I've certainly accrued my fair share of failures. Let's all pull back the curtain and have a gander.
The School Fail
Before settling on getting my MA in TESOL, I flirted with the idea of an MA in Popular Culture Studies. I kind of sucked it up on the GRE but thought that I could make up for that with a decent application essay and some impressive references. Not so. McMaster was not interested.
The Travel Fail
Just because I've done it a lot, doesn't mean I don't go to airport on the wrong day - repeatedly (Thailand and Greece), over sleep on trains and miss my stop or get dates and times confused (Who can remember that 1 a.m. is technically tomorrow?)
The Relationship Fail
I'm a serial monogamist, which means that I leave trails of failed relationships in my wake. Sometimes it's my fault, sometimes it's his, sometimes the planets simply haven't aligned. But then, 99% of relationships don't work out, do they? This is what I tell myself when I chat with my many former-pseudo-sisters-in-law on facebook.
And Why These Failures TOTALLY Don't Matter
I'm convinced that TESOL is a much better fit (and makes for more job opportunitites) than an expertise in Britney Spears. And all those travel fails? Well, I didn't die and I think that I'm a bit more laid back because of them. And I'm pretty sure that with each relationship that does work out, I get closer and closer to knowing exactly what I want.
What are you failures? And why don't they matter?
16 comments:
Why my failures don't matter? It's probably clicheish but in the end it all taught me something.
My biggest failure was being very conservative, half by choice, half by what was expected of me. Only five six yrs ago now, at past 26, am I going for things that I really enjoy, deciding to be me, the me I could be by travelling but not at home. Getting an illness certainly helped along, initially it looked gloomy so it was to take every minute at make something of it. Not to become a saint or anything but to enjoy my own life. I drew on Henry David THoreau and Walden Pond for that, the quote that goes something like at my death to find out I had not lived at all.
At the height of a VERY rough patch I shed my most black wardrobe and went totally with colour, and ruffles too. I dyed my hair by going to my hairdresser and telling her to do whatever she wanted and came away more happy than I had in years. I had moved from the pantry-sized apartments I had shared with people I really didn't like to a place of my own. It had required a move back to the city where I was born but it was so totally worth it. A mortgage came with it too but wth. I went back to school, taking classes in hortonomy/hortoculture, built up a collection of orchids and passion flowers. I got like a kitchen aid for christmas and began baking complicated pastries. And there it was. Me. The mistake was living like I anticipated overs wanted me too, or what society expected from a 20ish someone. I was RESPONSIBLE.
I had travelled extensively yes and had been someone entirely different while on the road but coming home I returned by my mold of sorts.
It is the best thing I ever did for myself. Made me forget whatever mistakes I contemplated before.
this is too cute, sar! i love the nugget in the dirt perspective. my gramps said to me after the herring salad debacle, "the only people who never fail, never try anything. einstein said that." adorable, huh? also, there is a new printout at my desk at work that says, "FAILURE IS Always AN OPTION" so true. so true.
Oh dear lady, how right you are.
I spent YEARS and YEARS being the hamster on the wheel, trying to keep up appearances in a doomed marriage and a job that was breaking me. When I was ready, the universe just let it all fall down about my ears. The funny thing was, I was standing looking back at the mushroom cloud of my entire life, and all I could think was , "Huh. I'm still standing. Ok,I can do this."
Why doesn't it matter? Because once you've failed, especially catastrophically, you will never be afraid again. Oh, nervous, yes, maybe, but not that to-the-core fear that prevents you from trying anything. There's a safety in that fear, as you point out. Without it, you can do anything. Like actually live. Woo!
I love that you wrote this! I feel like all the amazing, wonderful, interesting, accomplished people I know (and me too) worry so much about the little flaws in their resumes, their weirdo family problems, the time they moved to a new place and got mugged/fired/dumped.
My failures:
-a year ago I would have mentioned my relationships with certain boys as failures- although now I think the real failure was spending so much time dating them. Ooops.
-The time I worked so hard to get hired at this hippie restuarant where I was later fired. They won´t even hire capicorns anymore, because of me...
-The time (okay, there have been several) where I planned some big thing and went abroad...and was miserable. And homesick. And lonely...those felt like the biggest failures of all, because I was supposed to be having So Much Fun.
So there it is- truth on the interwebz.
I feel like I'm failing almost every single day. And no, it's not as depressing as it sounds. Being a mom I constantly feel like I'm disappointing the little lady, not being the best mom I could be. But you know what? It doesn't matter, because I AM a good mom and even when I make mistakes, we BOTH can grow from them. So go forth and conquer! Failures are just pot holes on the road.
"I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work." — Thomas A. Edison
I find I fail more than I succeed, thank goodness it takes less successes to get by!
Great post on failures. Failures force us to grow. If we never failed at anything in life, we'd be spineless, weak Jerks.
I laughed out loud at your comment about wanting to be a tiger on my recent post. See? It's good that you failed at that - I somehow don't think being a tiger would have fit you. ;)
My failures have forced me to rethink if that thing that I "really really wanted" was what I wanted, or what I think everyone wants me to want.
- I failed at getting into teacher's college in Canada, but I moved to the US and did it anyway.
- I failed at numerous relationships, but when I met "the one" I knew it.
- I failed at finding a teaching job here in NC, but I'm free to do anything I want now, to challenge myself now that expectations are blown.
Thanks for this post. I needed the reminder.
@Kate, you made my day with this, "They won´t even hire capicorns anymore, because of me..." Oh, fickle hippies, I love you.
love. this. post.
i thoroughly enjoy reading your blog every day, because it's always uplifting, but very realistic and never cheesy.
Nothing like a good FAIL to bring one back to reality!
Great post, love! Failure is one of my greatest fears besides being attacked by a velociraptor, which doesn't mean I don't fail often, but I need to get better at owning it and accepting that it's really truly a part of life and a part of success.
I'm so glad you posted this! I am in the US on a temporary work visa at the moment, and while I didn't get most of the jobs I went for because my visa is so short, the one I did get I was promptly fired from. It was partly because they didn't want to do the paperwork, and partly an issue of trickle-down ineptitude. While I was perfectly capable and I could've done the job a lot better if I hadn't been given tasks to do that the top manager didn't want done in the first place... I still felt a bit crappy about it. Who's inept enough to be fired from a temporary Halloween store?
Buuut this has given me yet another new way to look at it. Why settle? I know what I'd rather be doing and it woke me up to that very fact. I have all the time I need to pursue what I want to do, and the support structure to not have to work right now. Thanks for reminding me to get back to doing something controversial! =)
Brilliant, raw and brave posting!!
I can't really think of any significant FAILS i've made - but perhaps that's got more to do with my perception of a fail! I wouldn't classify your second and third points as major fails - they're more like lessons sent from the universe. Yet, with that said - if anything springs to mind it shall unravel here.
xxxxxBisous, Ekerplay.
I love this post! Your blog is so fantastic, and so are you!
Have you ever seen Meet the Robinsons. He says his greatest failures are his most important things. Because without failure you will never know when you got it right.
My biggest failure I think is religion. I tried for so many years, but it just isn't me. Much to the dismay of some family members.
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