Character Sketches

• The British co-worker. He has a jaw like a mandible and blue eyes that fairly bulge from his head. If you didn't dislike him so intensely, he could pass for attractive. However, he alienates you by 1) changing into his uniform in front of students' parents and maintaining eye contact with you while bare chested 2) telling you that he's "not sure" about your shirt 3) teaching your kindergartners kung fu while subbing for you class. For his final trick, he arrives at work with a giant bandage taped to his puffy blond hair. Apparently he's had some 'growths' removed from his scalp. But don't worry, he informs you, this won't stop him from break dancing with his crew this weekend.

• The other British co-worker. He is lovely, kind hearted and seems to exist solely on beer and Chinese take away. The first day you meet him, you notice he has something stuck in his front teeth. It remains there for six months. Eventually he asks you where you go to the dentist because this cavity in his front tooth is really getting to him. He also successfully survives typhoon season without ever purchasing an actual coat.