Teaching is an amazing profession. What with the molding of minds and lives and blah blah blah. You also spend a lot of your time taking away cell phones, picking gum out from under desks and saying things like "Do you have something you'd like to share with the class?"
While I was in Peru, I spent a few weeks volunteer teaching at an orphanage in the mountains and as far as students go, orphaned South American teenagers are pretty tough customers. At least compared to my usual group of tender-hearted adult refugees. After a year of dealing with sweetly demure adults, I had practically forgotten how to stare a 13-year-old into submission.
On my first day at the orphanage, I decided to work with everyone's favorite English phrase, "I like to _______ " Easy enough. We brain stormed some answers and worked our way around the classroom, asking each other "What do you like to do?"
Now. I should have know that Renaulto was trouble when he answered as three different students during roll call and spent a good part of class putting pencils in his ears and nose. Thankfully I was facing the blackboard when shy little Juan asked him what he liked to do.
"I like to masturbate."
I had to bite my lip to keep from laughing out loud and will my face not to blush.
I turned around, and did a bit of coy, pleasant faced head-tilting.
"What?"
"I like to masturbate."
"Hmmm, I don't know that word, Renaulto. Is that an English word?"
"Ummm, I think so. I like to masturbate."
"Maybe you're not pronouncing it right."
"mas-TUR-bate."
"No. I don't know. I don't think that's a word."
"Oh. Uh. I like to play video games."
"Good. Okay, Jesus. What do you like to do?"
I fear I may have given the boy a complex about his pronunciation.
While I was in Peru, I spent a few weeks volunteer teaching at an orphanage in the mountains and as far as students go, orphaned South American teenagers are pretty tough customers. At least compared to my usual group of tender-hearted adult refugees. After a year of dealing with sweetly demure adults, I had practically forgotten how to stare a 13-year-old into submission.
On my first day at the orphanage, I decided to work with everyone's favorite English phrase, "I like to _______ " Easy enough. We brain stormed some answers and worked our way around the classroom, asking each other "What do you like to do?"
Now. I should have know that Renaulto was trouble when he answered as three different students during roll call and spent a good part of class putting pencils in his ears and nose. Thankfully I was facing the blackboard when shy little Juan asked him what he liked to do.
"I like to masturbate."
I had to bite my lip to keep from laughing out loud and will my face not to blush.
I turned around, and did a bit of coy, pleasant faced head-tilting.
"What?"
"I like to masturbate."
"Hmmm, I don't know that word, Renaulto. Is that an English word?"
"Ummm, I think so. I like to masturbate."
"Maybe you're not pronouncing it right."
"mas-TUR-bate."
"No. I don't know. I don't think that's a word."
"Oh. Uh. I like to play video games."
"Good. Okay, Jesus. What do you like to do?"
I fear I may have given the boy a complex about his pronunciation.
26 comments:
Okay, now that is quick thinking. Never would have thought to handle a situation like that!
i can't believe you didn't tell me that story THE MINUTE it happened. what else are you holding out on, von bargen??
Better a complex about his pronunciation than to publicly humiliate him for his first favorite pass time.
First of all: "While I was in Peru, I spent a few weeks volunteer teaching at an orphanage in the mountains..." is an amazing sentence in itself.
Second: Very quick on your feet, Ms. Von. Very quick, indeed.
I can't believe how well you handled that. It's people like you that are meant to be teachers :)
LOL... I teach English as a Foreign Language in Brazil, using a very peculiar method (the Callan Method, if you are curious). One of the questions we need to ask the students is "Do you ever get the temptation of doing something strange?", to which a middle-aged man answered: "I sometimes get the temptation of putting a woman on a table and having sex with her". Oh boy...
Hah! Amazing how kids can hone in on the naughtiness of words without having any idea what they MEAN.
I dont think you have to be in Peru to enjoy that experince! I laughed hard when I read it though.
My g/f's first born was 3 and we were in the grocery store, as he walked up to us yelling, "look mum if I keeping pullin on it, it gets bigger?" I think I pee'd my pants just a little from laughing.
An edlerly women blushed and said, "man does it start earlier every year?"
~Being Samiantha
LOL.
Do you teach English in the US as well?
sskatherine,
Yes! I teach ESL to SouthEast Asian refugees. They are so, so lovely and hard working.
Wow, that's awesome. I'm currently going to school for linguistics, and plan on getting my TESOL certificate along with my BA.
sskatherine,
It's such a great feild to be in! Plenty of jobs to go around and you can work just about anywhere. I did my BA in English Lit and my MA in TESOL.
haha, you handled that brilliantly!
oh your new post on fairytale fashion dissapeared, it was fabulous!
Fantastic story! What poise!
I do like the bit about being able to work anywhere!
You may have given him a complex about his pronunciation, but I bet his technique is still just fine.
Hey, at least the kid tells the truth.
Generally, whenever dudes tell me, "I like to ____," I pretend I didn't understand them.
LOL FUNNY! Great post. I can't believe you could keep a straight face. Its no wonder I'm not a teacher.
lol!!
It's masturbate. With a "u" in the middle, not an "e."
I should teach English as a first language. Then I'd be paid to be a know-it-all.
Ahhhh! Good lord. What sort of teacher doesn't use the spell check?! (Hides face in shame and surrenders red marking pen)
BWAAAaaaahahaha! Nice play Ms. Von! :)
Just the sort of move most of us only think of doing two days later when we retell the story with the only pathetic response we could come up with quick enough. Perfect!
Haha,, That's funny story!!
I'm making my way through your archives and as a middle school teacher, this story made me laugh out loud. Also, I plan to steal your technique :)
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