Character Sketches

The Sound Tech at The Turf Club

He is confident that the look he rocked in 1999 still gets the ladies. However, black cargo pants have migrated a few inches up in the intervening years and perhaps the tight black t-shirt should have migrated a few sizes up as well. He uses mic check as an opportunity to sputter intensely and wink at you. You are unclear if the glasses perched a top his highlighted head are sunglasses or bifocals.

That Guy From Your Dorm

He was the president of his high school class, the largest high school in the state. When he talks to you, he uses your first name frequently and touches your arm whenever he makes a point, as though he has internalized every lesson taught in “How to make friends and influence people.” He is good looking in an extremely bland and forgettable way and you find yourself thinking of Patrick Bateman whenever you see him. The winter of your senior year, you hear a rumor about a bizarre sexual interlude between him and a friend of yours, in which the friend allows him to eat Cheese Nips off of his clothed crotch. Much later, you will hear that your Patrick Bateman has been diagnosed as schizophrenic.

More Characters?



OK I’m new here, and I need some clarification. Are these ACTUAL people? Because you must feel like you live in bizzarro world if they are.

Miss Karen

You know, I LOVE reading these sort of character sketches because they always remind you of a person you know and the little quirks are exactly the same! I had a great old LOL reading these (and the other ones too!)


Leave a comment